Do you have neighbors that keep asking you for things??

@much2say (20236)
United States
January 25, 2010 5:30pm CST
We live in an apartment complex . . . so our neighbors are very close by. One particular neighbor is a single mom, with 2 boys (an older teen and an 8 year old). Every now and then, the mom will send the 8 year old to knock on our door and ask for something. An egg, some honey, some coffee grounds, coffee filters - and just yesterday for half a cup of milk. What do I look like, a free grocery store??? Now, the boy is always polite, says please and thank you . . . but the mom never thanks us personally though she's always been "nice" to us in passing at least. If I need something in my kitchen, I haul my kids and go to the store which is just a walk away from us . . . I'm not going to knock on any neighbors house to ask for ingredients. Do you have any neighbors like this? Or do you ask your neighbors for "a cup of sugar" without hesitating?
2 people like this
18 responses
• Canada
26 Jan 10
I can certainly imagine that this would be very frustrating for you but I can't complain about my neighbour. I have the distinct advantage of living on a great street with great people and we all help each other out, no one takes advantage of each other. Good luck with that :(
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
That's great you have good neighbors! I actually love the neighbors who live outside our complex (they are in houses) - and they are all sweet and kind to my children. It's too bad our own neighbors who live directly near us are a bit annoying. Maybe it's because we live too close to each other - ha ha.
@Fulltank (2896)
• Philippines
26 Jan 10
Yeah, but my neighbors borrows tools (especially house cleaning and gardening tools). And me too sometimes borrows to them. We are close too and we already knew the basic rules of borrowing things. If theres any tools which is needed but I don't have one, then there's the good 'ole neighbors to borrow to. But one have to be responsible enough to return to it after each use.
1 person likes this
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Well it's good that you both understand the rules of borrowing each others things - particularly tools and such that are expensive and need responsible care). One of my friends wouldn't let his apartment neighbors touch any of that stuff as he knew they would never take care of his stuff properly. But if you have an understanding with your neighbor, more power to you!
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
26 Jan 10
I totally understand what you are saying and would feel as if if I was beeing taken advantage of .I dont ask my neighbour for anything ,I try to have my own and what I dont have I do without.There is a thin line between being neighbourly and being a nuissance and what you have is a nuissance not a neighbour.I mean you should be able to ask your neighbour for something in case you are in a crunch but you musnt let it be a habit
1 person likes this
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Exactly - I don't ever ask my neighbors for anything because I try to have my own as well .. . and anything I don't have I go get from the store myself (my gosh - the store is only a walk away). I think our neighbor is standing on that line of being a nuisance . . . she's about to step over. I would hope that neighbor would help us if we needed it - and she probably would - but if I needed help, I would only ask in a serious emergency!
@kaylachan (4780)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
26 Jan 10
I also live in an apartment complex, but our neibors tend to leve us alone. Our place is more like an "old folks" place or some might say where people tend to keep to themselves. We hardly ever see people. Our next door neibor will sometimes ask me to come help her with her eletronics. But, that's nothing compared to having to " barrow" things.
1 person likes this
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I would have to say most of our neighbors tend to leave us a lone too. We have a bunch of college kids around that come and go (living here and moving out, I mean), so it's not like we have a chance to get to know them. But perhaps this is why that lady come to us - because she and we are families here - and we've been on this floor the longest. Yah, it's really annoying to have them borrow (actually take because it's food) stuff from us too often.
• United States
26 Jan 10
I had a neighbor that did this so often. It bothered me like crazy and I wrote about it here. I was needing something one day and had no money. So my daughter said ask X since she is always asking you for stuff. I did and I got it. Now if we need anything we both come to each other for it. I buy her things and she will buy me things. I mean sugar and stuff. She just told me to go shopping with her this month so she can buy me some food. I will sen my daughter with her.
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Well that's nice that your neighbor finally did reciprocate and now you can go to each other if you ever need anything. I don't know that I could be buddy buddies with this particular neighbor that we have. She is nice, but does some very strange things - so I don't know that I would ever want to ask her for help. If we ever needed to buy stuff, I'm sure I would be the one having to go get it (as they say, I would be the one getting the short end of the stick).
26 Jan 10
When I Lived in "Soviet Union" That Was Like Religion To Go For a Cup Sugar or Salt For Your Neighbor. Now, Its So Old and Really Not Humanity To Ask People a Cup Of Sugar or Something Else. Better Borrow Few Bucks and Buy all Packet of It, Than Later Give Money Back.
