in a realtionship but wants to be single sometimes

Philippines
February 1, 2010 7:39pm CST
I once got so angry with my long time boyfriend that I Imagined myself breaking up with him and just be single. It wasn't about me finding someone else. It was about me being able to go places without anyone being jealous. It was about me wearing the clothes I like without someone worrying that I maybe too provocative. It was about me watching a movie that I liked and not obsess about me being corny. It about me meeting new people and not care if somebody else would like their company too. It was about me not just relaxing over the weekend and not be someone who's ignoring others. Ever get a feeling like that? Like everything's choking you and you just want to be alone? And yet there's something inside you still wanting to be in a relationship with this guy. It's frustrating.
1 person likes this
16 responses
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
3 Feb 10
For this purpose, i never fall in any relationship, i always prefer to be single.. I'm enjoying my damn life as a single.. My pocket only for me .. Thats why i say, Livin' La Vida Loca...It means, living the crazy life !!!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
Good luck I'm hoping you are enjoying your dolce vita (that means sweet life).Kudos on you finding that thing that makes you happy!!!I hope you're spending your savings on something good ;)
@gunagohan (3415)
• India
3 Feb 10
Yeah...I do good things with my savings..
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
highs and lows- it's seasonal. live with it. i bet he goes through something similar with you sometimes.
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• Philippines
4 Feb 10
I think you're right about that.
@atv818 (1988)
• United Arab Emirates
4 Feb 10
It could be that you're burning out from being so attached with your boyfriend too much. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you have to lose your own identity in the process. Being in a relationship means that 2 lives are bringing out the best in each other. Make it a point not to stop doing the things you love before you met him like having girls night out once a week, be with your family every now and then, going to a mall alone - shopping. Only you can know how to make yourself better just don't forget to look within and love yourself before loving others.
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• Philippines
4 Feb 10
thanks for the advice. I rally got into this relationship quite young so i think you might be right.
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
2 Feb 10
I'm in a longterm relationship (we're married) and I can go places without anyone being jealous. I can watch any movie I like and will only occasionally be asked if I could maybe go see it with my friends instead of him because he doesn't want to watch it. I think the problem might be that your current boyfriend has no confidence or something. regardless, do you want to spend the rest of your life adjusting to his needs?
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• Philippines
3 Feb 10
Oh, not really. I think I'm growing up that's why I'm feeling these things. We both need to grow up. I'm not really ready to be just someone's girlfriend.
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
2 Feb 10
Everyone needs time to themselves. It is healthy for both parties to take a break. You will come back refreshed and perhaps more dedicated to your relationship. Your boyfriend seems as if he is feeling insecure. If this kind of behavior continues it can be dangerous in a relationship. Jealousy is not an indication of love but control. Why does he want to control you. At the same time I know the feeling . I have sometimes wanted to take a break to think things over.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
I think because I'm a bit strong-willed (I thank my mom for that). But I do know that there is a problem here and I'm willing to address it. The thought of leaving someone because you're not growing up at same rate seems a bit daunting. I know that I still love him. It's confusing.
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
im just like you friend. but the difference between you and me is I dont have a boyfriend that would criticise the way I walk,talk and dressed. I prefer not to have a boyfriend because most of the time i want to be alone..... ESPECIALLY THAT IM JUST a student... You know why i dont want to have a boyfriend because im so afraid that that guy would change my personality and even my way of dressing up my self
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
Sometimes it really does help to listen to our parents. My mom told me about finding myself first before having a relationship and she was right (and you, too). Although teenage years are the most fun of them all, it's the time we experienced being so low in self confidence that we'd rather have someone "take care of" us. I'm glad my mom was patient enough with me to guide me through all that struggle. I think I was brought up able to stand for myself and not really depend on a boy.
@jhoanee (599)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
there are really times like that that we want to be free or alone for a little time without the hassles of our partner who watch us in every move that we do specially that we and our partner are constantly or often be together in most our of the day. coz ive been in that position also wishing that i could be alone for a little time and spent it with the way i want it to be. but it doesnt mean that we want to stop the relationship its just that we want a little space for ourselves. i read it from an article before that in order to have a healthy and successful relationship we should also spent a little time for ourselves as well as give time to your partner to be with himself alone i order not to get bored with ur partner same as having time also to be together. its a process being mature and responsible people.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
I still want to be in this relationship so I think we really should talk about what defines "too much exposure" in our relationship. Thanks.
• Philippines
3 Feb 10
yeah its totally normal for us to entertain the thought of being single and unattached coz I do (I am married with kids, btw). Because being single means FREEDOM and we hope that at least we get to enjoy being free...free from our bf's or husband's jealous eyes for once, being away from responsibilities and all. My friend who is single said that human by nature isn't contented of what they have. She on the other hand have all the freedom in the world and hoping to have a boyfriend to share it all with.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 10
when i got that feeling, it turned out that she just wasn't the one ya know? trust me. take it from someone who's been there and done that.
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@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
3 Feb 10
Well actually no, but my friend broke up with his girlfriend because he wanted to be single and just does not like to be tied down.
1 person likes this
2 Feb 10
Yep, I've had all those feelings but for me it lead me to realise that being in a relationship wasn't for me. That sounds harsh but it made me realise that whilst there are certain elements to a relationship which I liked, I always felt that I could never just be me. Acting on these feelings was one of the hardest things I have done but was probably the best thing I have done because I am single, free and never been happier. It made me realise that now and probably for the future I am happier as a solitary person, which for me there is nothing wrong with.
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@alilin28 (1532)
• Uruguay
2 Feb 10
here, most of girls have this thought: "when we are singles, i´ll want to have a boyfriend; and when we are in couple, we´ll want to be singles". sometimes happens, and sometimes not. but its true, depending the grade of relationship we have.
1 person likes this
• China
2 Feb 10
i think you just need some time to yourself, no need to break up over it. we were born alone, so we sometimes find the need to get back to that state and collect our thoughts...totally normal
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• Philippines
2 Feb 10
i feel the same way too. i don't understand why. but maybe we need to do something exciting, bonding or anything that will create fun and laughter. i want to be single too. but it is not good to be in a relationship that you are not comfortable being yourself.
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@atv818 (1988)
• United Arab Emirates
5 Feb 10
You don't need to lose your identity just because you are in a relationship. To avoid burn-out, take time-out at least once a week or once a month to do one thing that you love doing most when you were unattached.
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Yes burn-out. I think it is. I just might do that this weekend.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
2 Feb 10
My personal theory is that while all relationships need attention and nourishing, if they are truly truly hard work/labor, then that particular relationship was not meant to be. I used to imagine being single often when I was married. The marriage became so abusive that I made that dream a reality, even after many years of wedlock, and I have never regretted that decision. Being with the wrong person is far far worse than being alone. :) Karen
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
Yes I've know a lot of people who wanted to get out of their marriage badly. Most of them were asked if there was a third party. A lot of them did not have serious relationships with others but admitted to it anyway because having a third party involved was easier to explain than just saying the marriage was not working.