Am I asking too much?!?

@anjel016 (330)
Philippines
January 17, 2010 8:01am CST
Okay right now I am not feeling too well. I am sick and just wish to rest, but I can't cause I can't breath well right now. Well, my bf and I got a long distance relationship and we just mostly communicate through phone. A couple of hours ago, we got an argument between what he wants and what I want. Most of the time, I always keep my temper down. But because of my current condition, I can't handle my emotion that well. So we got into a quarrel which is still ongoing until now. We are still not making up. I know it's not right to let my anger control my actions. But is it too much to ask that just this time, he try to consider my condition?!? It kinda hurts. Just when you thought that he'll be there to comfort you despite of what's going on, he just left you alone. He's not much of a patient guy and most of the time, I just calm him down. I want to make up with him, but I want him to make the first move and not always me! Am I asking too much of him?!
3 people like this
15 responses
• United States
17 Jan 10
I do not think your asking too much, I know how it goes with almost always making the first move though. If they honestly love you they will make moves too and you just have to see if they are willing to put just as much into your relationship as you are.
2 people like this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
We already got harder trials than this one. And we were able to surpass them. I just can't handle my emotions anymore that's why I posted it here to at least lessen what I am feeling.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
tell him what you feel.. getting mad sometimes can make the relationship stronger..tell him how you really feel.
2 people like this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
@mcdreamy Telling him what I feel just make things worse. He'll get mad whenever I am mad. But if he's with the issues, I got no right to feel the same thing. It's really kinda hard understanding him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
i am also in a long distance relationship.. we have some petty quarrels. we know its been years since we've been together. there are times that he can be so irritating.. but he makes up for it.. communication is the key to any successful relationships, when we have some disagreements i tend to be the quiet type, i don't talk to him at all so he knows when i am mad..he can be charming when he knows i am mad..most of the time when we have some big issues to solve on the relationship, we tend to stop talking on the phone or chatting.. i rely mostly on e-mails for him to get the side of where i am getting at. because when we are in the heat of a big discussion i tend to break down and cry that is when i lose my nerves and get mad and say a lot of things i should not say at all.. well loving a person is one big responsibility all the more when it's a long distance relationship..i tend to be much patient because i know its not only me who is suffering from the separation.
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
Yes I got your point. Actually, we got some similarities. To be honest, most of our issues are not really an issue at all. We are able to see each other at least once a week and whenever we are together, everything goes smoothly. Problems only exist whenever we are just away from each other. You've got a sweet boyfriend there. Although mine's sweet too, it's just he's not showing it most of the time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
he always tells me that all will be well when we are together again.. and i am banking on that.. i get to stubborn sometimes.. hehe
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@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
I got the opposite. Most especially when everything is all blurry and fuzzy between us. Although he's a totally different person whenever we are together.
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jan 10
In your preset physical condition, it is not asking too much from your boy friend. But going by my experience, I would say it is useless as yr boyfriend will not even try to understand that u are emotionally low at the moment and ultimately u will hv to make first move in patching up with him.
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
At least some people can see things my way. You got some right points in your post and apparently that's how things are right now.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 10
No your not asking too much! I would sit back for a little bit and stand my ground see if he comes to some kind of compromise, or at least tries to see things your way, for once! But if he doesn't, try to talk to him in a calm manner that might make him come around.
2 people like this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
His temper mostly cools down after 1-2 days. That's the kind of a guy he is. He's always seeing things through his angry eyes. Some of our fights if it'll took some days to settle, sometime he approaches me but sometimes not. I can't get his reasoning at all. Although I do love him so much.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
17 Jan 10
anjel016, You do not need to be over accommodative and always be the first to compromise. Relationship is among 2 people and both parties have to work to be mutual. I feel that you should let him know that you are not feeling well and that he should try to see things from your standpoint. You need to learn and bring your conversations up to the next level with him. Learn to speak up and speak out. I'd advocate that you let the both of you calm down first before getting down to some conversations. Most of all, get well yourself first. Fate may bring the both of you together, but the both of you will need to work to stay together. Take care and have a nice day.
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
That's what I want him to figure out on his own. I am already tired of keep on telling him how I feel. No matter how many time I repeat myself, it just won't get on his head. The other thing is that he's blaming this quarrel on me! He keep on saying that it's my fault cause I can't control my temper every time I am not feeling well. Which is true. I can't control myself everytime I am sick. He's always blinded by anger no matter how crooked his reasoning was.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
18 Jan 10
Out of concern, are you having a medical condition? Gathering from what you have responded, I just get a feeling that there seems to be some pre-existing condition or that the flare ups were probably to do with your monthly cycles. I just hope that it is the latter. In any case, sent your boyfriend some materials to help him understand things better and see things from your POV. These things can be quite baffling to people especially men sometimes. So, in some sense bringing about an understanding will just be of help than anything here for you. Food for thought: Interestingly, how one would reposition their perception insofar of having the ability to fit the claim so nicely and yet logical - this self justification of what you think is good for the relationship may merely be a product of your unevolved perception, which I might add is rather unhealthy for your relationship. If your relationship suffers and not benefit from your definition of what Love is to you, then you might have to review the entire relationship from scratch again. The reason I see, why you are always compromising on your part, even till the extend of lowering your dignity, is because you are afraid that he might just turn around and walk away forever. Your fear of leading life without his presence coerced you to accept any odds, regardless of how ridiculous or unreasonable it may seem. So understandably, your behaviors here are driven by fear, much less motivated by love. The paradox in Love: the more you fear you will lose him, the more damage you will unconsciously deal to the relationship. I hope that you will give some thoughts here and that you will be able to bring this relationship to another level. A level that will be on par with your beliefs and not be one which is being easily exploited and manipulated. Take care and do get well soon.
