I did not think I would miss my mother so much.

@Margajoe (4721)
Germany
January 14, 2010 9:26am CST
My Mom passed away on the 21 of Dec. Not even a month ago. I never realized how much I thought of her. Wanted to pick up the telephone to call, but she won't be there anymore. When I hear the phone ring I think it is my Mom. Then I remember it can't be. At night I can't sleep because I can still see her laying in the hospital bed. Hoping I did not bore her while talking to her. She could not answer the last couple of days. But, I did not want her to feel alone. At the same time I am thinking maybe she did not want me to talk so much. I just did not know what to say. Sometimes I said nothing. Then I tried to make her feel it was alright to let go. But, somehow I am afraid she might have taken it the wrong way. Though on the other hand I know she loved me. Weird how things spook around in my head. I mean I know she is better off where she is now. But those last two days of her life looked so terrible. Though the doctors assured us that my Mother did not have any pain. I am rather mixed up. Sad on one side because I miss her. Relieved on the other side, because she does not suffer anymore. Do you know what I mean?
3 people like this
12 responses
@polachicago (19143)
• United States
6 Feb 10
I feel like you are writing about my Mother. My mother passed away on July 2008. I have days when I am crying any time I think about her. i have similar feelings. I am happy that is does not suffer anymore, but I miss her a lot everyday.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
6 Feb 10
Thank-you. Somehow it is a comfort to know we are not alone with this kind of thing. It has been over a month now, and I am going to school again to learn how to speak German and learn for a new job. That has helped me get my mind on other things. Of course I have times like you say, that I miss her. My Dad is lost without her. Something I never expected, cause he use to complain about her a lot. Funny how things turn out. Take care, have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19143)
• United States
6 Feb 10
My dad was lost and passed away less than a year after my mother.
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@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
23 Feb 10
If my Dad keeps feeling sorry for himself, he will be going soon too. Funny, he could be so mean too my Mom. Very nasty. He said very hard things. That is why it is so hard for me to believe he really misses my Mom. Does he miss her, or is he just feeling guilty? I wonder... Take care.
@zed_k4 (17634)
• Singapore
15 Jan 10
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be really hard for you, I can only imagine. I have been through this pain before too, but with my late grandfather. I miss everything about him; from his humor to his slow motion talk and many more. Those months were really crazy, and some-more this loss was of your mom, much more painful than ever. People always say time will heal all wounds, but the scars will still be there.
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
27 Jan 10
Thank-you. I did not realize I would miss her so much. It has been a little over a month now and yes the scare are still there. Even though I know she is in a better place, I still miss her. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17634)
• Singapore
31 Jan 10
You are so welcome. I totally understand your feelings. With time, the pain will be more bearable. Hang on there, yeah.. it's not easy. I will miss my own mom too, if she's not longer around someday. So I would have to go through the same emotion for sure.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 10
iam sorry for ur loss, i lost my dad 10 years ago and istill miss him but it does get easier. i know what u mean about telephoning tho cos when i phone my brother he sounds just like my dad! i have to call him cos my mums deaf, i like to think there in a better place watching over us and its a great comfort to know that some day ill see him again...
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@esjosh (915)
• India
15 Jan 10
Be strong dear, this is the hard reality of life. I am not philosophizing but just telling truth. There are only two things are really impossible. 1. To prevent the deth. 2. To forget someone. So, try to accept the truth and try to make your life back on track, I can imagine the pain you are feeling!! But It will be better for you and your family that you make your self normal as soon as possible. Good luck dear!!!!!!!!
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@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
27 Jan 10
Thank-you. I am trying.It is not that I talk about it all the time. Neither do I cry about it, because I do believe she is happier where she is. But, somehow I just can't sleep right. I keep thinking about how it all ended. Especially the last two days. But, you are right I have to stay normal. I just thought the missing would be gone away by now. Thank-you.
1 person likes this
@esjosh (915)
• India
27 Jan 10
You have to be normal, you need to become support to your other family members. Be brave dear. God helps the braves. I can understand the pain but may god bless with all the strength.
1 person likes this
@Mike4me (567)
• Philippines
23 Feb 10
I do understand how you feel. IT must be really hard for you, I was even crying while reading your story. I lost my dad 5 years ago and it was so hard for me and my family, how much more if its your mom? Moms are the ones the raised you since you were little, you put every trust you got to her and when she's gone, I don't ever think i'll survive. I really admire you, and I know you can do it. Whenever I miss my dad, i look at pictures, i always end up crying But, it lessens the pain. The first 2 years are the hardest, i know it seemed too long and it really is, you always long for him/her. Just my advice to you is visit your mom in the cemetery, and talk to her like you used to. It's what I do all the time. I talk to my dad even in my prayers every night. It makes me feel that he's still with us.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
23 Feb 10
Thank-you very much. That is so kind. Actually my relationship with my Mom got better when I was an adult. Especially in the last 7 years. We were talking more and shared our deepest secrets. I do so miss that now. On March 1st it will be her birthday. It has been two months now, but it feels like I am really starting to miss her even more. It does not seem to get less. My father has tried to take her place and orders me to call home in his way. I never used to phone my father, I was always phoning my Mom. Sometimes everyday, some times once a month. But my dad wants me to call in regular. I never used to talk to him. Sometimes we never talked for months, and now all of a sudden I have to report to him at least once a week???? I don't like that one bit. My Mom respected me the way I was, my dad could never do that. He thinks he knows everything better. Always trying to change me. I am never good enough. At the same time he wants me to come back to the Netherlands. I have my life here in Berlin. With my Mom gone, I have even less reason to go back to the Netherlands. Weird, I sometimes feel lost. Do you know what I mean? Take care.
