I'm Not Talking To Her

@p1kef1sh (45681)
January 24, 2010 11:30am CST
When my daughter was much younger, pre-teens and early teens, she and her friends would sometimes fall out and I'd hear "She's not talking to me". The other day I heard an adult woman say the same thing. Do you ever not talk to someone because of an upset?
8 people like this
30 responses
• Canada
24 Jan 10
Nope! I don't have time to be that petty. I may not talk to someone for a period of time so that I may calm down if I'm annoyed, but not becuse I've proclaimed that I will not talk to them. If I am really feeling upset and the person I'm upset wants to press the issue I'll say "let's talk about this later, when we've both calmed down!"
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
That's sensible. That way you are both settled - hopefully!
@LaurenInLA (2270)
• United States
24 Jan 10
I must admit that I've done that at times in my life and even now, I struggle with it. As I've gotten older, I've realized that life is too short to cut off those relationships that you really want and you always have to weigh what has upset you so much against how you would feel if something happened to that person and you were never able to speak with them again how you would feel about that. In that light most things are really not that serious. For me, if I become so upset with someone that I don't want to talk to them and the feeling is still there when I've examined my feelings it is because they have done something so egregious to our friendship that I've realized that they really aren't friends after all.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
Sounds like you have a good sense of balance there. Life's too short to bear a grudge.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
24 Jan 10
I have done in the past but it has to be severe before I go to that extend But I used to hear my Daughter and her Friends saying that to lol, never with my Boy though, Boys are easier lol
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Jan 10
Lol you will say that .....you are one .....but I have to agree with you xx
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
Boys area doddle Gabs. LOL. XXXX
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (45217)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
24 Jan 10
I don't talk to most of my relatives, not because of any upset, but because we have very little in common. And in the case of my older sister, she never liked me anyway...
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
If you are happy with that then I guess that it's OK. Personally I can go ages without talking to my sister, but we get on very well.
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@liquorice (3887)
24 Jan 10
Oh dear, this reminds me of what my daughter has started saying. (Sorry all of my anecdotes seem to be daughter-related at the moment, lol!) When I tell her off she's started telling me "If you tell me off then I'm not talking to you ever again!!!" Of course she doesn't ever stick to it, as not talking is something that's very difficult for her . I remember as a teenager not talking to my parents when I was annoyed with them. I was very stubborn and could keep it going for quite a while, but these days I try to keep communication open when I've fallen out with someone. It's hard sometimes, but makes things easier in the long run. (Not that I fall out with people much..)
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
25 Jan 10
When I was about seven I told my Mum that I was leaving home. So she drove me the first mile!! She could see all the path home from our house so she knew that I was safe - but then we didn't have the child safety neuroses then that we have today.
@liquorice (3887)
24 Jan 10
Oops, that woot didn't work. Will try again.. That's better.
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
24 Jan 10
I don't talk to my partner whenever I am upset of what he did. This is not because I want to ignore him or make him feel bad. I just don't want to further aggravate the awkwardness of our situation. I am waiting for myself to cool and calm down. After that, I can start talking to him once again without the tone of animosity anymore.:-)
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
Does that work? I find silences tend to make things worse even if they are for "cooling down" purposes.
@nannacroc (4049)
26 Jan 10
Not very often. I think I've done that twice but the people concerned had upset me quite a number of times. When I worked as a midday supervisor at school the girls were always saying they were't talking to one girl or another, sometimes for no reason at all. This upset most girls on the receiving end. Although my youngest was told by a girl that she wasn't talking to her and got the reply, 'that's ok, I won't have to answer you'. Needless to say, it wasn't tried again.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
LOL. Well done youngest!
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Jan 10
I try but it never works out that way. If it's an acquaintance who offends me I'll probably stop talking to them completely but if it's someone close, well, there's really no point to the silent treatment I feel. It's a bit childish. If I'm angry, I might stay silent till I've calmed down but that's it.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
I can't imagine you giving anybody the silent treatment ever. You are far too sensible!
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
Yes, when I am upset I do not talk to the culprit. I avoid person who causes me to be upset. But I am willing to forgive them but of course I can't forget what they had done to me. I just don't want to talk to them for the meantime. When I'm already okay and seeing them does not irritate me I think I can talk to them again. Even my friends are like that. We avoid each other when we have misunderstanding.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
11 Feb 10
That's sad. Maybe you could try talking this things through instead of avoiding one another in the future.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
24 Jan 10
That's a very juvenile reaction, although I have done it myself--when my marriage broke up I didn't talk to my ex except when I absolutely had to and preferred email. That was childish but better than losing my temper or crying. Normally, if I have an issue with someone I will confront them with it and try to work it out. If we disagree I'll still be polite.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
25 Jan 10
I agree. But plenty of adults do it. Mostly, but not exclusively female in my experience.
