do you think you should keep contact wih your x ??

India
January 22, 2010 9:12am CST
you know keeping in contact with your x even after brk up in relationships or divorce has become a new trend no a days...but is it really necessary to keep in contact?/will you ever be able to treat him or her just as a normal friend like other friends??dont you think it will affect your present relationship with someone any how??
3 people like this
25 responses
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
22 Jan 10
It is not suppose to have any effect on your current relationsahip. It is better to stay friends or at least on speaking terms, especially if there are any kids involved. You cannot throw away everything no matter the cause for the break-up.
• India
22 Jan 10
but after getting into a relationship will you be able to think that person as just a friend of yours and nothng else??is it that much easy??dont you think its better not to be in contact??
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
22 Jan 10
No, it never is or will be easy. But i have learned a long time ago, never to close any doors behinnd you, as you never know when you will need to open that door again. To be friends with your ex, only makes you a better person. You have to learn to live with your mistakes, you cannot just ignore them. But this is only my opinion. You have yourself a wonderfull day. TATA
• Grand Junction, Colorado
24 Jan 10
My ex-husband and I are very good friends. We have been divorced for ove 8 years now. We have 2 beautiful children together and I believee that my children are so much better for it. Growing up they didn't hear there parents talking badly about the other parent, quite the opposite they saw there parents take vacations with them, go out to dinner, celebrate b-days etc. My children never had to worry about saying something positive about the other parent for fear that the other would be jealous. I have another child and she refers to my ex as her Uncle Bobby she adores him and he her. So everyone has reasons why they aren't together, but sometimes it's a good idea to try and remain friends. I'm certanly glad that my ex and I did. Just my two cents. :)
• India
24 Jan 10
thats really nice to hear.....not many i have heard who can keep such a good relationship with their exes..how surely do share a very nice bond among yourselves of friendship...keep it up but the thing is that in most cases it goes horribly wrong ND THATS THE REASON THEY DONT KEEP CONTACT
• India
23 Jan 10
no..there is no point staying in talking terms.. coz there must have been a time when u 2 wud have tried ur best to sought out things.. bt stil nothing gud hapened.. i even think staying in talking terms eid ur X might affect ur current relationship..
• India
23 Jan 10
thats what i feel but say that it will not affect your present relationships at all....it will be as good as it is but i wonder how they stay in contact in the first place
@madteaparty (2761)
• Japan
23 Jan 10
I don't find neccessary to keep in contact with an ex. If things have ended, it's because there's a reason to it, and I don't feel comfortable remembering the reason every time I will look at his/her face, so if I can, I prefer not to keep the contact.
• India
23 Jan 10
yup.you are absolutely rite in that.....everytime you will look at that person the past will come in your mind and you will again feel sad
@vivianchen (2648)
• China
23 Jan 10
I don't think it's necessary to keep touch with ex, because ex is an ex, if you and hin/her willnever have a chance to get back together, then what is the meaning of getting back together, then you should moving forward of your life, and total forget about the ex. This just what i do.
• China
23 Jan 10
Hi, vivian, I guess most girls are just scared to be hurt again if they cut the line with their exs.Girls are emotional engough to screw things up again if their exs lure them with sweeties. For me I m totally ok with that coz i just take it water under bridge.Moving on doesn't necessarily throw all your memories away, which we all know that we can not. Unless your exs are really very unfriendly, then no need to stay aback
• United States
22 Jan 10
I haven't seen or talked to my ex in about 20 years - luckily there were no children forcing us to keep in touch with each other. It's much more complicated when there are children, and you should keep a working relationship going for their sakes, but being friends just doesn't seem likely - you divorced or split up for a reason afterall.
• India
23 Jan 10
you are absolutely right in that.you have divorted after all for some definite reason and there is no point keeping in contact with hat person any more.if you do then it will look as if you dont have any reason for divorce at all
@Java09 (3085)
• United States
22 Jan 10
The only way I can see to keep in touch is if there are kids involved.The kids should see both parents no metter what.Other than children I don't see why I would keep in touch with any of my exes,that's why they are exes.
• India
22 Jan 10
ya you ae right.thats why they are called exes....when children are involved you have to keep in touch otherwise there will be a bad impression on them which no parents would ever like
• United States
22 Jan 10
One of my dearest friend is my ex boyfriend. he and I are so close it's not even funny. His wife hates me with a passion. She would kill me if she could get away with it. But,yes it is very nice if you can remain friends. we share conversations about both our lives. I give him money and he will give me money. I will feed him and he will do the same for me. There is only one thing I won't do. That is sleep with him again and let him move in my home.
