is this being unfair?

@weasel81 (2502)
Australia
January 16, 2010 2:41am CST
my partner and i don't have the best relationship. i've got a thing for wanting another tattoo, got the pic idea in my head but not done much about getting it done. how ever my partner won't let get it done while i'm still with him, he knows i want it. but won't listen to me about it, and will start saying other rubish when i bring it up. like should i be able to get a tattoo done if i want, or just respect my partners wish and not get it done.
6 people like this
28 responses
@poingly (606)
• United States
16 Jan 10
I man considering this discussion starts with the statement that you "don't have the best relationship," perhaps this is about more than a tattoo?
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
i'm not trying to get rid of him by getting at tat, i'm waiting for him to get a job before we spilt. but i'm just wanting to ask what others think, he's not keen on tats nor anything else. but i like them, along with some piercings. he won't see my point of view, on it. thanks.
1 person likes this
@poingly (606)
• United States
16 Jan 10
Well, if a split is only a matter of when and not if, why not just wait for the tat until that happens?
1 person likes this
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
17 Jan 10
think i'm going to have to do that.
@angie497 (22)
• United States
17 Jan 10
It sounds like it's not as much about you wanting a tattoo as it is about your relationship with your partner. You say that the two of you don't have a good relationship, and you're bound and determined to do something that he insists you not do. If you want to work on the relationship with your partner, then you'll discuss this with him, not with a bunch of strangers online. Find out his reasons for saying he doesn't want it, and talk to him about the reasons that you do, and that includes whatever symbolic meaning that the tattoo has that you say you're not telling him. And if that meaning needs to be secret, maybe you need to reconsider this relationship. You have something important enough to have permanently on your body but needs to be secret from your partner? Not good.
1 person likes this
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
17 Jan 10
i know my partner doesn't like tat's nor does his dad that's where it come from. i've always been a bit different and want to do different things. i just won't be telling him what it means to me, i can tell him things that happen and it'll bite me hard on my butt at a later date. it's no secret what i'm wanting. thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• Canada
17 Jan 10
What does this particular tat mean to you? Now you got me curious. And if you are keeping secrets from your partner, then, yes, there is definitely something wrong in the relationship. You cannot trust him with your innermost desires. That can't feel good for you. Or is it about a past relationship maybe and that's why you don't want to tell him?
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
18 Jan 10
my is going to be an eagle, meaning freedom and indepence. as i said i can tell my partner something, and it will come back hard even just something small. he can't be trusted, on somethings.
• India
16 Jan 10
I think your partner is being very unfair with you.. Its a matter of a tattoo that you like to get it on your body... But even i think you should not get it in very private parts so that it may hurt him that your are showing your secrets to other person... If you have reasonable point to get that tattoo on your body then try to convince him and go for it... There is some extent to which he can suggest or order.. but not to the extreme.
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
i've got plans, namely tat on my back. already got one on my wrist and it was hard enough getting that one done. i want an eagle on my right shoulder, that's all for now and i'll be happy after that. can't explain it why i want another tat, just some thing i want to do. i'v thought long and hard about it, what i'm wanting and where. i'd even let him have a say to an extent in what and how it was. but he won't listen. thanks
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jan 10
I would strongly suggest you to go for that and not to worry for anything... After all it is a tattoo and you wanna place it on you shoulder....
1 person likes this
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
i got nothing to hide, i for some reason want my tats sorta on show. it's the meaning behind the tat, that i won't be telling him. was going to wait before i got it done, but the itich for it is getting worse. also once i make up my mind it can be hard to change.
1 person likes this
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
16 Jan 10
Hello weasel, i guess he loves you more than yourself. Tattoo in your head maybe would make your face does not good enough to look. He wants you to get the best in your life. MAybe he won't you to get sorry in the next day if you no longer want the tattoo.
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
i won't be sorry when i get it done. taken me long enough thinking about it, but he'll be very happy when i give up ont he idea of another tat. thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@nocturn98 (956)
• Venezuela
16 Jan 10
Your partner might have good reason/s why he doesn't want you to get that tattoo. Ask yourself what is more important. If getting that tattoo is more important than your partner, then you should get it.
1 person likes this
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
my partner isn't keen on tats, that's the problem. but it's not a thing i've taken likley on doing, i've thought long and hard about what i want done and where.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (36676)
• United States
20 Jan 10
I don't think your partner is being fair to you at all. I think he is wrong to tell you what you can and cant do with your own body. In my case we couldnt afford for my husband to waste money on getting any more tattoos so I didnt want him to do it. He has 4 I think. I have 2. If you want to get a tattoo I think you need to stand up for yourself and just do what you want. If he doesnt like it then he can lump it. You shouldnt let anyone control you like that. Its probably not a good relationship if he is controlling you on everything. I'm not sure if thats the case but it seems if he is controlling you over a tattoo he probably is with other things as well.