@shalome (180)
• India
15 Jan 10
Hi Margajoe, My heartfelt condolence to you, nobody can fulfill it in that place. "I cannot forget my mother. She is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely:- Renita Weems."
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
27 Jan 10
Thank-you very much. Yes indeed. When I had troubles, my Mom was my bridge. I would want her opinion. Not that I would always do what she said, hahaha. But, that is normal. Now that she is gone I miss her opinion even more. Seems my Dad is trying to take over my Moms place. I don't like that. He is not my mother. All of a sudden family is more important than anything. That should have been that way before my Mom left us. Maybe I am being to hard on him. But, I don't like him over exaggerating. I don't need him to tell me what to do, or too replace my Mom. Is it normal that I am thinking like this? I am normally very easy going, but I just can't seem to take any crap. Maybe because I have not been sleeping well.
• China
15 Jan 10
I am so sorry to hear about that. It must be heartbroken to lost sb. who loved you so much.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
27 Jan 10
Thank-you. It is not what I thought it would be. I did not realize I would miss her so much. Though I believe she is in a better place and happier. No more pain.
@vivianchen (2649)
• China
15 Jan 10
Hi Margajoe, I am sorry about your mom. And i total understand how you feel. You want to comfort her, but you don't know how, you want to say something, but sometimes you are wordless, it's so heavy in your heart that you don't know how to take it. You will be all right, i am sure your mom is now very happy living in the heaven and watching you. She totally understand all the things you've done during that time.
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
27 Jan 10
Thank-you very much. I do hope she understands, I think she does. But,I am still having trouble sleeping. I feel I have changed somehow. I seem easily irritated. (Maybe because I am not sleeping well?) My father all of a sudden expects me to phone home more often. When before I only talked to him once or twice in 6 months time. I did always talk to my mother, almost every week, sometimes for hours. We always had something to talk about. Seems my Dad wants to take over my Mothers role. And I can't except it. I am like "act normal, don't over exaggerate!" He cannot take over her place. She was always there for me. He was not always there for me like she was. That is what I mean with I have chanced. Somehow, I don't take any more crap from anyone anymore. Where as before I was always very easy going. Did not think anything of it. Funny, how I have become. I don't understand. Do you think that is normal? Thank-you.
• United States
15 Jan 10
My heart goes out to you...I've never experienced losing a loved one in the manner you have described. However, I lost my mother as a child in a car accident. I often wondered what my life would have been like had she lived. I don't even remember saying 'I love you' to her. I guess that's what 'spooks' me. I have few memories but the ones I have are crystal clear..like oranges. I remember my mother loved oranges. For years, I wouldn't eat them because they reminded me of my mother. It wasn't until I became pregnant did I eat them. I'd crave oranges..in fact, oranges were all I could keep down during those first few months of pregnancy. After all those years and crazy as it may seem, I began feel at peace about the whole situation. I thought maybe it was a sign or an affirmation that she knew I loved her. Cherish the memories you have and take it one day at a time. Your mother's light lives on through you.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
27 Jan 10
Thank-you so much. I think in your case, you had gotten pregnant and realize that a child and mother always have a special bond. You know that now, that is (I think) what helped you through it. Yes, your mother loves your very much. Memories are what we still have. Yes you are right we should cherish them. Thank-you.
@syankee525 (6298)
• United States
15 Jan 10
sorry for your lost. i know its hard ive had to go through the samething with my mom. she was sick because of her liver, but she and my aunt both got killed in an car accident. i still miss my mom and its been 13 years ago. but you should remember she will always be with you in spirt, as well in your heart. if your mom was ill also remember she isnt in no more pain either. and yes they say those who are ill can hear you what you are saying to them even though they cant respone back to you. as time goes on it does get somewhat easier, knowing this must have been alittle harder since it was right before christmas. i found hoildays was the hardest for me for like two years. but she will always be with you in so many ways, and so many things will remind you of her as they do remind me of my mom.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
14 Jan 10
i know what you mean. my dad passed away in easly february and there are still times when i would still think of things that hey, dad would like that, especially when i hear a funny joke or see something that would interest him.
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@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
14 Jan 10
I find myself doing that too. I have often heard people do that, but I never really understood till know. What would Mom think? How would she react? ect. Take care.
@peavey (15379)
• United States
14 Jan 10
Yes, I know what you mean. I lost my mother a year ago last September. Her last week or so was very hard on her. The urge to talk to her, to ask her opinion on something... seeing something in a store or magazine that I know she would have liked... remembering times when I could have done more for her... it's all still there, although time will dull the edge.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
14 Jan 10
Still there. Funny I never realized how much I would miss her. But yes, in everything I do I am thinking about her. I guess that is a good thing, that we remember them. That means they were good to us and loved us. But, they are in a better place now with no more pains and burdens. Take care.
• United States
14 Jan 10
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my father 4 years ago. I took it the worst in my family, honestly I think the only thing that saved me was the fact I was 9 months pregnant. The last thing I was able to say to him was I love you and you can go. Next thing I know his heart stopped and he was gone. It still hurts to this day and I think it forever will when you love someone. I am happy though that he did wait for me to get there, and he is in no more pain.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
14 Jan 10
That is it, they don't have any more pain. That is the good side. I cannot say I took it the worst, my father,daughter and son took it worse, because they all stilled lived together. I am not living at home anymore. That is why I thought I would not feel the loss that much. Yet I think about her everyday. It was weird seeing her die, taking that last breath. You now it is better and at the same time, you want her to stay. But, you are right they are at peace, and have no more pain. Take care.