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Yes, it makes one look like they are a beggar to keep bugging the neighbor for a bit of food or money or whatever. It's not fair because we try to budget everything - and sure I have an egg or cup or sugar or salt to spare - but that's not the point. If someone were not to reciprocate, at least a personal THANK YOU would do . . . that's all.
• India
26 Jan 10
I live in a society.My neighbours are like the filmy neighbours.They keep asking for some or the other thing,keep quarreling and interfering in others matters.I don't like them at all.They keep watching and noting and where we go and where we don't and whenever we come back they keep asking why,when ,where wat did u doo and al.....
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Ah, so you have nosey neighbors? Luckily we don't talk much with our neighbors, so they don't butt into our business too much. This particular neighbor that I have does keep asking for bits of groceries every now and then . . . and I'm beginning to think this is adding up.
@dreamnishu (1254)
• China
26 Jan 10
In my floor i have some my classmate who sometime wants things. like potato,onion,oil and sometime rice. And i always give them. I feel good if i can give them.
1 person likes this
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Well you sounds like a very giving person. That's good that you can give so much - and I normally would most of the time, but it's getting a bit out of hand. My husband works very hard for whatever have in our tight budget, so it's not like we have a lot to give - even if the items are "nothing". That women seems to have a decent job despite her being a single mom . . . she just seems lazy to go to the store to keep her pantry stocked!
1 person likes this
• Poland
26 Jan 10
Long long before, we had a neighbor which I find irritating. The mother will send his eldest son (7 years old) to our house. They ask for some rice, money to be able to buy something to eat, money to be able to send the children to school, and even sugar. At first it was okay, because of the saying "it is better to give than to receive". But when it happens very often, I find myself sick and tired of being good. Yes, I understand their situation, but I think that we are becoming abused. They never say thank you. And I hate the fact that they are not aware of their debt. At school, the similar situation happened. My classmates always ask for paper, I don't have the choice but to give them because they will tell me that I am sellfish. So I decided to bring just enough paper for me for a single day. I hope someone can relate with my experience.
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
We were in the same situation, eh? It just makes the neighbors (or classmates) seem like beggars - and I certainly wouldn't want anyone to think that I was a freeloader - so I don't do that. When it does happen often, it does become irritating - and then you just have to wonder if you are just being taken advantage of because they know you're not going to refuse their requests. I can definitely relate to your situation.
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@bingchen (1126)
• China
26 Jan 10
i dont meet this neighbors knock on my door and ask for something.actually i dont like this behaviour like them.although help between neighbors is necessary.but if they often do like that and make me aversion.
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I don't like it either. If a neighbor knocked on my door to ask for things on a rare occasion, I wouldn't mind that at all. But when it gets excessive, it's sort of rude - especially since the woman sends her son over (as nice and sweet as he is) to do her work. I would have at least said thank you or sent over a piece of whatever I made if I had borrowed excessivly from another neighbor (which I would never do).
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@allknowing (38105)
• India
26 Jan 10
Each one is independent here in my neighbourhood but I am sure if I did ask for something they will consider it a privilege to help me out! It is a bad habit to be borrower like your neighbour. If you don' mind giving then you could just give and feel happy about it without expecting that individual to express gratitude if it is not in her culture to do it. But there are methods that you can employ to discourage this practice if you so wish.
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I guess part of it is my fault to keep giving to this neighbor - and I know I can put an end to it, but I don't want to burn my bridges - especially since this person lives so close to us. I don't want to expect anything back - but giving a little here has gotten to be annoying. And how would I tell the little boy "no" (how smart of his mother to send him over).
1 person likes this
• India
26 Jan 10
I think we should help neighbors always because if we will help them they will always help us. And in my life i had neighbor they did not like to talk with us and share anything.so i think you had got neighbors that will help you in near future.
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Well, I hope you are right. I rarely ask for help, and these people are hardly the type of people I would ever ask help for - but you never know. I guess it's the old saying that be good and only good will come in return. We shall see!
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@squaretile (3835)
• Singapore
26 Jan 10
That's strange. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my kids over to ask for stuff unless our families were very close, and the other family doesn't hestitate to ask me for stuff too. Only if there were such a to-and-fro relationship would I behave like that. I suppose she thinks that you would understand since she's a single parent and is having trouble making ends meet. But I would find it strange that she doesn't communicate more with you... maybe she's embarassed... i feel for her son actually, to have your mom send you over to someone you don't know that well to ask for things...
