Can you forgive a cheating partner?

Philippines
January 23, 2010 5:37am CST
For the sake of love and the years that you shared together, can you forgive your partner who cheats on you?
15 responses
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Unless one goes to counseling to find the root of the problem it is possible that it may happen again.... I have seen so many times where the partner that has cheated says they are sorry and will not do it again but it is not enough.....The trust has been ruined and therefore must be acknowledged to help this situation be resolved.
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
Yeah, asking for help through counseling could be very helpful in those kind of situations, it will patch up the hole of doubts that creates from cheating. That depends on the person as their are those who can easily forgive and trust while others don't as it takes for them a lifetime to trust again. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
25 Jan 10
I think if they go to counseling it will be helpful even for the ones that are to trust......because reasoning will be brought out into the open ...... Sometimes the cheater is feeling low self-esteem or depressed with the relationship and these feelings can be brought out..... It does not give them the right to cheat but it does narrow down the reasoning and maybe be able to work where it will never happen again.
@1hopefulman (21529)
• Canada
24 Jan 10
I was married to such a partner. I did forgive her for a while. But she just continued and I finally gave her an ultimatum in which I stated that if it happened one more time I was leaving, leaving fast,and never coming back. She did it again. I left, divorced her, and been alone for the last 11 years. Eventually I may meet someone. That was actually the second partner that cheated on me and to tell you the truth I have a hard time trusting. So I may spent the rest of this life alone. But then again, I am 1hopefulman, so maybe not.
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
Yeah, it could be very hard to trust again, as doubts will always be like your shadow, but you must always learn to let go and live your life without any strings from the past that hold you to live and be happy. I think as long you won't able to learn from your past, you will always end up being cheated, as it's important to know why those things happen to you, what are those kind of people who cheated on you, and some thoughts that investigate, on why and how things happen. In that way, you'll able to connect dots and you'll be more confident to open your heart and love again, as we're here in this world to give love. Well, anyway this is just my simple thoughts. Thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@1hopefulman (21529)
• Canada
25 Jan 10
Once bit twice shy! I'll be more choosy in the future. But being alone also has many advantages. So I'll just go with the flow.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
hello careguarden, Yes,why not. When we think about relationship,and for the sake of long years living together esp if there's children involved,it is really easy to forgive our loved ones who cheated on us. But,if the cheating keeps going on after forgiving and giving him a chance...then,i guess it's nonsense anymore. I did this in my life..i had given my partner a chance for nth time(i can't remember how many times he asks forgiveness and yet,doing it again and again)until such time i realized that,it's foolishness to live with him. If he can't respect me by cheating...there is no use of living together under one roof. So,it is better of letting go,and living separate lives before we ended up hating each other and become enemy. Have a good day always
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Oh, that was too bad. Well anyway it's good that you able to realized the truth and move on, before it's too late. That's what matter in every relationship, to able to accept and let go of our self from the string that only bring us into pain and misery. There are many people who didn't leave their partner even though they're being abused or cheated, simply because they think they can't live without them, they're too coward to face the reality. Of course they can make it, if they only tried. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy the rest of the weekends!
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
hello again friend, I can't blame women who feel scared to leave their partner,you are right,some can't live without their husband...or,they just love their husband that much. But,if the cheating goes on and on,sometimes,women should have the courage to face the truth that,love is not enough to hold someone,that,sometimes,love is not enough to be martyr. I also never recommend separation or divorced to anyone,just give it a try,and if it won't really work...then decide. Thanks for the BR mark and have a good day always
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
I was once cheated by my boyfriend long time ago and it really did hurt me a lot. I thought I couldn't forgive him because I was so mad at him that time. But then I forgave him because I love him and I was hoping that he has learned his lesson. Well honestly, until now, I can still remember what he did to me though it didn't happen again but I think I will always remember what he did to me before. This is the consequence of giving someone another chance after all. But I honestly never regretted to give him another chance.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Oh, well you can never ever forget what he did to you, but there will come a time when you will no longer recall what he did, and it that way it could be like you forget what happened. I'm glad that you never regret the decision you make and that he seem not to make it again. That's good for both of you. We all make mistakes as we're not perfect and we all deserve to have a second chance. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your weekends!
• India
23 Jan 10
It is the one of the most difficult things to do and it should only be done if you know that your partner truly regrets it. You should also make sure that your partner is returning for you and only you. Not because of the children/parental pressure/social pressures, etc.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Yeah, you're right it's better to be sure to know the persons sincerity of asking forgiveness and for coming back again into your life. It's important to be careful on letting others live in your heart, because they can break and build your life, they can turn it into pieces whenever they like. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your weekends!
