Confused...

Confused... - Confused...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
January 26, 2010 9:20pm CST
I’d like to get other ppl’s opinions of a situation. I’d also like to keep this civilized so let’s all be nice. Let’s say you belong to a social site and you invite several ppl to be your friends on there…you know that some of them are gay or lesbian. You don’t care about their lifestyle choices as long as you don’t have to look at it. However, one of the new friends posts an avatar pic of them and their mate in an intimate moment. The photo really makes you uncomfortable and kind of grosses you out. You don’t want to ask them to change it, after all it’s their right to put whatever avatar they want. Your remaining choices is to be subjected to the offending avatar on a regular basis or remove them as a friend. What would you choose to do? Do you feel you shouldn’t say or do anything b/c others might be offended by your reaction to the avatar? Do you think you can tell ppl that homosexual images offend you or do you feel you have to keep quiet out of fear of offending? [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
12 people like this
34 responses
• United States
27 Jan 10
First off, let me say that you are a wonderful person to worry about offending some one who offends you..3 cheers for you! Personally, I'd make mention of it to the friend and if an amicable solution couldn't be found I would then remove them from my friend's list..Sexually explicit is the same regardless of orientation. Call me old fashioned but such things belong in private..NOT for public viewing... Enjoy!
2 people like this
@messageme (2821)
• United States
27 Jan 10
That would be a tough one for me as well. I think I view it the same as you, that's their personal life and can do as they wish but I don't want to see it. I think it depends on how understanding your friend is about your opinion/point of view whether they would be offended by you telling them you don't like to see the picture. Or is there a way you can avoid even looking at the avatar? Such as something else you can focus on, such as, what they said or what it is your looking at knowing its your friend without looking at the avatar.
2 people like this
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
27 Jan 10
I have a lot of gay friends. I enjoy their company so much. I am not sure how I would react regarding that Avatar. If it is just as simple as them kissing on their cheeck, a smack on their lips or hugging each other then it will not bother me. However, if it is other than that and I am really close to that person I would tell them that I don't like seeing that Avatar and it makes me feel uncomfortable. However, if they are just someone who added me and I don't really have that close relationship with them I would still ask them to change it and express how I feel about it. I would give them at least a week to do so and If they don't like to change it then I would delete them.
2 people like this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Hello Twoey If the site is a public site, and you can join or quit as you wish, and if that avatar is allowed and does not break the site rules, then I think it's no one's place to complain. It is like things on TV. If you find it offensive, change the channel :)) Just my own opinion. Karen
2 people like this
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Since I am not normally one that spends much time looking at peoples avatars I guess it wouldn't bother me that much. But if I was bothered by it I might ask the person in private if they would mind changing it as it is offensive to some people and see what they reply. I would not ask them publicly as that might be a can of worms that isn't worth opening
2 people like this
@drannhh (15229)
• United States
27 Jan 10
That is pretty easy. I would have no trouble at all deleting them from my friend's list. It would not matter to me whether couple was as you say or not, as I do not wish to see anybody being intimate in public, regardless of their proclivities. Let's just say I am willing to be an equal-opportunity offender to those who offend first. I should not have to tell them. If they are such idiots that they would abuse a friendship by acting inappropriately, I would feel no need to warn them. Did they warn you before they published the tactless avatars? Nice, you say?
2 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
27 Jan 10
Well, one thing you can do is hide their posts from showing up on your wall. Another is to take them off your list. The third is to be honest and tell them that you have no issues with their sexuality but the picture makes you uncomfortable. If they were a heterosexual couple, would the same type of photo bother you? If so, tell them.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (100344)
• United States
27 Jan 10
I do not belong to any social site that would put me in that position. I am with you on allowing them their freedom, but not wanting to be made to see it. I think I would remove them as a friend and if they ask I would have to explain, just as you did in this discussion, that it was their right to post it, but it is your right not to look at it. I agree that we need to keep this discussion civil.
