Is it necessary to make unkind assumptions in comments?

@Hatley (154619)
Garden Grove, California
January 10, 2010 5:34pm CST
I just read a comment that made the poster really upset, the comment went if the poster could not afford a vet bill he'should not have a dog. Now on the face of it that might make sense, but the poster was trying to explain when he got the dog he was not in any financial trouble, now he was as he has had the dog for quite some time. Was it necessary for the commenter to make this snippy comment? It had nothing to do with answering the discussion really only that the poster had worries about his elderly dog's health and was leery of b eing able to pay a vet. Why do we have to judge each other here on mylot? I mean in a discussion about a dogs health is no place for a lecture on how to live surely. If nothing else the commenter could have been kinder. In todays economy a lot of middle class people are among the jobless.
24 people like this
54 responses
@mlhuff12 (800)
• United States
10 Jan 10
The reason we put up discussions is sometimes for help on a problem and ones opinion. You can't expect that when you put up a discussion for people not to put what they really think. Granted that person could have been a little more sensitive to the certain situation. After all, some people consider their pets their children.It surely does sound like the insensitive person was never a dog owner. He shouldn't have gotten upset, after all it is maybe 1 person out of how many think that. But in this economy employment changes. One could be living comfortably, then all of a sudden unemployed. You can't really rely on anything. I believe the majority of the people on MyLot are caring individuals who want to help and support a fellow My Lotter. So I guess the commenter was in his right, but I personally would never have gone there.
7 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
mlhuff12 yes of course there is that but still why kick someone when he is down, out of work, and thinks his dog may be ill? thats not the time to preach at him. this person had the dog for many years. I know almost all of us are really very caring people on mylot and I have some good suggestions for the person with the ailing dog now.
5 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 10
Mlhuff12, I can understand your point about myLot being a discussion forum, so if you post a discussion then you should expect differences of opinions, and likewise if you ask for help with a problem then you might not like all the solutions that people come up with. That being said, we should all try to respect each other and try to word things so that we do not offend people or hurt their feelings - constructive criticism versus destructive criticism. From the sound of it, this person was just being cruel to somebody that was obviously concerned about the welfare of his dog, who he obviously loves, so that is totally uncalled for, in my opinion.
3 people like this
@mlhuff12 (800)
• United States
11 Jan 10
I agree that we should try to be sensitive to others. However, some people are so thick headed that they may not even know what they're saying and how it really looks.
4 people like this
@fwidman (11519)
• United States
10 Jan 10
I can sympathize with the dog owner. I've had my dog for fifteen years or so. When I got the dog I was employed and making more than enough money to cover all my expenses and then some. Now that I am retired I am barely making ends meet. If my dog got sick I would have a hard time figuring out how to pay for the vet and medicines that the dog might need. I agree that the person that left a comment should have been a little kinder. No need to judge others by what you can do
7 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi fwidman me too been there and done that. one of our mylotters says there are agencies that will aid people in caring for their pets. I am going to respond to that person's discussion after all as I can tell him or her there is help. I think people get so used to be they can do that they forget there but for the grace of God go I.
6 people like this
@fwidman (11519)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Often there are vets in an area that will care for animals for a lower price because they truly care about animals. A call to that person's local animal shelter should be able to gather that type of information. I always have liked that phrase, there but for the grace of God go I
5 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jan 10
hi fwidman me too long ago Ihad a dog and a cat and would have felt just awful if one of them were ill and I could not afford to pay for the vet. but we did know a vet friend who would have helped us out had we needed help.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (88713)
• Marion, Kansas
10 Jan 10
It gets too easy to be unkind and to judge others. I am sure you said something in the discussion to try to tone it down and now you are here reminding us that we all need to have some kindness in our hearts. Sometimes there are agencies that will assist in caring for pets, I hope the other poster finds this to be true. Hatley in this trying time the kind voice is often not heard. I do wonder if the person who responded could hear how they sounded to others?
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi garden gertie he said he did not apolgize for what he said, and I thought it must be nice to be so darned righteous. he he. I don't think I responded as I got this idea for a discussion and did not go back. I will tell the person that there are agencies that aid in caring for pets. yes kind voices get blotted our while we are all trying to do the best we can for ourselves.
