If your parents get old, would you send them to nursing home or live with you?

Philippines
January 17, 2010 2:28am CST
I'm thinking if you have already planned when your parents get old, if you would like them to send in a nursing home or would you like them to live with you? Or would you like first to ask your parents where would they like to live?
4 people like this
30 responses
• India
17 Jan 10
by the grace of almighty god ,i won't send my parents to the nursing home ,because i can't imagine at that situation..because first i love my almighty god then second ilove my parents..see without god and parents you cannot be born easily..if you give a montain full of gold to your parents ,it is not comparable to a little bit before their love..i agree that some parents won't taking responsibilty on their beloved children.but for that we won't have to send them out or any nursing home..if you send your parents to out or any nursing home..definitely tomorrow your children will send you to the nursing home.. we should not send them out because of their old age..if we send them out,in future we are going to be the old person at that time we will realize about that....
2 people like this
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Yeah, we owe our life to our parents, without their unconditional love we would not be here. And one of our responsibility is to look after our parents when they get older, they said that if you want to repay your parents for everything they have done to you is to take care of them and be with them when they get older. And aside from that God also ask us to do the same. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
20 Jan 10
Hiya caregarden, If I would have had the chance to bring my Mom here I would have done but everything happened so quickly for me I had no time to rescue her before that. However she passed over and I was there just long enough to see that she had some peace and quiet for a while.
@angelajoy (1839)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
When my parents get old (they're already getting there), I will still respect their decision. I would never force them to go into a nursing home or to live with me. It's up to them to decide what they want. If they want to stay in their own house, that's also fine with me. I will just visit them as often as they can and pay for someone to look after them. But if they want to move in where I live, I would gladly accept them.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50050)
• United States
18 Jan 10
I agree. I would want to respect their wishes, even if their decision didn't match my preference.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Yeah, it's only right to respect their decision since it's their life,but mostly old parents only need one thing, and that's love and attention they want from their family. Since they have already live their life and their health is not that important to them. That's what I heard from old parents on where I work as volunteer in a nursing home. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
nursing home is not that popular here in the philippines. we love our olds very dearly that we keep them in our house. my mom is half bodies paralyze and she lives with my sister. she has a nurse that will be attending to her needs but she lives with my sister. we visit them regularly and if one of us are celebrating birthdays, children or grand children we make it a point to celebrate it there in her house.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
yeah, here in Philippines we value and love our parents that's why we often live them with us even if we have our own family, they are not a burden. As for my grandmother she's 89 yrs old and she lives with my uncle and we dearly love her. As like you did, we also make sure that my grandmother always celebrate with us in every occasions. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• Pamplona, Spain
20 Jan 10
Hiya se7enth, That´s a lovely thing to hear about and caregarden too that´s really heartwarming to read. When I hear about some of the horrendouse stories of People because they never stop being People being put into those Places. There is one near us and it more resembles Lowood Institute or a Prison more than a heartwarming place to be it would give you a depression just to look at it.
@nocturn98 (956)
• Venezuela
17 Jan 10
I would like for them to live with me. When I was growing up, my parents didn't send my grandparents to a nursing home. They took care of them, just like how they were taken care of. When I become older, I hope my children would ask me to stay with them. Just like how I would ask my parents to stay with me.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Well that's good, actually what you will do to your parents is what your future children will do to you when you get older.I've read a story about a man who put his older father in a filthy room for he didn't want to be bothered, then his saw his son making a drawing then he ask what is it, then his son replied "I'm preparing a place where you would live when you get older." Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
22 Jan 10
First off, let me say I'm a parent and getting older. If my son thinks he's going to put my in a home without my permission and with my mind in good thinking order , he's out of his gourd ! Give parents a chance to tell you their own wants and by all means dont make decisions for the persons who changed your diapers.
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
yeah, parents deserve to be heard and respected whatever their decisions and where they want to stay when they get old and unable to keep their self. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Thank you and remember too we are all going to get old one of these days and we too would appreciate the respect of our kids. Life is short.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
18 Jan 10
I don't think I'll have a choice. I would like to have her live with me, but she is in better physical and mental shape than I am. I would not be able to care for her. I can barely take care of myself. I don't know if I could afford it anyway. My house only has one bedroom, and I'd have to move. The best soultion would probably be to ask them which they would like. My aunt is in a nursing home and she loves it there. Some people have horror stories, but that's true of everything. Maybe we'll both be in a nursing home. If anything happens to her that might be best anyway. She could get the care she needs. Even if I were able bodied, I might not be able to care for her.