• India
23 Jan 10
This is very difficult for me, I do not expect this to happen with anyone. Depends on the occurrence of the event, if its very often, definitely I would love to separate myself with the person. I can forgive just once if I love her and feel that its last when she cheated. Definitely the reason of cheating will also decide whether I should forgive her or not. I find a reason which is justified from her point of view. Just have faith in each other. Faith is the foundation for relations to work. Be ready to give and you will definitely get :)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Yeah, if your partner could justify her/his reason for doing so, then it could be easy to accept and forgive. There are those times that you are also responsible for the situation that it's best to examine thoroughly and learn to forgive and let go whatever may happen. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your weekends!
@fsll518 (304)
• China
23 Jan 10
Yes, I would forgive, but the condition is: we both want to keep the relationship. One side passion doesn't work out. Forgive the person who really appreciate my tolerance. The principle is love. If one or both want to finish, then no sense to "forgive". However, they shouldn't cheat anyway if they already have promise.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Yeah, you're right, it's better to know if both are still willing to keep the relationship, because one sided love won't work and it's not fair. But whatever decision it could be, it's best to forgive and move on, even without each other. In this way, it will keep you away from carrying unnecessary emotional pain and burden. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your weekends!
@DenverLC (1146)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
Well that will depend on the person. If the person cheated is so kind, understanding and loving, maybe the cheater will smile as an effect. However, if otherwise, then the cheater will certainly cry for understanding and second chance. For me, I may forgive, but never will I forget. Yes, you may have my forgiveness, but never my old loving heart because I don't want to be fooled the next round.
@dksemke (66)
• United States
23 Jan 10
You can always forgive. But here is the rub...can your forget? Or can you ever really trust your partner again. Cheating violates the entire committment and makes the wedding vows meaningless. Can you also ever respect someone who has so little regard for your marriage. Stay and let him make promises, but don't give him any rope. It;s going to eat at you everytime he's out of sight. You will bring it up in fights. Trust is so important, and without it, what exactly do you have in this relationship. And you say "cheats" indicating it is an ongoing situation. What will happen the day he brings home a little desease he picked up? You need to worry less about the sake of things and the time invested and think more about the respect you need to have for yourself and the treatment and life you deserve. You can't do anything about him, all you can do is what is best for you. The heart is not the best source for decision making. Decide what kind of life you want and go out and get it. There are people out there that actually are honorable. Find one!
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Yeah, you're right, once the relationship stain with cheating then surely doubts will creep in, no matter what you do. It's only best to let go of the person and learn to move on, if you love yourself. Although it could be real hard when you love the person and his face is printed in your heart and mind. Anyway thank you for sharing with us and enjoy your day!
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
23 Jan 10
yes, i did. but it was not easy. the pain went through the longest days and nights they could get, with many sleepless and restless nights because of disappointments and reflection. it took more than love and the good times. i think it boils down to my manhood. real man, i think, can decide to have a woman, no matter what. i think that's a sign of a man. it is easy to go away and break up. but it is a sign of cowardice of not facing the issue.
@soulist (2987)
• United States
30 Jan 10
I cannot imagine being able to forgive my boyfriend if he ever cheated on me. I dont think i would ever be able to trust him, always wonder if he was going to do it again. I love my fiance but if he ever cheated on me that would be the end of the relationship.
@jkcokley (267)
• United States
30 Jan 10
Yes, the answer is yes. However, trust has been broking and it will take years to trust your partner again. I forgave my husband when he cheated and I was pg. We were young and he was afraid and I gave him the choice. Go now and give up everything you have, free and clear or stay and love me the way I still love you.
@anqial (58)
• United States
25 Jan 10
when i was younger, i thought i would never forgive that guy who will cheat on me. but these days, i have been married for 7 years, i start thinking about forgive maybe is a better way than just walk away.
@lbbaby (489)
• China
25 Jan 10
Well, I think it depends on the thing he did. If we were together for a very long time, then he'll know about me very much. If he does thing I can accept, I would forgive him. But you know grils have a last straw. If he does too many times and won't change, then we have to say byebye.
@Hubfee (665)
• Thailand
24 Jan 10
Hard. but I won't forgive the one who doesn't really love me but lied that she love me.