Why is there "loving is not owning"?

Indonesia
February 3, 2010 10:50pm CST
I think all of you ever been in this situation when u really love someone but u will never be able to have that person. I wonder why we can't own someone that we really love. If we can't own someone, so why can we fall in love with the person who does not belong with us? What is your opinion?
2 people like this
10 responses
@blummus (452)
• United States
4 Feb 10
Love is not ownership. Love is desiring a person, but desiring what is best for that person -- including their freedom to choose who they will be with -- more. If you want to own something that loves you and stays close no matter what, get a dog.
• Indonesia
4 Feb 10
Thank you for your suggestion, but i don't like dog. I'm really scared with dog :(
1 person likes this
@blummus (452)
• United States
4 Feb 10
My point is a pet and a human are different; you own a pet, but a person is and needs to be free to truly love. A human is your equal in ways a pet cannot be.
1 person likes this
@esjosh (915)
• India
4 Feb 10
Hey Luvly, Love just happen automatically, it has not control in happening. But to carry it over is very tough. So if you become capable enough to carry that love it become more difficult for your lover to carry the love in a same manner that you are doing. So, there some miss parring in that relation began. And if you can have the capability to carry the love then there is no way to get success in love. That is why it mostly happens that whom we love can't love us in the same way, hence we can't own him / her. Love is second name of giving, not taking or owning.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 10
well i guess sometimes, we cant have what we want.. look on the bright side, at least you're still free.. and maybe their is someone out there for you.. maybe you havent met him yet.. but i know soon you will be able to meet him.. goodluck..
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
4 Feb 10
I don't think anyone really owns another person, I look at it that people share a part of their life, even when married they are just sharing part of their journey...I think maybe ownership is what could break relationships up....you know the old saying if you love something then set it free....I think it is true....
• Malaysia
4 Feb 10
Sometimes you just love them for no reason. But for some reason, both of you have communication problem or conflict in thinking which makes both of you unable to become a couple. That is why "loving is not owning".
1 person likes this
@Hubfee (665)
• Thailand
5 Feb 10
Hmmm there was a time that the sentence appeared to me after I got a broken heart I Just realized that "we're not meant for each other"
@abhi_bangal (3686)
• India
4 Feb 10
This situation mostly arises when you are talking about love marriage. You are saying that you love someone but till never be able to have that person. Now 'have' that person, I don't know how you interprete it as, but I think it is like spending our life together known in short as 'marriage.' From the second sentence of your discussion that you are asking in bewilderment that why one cannot own that girl or a boy one loves. It seems that you are too immature and that you don't have enough experience in life. You have not seen the world enough or the thing might be that you have not had a broken relationship. Those who have gone through, like me, will never repeat these things in life. Life is hard, you know and not all the things go according to our plans everytime. There are bound to be things that come our way with which we are not too pleased or that we have to accept unwillingly. If you talk about arranged marriage, you can love as well as own. That is one thing you cannot complain about.
@syankee525 (6298)
• United States
4 Feb 10
loving someone does mean nor should it mean you own the person. people arent your property like a car or whatever. i dont own my wife nor does she own me at all. we work on how we will handle things.
@Rhazelle (356)
• Canada
4 Feb 10
I'm really confused as to why you call it "owning". It just sounds weird to me ._. Anyhow, because love is an emotion, and you can feel emotions for... anyone really. Love, hate, like, dislike, anger, repulsion, etc. are all simply emotions towards another person, and you can feel each of these for anyone. Love is rare, yes, but it is still simply an emotion, you don't have to treat it as something so... otherwordly.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
4 Feb 10
luvlymee26, From the literal perspective, I am sure you can understand that to own means to possess and possession usually begins with obsessions. So in all fairness, I just do not think we can honestly say that we truly love when our hearts are driven with obsessions to possess and in the process coerced our other half to become what we want them to be than what they want themselves to be. IMHO, the source of our possessiveness is usually self inflicted. It is created from our perpetual effort of trashing ourselves down in negative light. If we reckon that we are unlovable, then, no matter how glorious our relationship has the potential to be, it will appear bleak; like peering through a pair of sunglasses, even if the landscape could steal your breath away with its majestic stunning colors and lushness. So, how do we come about becoming such an obsessive individual? From the way I look at this, it is usually our own psychological and emotional structure to be at problem than our relationship itself. If we are unable to exhibit love for ourselves and raise that self esteem of ours, our relationship current or next, would just be the prey to be devoured by this insecurity of ours again and again. Paradoxically, though people may understand the term 'you are digging your own grave', you will find that people will still persist with their nonsense and ill-conceived - signifying a terribly lack of wisdom at the end of the day. I hope you understand that the downfall of relationships is largely because these people are not emotionally and spiritually evolved - strong hint of an alpha narcissistic dominance. We must recognize this and resolve these inner afflictions which is usually caused by our developing years and enlighten those blemishes from within. Lastly, I will reiterate a self fulfilling prophesy. If we're to reckoned that we will always fail in relationship then congrats: we've achieved exactly what our minds have envisioned. Never mind how great the relationship is and never mind about the other party giving more or less previously - because our thoughts that we are unlovable and doesn't deserve genuine love, therefore we subconsciously coerced the other party to comply likewise. So, when we are obsessively possessive it's not about love - it's about us. As such, if we can't even handle ourselves, I doubt we are in any position to extend this very love to someone else. Have a nice day.