• Philippines
20 Jan 10
Yeah, it could better to send your parents to nursing home if you can't even take care of yourself. In that way you avoid to live a quite difficult life. It's greatly depend on the people and the situation. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• United States
22 Jan 10
Alzheimers disease runs in my family. I think maybe it would be better not to know the things you can't do anymore or where you are living when you get old. My grandmother didn't know anything but her body was in good shape. My grandfather's mind was good but he had a bad heart and knew what was happening to him.
17 Jan 10
my dad will go to a nursing home and I´ll keep mama at home
@allknowing (69325)
• India
18 Jan 10
Why not both of them in the nursing home? Elders need professional care which children cannot give.
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
Well, it is our choice if we want them to live with us or send them to the nursing home. I don't really know how to take care of my parents when we are getting old my I'll try my best to take good care of them. Because I know that family can give them feeling okay when we are old.My mother told me long ago, that when they are getting old , she said that she don't want the other people take care of her because she is afraid if the others will take care of her..so, i promised, and I 'll be the one who look after them..
@jkcokley (267)
• United States
17 Jan 10
My mother lives in assisted living. I would not been able to have her live with me. She required too much care that I was not able to give. She likes where she lives and enjoys the company of the peers she is with. So I guess my answer is. Yes, I would put them in nursing home, no I would not let them live with me, and yes we asked her about going to a nursing - assisted living place first before we did it.
@allknowing (69325)
• India
18 Jan 10
You have taken the right decision. Children cannot give the kind of care that the elderly need which needs a professional approach.
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
well, that's your decision for your mother..if you see that she is happy for where she is, your a good daughter. But for me, I prefer my parents live with me, because I want to take good care of them so that I can give them for what they give me during my kids days..And i love also to live them with me, so that I can totally look after them. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day! !
• China
20 Jan 10
Hi,careguarden,I never thought of sending my parents to a nursing home,I can't accept it.I will definitely live with them and take care of them,they dedicated and keeps dedicating soooo much to me.Live with them and take care of them is my responsibility.All the best and happy mylotting.
• Philippines
20 Jan 10
Yeah, that's right, it's only best that we take care of our parents when they get older, that's the best time where we could repay them for everything that they have done to us since from the moment of our birth, until now. They deserve so much love and affection. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• China
20 Jan 10
i think there is only one way to me, i certainly wont send my parents to nursing home, but i will let them live with me/us, and i'll take care of them as possible as i can.
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
wow..that's sound good. the best way we can do to our parents if they are getting old is that we are the one who taking care of them because we are thier daughter and we have a heart for them..Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day! !
• India
19 Jan 10
My friend, sure I won't be allowing them to stay in a nursing home my friend. Neither would I be asking them to stay with me my friend. I would wish my parents to live a prestigious life my friend. My parents must live the rest of their life very happily, roam around the world, love eachother a lot, and so on my friend. I would will to make them free from all tensions and make them to go to all the places wherever they wanted to go. Happy morning my friend.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
That's what I also want from my parents. To live their life happily with no worries and just live for their self and not thinking with us. Since they have given enough for us and they deserve to experienced everything that life has to give. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• United States
18 Jan 10
Thank goodness my mother and I have already had this discussion with me, and she told me that she would go to a home that she would not want to put that burden on me and my family. However, had we not had this conversation, I would be quite torn. My mother has always been my rock and had always gone above and beyond for me. I suppose because of that, I would feel that I in turn should do the same for her and take care of her. So, depending on what her condition was, meaning if it was something that I could handle, I would have her come live with me. Luckily, we have had the conversation so I know what she would want to take place. Now, what is really difficult is that I was adopted and have met all of my parents, so theoretically there would be no feasible way that I could have that many parents living with me, lol.
