little girl trying to grow up too fast!!!

United States
January 22, 2010 3:05pm CST
My 14 year old little cousin is trying to grow up too fast and I am at a loss. I know she has to grow up sometime, but this is truly too soon. She came to me on her last visit and told me she lost her virginity and she is in love with a this boy. I told her the obvious she is too young and how dangerous these acts can be, but here are my questions... At what age do you really know what love is? What is the average age that people become active? What would you do as a parent if your child came to you with this information? P.S. I told her parents b/c they need to know, but they don't know what to do with the information anything helps.
3 people like this
11 responses
@ryan213 (23)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
I am a parent of two girls... the eldest is a 7 yr old and the youngest is 4 yrs old. Sometimes i have been busy with work and i am surprised at their actions. Both of them wants sexy dresses, make ups and computers. They are too young for these things i said to myself, that's why i have been observing them for the past few weeks. I then observed that they have been watching too much TV. They are imitating what they see. And the influence of what they see reflects to them. The TV these days are offering our youth bad publicity like, beautiful is in, sexy is in, cosmetics are in, girlfriends and boyfriends are in... I really hated TV for its effect on my children. Right now i started screening TV programs & internet activities that they are exposed to. I don't want to see them also lose their virginity in an early age. As i was thinking about this problem of our youth, maybe we can act on it in a different way. Like instead of limiting their exposure to reality of our world, why don't we just expose them more to it, and teach them how to act on this change. I have thought of this kind of solution because no matter how we screen all the things that they watch, they still can be exposed to it whenever they're out of our sight. Maybe they'll be able to intelligently decide on what to do or act in this kind of situation... what can advice you is proper education about these things at an earliest possible age, or by the time they can understand how these things work. I guarantee you they will understand, Lets not underestimate the intelligence of our youth today.. Gooodluck!
• United States
1 Feb 10
I don't think that you can say that there is a certain age that someone can know when love is. Of course girls mature faster than boys, so girls will most likely experience love first. But its all about when everyone experiences it. When someone wants to have a relationship with someone then they seek for love earlier on in life. Some people are just focused on finding love and they don't care with who. Alot of girls think they are in love when really it's just lust. They will go through this a few times until they get it right. Teenagers usually become active during high school because of all the pressure that is there. As a parent you just have to be honest with you child and youselves. You have to accept that your child has taken on the responsibility of being sexually active, and let them know where you stand on the issue. What are you going to do if they end up pregnant? Are you gonna help or make them grow up and take care of it themselves. Just talk to your children and don't hold anything back.
@lowloy (316)
• United States
23 Jan 10
I have a sixteen year old daughter that recently had a baby. She wanted this because she felt that she was not loved any more. Her mother basically has 'full custody' of her and I am supposed to have visitation rights. Well when I wanted to visit her, her mother took off some place and left me clue less to where they were. I wrote letters, harly any responce. I would call, but hardley any conversation. I am supposed to go where she is to visit. I live in Ohio and am suppose to visit in North Carolina, they recently moved now it is Wyoming, plus pay child support on top of that. this is practically two pay checks. My daughter thinks I don't love her and have not been responcable for her. This is part of the reason she had the baby, by thinking no body loves her. If she only knew. This is part of the reason some girls grow up too fast, they need independence at an early age.
• India
23 Jan 10
this si the comman problem with young guys due to lack of proper guidance from there parents and grand parents I f we really want to avoid such situation make our kids understand that there is a particular age when we can enjoy these things and this is just like raw fruits if we pluck them earlier they get spoiled.
@MrKennedy (1994)
23 Jan 10
It's a shame how kids want to grow up instead of spending the time to cherish their valuable childhood. I don't understand because they will have plenty of time to become an adult, and when they do, they will regret not making the most of being a child
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
I'm so sorry for what happened to your cousin. I don't want to blame the parents but I think it is them who have lack attention and guidance to their little girl. The environment and her peers as well has something to do with this. I must say that they should have not allowed their daughter to get into a relationship at that early age. They should have given her much attention and advises as to the pros and cons of getting into a relationship, losing their virginity, and the consequences it brings. I am also a mother of two girls, aged 22 and 20, until now they haven't had been into a relationship. I always tell them to concentrate on their studies first, choose their friends, always be aware of their environment. I have told them the consequences if they don't heed my advises. I am always at their side to support them, I won't tolerate any misconduct. I told them that they can get to choose their partners when they are through with their studies, they can enjoy as much as they want to, choose the right one to whom they will marry and offer their virginity. Maybe at their present age, they haven't been in love so that's why it is easy for them to follow.
• Thailand
23 Jan 10
I have 3 daughters who are in their teens. I am aware that soon I will be dealing with this kind of thing. What I do as a parent is to let my kids comfortable of telling me stories about their friends & activities. We cannot be on hold of everything because this is the nature of life. Late or early, they will soon know and experience what we have experienced as an adult particularly "S..x". Communication is vital. If the situation is there, if virginity was lost, there is no way you can bring it back. What the heck? LOL. To me it is not the virginity that matters but the "future" of the girl. Nowadays, virginity is not an issue anymore. It can even be bought anywhere. I've lost mine when I was 16 :) he he. (Too good to stop.) This girl must know what she is doing, she must be given some counseling. Parents must not keep quiet nor be very strict about her. She needs to understand what are the possibilities of doing such acts. At what age do you really know what love is? - No age. Everyone is "stupid" when it comes to love and no one seems to understand it. Not even the wisest. You'll never enjoy it when you're too intelligent for it.
@Thiala (102)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I think at what age a person learns what love is depends on the maturity of the person involved because some kids are more mature than others . For this reason I also think that the age that people become active varies . If I was a parent and my kid told me that I think at first I would be tempted to bend them over my knee and bust their butts if they were as young as 14 but I don't think I would give in and do that I think I would really just talk to them about it and explain the consequences and different types of birth control etc.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
That's bad news. Well I think different people mature in different ways and at different ages, as for me, I had to learn the hard way and I'm sad to tell you this, but your cousin is very much likely to regret what she did sooner or later in her life. Whether she admits it or not. Maybe she just did it because she felt she had to fit in. You know... No (decent) parent would ever be thrilled to hear that kind of news. I can't suggest of anything to do except provide support in any way you can. I know you'll be able to think of something soon.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Don't even think for a moment that you can stop this activity, so the very best thing to do is get her on birth control and make sure she knows what STDs she can get and what they can do to her body. Make this presentation very strong so she will believe that this can happen to her and her boyfriend. Find out how old the boyfriend is. If he's an adult then you also have a legal problem. If he is and you now have knowledge of this act you must report it to the authorities or you may be charged as a co defendant as can her parents. The urge to reproduce can be very strong in a girl or boy that age.
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
22 Jan 10
we have a 16 year old and a 12 year old and i think that society is to blame for kids growing up so fast. fortunately, my 16 year old has not done anything yet (we are Christians and she is waiting til marriage) although she has a boyfriend. there are great books available at the library that could help too.