Being alone.

@mipen2006 (5528)
Australia
January 11, 2010 12:58am CST
After 12 years of always being together, I have to live apart from my wife until the end of this year. I am in Australia, to qualify for my pension to be paid in Thailand, and she has just returned to Thailand, as her visa has expired. Living alone in a studio apartment is not my idea of fun. How would you handle being away from your partner or spouse for an extended time. I will be seventy this year, and find living alone difficult. What would you do to pass the time?
5 people like this
22 responses
@Hazelrose (2185)
• Philippines
12 Jan 10
Hello mipen,Sad to hear about your situation at this time,I can feel how lonely you are.It is very hard to live alone,you need a companion specially at your age. Any way,Can i ask you this? is there a chance to be with your wife?I do hope that you and your wife will be together again.By the way,may be you can go out with your friends and enjoy their company,it will helps you to cope up your empty feelings.Have a nice day!Good luck!
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi hazelrose, I will be able to unite with my wife on December 16, this year. It all stems from government policy, which states I must spend two years in Australia before I can recieve my pension in Thailand. The time started in December 2006 when I allpied for the pension. Even though I returned to Thailand for three months last year the government have stated that was OK. I taught in Thailand for the past twelve years, and we can have a much higher living standard there than in Australia. We have been traveling around Australia (house sitting) for the past seven months, but my wife's visa expired. It is too expensive to visit, so we decided to get it done with.
@Hazelrose (2185)
• Philippines
12 Jan 10
Hi mipen,Just wait,and be patient.11 months from now you will be unite again.A little bit sacrifice and every thing will be okay.God Bless!
@Emma_lyt (21)
• China
12 Jan 10
Think about your wife.She is still alone.You can imagine she is just around you and takes time to shopping.Wow,i think it is very difficult for everyone.Call her and kids also the relatives can help you spent the time!I hope that i can help you
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Fortunately my wife has lots of friends in Thailand now, so she won't have the same lonliness as me. My children are on the other side of Australia, so I won't be able to visit them. I am reading a lot of books, and that helps. I may even write another book. Thanks for your response.
• China
12 Jan 10
Wow,a wirter?Can i read your book?
• Philippines
12 Jan 10
man! that would be so hard because you were so used of having her around. what i did when my partner and i broke up is to just accept that we are through and just get on with it. even if i couldn't understand why. asking why and searching for answers would just make my head burst. go out with your friends, find a hobby, anything that could take your mind off things. try to go back to the way things were before you met her.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi pinebunny, Thanks for your input, trouble is my family and friends are spread around Australia and Thailand. In order to save money I'm staying in a country town, where I don't know anyone as yet. Going out is expensive, and my pension doesn't allow spending too much. I have to send money to her as well as support myself. The apartment is small, and will be better when the landlord fixes the TV. I cannot go back to the early nineties, as the company I worked for made all staff redundant when they outsourced everything.
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
here's a thought, why don't you move to a country where the exchanged rate is good for you, like japan or philippines for example lol. you send money to your ex and then you will have a lot for yourself and you can go out anytime and anywhere you like!!
• Boston, Massachusetts
11 Jan 10
Hi Mipen, Your situation is really hard considering the fact that you're not getting any younger. until when is the separation? when is she coming back or you going to thailand? so you're doing everything for yourself in there? all the domestic things? i don't know what to say right now-- how i wish everything will speed up the process of being together again!
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hi msfrancisco, I think you hit the nail on the head when you mention 'age.' I really think it's being in the twilight years that makes the time seem longer. Also trying to maintain two homes on a single pension isn;t easy. On the brighter side, it's only eleven months to go before I return to Thailand! Thanks for your support.
• Boston, Massachusetts
12 Jan 10
11 months will be that fast. hang on friend, you can make it. make it a point to keep in touch in all means of communication so that you will be updated and feels like you're together.
