He doesn't want me to love him

@dhysanne (451)
Philippines
January 23, 2010 8:21pm CST
I knew this guy for years. He is actually my close friend. Lately, I found myself treating him more than just a friend. I asked him "what if I fall in love with you?" He told not to fall in love with him. Better stay this way as special friends...no demands, no pressure... For him it's cool to be that way. And I find it so hard for me. I hope you can give your views on this kind of situation.
3 people like this
18 responses
@lindiebiz (1014)
• Canada
24 Jan 10
Hi there sometimes when a friendship gets romantic, it can get ruined because you can find out you are not meant to be and break up and dislike each other and there goes the friendship but I like your friend because he is being honest with you. He has his reasons for not wanting to go beyond the friendship zone and you should respect that. If your emotions are to strong to resist, take time out to sort out your feelings
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Thank you, I really appreciate your words. Good day!
@pupupd (1521)
• India
24 Jan 10
Yes you are right. If one gets too hasty and takes decision to start a relation and then finds out that they were just meant to be friends but messed it up, thats when everything becomes too sour and nothing can be done to keep them friends as well. In this way one loses both a Good Lover and a Best Friend! I think losing a best friend is more painful than losing a lover who was once friend and better!
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
We have this very beautiful friendship. As a friend I don't want to lose him. I think we better stay as special friends. Thanks for your response!
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
This topic reminded me of a statement from one of my guy friends: "A guy would never really want to get married, if it's possible they're going to stay single forever". You see, it's never good to force someone who aren't ready for responsibility. It's good that he was being honest with you in the first place. I have gone through the same type of circumstance a few years ago. It was difficult because I felt like I've fallen in love with the guy, and yet, he would always tell me that it's better to be friends. Eventually, I have realized it's time to move on and I have met some other people. We have talked as friends since then. Now that I have someone, this is the time when he tried pursuing me. But I just told him, "It is too late for I have given my heart to you before and you didn't accept it, I have closed the chapter of us."
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
Nice sharing your experience. That's a nice story and you have given me an idea, that if ever I meet a guy I will choose the better one. Thanks!
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
For me, you've made the best response, just for you to know. Even if I already mark one... Have a nice day!
@Hubfee (665)
• Thailand
24 Jan 10
Just be friend with him, this is my advise. If you have a good feeling to him ,don't make him feel uncomfortable. I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you too. I think it's time for you to go out with other friends. It may helps you out. Feeling so good and have a crish is different with real falling in love. Relationship is like heat sand to make a glass. The more it's become beautiful and deeper in relation ship, the easier to break. And when it's broken, there's no easy way to repair. I noticed many times, we won't really have serious fight easily with friends but with bf./gf. we easily get such emotions. The worst is the pride we hold that leads the fight to the worse situation.
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Thank you for such a good advice. Good day!
@pupupd (1521)
• India
24 Jan 10
Very true. When I was only friends with my bf we had less fights but now since we are in relation I expect more from him and get very emotional everytime. But he prefers the other way round completely. He keeps saying that even if we are in relation doesn't mean we must forget we were very good friends once, so be a good friend first and lover later.
• India
25 Jan 10
I think you should give him some time.. and on that time try to understand him and make yourself necessary for him... so that he start to like u as you want... treat with him with special attitude.. if you really love him then give it a try.. we all here to try to fail... the life is a trial and error.. just try to be as he like you to be... dont chase him.. if your luck have him then you should have him..:)
• India
25 Jan 10
and wao yeah... haha laydee is totally frustrated .. coz what she told here. its totally baseless... you got an personal experience and you think its for all.. thats really a vast frustration is chasing you Laydee.. dont lose the game.. the life is a game.. and its not like that what you see...
• India
24 Jan 10
I can understand your problem. Now listen to me very carefully. You love that guy truly but he don't love you. I am a guy and I think he is just using you. The person who loves you truly, you should stay with him not with the guy who thinks you as just his friend. Control your heart move from him if you want to live peacefully. Rest is your's own decision.
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Nice opinion from a guy like you... thanks for your response!
• China
24 Jan 10
If you don't want to lose this friend, you must try to treat him like a close friend as before. Although it is hard for you, I think if he doesn't contact you anymore, it must be harder for you. Well, you have just asked him what if you fall in love with him. I guess this is already a good hint for him to know your true feeling. Your friendship has already turned to the love. Time will give you a good answer. Don't give him any pressure. In several months, perhaps he will love you, too, or perhaps you meet another gut who suit you better. Anyway, I wish you good luck!
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
for now, I'll just enjoy his company, and maybe you're time will reveal the answers. I wish for good results. Thank you!
