Parents Who Compare

United States
January 14, 2010 7:19pm CST
So this is one thing that I have been living my whole life. No matter what you do you will always get compare by your parents. Like for an example I'll always get compare to my brother, like you should be like your brother and be hardworking like him all that kind of stuff, or even if you don't have any brothers or sisters you will get compared by someone else. This irritate me a lot because parents usually don't understand theirs sons. I'm Asian and Asian parents do that all the time and I know that for sure. I don't know if this have ever happened to you but this is how my parents are... How about you? Have your parents ever compared you with you sister/brother or someone else? Did you liked it? Or hate it? Why?
3 people like this
20 responses
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
15 Jan 10
My parents always seem to compare me to my sister. She is very book smart, but I'm very street smart. She did well in school, I did just ok...she's super thin, I'm not...just a bunch of stuff. When I was younger (in high school) I use to resent my sister for all of the stuff because my parents always made her out to be the better daughter. Even when she would start a fight with our younger brother, he usually got blamed. because my sister was always in my mom's favor, my brother and I became very close and protective of one another. I know my parents didn't mean to play favorites but that is how my brother and I felt for years.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 10
I definitely agree with you. Favoritism is one thing that annoys most of the people. Like when my brother was 13 years old they let my brother go out to friends house, parties, etc; so I asked my brother why can't go outside like my brother does and she said because I was too young. So when I turned 13 years old they still wouldn't let me have that much freedom as my brother used to have when he was my age.
@ramos7881 (345)
• United States
15 Jan 10
I don't recall my parents ever comparing me to my siblings like that. They do compare us in a different way, for example, I will wonder why I am not good at that they are and my parent's reply would be along the lines of "That's just who your sister is, you are good at .... Or in reflecting on our childhood's my parents will say something like, "You were always good at math, but your sister was good at art". I never resented my sister or felt like they were playing favorites.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Jan 10
Everytime my parents compare me to my brother. I always take it as a challenge to me. I'll prove them they are wrong.
• United States
15 Jan 10
That's right gerald. Always try harder and never give up so you can prove your parents that they were wrong. And they will know that you are hardworking as your brother or maybe even better than him.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
15 Jan 10
I was the oldest child, so it was rare that I was compared to my brother and sister. Normally, it was my brother and my sister that were compared to me. However, because of the fact that I wasn't an only child I could tell that there was comparisons between siblings. Now, I'm a mother with two children of my own and I can say that I am guilty of comparing the two of them. Honestly, when I look at my son and think about my daughter when she younger and I can say that they seem to be the same person in two different bodies.
• United States
15 Jan 10
Everyone compares so your not the only one. Since your a mother now you must know that if you compare your two children they will feel horrible inside, some of them will try harder to pleased their parents and some will be more rebels. This is true fact by someone who always gets compared.
@bird123 (10481)
• United States
15 Jan 10
Tell your parents that if you were like your brother that they would miss out on the special gifts and talents that only you have..... There is no one in the universe exactly like you! You are exactly what the people in your life need around them. God help us the day we are all exactly alike, No one would ever learn anything.
• India
15 Jan 10
i agree with you bird23.. we should tell them not to compare ourselves with others.. and what if we compare our parents with others..?? it would be wrong..
@janale6 (52)
15 Jan 10
whenever im scolded i get compared with my sister. they just compare me if i dont obey them and my sister does. it is like making us feel that the other one is better so that we say to ourselves that we should be better, so we're going to do the task or what. they dont know we find it sometimes, annoying or it makes us feel down. but when it's the time you obey them, and your sister doesn't. your sister is being scolded and being compared to you. that you are better than your sister ^_~ that's life, it's a cycle!
• United States
15 Jan 10
Yup sometimes it makes you feel miserable, sad, etc, when your parents says that you should be like your bother and your like the one who makes the family looks bad. But sometimes I do something good and my brother gets compared XD but parents should know that when they're comparing their children, they are making them feel bad.
• Malaysia
15 Jan 10
yeah, there are a lot of parents like that. Its irritating and annoying. Comparing who's best among their children is the wrong thing to do. We're human, and human never are the same in nature and behavior. But there are always something special in each on of us. I know parents are proud when their children do good in school or whatever. When they comparing who's best among their children in order to encourage the other children to do their best, it can put the children under stress and unhappy and sometimes can lead to rebel. I know, because I went through it.
• United States
15 Jan 10
Same here... sometimes I used to disobeyed my parents because they didn't like the way I was. But everyone is human and not everyone is perfect or life isn't perfect because sometimes you don't get what you want or you din;t accomplished your goals. But one thing that parents should know is that everyone is different.
@tifychau (127)
• United States
12 Mar 10
haha oh my gosh! This discussion is seriously the story of my life. I have 2 sisters, and my parents seem to always be trying to get us to do things by comparing. They'd be like, "look how nice your sister cleaned her room, why can't you do that too?" Or they compare your grades or anything like that. I don't necessarily hate it, but I don't especially like it either.
