Are you a different person in real life from what you are here?

@vandana7 (66836)
India
February 6, 2010 9:11pm CST
As far as I am considered, I think I am slightly different because here I get more time to reflect on my responses. And I am able to express myself, hopefully without offending anybody. In real life I have problems with that, not being quick witted. :( And what is worse is everybody treats me like a kid - my opinions dont matter!
4 people like this
36 responses
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
7 Feb 10
I'm pretty much the same in behavior wise. I'm a bit reserved, keeping thoughts to myself, but I have that friendly streak nature. I tend to bottle up feelings, but only the closes ones would know how I feel and think. But sometimes I find people trying to catch up on my thoughts because they don't know what I'm thinking, but I know a lot more better than them, and wouldn't want to 'hurt' them with what I know. Something like that, I have a pretty much strong instinct about things, though I'm not perfect. And with this feel, I just feel I should tell someone about it, but I keep it to myself lest they think I'm being nonsensical. But I have my fun side too. I will tend to enjoy as much as possible, and I love to keep my surroundings and people around me happy. OH yeah, and I hate conflicts very much. And hypocrisy. Good topic here, Aunt V..
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Thank you dear nephew! What is the word for nephew in your language? :) So you tend to keep your opinions to yourself. :) I have noticed one thing as far as I am concerned. I too hate conflicts. May be that is why I adjust as far as possible. But because of that adjusting me, even when I say no, people dont take it as no, and try to override my wishes! Then it does get a bit annoying, and I do react - in a b***** way. :) In the backdrop of my normally good nature it does look strikingly nasty. LOL. Well, we cant really help that, can we? :) But there are other instances, where I could have been more cool and collected, rather than reacting. I have those regrets. :) I think my mylot personality is what I am actually. :) Outside, I do end up smiling when I dont really feel like, and doing a whole lot of things, which personally I wouldnt want to!
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
7 Feb 10
Hiya Aunt V.. it's 'anak saudara' in my language, but that would be a mouthful, so you can just stick with nephew. As far as what you have said, I do think that sometimes, we need to raise a level up for our 'inner-voice' to be heard. Sometimes, it just falls on deaf ears, isn't it? And I know what you mean. I like your outgoing personality in mylot, and hope that you'll always be able to keep that up. As for your real personality outside mylot, I think you have a good aura there. So just keep that up, aunt..
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
7 Feb 10
Oh yeah, and I forget to say, you are very much welcome.
@allknowing (68676)
• India
7 Feb 10
In real life I call a spade a spade which I cannot afford to do here as I am sure my responses will be deleted. I see red sometimes here but I control myself and try to be as diplomatic as possible
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
I dont see why you cant afford to do that here! Unless you mean that you dont know how to call a spade a spade without using some banned words! I think in so far as opinions are concerned, we should be expressing them as honestly as we can. Here, I get to express them in cool and collected way, so I dont really need those words. :) I am also not influenced by prejudices due to wrongs of other persons when I state my opinions here, so to that extent, my mylot personality is inded my real unadulterated self while in real life what I am is not really what I would like to be but something I become due to circumstances! Interesting thought! :)
@allknowing (68676)
• India
7 Feb 10
You seem to be the opposite of me. No. I do not use unparliamentary words at all but vehemently disagreeing with someone here could kick up dust and the reaction of others might prompt Admin to delete the discussion. I have seen it happening here. Honestly in real life I say what I have to say as the world is becoming so unreal by keeping things to on self that we are living in a fools' paradise. Atleast a few people like me could wake up people who are day dreaming!!
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
He he. Unparliamentary language! I am worse than that I am afraid! I can use simple words and inflict the kind of pain that the person cannot recover in lifetime. :) I dont need those words. :) People who use unparliamentary language are in my opinion much nicer/simpler folks than me, as they have not achieved my level of nastiness. :) But then, my nastiness is essentially reserved for people who are nasty or trying to be shrewd - with me or with others. :) I agree the world needs to be woken up from its unrealistic slumber. :)
@cianoy (513)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
Your point is absolutely right. You should expect slight differences since you get to think about your responses. It'll be a bigger difference if in real life, you are quick to react. I think though that eventually your true self will be revealed. I think that's true for myself. I have about 200 posts. You have significantly more with over 2000 (congratulations on that by the way!). I think even if I tried to fake my personality, it will keep coming out with that many replies.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hi cianoy, thanks. :) I think there is difference between deliberate faking, and inability to be ourselves. In real life, we may be influenced by what we know about the other person and therefore, we react to the personality of that person rather than stand up for what we believe in! Here, we are able to be ourselves! Of course, we dont use some of the words as mylot's rules would not allow them. But come to think of it, they wouldn't be there in our vocabulary had certain type of persons not been their in our lives, dont you think?
