Following your parents' dreams for you

Disappointed mom - Mom is disappointed with her daughter
@mjcookie (2273)
Philippines
January 18, 2010 9:16am CST
My mom wants me to become a journalist, or an engineer or a doctor if we're well-off. Any "big time" career that would pay really well. But the thing is, I don't want any of what she wants me to be. Believe it or not, she would probably frown if I tell her that I want to be an environmentalist or do charity work someday (like feed the people in Africa), even if I don't get a lot of money from them. Those are my biggest dreams. I don't want a job that would benefit only me and our family. I want to do something with a higher purpose, something that would help make a big difference in this world. She doesn't even know that these are what I want to do with my life, that's why she sets her own for me. I understand if she feels frustrated, I don't want to disappoint anybody, but I honestly don't wanna follow her dreams for me. I don't want to come to a point where I have to tell myself "I have to love this job." It's hard because she's my mom. Do your parents have their own dreams for you? Did you follow them? Would you follow what they want for you just to make them happy, even when it sacrifices your own happiness?
9 responses
• United States
21 Jan 10
i guess this is an issue that many people have gone through. I have a cousin whose dad wanted her to be doctor. yet all she wanted to be was a teacher. well after being pushed and threatened in many ways, out of anger she went ahead did medicine and during her graduation after reciving her degree you walked up to her dad and gave it to him and said this is yours. Guess what she went back to get her degree in eduction. She is happy now Which is the point i believe a career is not how much you will make but how much you will enjoy the job. this is something you will be waking up every morning and if you do not like what you do. It will get exhausting and undesirable. you will not be a happy camper, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS Your parents should have followed their own not to be rude.,
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
That was one brave girl. Her father must have been embarrassed by that. Sometimes it makes me doubt, because our family is poor and we really need something that will help us have food on the table everyday. And my dream is not that high-paying especially that most organizations are nonprofit. That's gonna make them disagree more. I only have one sister, and she currently works as a customer representative agent in a BPO company. Her salary isn't enough to meet all our needs (we are six in the family and she's the only one who's working), a reason why I stopped schooling.
@foumi7 (45)
• India
19 Jan 10
hey friend... u really love ur parents.....thats y u r in doubt.i think u have to b open to ur parents. ur parents wil agrree to u me too loved my parents,my parents also had wish about me. they want me to b a doctor. my mind is build up their wish and now am trying to complete it. i think every parents will b having their wishes
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Are you happy with studying medicine?
@bnx2212 (712)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
It's true our parents would be dissapointed when we won't let their dream for us to happen. It happened to me. i didn't follow what they want me to be. until now my mother kept on blaming me why i didn't pursue the college course she wanted for me. But i have my own life to live. and I'm happy with what I'm doing right now.
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
You are happy, that's great. I hope that happiness continues all the way, and I hope that they become happy for you as well.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Hey mjcookie~ I think that most parents want the best for their children and don't realize sometimes that what they want may not be exactly what their children really want for themselves! I wanted to be a nurse when I was young! My mother would have loved it if that is what I had become, but things happened in our family and it didn't work out that way for me. My father got sick and I didn't do well in school and eventually had to quit college in my second year and go to work to help the family. I did work in the medical field for awhile and loved it! But, then I needed to make more money and ended up in the Legal field, which I ended up hating and it made me physically and mentally sick from the stress. So, just wait and see what happens for you! You are young and like I said things don't always turn out the way you think they will and maybe for you they will turn out even better!
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Whatever happens I'll make sure that I'm always at the right track. I may not take the direct path to my dreams but I will definitely find my way to them.. I think it's time to finally break away from all those expectations that people set on me.
@Fulltank (2895)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
You and you alone have to decide on the career path you wanted to choose. The people around can only give advices on whatever path they think is good for you. But whatever path you will choose, be sure that its the right thing to do and you will surely enjoy doing it.
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
I am very sure that it is my calling to make a difference in this world. I have always been filled with compassion towards maltreated animals and hungry people. And it is definitely the RIGHT thing to do to help them. Thank you for your advice, fulltank. :)
@rbfalife (14)
• United States
18 Jan 10
You've got one life to live, and you need to live it right. Don't allow anyone to live your life for you, because that is not their place. You achieve the goals you want to achieve, and your mother will understand that. She may be frustrated, but she has no other choice but to understand. She has dreams for you simply because she wants you to succeed in life, but you need to reassure her you will succeed in life and be happy doing whatever you want to do. That's all a parent looks for - the simple satisfaction of knowing that their child is going to do something with their life. So plan out your life for you, discuss it with your mom, and tell her you need her support. She'll understand, trust me.
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
That's a really nice response. Maybe the reason why she sets her own dreams for me is that she thinks I have no dream for myself at all, which is so not true. I just don't tell her. Before I was still trying to figure out what I really want in life. I was majoring in Tourism, but I suddenly realized that I don't want to be a flight stewardess or a tour guide or a travel agent. Yes I want to travel, but not by being part of the tour industry. I think I'm finally coming to the point when I'm knowing what I really want to be someday.
• United States
18 Jan 10
I am still trying to figure out if I am following my parents' dreams for me or if I'm following my own. I want to live up to their expectations, but at the same time, they want me just to be happy. I think eventually I will find a happy medium, and I know as long as I'm working my hardest, they will be proud of me, even if they think I could be doing well at something else too.
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Good luck with that. I hope they support you all the way, which I think they will do. :-)
• United States
18 Jan 10
I think you should be allowed to follow your own dreams. It's true that being an environmentalist and doing charity work may not pay as much as being an engineer or a doctor, but it's still a good profession and if that's what you want to do then you should go for it. When I was making my college decisions, I asked Dad if he was disappointed that I wanted to go to art school instead of law school or MIT like he did. He told me that he'd already decided that I was different from him and that he could either try and shape me into the mold that he wanted me to go into and make us both miserable, or he could let me chart my own course and follow my own dreams. He let me follow my own dreams. You should tell your Mom that that's what you want to do. She might be more understanding than you think she'll be.
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
19 Jan 10
Thank you very much. Your dad is so nice and supportive of you. :-) Sometimes I feel afraid to tell her about it, because of fear that she would not approve. Anyway, I would follow my heart. Thank you again. :-)
@themdno (402)
• United States
18 Jan 10
You have to follow your own dreams, not someone else's dreams for you. Even though your mom is only looking out for you, and wants the best for you, she still might not understand that those aren't your dreams. Just do what you do, and make yourself happy. Your mom may not like it at first, but she'll come around one day. Just give it some time, and be honest with her, with what you want to do. She may even accept it right now, you never know.
@mjcookie (2273)
• Philippines
18 Jan 10
Themdno, thank you ery much for the advice. I appreciate it. I hope she gets supportive with whatever I want with my life. :)