Things just keep getting worst.....

My Dog and Cat - This is my dog Deka, and kitten Emmett (he's bigger now).
Canada
January 7, 2010 4:50pm CST
So I recently started a discussion about 'how many pets are to many' the thing was i have 2, and 3 year old dog and a 7 month old kitten, my boyfriend has 3 cats ages 7, 9 and 10. And we are planning on moving in together when my lease is up at my current apartment. So now i'm am getting desperate. His cats are great, very happy and lovable, so is my cat and dog, HOWEVER, one of his cats and my dog don't get along. One night his cat attacked my dog, and has caused a problem since. His cat is VERY unforgiving, and since can't stand to see the sight of my dog. So i suggested that i bring over my dog every so often, and my cat, try to get them use to his cats, my boyfriend said we could do that, but that don't mean his cat won't attack again, she's very capable of doing so, she done it before with another cat, attacked once and never stopped. So it comes down to us making a sacrifice to be with each other. He refuses to give up or change anything about this one cat, and there are reasons i wont get into right now. So we either have to come up with something to keep them all, OR I have to be the one to make the sacrifice and pass along my 2 to someone else (it would have to be someone i trust who can take good care of them). So what i'm getting at here is i need help, i NEED suggestions of what we could do so we both can be happy with each other and have our pets. This is really hard on me, i can't imagine giving up these two, their like my kids. So please i need help, do anyone have any suggestion, i'm all ears PLEASE!
2 people like this
6 responses
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
8 Jan 10
Hi fallen, Do not give up your pets so you and a guy can live together. When you took the pets it was for the durations of the pets life. Period! There is no other option now but to let them live out their lives comfortably. It is dangerous for the cat to attack the dog. The cat could do some serious damage that could amount to a hefty vet bill. My brothers cats are mousers and they stalk my small 6 pound dog. I keep a very close eye on my dog when visiting. I have trained her not to play with them as she loves to play with kitties. She plays with other cats, just not my brothers because they could really hurt her. If you two go and live together, consider having a room for the cats, separate from where the dog generally resides within the home. I think that eventually the cat will get used of the dog. It has been two years now and when my dog and my brothers cats are all in the same area of his house, the cats are beginning to ignore my dog. This is good and exactly what I had hoped for. My dog ignores them as well. Neither you nor your bf should have to give up any of the animals. I would want to discuss living arrangements for the animals so that they are all under the same roof but in a safe manner for all. The cat is going to attack the dog until the cat understands that the dog is 1.) not prey and 2.) not a threat. This can take some time so meanwhile try to figure out together how you can arrange the living situation so that the cats are separate from the dog. This doesn't mean locking them in a bedroom forever more but create a fun living environment for them in a room separate from the common living area. This is all I can think of at the moment. I think it will be temporary as well. As soon as the cats realizes that it is now living with the dog and gets used of it. I take it your dog is an indoor dog as are the cats.
• Canada
8 Jan 10
I don't like to think of it as 'giving them up' cause whoever they go to will be someone i know and trust, and somewhere i can go visit them whenever i wanted. The thing is with his cat is that this has happen before, she attacked one of his cats before, and never stopped, every time she seem him she lost her mind. I don't want this for my dog, i love her too much to put her in harms way, and that cat is the baby to my boyfriend. I am going to try to bring them over his place a couple times a week and see how the cat reacts to my 2. I don't know how she will, but it's worth a try.
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
19 Jan 10
Hi fallen, thank you for your comment. I think it is a good idea to get them all together once in a while, before moving, to see how they react. It would be a good thing that if the cat has to go, that it would be awesome to actually know someone and whom you trust that is also able to take on a pet of their own! That would be the way to do it. I strongly believe that the cat can learn to settle down. Although I know of two cats in our family, who are mousers. They stalk my 6lb Yorkie. I will not leave my dog there, under any circumstance at any time as the cats could do some serious damage. I think that you are in your right mind about the dogs safety. It is just too bad that a pet may have to be relocated so to be together with a bf. I just wish that the animals could work it out. Good Luck. Let us know what happened.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jan 10
My take on pets always was that when you take them in they are your responsibility period. You don't give them up unless there is just absolutely no other choice. Seems like your boyfriend is operating by this rule. But there's a double standard if he expects you to give your pets up when he isn't willing to do the same with his. Unless you have some way to keep his pets separate from your pets, sadly it sounds like you are going to have to choose between the boyfriend or your pets. Or continue to live separately. If you do decide to give your pets up, please please do everything to make sure that they get a good home?
• Canada
7 Jan 10
Giving them up is the last thing i wanna do, but it do come to having to choose a life with the man i love or my two pets. If they do go anywhere, they will be given to someone that can take care of them, and give them the love and attention they need. It kills me to think about giving them up, but i don't know what to do. We're both stuck at this point and we're both set on keeping our pets.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jan 10
You might possibly talk to a vet or animal behaviorist and see if they have any advice. Sometimes when one animal dislikes another there's nothing you can do about it though.
• United States
8 Jan 10
Your pets are like your children, you cant just give up on them. If the boyfriends cat has a history of attacking other animals it maybe time to take it to the vet. Maybe it is something as simple as a shot or kitty valium. He may just feel threatened because the dog is larger. I would talk to a vet...long before I would consider giving up any of the pets. They are you guys kids and all siblings have diputes.