@cianoy (513)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
That's a valid point too. You'd care more for the reaction in person than you would here. Therefore, you're more likely to express strong opinions here.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
8 Feb 10
Or perhaps react strongly to the words uttered by people in real life?
• United States
7 Feb 10
The only way I see myself being different on mylot from real life is I am more fee to discuss certain issues on here where I normally would not get involved in.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Me too. :) Some of the discussions I participated in, my friends and relatives would never expect me to be there. LOL. What more the opinion that I gave in such discussion would have their jaws dropping. LOL.
• United States
7 Feb 10
I agree. We can give what ever opinion we want on here but if asked the same question in the real world our answers would more than likely differ drasticly.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Basically though, I do believe in my replies out here. It is just that in real life, I wouldn't dare to be like that. So it is a false me in real life, and not the other way round. :)
@verabear (797)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
I'm a little different in real life compared to my online persona too. I think I come off nicer online than how I really am. Like you, I guess it's because there's time to pause and really think about what to say - like we edit ourselves out.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
8 Feb 10
I appreciate your honesty. :) But we are nice because of another reason as well verabear. :) Here nobody is hurting us with snide remarks - we are not subjected to any envious remarks, simply because nobody knows the other so well! :) Because of this, we can continue to be friends. In real life such things create the need to hit back or defend ourselves with some nastiness. Dont you think? I think we are honest, we are not acting. It is just that we are not ourselves because in real life our responses are different because of different conditions. What do you think? :)
@verabear (797)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
Yep you make a pretty good point. I certainly agree that we're not acting or pretending while we're. There are definitely dynamics of communications and relationships that are different when you're face to face and really know each other than when you don't see each other so much.
1 person likes this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
Maybe but I think I am still the same here & in real life I love it here for I get to give some advices & express myself more but as far as I can differentiate I am pretty the same.
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@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hi happy, :) In principal, very few here differ from what they are in real life. :) It is just that some aspects of their personality never gets expressed. May be that is why we come here. :)
@stvasile (7317)
• Romania
7 Feb 10
I also hold back a bit around here. Not much though. Look who's talking about being treated like a kid! Now I understand where your behavior towards me stems from...
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hi cub! I dont hold back here! :) I can afford to be me here! Outside the virtual world, my emotions are involved in both good and bad ways. Therefore, I could be prejudicial at times, which is not what I should be or want to be. Though normally I am able to put the stopper there, at times some nastiness does sneak out. :) So your aunt is not all that good in real life kiddo. :) And as far as treating you as kid spartan, you are! I am not! I am quite mature! Your attitude is quite childish! Ok?
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@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
For example somebody bad mouths me outside, and I learn of it, obviously I would be holding it in my mind when I talk to the person the next time and be cautious how I behave, isn't it? But here nobody is going to go around envying me, or bad mouthing me. So I cant really be nasty here - and that is what I meant. This is my true self, the other me emerges because of different circumstances. :) Of course, our inability to have major differences is also because we communicate through writing rather than verbally. Had it been verbal communication, I am sure by this time you would have impaled me. LOL.
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@stvasile (7317)
• Romania
7 Feb 10
Impaling is so cruel... I'm really sad you think that of me... I would never do that to you... Most probably I would have made you balloon animals. Out of your intestins that is...
@Aaleexix (2291)
• India
7 Feb 10
Very frankly speaking. I have different approach to different aspect of life. In real life I have to deal with practical problem and I deal with practical approach. And in this life I have to show my views and thinking. And people have the duel character. And there is difference between the real people and the thinking of the people. In writing people expresses their unfulfilled desire. And many views and thinking are not practical. So politely I want to say that I am different to the real life person the people here in writing. I don't know what other think on this matter but I believe that I have difference in approach on different situation.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Yes, I think so to Aaeleexix. :) I am also quite different as I have already expressed. :) In real life, at times, I am impulsive. At that moment, some emotion takes over, be it fun filled emotion, or anger, or pain. But out here, it is a saner way of talking and thinking, if I can call it that. Since these are the things we believe in, this would qualify as the real us, isn't it, after all, given ideal circumstances, this is what we would be! :) What do you think?
