Handling confrontation.

Tweet

Most people at some time or other, have been hurt by confrontations that has left them feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to cause such anger, and we take their actions personally. I have had this happen to me and I've seen others devastated by it as well. At such times we may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak the way they did. It's important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or to make themselves feel better. The best way to shield ourselves from such an attack is to not take the behavior personally, and this is by no means an easy task for most of us. Instead of lashing out in turn which is always easiest, but never the right thing to do, we should take a moment to breathe deeply and remind ourselves that we did't do anything wrong, and we are not responsible for other people's feelings. If we can see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to us whether they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard, we may be able to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really bothering them. Remember, we cannot control other people's emotions, but we can control our own. If we can keep our heart open to them, they may let go of their defensiveness and give way to our compassion and openness. While this is by no means easy, it is always better than the alternative.