• United States
15 Jan 10
I had similar experiences with this problem. My sister is 4 years older and is the "good" one, I guess that makes me the "black sheep" but I'm o.k. with that. All the teachers throughout school compared me to my sister. She is book smart and I prefer a more creative vibe and am more "street smart" then she but she has succeeded well in life and she deserves kudos for that for sure. There is an old "Brady Bunch" episode that deals with this issue when Jan the middle girl gets compared to her older, pretty sister Marsha, the premise is she decides to find something that she is good at that Marsha isn't involved in and excel with it. That is my suggestion to you find something you are good at that your sibling isn't involved in and do it well. This will help in showing those that are doing the comparing a view of you in a different light and begin to see that you are a separate individual from your sibling and can be just as good at what you do then he/she is at what they do. Good luck Kim
• India
15 Jan 10
Good topic Kicdash, comparing children always leads to results unwanted by parents and one such result is low self-esteem. A person with good self image can make it any where in the world so parents should realize not to compare. Every thing can follow ones a persons confidence and self esteem is in place, which get shattered if parents start comparing. The solution to this is to let ones parents know what ur better at and how different u are from ones who they consider better than you
@sherwinm (149)
• India
15 Jan 10
Oh yeah I too face it at times and its very irritating when my dad or mum does that. Not always but at times my parents do. My mum and dad are just great only when they do not compare me and the comparison is always with few of my friends but my parents are adorable and great!!:)
• Indonesia
15 Jan 10
I also experienced the same problem like you I think it is normal in a family there are differences of opinion but most importantly how we respond to any problem with the wise decision so that no one harmed one another.
@puneet08 (102)
• India
15 Jan 10
I do'nt have brother or sister to get compared, but still parents compare with cousins or neighbours. They do not understand that every individual is different and have different qualities and if they encourage and highlight those things, their cild will be more happy and successful in life. Whole problem comes when parents start seeing their child from world's eye. Rather they should be standing with their child in his/her shortcomings.
@vivianchen (2648)
• China
15 Jan 10
Hi KicDash, I totally understand what you are talking about, my parents compare me to other girls too. She always said"Look at you! You should learn from XXX, she is better in this exam, she is good at that, bla, bla, bla..". I am so tired of that. Now that i am married, she still saying that, look at xxx, she married a rich people, she drives a nice car, bla, bla, I just hate it. I guess that's why i don't talk to my mom much. If i ever have a kid, i will never compare them to anybody, they are the best!
@clouds0327 (1390)
• Philippines
15 Jan 10
Hi. I think it is something that most parents are doing but they are un aware that they are hurting their other child while doing it. They are thinking that we might be motivated to do better and copy our sisters and brothers by comparing. But what they don't know is that they are making us feel more self inferior because of that. I am always being compared by not my parents but my relatives and acquaintances to my sister before and it's just like something that I got used to, when I was growing up. It is every time she gets all the praises I get all the bad comments. I really don't know why they never thought or it never crossed their mind that they are somewhat humiliating me because of what they are doing. But I am 27 now, I think I've moved on, I have proven to myself they are wrong about me, only you yourself can say what you can be and not be in the future and not because that's what other people think.
@Rikogei (107)
• China
15 Jan 10
My parents also did before! I know that they just want their children become better. But the way is wrong~ Actually I don't like this way,because children cannot understand why.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
15 Jan 10
I agree; some parents can be really strict. Mine was last time, but after I've grown up, they have learned to trust me, trust my decisions and become more laid back. Sometimes, they tend to compare because they think it is a form of motivation, but too much can hurt feelings for sure. Normally, if my feelings are hurt in any way, I would communicate that to my mom so that she knows. And after that, the next time, she won't do that again. I feel that communication between parents and children should be like that of friends, but definitely with mutual and deep respect for one another.
• India
15 Jan 10
you are absolutely right as no matter whatever you do our parents compare us with some other guy who does the work which we do not do..even my parents compare me with some other guys in our locality which makes me frustrating and moreover i think that comparing is really a bad thing as it makes me more to sit lazily than to work..i really hate to been compared with some other guys as even those guys would have minuses which our parents would not know.. Happy Mylotting
• China
15 Jan 10
I have no brothers or sisters, so that I can't understand your feeling. In our country most couples only have one child according to state policy to resolve the population pressure. Parents give all love to their children, doing everything for them, however, I think it is not good for them, because they are too uncompetitive to suvive in the society.
@Hatley (164736)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jan 10
hi kicdash I used to get compared to my half sister who was ten years older than me so that was patently unfair; I was always being compared to others by my parents. so why I met my husband to be he refused to do that. He loved me just the way I was, warts and all. I tried to change for him a nd he told me never change, I love you just the way you are, a nd thats all that counts so if I love you and like you just like you are,you must love and like yourself for who you are too.