@Aaleexix (2291)
• India
7 Feb 10
I have red the life very closely. I have observed the people very sincerely. I have seen that people think good in their mind. Even the most worst people of the world don't think any bad. But the life is very rude and lead such a way that he is considered as bad. Emotion, anger, love ..... all the feelings makes people away from the right path. Situation and the dealing with the situation is the basic way of life. Most commonly people have to carry a life that they don't want to have. So people are basically dissatisfied. And to be happy in life people gather more sorrows for them. All are dissatisfied. But act as a happy person. How close you reach to the mind of the people and touch the heart you sound the wave of sorrows in the heart of the people. We all are compelled with the situation. Actually people have nothing to do. All are done by the situation and people are blamed or appreciate for....
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Yes, time and context change the meaning of things. Same thing can be good under some circumstances and bad in another context. So people should not be thought of bad or good I suppose. :) Thanks for sharing your views Aeleexix. :)
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
hello vandana, when i respond to discussions, usually i respond base on my experience and what i really feel & think at the moment, i think this is really me but just like you there are slight difference in some things, coz i think its different when we write & when we act. hehe i mean somethings are easier said than done. things like that. so i can say here that i will do this or that but in real life it might be difficult to do such things. well on my mind that's what i want to do, but when the actual things happens, decisions & opinions might change...hehe but, most of the time, i am who i am...on & offline.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
but i never pretend to be someone that i am not...
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hi ckyera, I agree. :) In real life some emotions overtake us, and we just dont find right logics and right words coming to our aid. :) At least I dont. :) It takes me some reflection, and afterwards I do regret not having said or done something in a more simpler way. :) But then, I think this is how we really are - strange that our virtual personalities are our real personalities, and our real personalities are full of hypocrisy and emotions that we do not exactly identify with but do just to score one up! :(
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hi ckyera, I think in so far as pretending to be somebody else, I think I pretend more in real life and not at all here. :( What have I to lose here anyway! :)
@timasma (123)
• Poland
9 Feb 10
I'm me, no matter where I am, behind my computer or face to face I believe I'm the same. I think for some people it's easier to write, sometimes face to face the words don't come as fast as we would like to say them. If you are writing you are a bit more careful on your choice of words.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Hi timasma, to an extent, yes I prefer writing. Face to face, real time responses scare me. :) But there is more to it. In personal life, we also respond based on our feelings towards the person. So if we are envious to them, we are more likely to say, oh! is it? I dont think so, may be in your world it happens like that. lol. that kind of thing you know. :) Out here, such nastiness is missing. :) Dont you think?
@timasma (123)
• Poland
11 Feb 10
I agree with you. But I do try to be myself at all times. Sometimes for one reason or another we have to hold back a bit, I usually get in trouble for having a mouth, sometimes I say things a bit to fast before reflecting on the subject. But that is just the way I'am. ;O)
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
That is just the way almost 90 percent of us are! So dont worry. :) Accept yourself as you are, and the world will automatically accept you. ;)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hello, I think I am the same person here. The real and genuine Me. In real life I don't think much before executing something. I just put before myself a binary choice. In every situation I want to go to the righteous path only, so I have to differentiate between what looks wrong and risky from what is good and virtuous. I devoted a considerable amount of time to realize myself, to make my mind totally clean and strong. Things have never been easier after that. My life is smooth, I don't even think much before saying anything to anybody. I am exactly the same person when I am in myLot. Take care God bless you
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Hi getbiswa, may be you have been fortunate so far, finding the right kind of folks around you. :) There are situations when people envy you, harm you, try to be selfish with you, and there is nothing you can do about it - till it gets over head, and then react may be in a crude way. Such situation can never happen out here because we can simply avoid the discussions that are unpleasant. Therefore, the real and genuine you that you are showing is only part of you. There is that other part that is not really visible. But of course, may be this rule doesnt apply to everybody. :)