• India
22 Jan 10
well thats what you should do...otherwise things would go out of hand....and also your x bf is married now.its also quite obvious that his wife would be angry but the good thing is that that did not affect your friendship.....keep it up
@myzire72 (1157)
• Singapore
22 Jan 10
Personally, I think it would be better to stop any kind of contact with your ex. Whatever has happened between 2 persons, it is all in the past. It's history. I seriously doubt it's possible to maintain just normal friendship with someone who used to be your intimate friend. Since the relationship is already over, they should just live and let live.
• India
22 Jan 10
you are rite myzire....thats what i feel too....you should live and let live,there should be no contact what so ever and in that way it will be easire to forget the past and get along with your life
@shaggin (37733)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I hated this one ex I had because he was abusive but it was almost 10 years ago. He messaged me on aol and told me he was really sorry about the way he treated me. I forgave him and we actually chat normally now. I have no feelings for him so it will never lead to flirting or hooking up or anything like that so I think its totally harmless. I am married with two children but am getting a divorce soon so even if things are awkward between my soon to be ex and I we will have to get past it and try to behave normally in front of the kids for their sake. I hope that it works well. I am sure since I am the one wanting the divorce that I will be fine with just being friends but I don't know how my husband is going to react.
• India
22 Jan 10
well may be you will be able to but what about your husband and also you have to behave normally in front of your children as you said.so while doing that dont you think there will be some kind of feelings??will it be that much easy??
@abhi_bangal (3686)
• India
23 Jan 10
I was in love with someone very dear to me. Ours was friendship and then love on the internet which grew steadily. We found each other quite pleasurable, though we had not seen each other physically, but knew how the other looks only through pictures. We chatted a lot for hours. I liked all these experiences. However, all this was like a bubble. Things went horribaly wrong and I had to leave her so she had to. The reason has no meaning now as I lost my love totally and forever. But only one thing is there which I have not been able to understand is what went wrong. The time was very diffucult after that and I did not know what to do. It has been around 5-7 years since we broke up and we have not seen each other even face to face. In my case, if you ask me, I will only say that no lovers should remain in contact once they have broken up. The thing that broke our relation will always remain in the corner of our mind and that corner is very very personal and it can hardly be corrected. But so also one thing will not be corrected is that, whatever and however a strong desire I feel to remain in contact with my love again, this will never happen, at least from my side. I, for one, do not believe in such relationships. And the reason, you pointed right. I cannot be able to treat her in the same good old lovely way, that I once used to do so lovingly.
@WATARIKENJI (1534)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
I think it depends on the situation. If you had a nice breakup, it would be just fine to be in good terms with each other. In my opinion, the new relationship as friend will be much stronger because you already knew each other well and i think there would be less friction. On the other hand, it is an unpleasant setup if the new fiancee knows the x. Jealousy, suspicion, etc will come into play and the relationship might be at risk. There are times when the x would be more assertive and would try to test the other party which might also a cause of trouble. For peace of mind, it would be much better that the two ex lovers would just be civil with one another and let go of the past and learn from it. Letting go of the past is one important step for healing. It would also teach both parties to learn from their mistakes. Regards
• India
23 Jan 10
I don't think this is necessary to keep contact with X, Why should you keep contact to a person whom you got out of your life, he/she is a close chapter in your book of life, about me I am a sentimental person I have beard a lot of pain due to some break-ups in my life, and whenever I only see any of them I do not feel comfortable at all, so how is it possible for the persons like me to keep contact with X.
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
I think its depends on the situation. If you were married and got kids who would need your support then I think it's okay to communicate. But if you only had a relationship about just being boyfriend and girffriend then it is inappropriate. Because if it was me, I wouldn't like it.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
For me I don't like to contact with my x because it can cause quarrel relationship with your present and specially you feel more love to your x.
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
For me the answer is yes. I've been in contact with my ex. We're good friends even before our romantic escapades.
@shirlian (24)
• China
23 Jan 10
It depends. I always belive that it is good to make friends to anyone I can, including my ex. If my ex and I go apart with each other just because we have to live in different cities or we have different dreams, it would be okay with me to stay friends with him. However, if something bad happened and one of us got hurt, I think I would just let go and say goodbye forever.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
23 Jan 10
Hi, a. It is not really a good idea to keep into touch with an x. Especially if you are married. If, you and this person still has mutual feelings for each other, then it may be hard for you both to look at each other as just friends. It is alright to still be nice to each other. But to just have a friendship can lea to problems, especially if the other spouse may be insecure or jealous. Being this said, it is best to avoid an relationship like this.
@wisdomt (99)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I have had contact with all of my ex's but there are ones that are harder to contact then others. I am not going to lie. As time goes on it gets easier though. And before you know it your ex and you may be really good friends.
• United States
22 Jan 10
I'm still in contact with one of my exes, simply because there are loans that we share together. Once those loans are paid off I don't see us talking that often, if ever. People do need to keep on a civilized level with exes if there's money, or kids involved. Parents who don't even say hello to one another can be damaging to a child. Other then those reasons, I don't see any reason why exes should stay in contact after splitting.