4 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 10
You know Hatley, people sometimes are just so insensitive to other people's feelings, it gets downright irritating after a while. Number one, the person who answered that way I'm sure is not in any financial need, probably has a great job, or a husband who provides well, or inherited some money. If you don't know what it's like, how the heck can you judge anyone? That was so very unnecessary to say it that way, instead of having some compassion. There are alot of people today who are out of work, not because they want to be, they lost their jobs. You know that, and I know that. They might have had these jobs for years, and boom, all gone. Well, they probably had the pets for years too, so now all of a sudden, some smarta$$ comes along and tells them he shouldn't have a dog if he can't afford a vet? Uncalled for....heartless and clueless to what is going on in the world, or just too busy shopping to care. I'm in the same situation right now, no job, and I've had my cat for 17 years, am I suppose to give her away?
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
Kashmeresmycat yes it just struck me as being really unkind and rather thoughtless. People who are in no pain just do' not realize that there are so many out of work and they almost all have had pets for years. No keep your cat and do' whatever you can he he. So many people on mylot are out of' work right now and we should all be aware of this situation.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 10
I agree! Something else the commenter overlooked....Isn't the discussion starter here on mylot?! I mean come one! Maybe they're trying to make some money to take thier pet to the vet. At least they're trying. I can't stand people that flap thier jaws. Think before you say (or type) something! Geez, or do they seriously not care? If not, they will soon when it's them. Then they'll start a discussion looking for sympathy, while some smart alek posts like they did and then they'll whine. Sorry, I'm rambling. Lol, maybe I should go smoke. Errr... it makes me so angry to see that!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi fellow mylotters I just hope that one day the commenter realizes he or she could just as easily be in the same financial problems as the dog owner and then will whimper that nobody seems to care. lol maybe what goes around will come around again and bite the commenter in the butt.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
11 Jan 10
It was a very unkind and thoughtless thing to say for a couple of reasons. One, as the pet owner stated and is all too frequently true today, financial situations can change in a flash. Families that enjoyed expensive homes, multiple cars and all the other trappings of wealth, can suddenly find themselves strapped or worse, homeless. Just as people can fall victim to the downturn in economy, so can't pets. Secondly, there really isn't any good pet insurance available. Some pets, as they age may require expensive care...or they may not. There is no way to predict the future medical needs of a beloved pet. If this individual had a child that suddenly needed a heart or lung transplant and he/she didn't have adequate health insurance to cover it, how would they feel if some one told them that they shouldn't have had children? I don't understand the unkindness some people show towards each other.
5 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi catdla1 yes thats the way I felt too as things now in'our economy can change so fast as my own life changed, and we did not do anything wrong but it still happened. I wondered about that too, I can imagine how he would feel in that situation and that does happen too. when I broke my left shoulder and had to have a shoulder joint replacement it cost 86000 dollars and if I had not been on medicare and secure horizons how would Ihave been able to pay it? it boggles the mind, and this also happens to people younger than myself who do not have adequate insurance. yet they have to have the replacement as you could not go around with crumbled bone in your shoulder. Seems to me that kindness does not cost a penny.
4 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
12 Jan 10
Hi Hatley! Thanks! Did you see that I found the discussion you were referencing? The individual who was so unkind seemed to think that affordable and comprehensive pet insurance was available globally. I gave (I think) a more encouraging and kinder answer and pointed out to the rude responder that insurance probably is not available everywhere. That person was one who would certainly benefit from walking a mile or two in some one else's shoes.
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi glad you found it as I have been searching but evidently not in the right place. glad you said something to that harsh man and maybe it will help him to be more sympathetic to others from now ond. I guess we all tend to think everyone is in the same boat and that's so silly as we come from all over the world and from different circumstances too
11 Jan 10
Hi Hatley, All too often people are ready to put people down when something like this happens, its not the poster's fault if he no longer can afford the vet bill, but it depends on where you live, but he can get help to pay for the vet bill. Tamara
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi tamarafireheart yes thats what another mylotter told me and I am going to suggest to the pet owner that he find out if there is help for pets in his area,I believe it was a he. I will soon find out. I would love to have a cat or dog, small one of course, but while its allowed it ups your rent a hundred dollars a month which I cannot afford. so I just share occasionally when someone shows me their cat or dog. he he.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (60009)
• United States
11 Jan 10
and its not like I wanted to have all these cats - but people won't be responsible for their own pets and so I agreed to try to find homes for them hey - we've found homes for 17 cats in the last few years
4 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi ElicBxn I am so glad that there are people like you who will help these poor pets to get into a home where they are wanted. thats great that you have found homes for 17 cats in the last few years. I wish more people would do that.I grew up on the farm, and town people would drop off unwanted kittens and puppies too along our fence. we would take them in and care for them, then find another farm family'who did want a kitten or a puppy as we knew they 'would give them a good home and care for them. the town people were not as kind to animals.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (60009)
• United States
11 Jan 10
if they'd just FIX their pets they wouldn't have this problem! My folks fixed our dog back in 1959, so the procedure has been around a while...