• India
11 Feb 10
Hi Vandana, I know that situation is not always favorable. People do change their behavior under pressure. But I too believe that there is no strength required to go along with what others think, do what others do and behave as the others behave. The real strength in man is demonstrated in swimming against the current. How would you know that the folks around me are benevolent? I think 90% of the people I've met so far doesn't fit that description and the people I found absolutely wise, none, so far. Each day I have to stand against them, their feeble ideas and manipulative behavior. But the question is, why should I do something just because 10 other people around me want me to do it? Why should I think like they think and behave like they do? What is the glory in that? I will be myself no matter what comes ahead. A man without strong principle is no man at all. Thanks for starting this interesting discussion God bless you
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Hi getbiswa, I meant - we can afford to express what we think and feel here without actually going overboard - using wrong and forceful expressions. In real life, we need to give our responses in real time. At that point of time, may be some words do not come in our mind at the right time, because of which there might be some unpleasantness. We run the risk of getting lost in those words rather than actual matter. Word for word kind of thing. It may or may not be unparliamentary. :) Out here, we are less inclined to do that. :) That is because we can still express what we think and feel. :)
• United States
16 Feb 10
I must say that I am not very different, I have always been out spoken and very willing to speak my mind. And dear weather you are a kid or not your opinion does matter. It is something you have that no one else can take away from you.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
17 Feb 10
Dear sxrxnrr, I am touched. I have got so used to my opinions being brushed aside, that I no longer find it insulting. There have been instances when I felt that listening to my opinion would make a difference, but it is always elders, and outsiders who get their way in our home. :) I guess, that is the reason mylot makes me happy. Nobody is brushing me aside for a change. :) Just dont know which of the two is real me. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 10
Well that is sad to me that your opinion is just brused aside. My mother always told me that people can only do to you what you allow them to do. And to me if the want you to respect their opinion then they should do the same to your. Then again I am not sure where you are from or the customs that you are used to but there is no way I would just let anyway brush aside my thoughts!
• India
8 Feb 10
Dear Vandana, I am the same here as in my real life....I think you can judge my character depending upon the discussions which I have posted...
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Hi javoblrbaba, to the extent I have posted, and I have posted quite a few, I am no different from my responses. But when it comes to real life, I am not quick witted. Therefore, misunderstandings to creep in, as I end up using wrong word in wrong places. :) At times, of course, I am nasty and curt. :) I never get any opportunity to be nasty or curt here. That is because nobody has been nasty to me or people I like. :) Oh a couple of occassions, I did stand up for my friends, but even then, what I wrote was mentioned in such civilized way, which is not normally possible for me. :) So I felt, I differeed from real life. :)
• India
16 Feb 10
well said vandanaji....well said
@Sandra1952 (6052)
• Spain
7 Feb 10
Hello, Vandana. I think I'm probably the same. I can be a bit outrageous at times, and I do that here and in the real world. I also have a bit of a warped sense of humour, which also manifests itself everywhere. And I'm an incorrigible flirt.I probably flirt even more on here, because I'm at a safe distance from the receiver of the fluttering eyelashes, but in all other respects, I'd say I'm the same person on and offline.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
8 Feb 10
Ok! Are you ever impulsive in real life Sandra? Do you ever react to anything nasty said to you? Well, do you know of anybody who is envious of you and goes around bad mouthing you? How is your reaction to such folks in real life, and do you come across anybody who has been doing that to you here? I'd say part of our personality, and a crucial part, is not exposed. We try to be what we are - and we honestly believe in what we are saying and doing. But our sphere of interaction is limited as all human emotions do not seem to come here. I read your responses, and they are really hilarious. :) I have been picking the links and passing on to other friends. :) My friends do not have time to mylot but they love such things. :)
1 person likes this
• Spain
8 Feb 10
Hello, again. Yes, I am impulsive, and I do react to nasty remarks. I take your point that we have more time to think about what we post than we do in real conversations, so yes, things may come out a bit differently online. Thanks for the nice comments about my posts - I enjoy yours as well.