• United States
27 Jan 10
Well, I can tell you are offended with the picture, and I think it would be best for you to delete them. There is no sense telling them the picture offends you, as that will I'm sure, start a war, and like you said, it's their choice. To delete them is YOUR choice. I don't care what anyone's lifestyle choices are either, but I also don't want it shoved in my face, and certainly don't care to see it.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
27 Jan 10
Hi twoey, While I have no problem with people's lifestyle, I think intimate moments should be kept private. This of course, is simply my opinion and probably related to the way I was raised and the morals of the time. I think maybe I would explain this to my new friend and ask him/her to change it. I would be careful to explain however, that it has nothing to do with them being homosexual. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
27 Jan 10
it is true that they have all the right to put whatever hey like to put on thier avatars. i remember a memebr here ( i guess he is no longer active) telling me not to put my sons photo as my avatar.... can't understand what could be possible wrong with my son's photo as my avatar. so maybe he thinks it is not good to put but for me i dont think there was something wrong. now lets put that situation with your situation.... if you tell it to them they might think also that there was nothing wrong about the avatar. so if this happens to me first i will try to ignore it, now if i can no longer take it then i just have to delete it.... but if i enjoy their friendship then i wont do anything at all. i dont like to judge them just because of the avatar. again... if i can not take it anymore then i will delete them from my list. i deleted a few people on my list to but not because of avatar.... so i guess you can delete them with your own good reasons. just my opinion. i want to congrats you on laying this discussion very civilized and i hope you get more good suggestions regarding this situation of yours. goodluck
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118558)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Jan 10
If it were me in this situation I would overlook the avatar. I would feel that I knew (or it should have entered my head anyway at some point) that there was the possibly of this sort of thing happening when I joined and though it was a shock I would try to ignore it and just enjoy the rest. That is saying unless there are other things that have bothered me.
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
19 Feb 10
Well that's a tough one. It's their choice for an avatar.If you, or others are offened you may have to make a choice between you and them. Just not look at it or tell the site administrators may or may not work. Personally I would not use something that could be offensive to others.
@scififan43 (2440)
• United States
8 Feb 10
What other persons put on there sites is their bunniesses. Even if it is someting offence I ussaly do not let this brother me. I have seen persons put up expliciected material up before and I have not let it brother me. I have seen plaenty of materail that is from strait and not too much gay, so I guess I would remaine sliet and to eatch his own.
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
4 Feb 10
If it bothers you that much you should ask yourself why. Would be as disturbing if the image were hetero? Lots of things can gross you out and you just have to deal with them.
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
2 Feb 10
You end your posts with the signature "Stand strong in your beliefs". This may very well be one of those moments. "Rights"--talk about a confusing word and concept so thrown around today. Look, you have got to be true to yourself, and while you're at it, we all know we should respect others. My personal opinion on this kind of subject matter, is much like your own, but perhaps much more "extreme" by society's standards. If you've not gotten a better idea, my suggestion is this, approach them about it, let them know how it makes you feel. If they will respect your feelings, or that of a large amount of the public, then they will change their icon. If they're putting their own beliefs/feelings/"rights" above everyone else, then they won't, and they may very well acuse you of being rude (that's putting it nicely). If that's the case, you know what kind of person they are, and you just remove them.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
31 Jan 10
Well i don't think i would be happy about that either..If you know them real well you could say something like "Hey you don't need to advertize"..I do have a gay friend and i know her well enough to say that to her, but some people are touchy..I really do Not think it is showing much tact to show any type of intimate pic on any site either gay or straight...
• Canada
30 Jan 10
Honestly, I would have to see the pic to know if it was offending to me. But for argument's sake, let's say it was just too intimate for me as it was for you. I would simply tell them, privately, that it offended me and made it difficult to have conversations online with them because I was presented with the 'intimate' pic every time. I would explain to them, that I enjoy having them on my friend's list and conversing with them, though, to help prevent them from being offended by my honesty.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
30 Jan 10
It’s a tough one. I probably would not say anything because it is the person’s right to choose whatever avatar they like; I do appreciate that it is not pleasant for another to have to see at it but I guess they don’t have to. If the person is a good friend I wouldn’t delete him or her just because I didn’t like their picture; I would try to look past it.
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
29 Jan 10
I would remove them. If they contact me asking why i would just tell them why they were removed. Everyone is entitled to put what they like on their own profile. Including you. If you dont want the pic on your profile then you have no choice but to remove them.