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
yes I am sure it was even back then so they just did not' want to spend what was probably pretty cheap fees then to neuter their pets,and just dumped them on our farm instead.'I am so proud of my parents as they made sure these little pets would have good homes with loving people who would care for them.
2 people like this
@Java09 (3085)
• United States
11 Jan 10
I think people should respond nice.You shouldn't assume the discussion is something it's not,people have commented to me that way and I did report the comment and it was deleted.I started a discussion about how I want to lose weight and someone pretty much told me I shopuld stop eating junk food and go buy produce instead,they said it in a very rude way.People come on here and try to ask advice sometimes.
4 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 10
Oh Java09, you have just pushed one of my "buttons"! It really gets me all worked up when people assume that overweight people eat a ton of unhealthy, junk food, don't exercise, are lazy, etc. There are way too many factors that contribute to obesity that everybody can't be lumped into one group, and there is no "magic cure" for it. If there was, then some people would not be fighting with it all their lives, especially when they do try to eat healthy foods, exercise, practice portion control, and count calories. Some factors are genetic, and others are situation-related, and these are sometimes out of our hands, so the weight creeps on and once there it is very difficult to get rid of, especially if there are factors other than unhealthy eating working against you. It makes me so angry that people feel that they have a right to be rude to people that are overweight or even obese, because they feel that these people do not have the same rights as everybody else or their feelings do not matter or whatever their twisted little minds believe. I am sorry for going on about this. Did I mention that this issue is one of my "hot buttons"?
2 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jan 10
hi purple me too, I am overweight due to a bunch of things and iA am diabetic, some of my weight came from the side effects of Avandia which has warnings on it now but still on the shelf,I gained forty five pounds in three weeks, all in my legs,once off of it I lost about thirty pounds but the other weight plus gaining more snuck back on. I am determined this is the year, my doctor just looked at me and smiled, but he also said he wants to see me every three months now instead of six months so guess my weight and my not so good blood sugar control has convinced him I have problems with the food that Gold Crest serves just,too much carbs not enough protein. but i am starting to work on it, and hopefully in a month or two the scales will move down for me.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31281)
• United States
11 Jan 10
There are many people who don't really read the discussions. They skim a post, think they understand what it's about and then set about putting their foot into their mouth. Others are judgmental because they haven't suffered in this recession/depression or lost a job just to find another shortly after. They feel smug and safe and think those that are in trouble have dug their own financial graves through financial irresponsibility so that even when it comes to a sensitive subject like a beloved pet, they are demeaning and callous. Then there are people who are just mean. And they are pretty pathetic. I hope the person with the dog wasn't hurt too badly. It's an awful thing to be worried about a pet or person that you love and may not be able to help if the worst happens.
4 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi dragon54u yes that is true and its sad because too many times they mistake the contents and again they also have never been unemployed and dont even know what its like. to judge someone just because they are out of work is both unfair and unkind. He as much as admitted he was harsh but said he did not apologize. well my it must be nice to be so self righteous. The poster was really worried about his pet dog, and I know that feeling myself. He did protest against that commenters response but it did no good. sad to think like that.