@allknowing (70742)
• India
11 Jan 10
It is easier for women than men to deal with loneliness as women can keep themselves occupied with household chores and they make friends fast. Your age is against you to face it but time is a healer and you will soon get used to it.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hi allknowing, I'm probably being a little morbit, but my wife has returned to our friends, so it will be easier for her. This makes me appreciaate what she does for me even more. I'm spoiled to have such a wonderful woman. Maybe more guys should go through an experience such as this!
@allknowing (70742)
• India
12 Jan 10
I have not quite understood when you say that 'your wife has returned to her friends' In what way will that help you?
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
11 Jan 10
I'm sorry about this, mipen. It must have been hard for you. So how do you communicate with your wife? She comes online and chat with you or something? She must miss you terribly. 70 years, and I hope you will always be in good health. Hang on there, mipen..and I really hope you will be able to be together with your wife once more. If you ask me, I'll pass the time by doing writings, and a journal is a must. Make it your mission to jot down almost everything that you are feeling so that when you are able to live with your wife again, you can show it to her as a gift. Hope this suggestion helps; take care, buddy.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hey zed, thanks for the input. In fact the journal started before she left for Thailand. Unfortunately, her IT skills are negligable, so we decided on a weekly phone conversation. I have a five hour-a-week cleaning job to help the financec, and will look for some volunteer work to help pass the time. Thanks mate, only eleven months now! Mike.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
14 Jan 10
You are so welcome, Mike.. I see.. as long as you still have point of contact, I think that's awesome. You think positive there, cool..that's right Mike..keep the spirits up.. 11 more months to go.. to be reunited with your love..
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
21 Jan 10
Hi mipen, I would not be happy being away from the person that I love but I would hold them close to my heart and keep busy with other things like being on here and just doing whatever it was I had to do to get back with that person. Obviously the two of you are still in love and it is only circumstances that are keeping you apart. Keep focused on getting back together. You have a goal and something to look forward to and that is a lot more than some people have. I wish you t he best and hopefully t he two of you will soon be together again. Hang in there!
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
21 Jan 10
Hi sid, thanks for your kind thoughts. My wife has rung every second day, she is in much the same position, but she has family and friends close, so it's a little esier. I have decided to try and help others, instead of staying in feeling sorry for myself. This morning, I'm meeting with the manager of a home for the elderly nd disadvantaged, in order to do some volentary work for them. I don't know what form this work may take, but if I can make somebody's life a little more berable, or enjoyable, then I will be doing some good with my time.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
15 Jan 10
Hi mipen I am very late with my responses because I am very behind so I have just come across your post. I was wondering a while back whether your wife did go back to Thailand or not. It is a bummer isn’t it? It is very difficult to be forcibly separated like that and it’s not fair but it looks like one of those things that cannot be changed so acceptance is the only option. A hobby would be good and it depends what you like to do and how costly it is. I love to read and write and I can spend entire days doing just that. Do you like fishing? Bushwalking? I joined a bushwalking club a few years ago and that was fun, there were walks for all ages; I met some great people too! I hope the time passes quickly for you and that you’ll be together again...Try to stay as positive as possible and keep looking forward to when you'll see her again.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
15 Jan 10
Hi paula, thanks for dropping in. Since I started that discussion, I have what a miserable soul I am being. Thare are many people far worse off than me, in earthquakes, bushfires, and terrost situations, and here's me complaining about twelve short months. I have read several books, started a five-hour-a-week job, and made inquiries about some volunteer work. I have also spoken to my wife several times, so I'm sure the time will pass quickly, now I'm through that the morbit phase. With a little bit of luck, and if we can save enough, my wife will return here in September, so she can spend another three months in Australia, before we start our life again in Thailand.