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
26 Jan 10
At first, I didn't think anything of it. We are neighbors - so I was just trying to be neighborly. But now it's getting annoying - every week she sends her son over for something. It is weird - it's not like we're close neighbors - she is down the hall . . . but we're the family who's been here longer than the rest on our row here - so maybe she feel she can trust us. But why can't she go bother someone else for an egg (or maybe she has!) - or maybe she just knows that I am here all the time as I am a full time mom. It's quite nervy, isn't it?
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@raynejasper (2326)
• Philippines
26 Jan 10
Hi.. Seems we've had the same experience with neighbors.. when we were newly weds, n apartment where our neighbors also had a little daughter.. the thing is, both of them have work while my husband don't have a regular work so i am the only one earning.. Our neighbor would come and knock and ask for things like coffee, sugar, salt, even rice, and everything.. They would also borrow money and never pay it back.. Tme worst thing is, they will even knock in the middle of the night just to ask for some rice or borrow small amount of money because they have no food.. I don't understand where they are putting their money because they seem like they are always out of money when both of them are working.. This is the reason why we decided to look for another apartment to rent.. At least, right now, our neighbor isn't like them.. though we don't usually converse but we are alright..
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
26 Jan 10
Oh what pesky neighbors! That's awful if they asked for money - now THAT is something I would not give to neighbors because we are on a tight budget ourselves!! It's not like any of the stuff we are giving them are expensive, but it all adds up eventually. I gave them my last bit of honey in that plastic bear because there was no sense giving them just a spoonful (which is all they asked for). I think our neighbor is just plain lazy. Glad you are living in a better place with better neighbors!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 10
I live in a house instead of an apartment so it's not quite as easy for someone to come down the hall and knock on my door. My uncle lives in the house beside me and we are back and forth a lot. I don't think they really ask for things. Actually they call to ask if we want some soup that they made, stew that they made, want to come for a cookout, etc. We have it good! My mother is disabled and they keep an eye on her a lot especially when I have to travel for work.
1 person likes this
@much2say (20236)
• United States
26 Jan 10
Well your situation sounds good for the family. How neat to have an uncle so close to you and that family get togethers are so convenient! I do agree it's easier for a neighbor to walk down the hall for something (I just wish we could move out of here and get a house!).
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 10
I did have neighbors of this sort and sometimes I did feel sory for them. coz i guess i knew thier job situation so did not have such a big issue with it. but I think if you are to send your kids to borrow stuff i think it is only courteous to say thank you as a grown up and show a good example to the kids.
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@much2say (20236)
• United States
26 Jan 10
I feel more sorry for the boys - they are often left alone in the house while the mom works or is out with the boyfriend. I wonder if she has the son come here so we can never refuse their requests! I think she works for an attorney, so they can't be doing that badly . . . heck, we're the ones on a tight budget! It would be most courteous if we got a thank you from her personally, but nope, not yet.
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@skysuccess (8884)
• Singapore
26 Jan 10
much2say, Considering that they are your neighbors and that the things or favors they asked is relatively within reasonable means and comfort level - I would say it is fine by me. This is also in view of how much we (including myself) actually dispose our expired excess inventory, unused and partially used at the end of the day. Sometimes, we just have very little opportunities to know, understand, let alone talk with our neighbors. I suppose this will be a good way to be cordial and learn how to share in the positive light of things. Besides, if we look the other way, I am sure it will be easy to ask for something when you are caught out in a situation and the comfort of knowing that reliable help is just next door. Take care and have a nice day.
@much2say (20236)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I know what you're saying. An egg is no big deal - and neither is a cup of milk. But when it gets to be "often" that they are knocking on my door and asking for things from my kitchen, it gets annoying. And me personally, I just don't have the nerve to ask our neighbors for anything . . . especially since the market is just a walk away from our place. But you're right - I could either look at this in a positive light - or not.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (83889)
• Shingle Springs, California
30 Jan 10
Me, I go to the store! So I'm wondering, does your neighbor ever replace things? Or does she just send her kid over to borrow. In the good old days when moms were always home and socialized together and all that, there was borrowing back and forth. But if it's all one way, it's not OK in my book.
@much2say (20236)
• United States
31 Jan 10
I go to the store too - and the thing is the market is not even a block away from us! The neighbors don't borrow from us - they take food items that can't be given back (unless they replaced our stock, that is). Nope, it's not a back and forth thing - it's one sided . . . so looks like the one way food train needs to stop, eh? I have 2 little ones, but her kids are older - she could easily send the oldest one (a teen) to the store, right? She's a single mom, but she doesn't seem to be home much as she works . . . or she's hanging out with one of her "young" boyfriends (and she gets them to do house chores for her somehow) . . . the kids are left alone alot.