1 person likes this
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Unfortunately, Hatley, this will always happen as long as humans are involved. Sadly, some people cannot stand others having a different opinion, and instead of calming stating their opinion, they have to hit out. Sometimes it seems as though people take a different opinion as a personal insult, so reply in like manner. One thing I really appreciated when I first joined here three years ago, was the fact that I could enjoy lengthy debates with people of different beliefs, but all were with respect and courtesy. I am a Christian whose relationship with my Saviour is of top priority in my life, but I have very good friends who are atheists, agnostics, wiccans and pagans and we have enjoyed lengthy, respectful debates on our beliefs and respect one another. On the other side of the coin, there are those who come in with a comment like "Idiot! Get an education!" without giving any other comments. It is possible to disagree and still do so with respect. It is never acceptable to be offensive or derogatory or even unkind.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
11 Jan 10
That was an excellent response
1 person likes this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi cloud watcher yes as long as we humans exist we have 'these situations. Why people get so upset when others'have diferent opinions than theres is beyond me. mylot admins put it a bit silly they said play nice and have fun, but what they meant was respect others as you would have them respect you. I am also a Christian and some discussions get really insulting so just stir away from them. I also' found that stating I was a democrat seemed to be a mylot 'no no and brought several really insulting responses which this time I just reported. they were deleted too. We can all state our own opinions as long as we respect others to 'have the same right to their own opinons too.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Hi Hatley, I didn't see that one but it's true that it would have nothing to do with the discussion at hand. I see those kind of thoughtless and judgmental comments on here quite a lot actually. Pretty much any time someone posts something about a financial situation, there will be someone that has to jump in with a lecture on what they could have or should have done to avoid being in that spot to begin with. The fact is that none of us can predict what our financial future will hold. When I had children, I did not anticipate that I would be raising them on my own and that I'd struggle the way I did and do. I'm sure this man was confident that he could take care of this dog when he got it. He probably did take good care of him for many years. Now with the economy as it is, well, things change. People who once thought they were very financially secure are finding out that they are not secure at all. No one should be lecturing anyone in this situation. Could be them next. Many people from very good paying jobs have been devestated by the lay-offs and the fact that there are very few jobs out there to be had. I kind of know how this man feels. I don't have a pet but I do have myself and I would not be able to afford a hospital bill if I were to become sick.
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jan 10
hi sid yes things can change in a hurry in this present economy and high costs of insurance for health. a few years ago I fractured my left shoulder and had to have an artificial shoulder joint replacement, this little s tint cost 86000 dollars, had I not had medicare and evercare insurance I do not know just what I would have done.the man had a good job when he got his dog, and many years later things just changed for him. Judging someone you do not know and have not met face to face is so wrong, as you are just assuming things, and are usually very wrong.
@rosekiss (30161)
• Eugene, Oregon
11 Jan 10
To me that is totally rude to do that to someone who is trying explain their situation, and apparnetly, the one that commented like he or she did, didn't really going te tell them the way they think it should be. I try not to be rude and nasty to others, as that doesn't accomplish anything whatsoever. It just causes others to be hurt, and that isn't right as they wouldn't want it being said to them like that. Mylot is to nice a place to be rude. People should come in here and have fun, and stop being so serious all the time. I know mylot has helped me put things in perspective, that is for sure. Good luck to you and happy mylotting.
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi rosekiss yes it was uncalled for and made me sorry for the poster who really meant he wanted to get help for his pet dog or hers,not sure if it was a he or she but the poster made it evident that he or she had had the dog a long time and when he or she bought it he or she was not in any financial trouble, but now was having some problems.
• United States
11 Jan 10
I did not see the post your referring to. I do know it is hard to pay for the food we eat. let alone pay for the vet bills. This is why my cat is not declawed yet. Maybe he will never be declawed either. But I have read peoples remarking the same thing you mentioned here . It does not matter if you can afford the bills or not. many of us are rescuing starving animals off the street as well. Thanks for the post I hope the message gets read loud and clear.
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi catsandbagscom yes its really hard now for allof us and vet bills Ihear are out of sight. We who love our animals will do all we can for a sick pet, but that poor commentor evidently is not a pet lover at all. sad.
• United States
11 Jan 10
I have no idea why people feel the need to be so rude, how I see it with the discussions is if you do not like it or do not agree why not just move on to one that you can respond to? As for my opinion with the vet discussion is there are always times when a person comes on hard times does that mean that they should never have anything? NO! We never intend for these things to happen they just can and do...I am a mother of two and there have been times when I have been a little short on cash so maybe I buy cheaper meals items or they were hand me down clothes does that mean that i shouldn't have kids of course not...we may not be able to give them everything that they are wanting or asking for but as long as they are fed, cared for and loved it doesn't matter if it is the cheap brand of food or the name brand. Everyone is feeling the economic crunch right now and none of us ever planned for any of this to happen..just because this member may not be able to afford the vet bill does not mean that this member should not have their dog, there are times when a vet bill can be way more than one may expect and just because you may not be able to afford it does not mean that you are not a good pet owner and this other member had no right to say that this member should not have the dog. My dog is one of the most spoiled dogs and while I love her very very much and take great care of her is something where to happen to her where she needed to be at the vets i am not sure that I could afford it right now either....