@thuhuong (828)
• United States
7 Feb 10
MyLot is so many things to so many of us. I like mylot because I get to brainstorm a load of discussions of which I know I sometimes don't have the time to discuss with real life people. In fact, it makes me more social in a sense as well. I'm no different in real life but mylot gives me the benefit of organizing my thoughts which reality cannot. It's all a big wave out there so when you can relax and come together, that's therapy to me.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
10 Feb 10
Exactly. I too feel that we tend to be more organized as we are not doing things in real time. :) If we did it in real time, we'd be confused / impulsive may be? he he. I too love coming here. Nice meeting you thuhuong. :)
@thuhuong (828)
• United States
10 Feb 10
Nice to meet you to van! I'll see you around. :)
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
I think so. Here, I am more open and confident of who I am whilst in real life I am more reserve. It is maybe because, here I can express myself without having some apprehensions or getting misinterpreted. If ever I'll get misinterpreted it won't cost me much trouble and I will not be as affected as I am in real life. People are taking me here for who I am and what I am unlike in my real world, it is always me who gives way and try to understand everybody else as if it is my obligation to care for everyone else's opinion.:-( Good morning to you, Vandana ,from the Philippines.:-)
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Exactly, in some instances, we are more open and frank. In real life we dare not do that. While in some other instances, in real life, our prejudices taint our responses. Here there is no scope for such prejudices or reactions to impressions. :) So it is real you who is emerging here, though it is under some conditions. :) Nice to know eurekafemme that you are able to be yourself somewhere. :) I will remember that. :) And good evening to you my dear. :)
• Philippines
14 Feb 10
So real that sometimes, I felt like I am going to offend someone someday.LOL It feels nice to be the real me. Not giving much care if either you leave me or take me for who I am and for what I am here. This is the reason why I love Mylot. It makes me keep in touch with my real self without being abusive and immoral.:-) Have a wonderful weekdays ahead, my dear.;-)
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
7 Feb 10
well, that is good at mylot, we can share what we are and what we feel. we can say what is in our minds. and with my posts and my discussions, i also keep in mind that i am posting myself, and for myself. i don't want people think that i am just here for money. i am here because i want to be known and remembered as i am, online and in real life.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Feb 10
thanks.
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
7 Feb 10
I am the same in mylot and in real life. But sudden problems will give a panic mind to me for a while. But quickly I gather strength and react to be best.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
7 Feb 10
Hi Buchi, I think I am slightly different. In real life, we do have people who envy us, who ridicule us, and such stuff. Out here, nobody does that! So it is very easy to like everybody out here! It is hard to get annoyed or be nasty with anybody here. Even when we disagree, we do it in such refined and educated way. But when communication is verbal, everything seems to go wrong. May be I had a wrong sort of crowd for quite sometime. So I tended to be reactive, and only now I have found my balance. I dont really know. But I do find I have substantially more number of friends after joining mylot and am able to keep good quality friends around me. Earlier, I always ended up in a group where people were overriding my wishes, being nasty with me, envying me, and so on. Now, people seem to have understood me, and more people are drawn towards me. Partly, of course, mylot is responsible for improving my communication skills, but the other thing could be I have learnt how to view it from others perspective as well. :)
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• India
8 Feb 10
Very true. Some persons will test our patience. Unless we show our face, they will not change their attitude.
• United States
8 Feb 10
I try and act as I would when I represent myself anywhere whether it be in person or on the internet.
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Yes of course, almost everybody tries to give their honest opinions. But we are selective in so far as what we want to respond to. :) Therefore, there are issues where our responses matter, but we are not touching those discussions. :) Likewise, we are not really going through the regular envy, anger, love, and such emotions that we normally feel in real life, are we? :) So our responses might be more like machine made - subject to some conditions, may be? :)
@NoSides (66)
• Indonesia
8 Feb 10
A bit difference actually but not much. I tend to say like what really happens around me, especially when it comes to my opinion at stuffs. I responded the way I really think it is, not only to please other mylotter. G'day!
@vandana7 (66836)
• India
11 Feb 10
Hi nosides, I dont think anybody responds here to please others except when they are doing it for fun. :) Everybody is sincere and honest to the best of their abilities which out here is 100 percent or as close to it as it can get. The point is they choose to steer clear of matters that would require them to tell something that they would rather not. Similarly, they do not follow people who would more likely hurt them. A major difference is of course the type of emotions that we face in real life. In real life we are competitive, envious, impulsive, bad mouthing, gossiping people. :) Here, we are shielded from such feelings I think. Because of that, it is possible for us to be friendly with everybody.