1 person likes this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
Thanks for the advice. Well, he already approached me last night when I went to sleep. He texted me saying sorry for what he did when he thought that I am already asleep (even if I'm not ).
1 person likes this
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
For me your not much maybe he's the type of the boy who is moody so every time you must consider because if your not the type of the moody person you can't understand. So what you are going to do is let him stay as what he is and never mind of him and take a relax time for your self because your health is more important.
1 person likes this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
You got it. He's the moody type of a guy so it's kinda hard to reason out with him. But we're good now. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 10
I am also in a long distance relationship and it is hard when you have the distance between you. I hope you can sort things out. Sometimes its best to take alittle time to cool off and both then come back and discuss things calmer. Also you are not feeling well , i know its tough to keep temper under control when you feel sick. Maybe youll feel better tomarrow after getting rest. I would phone him or text him and tell him you feel very sick and you are going to rest for tonight but that you love him enough to know its best to wait to talk about the disagreement till you feel better. That statement isnt admitting hes right or your right, your just telling him you love him and will work things out when you feel better with a clear head.
1 person likes this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
Yes you're right. It's just really hard to compromise if the two of us are in the bad mood. Last night was a tough night cause of the said issue. But everything's good now. He already said sorry to me upon going to bed and we are good now. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
17 Jan 10
Well I think it is terrible that he has even argued with you while you are not well, I mean at that time all you want is to feel better and not end up in arguments I would wait till he makes the first move or he will know every time you argue that you will go back to him and make the first move and he will expect that every time I hope you get to feel better soon
1 person likes this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
Everything's good now between us. Thanks for the response .
1 person likes this
• China
17 Jan 10
Hi,anjel,I don't think u ask to much from ur bf.U can give him a chance to let him make the first move.At first u should calm down,u just be calm listen to music or do something else just don't be so angry then wait for his "first move",wow I find the words have double meaning.If he still don't take the first the move when time's up.U can call him and speak out what u think,have a talk.Let him know ur feeling.Good luck!
1 person likes this
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
17 Jan 10
Thanks for that. It's one of the reasons I posted it here. So that at least I can have some outlet for my emotions. He's a nice guys and all, the only problem is that when he's also on his peak moments. He would not listen to a thing you're going to tell him. But as time calms him down, he do approaches me though. I am just quite mad at him for not even just taking into consideration what I feel.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Well, there is very limited information here. It depends on what the argument is over and how you handled it, as to whether you should be the one to make the first move. Since I don't know any specifics, I have to accept your side of the story. From the way you wrote this, it sounds like your boy friend is not really in love with you, but rather he's in love with how you make him feel. When you don't make him feel that way, he gets angry and you have blow outs. Love is patient. Love is forgiving. You said yourself that he isn't patient with you, and you always have to make the first move to forgive and repair the relationship. That's not love. He does not love you... from what I can tell. I don't think you are asking too much... does not sound like you are asking enough. Now again, perhaps there is more to the story, and perhaps there are things you are doing wrong to instigate this. I do not know. But that is what I got from what you wrote.
1 person likes this
@unique16 (1531)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Hello anjel016, No you are not asking too much of him. He should be more tolerant of your condition. If he truely cares about you he should make the first move and say he was sorry for bwing to short with you on the phone. How long have you been together? I yes it would hurt my feelings if I was in your shoes. Rest easy and I hope you feel better really soon. Sincerely Unique16
• Cebu, Philippines
18 Jan 10
Long distance relationship is really hard. There are so many things will happen, and too many reasons for you to be strong especially when you and your love had an argument. Sometimes, it's so nice to have someone to talk to when your lonely and not feeling well. Someone to cuddle you and treat you like a baby. But some of them don't understand us, instead it will lead to a misunderstanding. If you really love him and you want to make it up, why you have to wait to make the first move? Why not you instead? Or else, you'll be sorry in the end. Go and say how much you love him. Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@januar1986 (1216)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
18 Jan 10
I dont think so
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• India
18 Jan 10
what i would suggest you is that do not have a conversation with him for 2-3 days more. I m pretty sure there will be a call from him after that. u are not felin well...did u find out if he is okay,..i mean the same condition might b from both sides. he might be upset abot something and wants u to understand. so keep ur cool. let a little time passby. in such moments its better to keep quiet rather that conplaining abot each other. and get well soon dear.. :)
1 person likes this
• China
18 Jan 10
you neednot always make the first move,if he care about you,he will give you a call or message.Love require both of you to bussiness,rather than one.you two want to have a good talk.you should let him know what you think and what you feel,so does him.
1 person likes this