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
Well it couldn't it be that fun, having wonderful people living with you? It would be great! How about hiring someone to look after them if you're not around, if you can afford? Well anyway it's your choice and your parents as well, what it best is up to you. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
18 Jan 10
My father got sick before he passed away in Feb.2004.Although he did not require 24 hour care yet,it was getting to the point he owould need it.The thought of having to be dependant on someone killed him,but I told him it was no problem and I would always take care of himm.I drove 4.5 hours daily to take my dad to his docotro appts.and on Feb14 when he went into the hospital,I did not leve his side til he passed on the 19th. I did not get a chance to have him live with me,but yes,he would have. My daddy was my best friend,may he rest in peace.Thre is no way I would ever have allowed him to be put into a nursing home.He was still taking care of me when he passed,he was the best daddy a girl could ever want. You hear so many horror sotories today about these nursing himes and there workers.I would have killed someone if it had my father.As long as I am alive,he would not go into one.RIP DADDY.
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
Oh, I admire what you did to your dad. You give your precious time and show love to your him. I'm sure he's very happy leaving in this world because she have you. I just wish everyone would do the same thing to their parents. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@derek_a (10902)
18 Jan 10
I think personally that if I needed looking after I would prefer to go into a nursing home and not have my family looking after me. - Derek
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
Well, its that your idea and opinion for your parents..We have lots of choices especially those people who are busy with their work and we cannot take good care of their oder parents so it is better to send them in the nursing home if it possible..But for us, we are talking with my friends for what we did if our parents getting old..so, we conclude that we are going to take good care of them despite what happened..Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day! !
• United States
18 Jan 10
I say nursing home. Nowadays there are some incredibly nice ones that offer a lot of assistance yet independence. Not all of them are the smelly coffins or the living that you hear about in the news lol!
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Yeah, you're right there are really good and nice nursing home, but that's not what the parents need, they want personal love and care where they expect it from their family, especially their children. Once,I did volunteer in a nursing home and all of them want their children. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
i would have them with me. They are my parents, and i would be having nightmares knowing that they are in a place where so many strangers are around them. and on the first place, they never send me to such place when they were busy working. It's time that i have to return the best favor they ever did to me.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
You're right, when we're kids everytime we get sick they never ask for someone to look after us, even though they're busy working yet they give enough time for us, they don't even have time for their selves and now that they're old and need love and care, it's only right that we give it to them, they deserve it anyway. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@karthi_88 (299)
• India
18 Jan 10
hi friend never parents will like to go to nursery home they like to always live with their children,i will never send my parents to nursery home i will take care of them like how i take care of my children,in old age even parents are also like children only friend. have a nice day
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
yeah, no parents would like to stay in a nursing home. I know what's like being there and I would not like my parents to be treated that way, their like robots. I want them to be with me and experienced being truly love and cared. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@asdomencil (4276)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
I am not going to send my old parents to nursing home. I am living in a country having a trait of strong family ties. But it is not my main reason of choosing my parents to live with me rather than sending them to nursing homes. When we were still young, they are the one who took care of us and by the time our parents reached their olden age, it is our opportunity to pay them back. Careguarden, if you are consider being busy with work/carreer and cannot have much time of taking care of parents, it is better for me to ask/hire someone to take a good care of my parents but still live with me.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Yeah, that's what we also did. I love my family and I would want to spend their times left with me and with my kids. My parents especially my mom spend all of her life taking care of us and now that she get older it's only right that she will experienced all the love that she give. I want her to be happy and worry free. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
• United States
18 Jan 10
I would exhaust all efforts to allow them to live with me. They cared for me when I needed it and it's just the right thing to do whether I want to or not. Nursing homes should only be used in situations where NOTHING else can be done to care for a person. A word of advice, volunteer at a nursing home for any amount of time and see how things go down there. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Yeah, I've done a volunteer job in a nursing home abroad. And it's not good being there, I wouldn't like my parents to be treated that way and all those parents live there always longing and asking when their children would visit them. I felt pity for them and wish their children know what they're doing for their parents. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@crazeMD (196)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
right now, they're already retired and enjoying their time at our house in our hometown. i'm living here in the city with my brother and aunt. we get to see them on weekends when i'm not on duty at the hospital. but when they get really old, i'm taking care of them, so they're living with me. they often tell me that i shouldn't mind them and have a life of my own, but still, taking care of them is the only way i could give gratitude to the love they gave me.
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
You're right, only through looking after them when they are incapable of doing it for their selves is the way we can show our gratitude for everything they have done to us. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!