@mlh8087 (368)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Oh yeah! A co-worker got in my face and thought she was really letting me have it. She made this thing personal, insulting me and mine. I went to our surpervisor and told her plain and simple, she apologizes or I no long sit in the same office with her. I won't enter until she leaves, nor will I speak with her. This women became a lump of flesh sitting in my chair and no longer existed for me. (She truly was a nasty women and said some very nasty things. I don't have to tolerate this behavior.) She didn't like being treated like she didn't exit. I didn't speak or look at her for over 6 months. I heard from other people that she felt bad for what she did. Didn't matter. She was a very untrustworthy person. After the 6 months I did start slowly saying things that only had to do with work. I believe I delivered my message loud and clear.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
I can see why you were upset. She was clearly a very stupid woman.
@mands61123 (2098)
24 Jan 10
nahhh lifes to short although i am much more likely to tell the person outright exactly what i thing and bugger their feelings! I used to be very cautious about what i did and how i said things because people sometimes took things the wrong way but luckily my illness seems to have filtered all the shite people from my life and left me with those who are genuine and lifes soooo much easier and less stressful. Like your daughter i did have many of those moments where supposed friends would decide they weren't my friend this week and i'd have no idea what i'd done. Ususally involved a boy, jelousy or something equally as petty. As you grow older i think you learn to leave them to it and simply not to care about pettyness lol just to let it go over your head.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
25 Jan 10
I find it amazing just how petty people can be about the most trivial of things. When I worked Mands it was always "His rubbish bin is bigger then mine" that caused jealousies. I rarely heard "It's not fair. She's got more work than me!" LOL.
25 Jan 10
ha ha ours was "her computers newer than mine or she has a longer dinner!" I used to take work off people when i wasn't busy but it rarely went the other way what a sucker i am eh! i hated being quiet though boring!
@jugsjugs (12967)
24 Jan 10
I have also heard grown ups saying the same and this makes me laugh.My two oldest daughters were always saying that she is not talking to one of her friends as well as one of her friends is not talking to her as well.I used to think that the daughters were funny as the next time they were talking to that friend again.I do think it is the same for some adults as well as for the children.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
25 Jan 10
It seems to be more of a girl thing Jugs. Don't know why.
• United States
27 Jan 10
Of course. When i was young I was never controling my emotion.. I am an adult now, but I still not good at controling my feeling..
@p1kef1sh (45681)
28 Jan 10
These things time. You need to ask yourself why you get so upset and then do something about controlling it. Good luck.
@jassics (205)
• India
25 Jan 10
Hi p1kef1sh, This is not common question but the behavior is very common specially in women or i mean to say female. it depends upon the mood of a person that before talking to anyone form which stage he/she has passed like he/she got fight or his/her relatives etc told something bad etc etc. I also use to behave like a kid but after few days we both would realize that ok its a childish stuffs to keep silent although we cant.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
I agree entirely. Thank you.
@shaggin (71573)
• United States
25 Jan 10
When I was a teenager I used to be caught saying that all the time. My friends and I would always get in fights and not talk to each other. I was especially likely to be heard saying that. I would get mad and refused to talk to the ones that bothered me. I rarely dont talk to anyone anymore. I usually try to talk to them and work things out but sometimes if I get mad enough I do just stop talking to someone for awhile. It prevents a huge war from happening that way we can both calm down and come to terms with things and stop fighting before saying anything that either one of us might regret.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
It's something that I associate more with young girls than boys. I don't know why - must be all those hormones!
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Jan 10
Well now, there's not talking and there's not talking... I clam up when I'm feeling threatened, not comfortable, etc. But I don't give a person the silent treatment. I just find it hard to talk. It's the difference between a defense mechanism and using silence aggressively, methinks.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
That's a different thing. Retreating inside to consider your response is a different thing.
@Wizzywig (7847)
24 Jan 10
There are a couple of people I'd prefer not to speak to but, being a compulsive talker, I've never managed to carry it off. There is someone who I never contact since she spoke against my son, luckily, she moved away and we are now on strictly Christmas card only terms (& only because we like her husband)
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
I can think of a few folk on our christmas card list that I'd love to see again. But I doubt that we will.
@sweetie1026 (1718)
• Philippines
25 Jan 10
I do that sometimes because for me itwould be better if i just keep quite and not talk to avoid further damage. But it will only be for a while after sometime i will talk to that person again. I will discuss whatever it was that cause our fall out and try to work things out.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
27 Jan 10
The main thing is that you sort things out. I don't like bad tempered silences at all.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
25 Jan 10
Hey p1key! Yes, I hate to admit this, but I do sometimes have a falling out with some of my friends and not talk to them for awhile! I have had two of my girlfriends that I didn't talk to for about two years each! I have just recently started to talk to both of them again! I do find it hard to be angry at someone for too long and not forgive them! But, I am really stubborn too and if someone does do something that angers me it just might take me a long enough time to forgive them! And I won't be the one to apologize either, especially when I've been wronged!
@p1kef1sh (45681)
26 Jan 10
I can't imagine that of you Opal. I firmly believe that being the one to say sorry gives you the moral high ground immediately.