1 person likes this
@jnudanny (11)
• China
17 Jan 10
you can do whatever you want ,but you can talk to your partner first about why he doesn't want you to do so.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
tattoo - temporary tattoos are a fad during festivals and street parades
I personally believe that any relationship works if both partners are a team to make it work. A relationship needs both yourselves, both your time and everything that is around and within both of you to make it last long. I think you need to talk again with your partner, ask his reasons why he does not like you to have another tattoo. You can tell him why it is important for you to have it. Share each other's thoughts and opinions about it. Don't guess each other's thoughts. If you have to fight over it, both need to listen, come to a conclusion and make it a point that you kiss and make up at the end of the day. Personally, if I think it would be against his personal values, then I need to respect it and do as he wishes. What is important for me is to make our relationship work and to have each other as partners in life.
@madteaparty (2763)
• Japan
17 Jan 10
Your partner sounds really selfish to me. No person has the right to decide if his or her partner can modify his or her body or not, so if you want a tattoo you're the only person who can take the final decision, and not your partner.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117798)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Jan 10
I think you should be able to do as you please unless it is a financial worry and then it would be a problem. Or, if the tatoo is one that he has issue with for some reason. Is he not into tatoos on women? That could be a real problem if you are trying to make this a life time relationship. I don't want any tatoos so I can't see the need but I think it is a personal thing and if you want one it should be up to you unless any of the above problems enter in.
@Amigone (44)
• United States
16 Jan 10
Sounds like there's more going on then just the wanting of a new tattoo. However, ultimatly it's your body so it's your choice whether or not to get it. Your partner cannot control what you do to your body nor should they. You have to figure out what is more important to you in your situation. Is it more important for you to get what you want or is it more important to perserve the peace in your relationship. If getting a tat is a breaking point for you two, it probably wasn't meant to be in the first place.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
16 Jan 10
Hi weasel, on one hand it's your body, so in fact you can do what you like. On the other hand, your partner has to live with you, so you should repect his opinion. You have to work it out, if you value your relationship.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
16 Jan 10
It's your body but he has to look at it. Personally I'm not a tattoo lover - it's not grounds for divorce but if the Boss said that she wanted one I'd think that she had gone cuckoo! If his wishes mean anything to you I guess that you will give his objections some thought - this discussion shows that you are. But in the end only you can decide. It's for life. Don't forget that. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• Boston, Massachusetts
16 Jan 10
Hi Wealse, Maybe it's also good to know why your partner does not want you to have a tattoo. then discern. if you really feel like having one go ahead. it's your body. just make sure you will be happy after the tattoo and will not regret having one in the future. i know your partner has a good reason for discouraging you. it's not being unfair. you just have to know why and meet half-way. or tell him that it will make you feel good and happy.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jan 10
If you want the tattoo, then go get it. It's not up to him to tell you what to do with your body. If I were in your position I'd "surprise" him by getting it when he's not looking, and tell him that he can't tell me what to do with my body. And if the idiot leaves, that's his problem. I woudln't want to be with someone who would try and forbid me from doing something like that.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
15 Mar 10
Personsally I dont like tattoos either and wouldnt want my partner to get one .That said however,I think you need to weigh the situation to find out which is more important ,pleasing your spouse or getting another tattoo.I think if your spouse is reasonable then you may want to consider not getting another tattoo.It also depends on how importnat you think your relationship is ve the tattoo
@messageme (2821)
• United States
28 Jan 10
Has he given you reason why he don't want you to get it done? I would think he doesn't like what your planning on getting or he thinks you already have enough. Maybe there is a reason he don't want to tell you. I would respect it if my man told me he didn't want me too. I like to look my best for him so that he is proud to be with me. I don't go to extremes for him though so don't get me wrong. He is usually like a parent is to a child says you always look good just because. I could look my worst and he would still say it. Sometimes I think he says it just to be nice. So yes if he would tell me not to get one then I wouldn't but I would also expect him to give me good reason why not too.
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
19 Jan 10
What about him respecting your wish to get it done?? You shouldn't need his permission to do anything, no matter what. You are an adult and it's your body. Having a tattoo is in no way disrespecting him. You could say you resent the fact that he doesn't have one but you won't - probably because it doesn't worry you. You having tattoos should not worry him either. If he objects so much maybe you are not right for each other.
@TheCatLady (4695)
• Israel
18 Jan 10
If you are going to break up with him, then he's not really a partner, just a house guest with privileges. Do what you want to do, but be prepared for him to tantrum. I don't like tattoos. I would never get one. I have a friend with one and he wants another. I tell him not to do it. His next wife might not like it. He's just a buddy, so he can do as he wants. If it was my partner, I would put my foot down and say now way will he get one if he ever expects to sleep in the same bed as me again.
• Canada
18 Jan 10
Hi there,I read through some of the responses before responding. It sounds like this guy is trying to control you, since you can't get it done while you're still with him. A tattoo is NOT a deal breaker in a relationship! His not wanting you to get a tattoo is NOT something to respect since if he respects you, he wouldn't be treating so badly just for wanting one. The only reason not to get tattooed would be financial ones. For example, I have 4 and want more badly, but we can't afford it. Family responsibilities come first. Since you're working and supporting him, I assume that's not the case here. he ought to be treating you like a queen, not trying to control you! He needs to accept and respect you for who you are or get out. Bottom line,it's YOUR body and it's a wonderful canvas. Take it from someone who's been there,don't let this guy control you, life is too short for that garbage.