1 person likes this
@wandry (72)
• Indonesia
12 Jan 10
it's hard to live alone like you face right know, especially if we have to live alone without or partner or spouse that we love. After long time live together then right know you have to live alone, it must be hard for you. But life must go on, right know you can use the technology. Try to communicate often with your wife and maybe sometimes once a month visit her or your wife that visit you. Hope it will make your life more happy. But i do had it in the past, when my couple have to go to take college abroad, and it's mean i can't meet her for more than a year. Although they will back for once a year but it's hard to pass the time. So, beside i keep my communication with her I also try to busy my day with more activities. It work and i don't feel lonely. But last year she's back and i initiate to propose her and hopefully she become my wife and we life together right know. Thank
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi wandry, I just hope the year flies, which in kind of wishing your life away, and at almost 70, that's not a good sign. Unfortunately my wife doesn't use the Internet, so electronis communication is out of the question. We will however have weekly phone contact. Thanks for your input.
• India
12 Jan 10
Mipen Ji, Living alone is really a cumbersome job. I have been going through this experience of living alone at least six days a week. I am 55, having both of my legs amputated as an aftermath of a tragic accident. I have to live alone during the days except on Sundays when I spend my time with my family or during the nights. My elder son goes for a job and so also my wife. My younger son is still studying. My enjoy my time pass by reading religious books, watching television or on computer. Anyhow, it is really a hard job to live alone. I wish from God that nobody should be alone in this world.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hello subashmanchanda, I'm sorry to hear of your bad experience, it mke my loniless seem trivial and selfish. However it also makes me realize just how much my wife looked after me, and I should be more appreciative of her in the future. The year will pass, but now I don't even have a TV, and my wife doesn't use a computer. Thank you for your support.
@karthi_88 (299)
• India
12 Jan 10
its really difficult to be alone without your partner friend. you can chat with her in mail.you can call and speak with her.you can read some lovely story books to recap your own lovely sweet memories friend.you can see her photo when you feel like to miss her friend. have a nice day :)
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi karthi, it's like a void has opened up in my life. But it makes me realize just how much she did for me. Roll on 2011. Thanks for your response.
@ybong007 (6658)
• Philippines
12 Jan 10
It's good to know that it's only temporary, just keep on posting here on mylot so you'll forget about time. Time flies so fast when you're online. But a few months is already a long time. The longest i've been away from my wife was just 3 months and she and the kids just took a vacation at my in laws but the loneliness is just too much that i have too have to take a vacation so i can fetch them.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi ybong, it's the realization of how much she did for me that strikes me the most. I will probably spend a lot more time here, which is comforting. Thanks for your input.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
12 Jan 10
I would become Mylott professional writing all day long.... Seriously, it is very difficult to answer. I would probably spend my time with my hobby, passion or volunteer work. HUGS
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi pola, we have been house sitting since June last year, and that time has passed very quickly, now there is a void in my life. Actually, I didn't appreciate all the things she did for me until I have to do them myself. Volunteering for charitable work seems ike a great idea. Take care, Mike.
@jshan87 (31)
• United States
12 Jan 10
If I was all alone I would probably do everything in my power to make connections with other people. I have yet to reach a grand age such as you but social life is important to all ages. Find something local to get involved in. If nothing else works go to church. If you hate preachers then just argue with them in your head, that passes alot of time for me.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
I will be seeking volunteer work this week, which should enable me to meet local people. I'm looking forward to that. To be honest, I don't fancy arguing with preachers, thanks anyway.
@artistry (4154)
• United States
11 Jan 10
...Hi mipen2006, Hopefully you like to read. I would buy a few books, or find the nearest library, get a card and check out a few good books. I would also buy myself a type of journal or just a thick notebook and try to write some short stories. Start with your trip to Australia and what you saw along the way, the people, the scenery. Crossword puzzel books help to pass the time. If you and your wife can hook up that spyke electronic device, you can talk and see each other at the same time. I think that is the name of it. Try to start meditation, that helps to give you inner calm. A year goes by fast, it was just the beginning of 2009, now 2010 is here, you will make it through. Take care.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hello artistry, thank you for your thoughts. I have a pile of books to read and have already finished a few. I have written a book, and maybe I'll start a follow up. Who knows? I'm sure the time will pass quickly elough, thanks for your input.