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I may be like you when i start to like a guy but since likeness is different from love. Then, if you are the only one who show emotion then the other guy do not notice it or simply treat you as a friend that is only mean he is putting a limit only friendship beyond that is acceptable. so you need to wait for the man to love you in return no need to force him to love as you would only be feel hurt on the end when he reject your love.
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Thank you! I will wait for the right man to love me.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Don't force yourself to have a relationship with him even if you fall in love with him. You would regret later if you continue to love him while he won't love you in return. It would be more hurting if you will have a one-sided love afair. Be friends with him. Who knows, he might love you in the end. . .
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
Yeah, you're right it really hurts to have this kind of one-sided love affair. I hope to be more patient, and still keep him as my very special friend.
@fsll518 (304)
• China
24 Jan 10
Hi. If he just wants to be friends, then just to friends. Not fair to let him take the advantage of being a lover and not fulfill any responsibility. I was so attached to my ex, but I know that may not be healthy meantality if the passion is from one side. If we already know there is no result, then shouldn't get so affiliated. There must be a Mr. Right in your life, and you need to try to find, not to "hang your self on one tree". Good luck!
@dhysanne (451)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I think you're right. I will just wait for the right man to come. Thank you for your response. Good day!
@jhaded10 (42)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
I have also fallen in love with my special friend, he also told me that for him a friend is a friend but one day he confess that he kinda like me, then we became lovers but it didn't work out, we decided then to be friends again, but we had this agreement that when we turn 30 then both of us are not yet married, we will get married, but unfortunately i have fallen in love with someone else, now this special friend of mine realize that after all these years he still love me, but too late, i already have committment with other guy, we just decided to become each other's special friend to continue our friendship. sometimes it is ok to just be friends than lovers. You'll learn to accept it that way as years go by. You'll get over him and you can find someone willing to be "you're more than friend guy". It will be ok, enjoy the feeling, but try not to get used to his attention or else you'll fall for him more.
• India
24 Jan 10
Hey... Better stay as a friend to him..He have his feelings too..Try to understand him..He is jus having the time of friendship with him..But if you really want him as your man..tell that to him in a lovely way..You may get him..All the best.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I can say that you are lucky to have a friend like him because he doesnt take advantage on you just what the other guy will do if they knew that there is a girl who are falling in love with them. If he wants it that way I guess you should just follow him though it will be hard because it does mean that he respect you and care for you as a friend.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I think he is just protecting what u had for so many years. I think he really care for you and your friendship is very important to him. What if you tried to step up into a different level other than just being friends, and it won't work the way you wanted it to be? You will be affected and your friendship too. It might be the reason to end a friendship. Somehow i understand him. BUT... if you have faith and your love is pure, why not take the risk? So there would be no questions of "what if's".
24 Jan 10
You can be a good friend of him. He really want you in his life but a as a real and good friend, not as a lover. He reall feel you but as a good friend. So you can not be a lover of him, do not think you feel him as a lover because he does not think that you think. It is better to find another real friend who will feel you, love you very much.
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
If he tells you that what can you do about it? I think he's willing to be loved only that he feels it as a waste of time and not worth his time. If he has an identity problem he has no time for love as it isn't helpful for his own needs but only for that of the girl. He can neglect himself by submitting himself for love but like I said, if he has an identity crisis, he needs to fix himself to his optimum level. If not, he wouldn't become a complete man. It is hard to be a man and if a man is not at his perfect form, people would discriminate him until he becomes weaker than ever and again he needs time to heal and therefore, ignoring love for the sake of his well being. If people would just be less criticizing his strength would stay fair and therefore feel complete enough and allow love to take a place in him.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
24 Jan 10
hi dhysanne, How far has this "special" friendship gone? If he tells you not to fall in love with him then he is being brutally honest. He wants your friendship to remain the way it is. You can still love him even knowing that. He just is not going to feel as strongly back. It's up to you. you can take the relationship for what it is and just accept it or end it because clearly he is not reciprocating. At least he is being honest. You have to love that.
24 Jan 10
I agree with the advice of just staying special friends with him. If you confess and he rejects you then it'll just be awkward the next time you see each other. If that turn out would you be able to control yourself and not cry? If you love him don't make him feel uncomfortable. Gradually try to make him fall in love with you and when time is right you never know, he might just confess his feeling to you.
@danitykane (3193)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
hi dhysanne! If you already told him about it..("what if I fall in love with you?") and he responded like he's not interested about the idea. For me, you should remain as friends. I think you deserve someone better. Someone who will love you and be proud to be with you as well. I think your friend is not ready for any commitment or he simply don't want to mess up your friendship.