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi froggieslover yes there is no excuse to be rude as that' does not help a person who is fundless to find a way to pay for his pet should he need to take him to a vet. the person came here asking for help and that was not a bit helpful at all. MOst all of us are feeling this poor economy and those who are not should be so greatful that they willhelp other people to find ways to solve problems.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Hey Hatley! I think the same as you do that this was totally an unnecessary response! The person who made that comment definitely did not need to be so unkind! When someone loves their animal and is upset about their being ill it is not necessary to put them down about not being able to afford Veteranary Care! It is surely not the least bit funny or kind! Does this person have any idea how much a Vet visit can cost? I have two cats and not alot of money, but would move mountains if my "babies" needed Veternary care and have! So, don't even get me started!
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi opal26 yes it was not a bit called for and was not helpful.the man already knew his cat might need a vet and was worried sick about how to pay for it, the other person should have suggested something helpful, not put him down like that, that does no good.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (54651)
• India
11 Jan 10
You must have already mentioned this to the one who made that comment as she/he is the main person who should know what you feel.
3 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jan 10
hi allknowing yes that is a great idea and also ask the pet owner to check and see if there are agencies in his city that help pet owners who are without funds. But I really do not want to start a fight with this person. we shall see.
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8400)
13 Jan 10
That is so unkind to say things like that to someone who is having a bad time,who obviously loves his dog.He needs to find an animal charity who could help with the money side of things.You are quite right plenty of people from every class are having to trim their outgoings.We only buy supermarkets own labels,and don't spend any money unless we have to.The problem is worldwide and plenty will suffer as a consequence of the down turn.We are fairly fortunate as my husbands money is good and I don't have to work,which is just as well as I suffer from depression and stress,there are plenty of people who work with these conditions.That does not make me think I am better than anybody else it means I am lucky.No one has the right to judge anyone else ,we are supposed to be friends and support each other.
2 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi suzzy3 yes you make great good sense as its stupid to judge as we almost always judge wrongly.here mylot admins says, a little jokingly,.play nice but what is meant we should all get along and help our fellow mylotters. thats what mylot is for is to make discussions, offer help and ask for help; and generally enjoy and have fun while being social and decent.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
13 Jan 10
No there is no need for comments like that People need to realise that there are always Circumstances and just because someone falls down financially does not mean they have to get rid of their Pet, that is how so many Pets end up being kicked out People should think before they attack and open their mouth there is no need for it
2 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi gabs you are so right. sometimes people just open up their mouths and type then put their foot in their own mouth.this responder should have met Gissi and got a better idea about pets and pet owners, the owner said he had got' the dog a long time ago when he was financially stable so why did the responder have to be so judgmental. When I was a kid on the farm in S.D. we used to be besieged by dumped puppies and kittens owners just left on the road hoping I guess someone would take them in. my dad and mom always did then found good homes for them with farm families that wanted and would care for the pets, not town people. he refused to do that. he he.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
13 Jan 10
I'm afraid I've been somewhat guilty of that too Hatley. I'm afraid when it comers to animals I will speak out. under the circumstances you mentioned however, I would have offered one or two alternate suggestions rather than say the person shouldn't have a dog. I do understand where the comment is coming from but it does sound as though the person was being unkind rather than standing up for the dog or trying to be helpful to the owner. You are right and it's not necessary to be deliberately hurtful...unfortunately, some people can be very silly about getting an animal without the least clue how to look after it...it's more of a status symbol. This is very obviously not the case here.
2 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi mstickle yes I am all for people being able to care for pets but this man was financially stable when He first got his dog and just recently was another victim of this awful economy. the other poster had no right to judge him like that, then to really brag about it , and not offer any helpful ideas at all. just because this person was financially stable did not give him the right to say what he did at all.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jan 10
no its not necessary to make unkind assumptions in comments in my opinion
2 people like this
@Hatley (154619)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jan 10
hi 88jasmeetsinghbarhok right on it really is not right nor necessary to judge someone and spill it out like that. the person did not know the dog owner at all, so why make stupid assumptions.
1 person likes this