• Hong Kong
11 Jan 10
Hi mipen2006, Cheer up! Don't be sad! Smile, please! :) Time runs so fast. One year is not a long time, if you think positively. I think you can come here more frequently to help others. As you said you are almost 70, so your experience worth a lot to those young people here. When you help others, you feel happy. Do some charity work, if you are healthy enough. Go out with your friends, like to hike, ride, shop, chat, eat, dance, watch movies, anything. It is also good to visit the book store or library. Books are always good companion to any one of us. Well, try to choose your favorite topics and read. Then, when chatting with your wife on the phone or through emails, msn, you can share with her the books your read, the activities that you with your friends and so on. I believe she wanted to hear your happy voice rather than a sad tone. So, it is your responsibility to live happily in these months and share with her. It is a good way to show your love and care. Hey! You can buy the magic set, to learn some simple magics. When your wife comes back, then give her surprise! Wow! You see, you have plenty to do. Your life is full of joy and fun. In these months, do take good care of yourself, go to see doctor when you are unwell. Be a good husband even when your wife is not beside you physically but she is always with you spirtually. That is the magic of love. Be a happy man! Life is fun! Best wishes, agonyaunt69 (2:46am 12 Jan 2010, Hong Kong time)
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
12 Jan 10
Hi agongaunt you have some wonderful suggestions, and I already have a cleaning job for Tuesday and Thursday mornings, which helps the finances, and I meet some local people.I always talk to my wife with a happy voice, but ubfortunately she doesn't use the Internet. I have some movies, but the DVD drawer on my laptop needs repairing, and I can't afford it at the moment. I will always have a positive view, as I will return to a happy life in eleven months. Thanks for your suggestions.
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
I know how you feel, its hard...especially for you that never been apart from partner before. life isn't fair... that's life. since I got married I always live apart from my husband,because he works out of the country,at first i find it so hard to face life,..it took me months before i accept the reality that life isn't fair., but now i am used to it,its almost 3years that we're living apart., just call her often,web chat so that it will at least lessen the sadness you feel,watch movies, go out for a little walk.Good luck
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hi myramae, thanks for your thoughts. Unfortunately it's government regulations that have forced this situation, but everything will be back to normal at the end of the year.
@stand87 (666)
• Bulgaria
11 Jan 10
I will be scared a little bit. It's because I know too many couples being separated and giving end to their relations. I find that not being together with your partner for a long time makes you loose interest in your relation with him/her. But sometimes love and friendship can be real strong . . . And even after an year of not being together a couple can be happy again. Being alone is not easy. But if you want you'll be able to save your love. Hope you good luck!
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hi stand, and thanks for responding. I believe our love is strong enough to last, and we will appreciate eavhother even more when we are reunited in December.
@b4balaji (410)
• India
11 Jan 10
Talk to your wife whenever you are free. Chat with her online. If you think talking to her is boring, get yourself and pouch infront of your tv and keep switching channels. Go to a cd store, and get a bunch of movies, and watch them day and night. Else go to a music store, and get a handful of music cds, listen to them. If you are a good in any musical instrument, compose a music of your own, record it and send it to your wife online, as a gift. There are a lot of things to do, but it is what you are really interested in. Hope you have a nice time, without getting bored.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hi b4balaji, thanks for your suggestins. Unfortunately, being on the pension doesn't allow me to do many of the things you suggested, and I'm waiting for the landlord to have the television fixed. I have movies and music which help. I am looking for a volunteer job at present, which will help pass the time, while meeting people. I may write another novel, but that would take a clear mind. Thanks for your response.
@sunisami (93)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
I think I m an exception to the rule but I love living on my own and enjoy my own company. Don't get me wrong I am very sociable when I am out but I truly LOVE retreating to my own space at the end of the day.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
11 Jan 10
Hi sunisami, I have always been a bit of a loner too. At 25, I trevelled overseas, by myself, and after my first marriage broke down, I lived by myself for ten years, and enjoyed it. However, now, at nearly seventy, my wife has always been there, and I guess that's what I miss the most. Well only eleven months to go. Thanks for responding.