Stepchildren, I need advice!!!!

United States
January 26, 2010 2:22pm CST
I am in a relationship and have been for over two years, my guy has a ten year old and up till now life has been o.k depsict the occasional outburst from the ex lol! But now his little girl has become more and more mouthy toward me kinda like she is trying to push as many of my buttons as possible! I had a terrible relationship with my stepmom and i would hate for her and i to have that! I do not have children yet so i need some advice from my fellow myloters you guys always have some inspiring words!!
2 people like this
7 responses
• United States
26 Jan 10
Try not to let her get under your skin. You love her dad I am sure. She is going to do what normal kids do. try to be patient with her as best you can. talk to her dad about her behavior as well. Try joining a forum if you can find one. I know there is a great amount of help here. You will get more soon. Good luck.
• United States
26 Jan 10
Thanks for your comforting words and nice bag by the way!
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
27 Jan 10
You mentioned a relationship, so i assume you are not married yet, right? Two years is not that long, but long enough to know someone really well. It is very normal for teen to be jealous. When family is broken apart, kids are often confused and maybe the little girl is confused, not knowing what her relationship with you should be, because you are not stepmother yet. In the other hand, girls are difficult with own mothers, so maybe you are taken everything she does to personal. Maybe she has hard time with herself.
@rrb9hi (18)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I'm thinking it's the age too. I'm in the same situation as you, except my boyfriend has a 9-year old boy. He's been pretty good so far, but the mouth is starting to "develop". I don't have children myself, and to be honest, don't really want any. Having a child around has been a little trying for me, but so far we have adjusted to each other well enough. Try to take one day at a time and see what happens.
• United States
27 Jan 10
I'm gonna chime in with everyone else here, it's the age. Her mom may have some influence there is no denying that but at ten children do seem to become somewhat of a challenge, especially girls. Try to spend some one on one time whether it be shopping baking or even a movie. Let her chose what to have for dinner and ask her to help this way your teaching her a life long skill also. When I and my ex got together his daughter was 12. She was never really mouthy with me but you could tell there was some resentment.(daddy's little girl syndrome) In her own mind she wanted daddy all to herself and thought mommy and daddy would get back together even years down the road. She is 30 now and even though things didn't work out with her dad and I we still talk with each other. Give a little time be patient I know that seems easier said than done, but all will work out. Give her encouragement learning experiences and values.You'll see things will turn around.
@jewels49 (1783)
• United States
27 Jan 10
If she's 10 I wouldn't take it too personally. 10 year old girls tend to think they know everything. It also seems to be the age they start practicing snotty, I think that age group has perfected it. That being said her dad needs to be the one to call her on the behavior. It may be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean it should be allowed. It does sound like she is pushing you which also can translate into she trusts you.
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
27 Jan 10
I don't think it has anything to do with you being a stepmom. Children tend to be a brat at that age. I know when i was 12 till 16 i tend to rebel against my mom. My aunt had two stepsons but they got along pretty well. If you love her truly, she will do the same. Just know that every children in the world can be really annoying sometimes. Just explain to her when shes does something bad so she can correct herself. But don't try to fix that problem alone as it could be alot of stress. the father has also to do something about it. Work it as both parents :) goodluck
@owlwings (39777)
• Cambridge, England
26 Jan 10
Ten year olds tend to get mouthy. That is a a characteristic of ten going on eighteen. My nearly twelve y/o granddaughter just got very mouthy this evening. A good clip round the ear AND a talking to and being sent to my room would have been what I would have got if I had ever been that rude. I resisted with difficulty (and anyway she only visits on her way from school while her mom finishes work). I did think of pointing out that she wouldn't speak like that to her teachers (no, she wouldn't) so what is the difference between her teachers and her mom or her grandparents? Love and logic and the respect that each can generate aren't easy bed-fellows, however. The fact that she mouths off at you is probably an indication that she actually loves and trusts you (paradoxically) but suffers her teachers (or whatever). The correct thing to do is to let her know (in whatever way you can) that she belongs in your home and that you love and respect her and know where she's coming from. You will still have to suffer being a whipping post or a punch ball but if you can do that and show that you can take the punches with love (even if you don't always understand the outbursts), you will be in with a chance.