• Canada
8 Jan 10
Believe me, i'm am going to do everything i can think of to keep them, i cry every time i think about not being with them. But this cat is like his baby, he don't want her to be upset or hurt or what not, so trying to convince him to take her to the vet for anything might not be a good idea, i mean she's pretty much a perfect cat, she happy, cuddly, lovable, but she is threatened by other animals. So what i'm going to do for now, is just bring my dog and cat over, one at a time, and let them spend some time together. Hopefully this will help a little, but only time will tell.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
8 Jan 10
If your boyfriend won't respect your feelings on something this important to you, what will he do next? He is insisting on getting it all his way. I would worry about this relationship. Is it possible to introduce these pets more slowly? Can you keep them separate for a while and let them play under a door? Check online for how to introduce pets to each other. We recently got a new cat. We kept him separate for 2 weeks. We wiped him with an old t-shirt and wiped the other cats with the same shirt. We left it with him part of the time and with the others part of the time so each would get used to the other's smell. We let him out and put the others in his room. We slowly let them be together, but supervised them and separated them the instant something went wrong. We did this very slowly over a 2 week period. Now they mostly ignore each other. I wish you loads of luck and hope that you don't give up your animals for your boyfriend. It's not a good way to start a relationship because you will always hold it against him.
• Canada
8 Jan 10
I would hate to have to choose between my boyfriend and my pets, i love them both so much. My boyfriend wants me to be happy, and he wants me also to move in with him, out of 5 pets, this one cat seems to be the problem, but it's his baby. We got a couple more months before we move in together, so i do plan on bringing my 2 over his place (considering thats where i'll be moving to)and try to get them use to each other, i don't know if it will help, but it's worth a try, i'm desperate here i don't want to have to choose.
@chookie1971 (2276)
• Australia
8 Jan 10
You don't say what type of place that your partner has got. So what I am going to say that if he doesn't have a house, consider moving into a house. From there, you can put the dog outside and have the cats inside. Well especially the one that fights with the dog. It will make it hard for you if you normally have the dog inside. Doing it this way, you still have the freedom of spending time with your dog. It is certainly not easy when you have an emotional attachment. Certainly there are a lot of things to think of. Is the cat the alpha cat at your partner's home. If the cat is, then the cat may look at the situation as, this is my home and you are not welcomed. So what about your partner bring his cat to your place? Will that cat's reaction be the same or will it be different? It would certainly take the cat out of its comfort zone. Would be a good chance to see how they get along in this situation. If this works then, you both may have to find a new place where the place is no ones. But you will have watch out for the alpha animal. But personally, I think just a small sacrific by keeping cat and dog seperated by keeping one inside and the other outside would be the best. That way you both can keep your animals. But there will be a question of if your partner doesn't want to move if the answer is to move. Then he will not be willing to sacrifice his home to create a new home with you and all of your animals. These of these animals are your children. Any good parent would do everything for their children's happiness. Here is an example of what I mean. Husband and I was living in a 3 bedroom unit. We had one child full time, and his son from a previous relationship. I loved where I was living because it was close to my work and I could walk there. But when I had fallen pregnant with my second child, my priorities changed. My focus was not on being close to work. It was on my children. 3 children in a unit would be getting a bit cramped considering they were 12 years from oldest to baby. So we decided to move and give the kids a back yard they could play in. In the end, it is up to you and your partner to decide on an outcome. I hope that you both can keep all of your pets/children.
• Canada
8 Jan 10
thanks, you gave good advice, however, he also is living in an apartment (3 bedroom) but he has to live there because of his new job (he's a superintendent, so he has to live in the buildings he takes care of) so that do require me moving in his place and not us getting a new one. and because it is a building i can't let my dog out side unless i'm with her and there is no balcony. We are trying to think of everything we could do to keep them, he knows how important my two are to me, for crying out loud i tattooed my dog's name on me lol. Oh and yes his cat that attacked pretty much do rule the household, and have already showed that my 2 are not welcomed. If there is no other way around this situation, then they are going to someone i trust, and someone they love and i know will give them a good home, and believe me i will be visiting all the time. But thats the last thing that will happen
• United States
8 Jan 10
Well, get a bigger house, or him and you, both of you, need to give up your pets. If he cannot have his pets, then you should not have your pets. Okay? I say this because, do you think that it is fair to ask him to give up his pets, when you cannot give up your pets? Think about it. Also, when you are living in apartment buildings, many of them have rules and codes to abide by. This means that you cannot have any pets at all, or you will have to pay higher rent for them. Some places will allow pets for free, but they are few and far between. I know that they two of you love your pets, but do what is right for them and for the two of you. I know that this is hard, but this is how it has to be. I do know how you feel, I have four cats, but the big thing is the age difference, that and the the fact that my city has a limit on pets, you city may be the same, please check that out if that is the case. Two of my cats are 13 years old, almost 14 years old, the next one is 12 years old, and the last one is 18 months old, or one year and a half. My first two were planned, the other two were rescued. Now, I know that my older cats do not have much longer left, two of them have had a lot of health problems, and once they are gone, I will have no more because I will not be able to take care of them. My youngest one is technically my mother's cat, she takes care of him the most, and we have arranged any and all matters with regards to the cats if anything should happen to us, or if we should have to go elsewhere. I have a lot of family who would be willing to take them in a heartbeat if something should happen. Think about what is best for your pets, put them first, and tell your boyfriend to do the same. If the two of you cannot afford them, do not have enough room for them, and do not have what you need for them, then give them to people who can take care of them. You two will have combined total of five pets if you two move into together, and where I live, that is a lot, and the two of you would fined for having that many pets, especially if you are living in an apartment. I do not believe that you will be living where I live, but your place may have similar ordinances, I don't know for sure because I do not know where you live, and I do not want to know. Again, you and your boyfriend need compromise and think about what is best for the pets.