Should I be upset with him?

@sofear (42)
January 30, 2010 3:41pm CST
So,I have been dating this guy for a while now.I like him and he says he likes me too.He is kind to me and has always been respectful to me.I realy do appreciate him.But recently I have been going through problems,he knows that am in misery but he just doesn't seem to care or offer to help me in any way.He just cannot be bothered with what is happening to me.I don't understand him,I mean,if he is for real,shouldn't he be assisting me since he is in a position to?I feel like it upsets me sometimes especialy when my friends ask me if he is offering any help to me,I just feel sooo embarrassed.Am I over-reacting?
2 people like this
8 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
31 Jan 10
Hi Sofear, It is kind of hard to answer this because you are very unclear as to what the problem is and what sort of help you are expecting from him. How long have you been seeing him? Are you 100% sure that he is in a position to help you? If it is financial help that you are looking for, are you able to pay him back if he were to help you out? It could be that he does not want to put a strain on your relationship by lending money. I really don't know. Sorry that's not too helpful but like I said it is hard to answer this with so little information.
@verabear (797)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
In a way I agree with this comment. It is so easy to be upset with someone for appearing to be insensitive to our needs. But we should also consider that sometimes we are also offended when men just automatically assume that we need their help right? Have you actually asked him for help? Does he know that you will be receptive of any help he can offer? Perhaps he just wants to maintain the same respect he has shown you before but giving you the opportunity to sort things out on your own, or at least in his mind that's how it works. Then, just like what sid556 mentioned, if it something that has to do with money, he could be reluctant to lend you any because it might end up placing undue strain on your relationship. To be honest though, I also feel upset when my boyfriend does not appear to be helping me. We've been together for ten years, and I feel that by now he should already know when I need help and that I shouldn't have to ask anymore. But that may not be the case for everyone...
@CRIVAS (1820)
• Canada
30 Jan 10
You are not over-reacting at all. If there is something wrong and it is in your partners power to help you, he should. Being in a relationship is supposed to mean that you are a team, this means that you not only shares the joys of the relationship, but the hardships as well. One of the reasons that I love my husband so much is because of how attentive and supportive he is, ever since we first started going out. I think that if this guy isn't helping you out, he is being selfish and uncaring and doesn't deserve someone like you. I think that it is important that you let him know how you are feeling because as much as us women might wish it sometimes, men are not mind readers. We have to let them know that there is a problem or else they just walk around in blissful ignorance. I hope that you talk to him and it is just a matter of him not understanding how you feel because at least that way he can make an effort to change. If not ditch him, life is to short to waste on someone who doesn't treat you like the goddess that you are. Trust me I know!
@sofear (42)
30 Jan 10
Thank you soo much Crivas.I totally agree with you.I do think that he should atleast offer to help me rather than just say "that's a shame!"
@dreamnishu (1253)
• China
31 Jan 10
No my dear friend you are not over reacting. As you love him and he also loves you so you can expect it from him. It's natural. In your situation any other person also feel the same things. So it's batter to talk with if you want to continue the relation. Otherwise simple things will make one big things and will burst in one time. Than it will be bed. So batter to talk with him now.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
I have no idea what misery you are into right now. But, maybe the guy is a bit hesitant to get too involve with you and your very personal affairs.Did you tell him that you want him to help you or that did you ever give him a signal that you need him that much? There are guys who even if they care about a person wouldn't do anything unless being told about it. Guys are different from us, girls. They don't show too much emotions. In your part, you are upset because you have been expecting a deeper bond between you and him and he fails to comply with.It is natural but I say, tell him. Don't make him guess.:-) Goodluck.:-)
• United States
31 Jan 10
No you are not overreacting, he should be there for you for anything you need, especially if you say that you guys have been dating for a while, he may be kind and respectful, but that doesn't mean that he is not egoistic and insensitive to others pain. I know what you mean that you feel embarrassed whenever your friends ask you about if he is helping you or not, that's a natural reaction, but you shouldn't feel embarrassed because you are not doing anything wrong, and talk with your friends, tell them the truth.
@cloud31 (5811)
31 Jan 10
Its just normal to act like that way your acting now, your expecting that this guy could at least open his hand, since he know you are undergoing of some problems he should know exactly what he can do for you by all means, his just simply acting like he know nothing about your problems and its you yourself will find a way to a solution, try to get further observation with this guy before its too late he might give you much more misery than you have now if he reach his target, and after he win you.
@syedayub (252)
• India
31 Jan 10
I personaly can,t say that ignore the person, because i don't know that guy, and find help from your near and dear ones frist to come out from the stage of misery. are you can do this, explain him the reason, why you are in misery, then he really don't care you, and avoid you, then it seems he don't love or like you at all, he is with you for his personal motive, you have a choice either you forgive him or resign him from your life. bye, have a nice day.
• Canada
30 Jan 10
What problems? What misery? Does he know? What help do you require? Hugs because you are depressed or money because you are broke? I don't quite know what you are talking about, so I don't know what advice I could give. But if you were to elaborate somewhat, then maybe I would know what to do or say to help.