Do guys really need an alone time?

@laydee (12815)
Philippines
February 15, 2010 5:03am CST
Do guys really need that? I think my guy is doing that, but what really ticks me off is the fact that he doesn't say so. He just disappears and goes invisible. He's been doing this almost every year since we're together. Is this normal? I do always panic or try to look for him, not because I want to be with him all the time, but because I just want to know that he's fine, you know what I mean? How to deal with it?
4 people like this
20 responses
• India
15 Feb 10
The way he is acting is just because he is a guy..Its psychology, men and women both are different and its this difference that we should be able to identify.. Men needs to know that he is wanted so he pulls back..they need lots and lots of space and when you will come more near to them they will pull back further... I have learnt it from my 4 year long relationship. They just need to feel needed by their women.. Just ignore him and try to keep yourself busy, after few days when he would realise that you are away then an automatic need would come in him to come closer to you.. men are like rubberbands more far they would go the chances of their returning back would increase likewise. its something on the emotional level. they close themselves to let themselves know that they actually love their women. you might even would have felt that there are times when you yourself feel that nobody loves you and nobody cares and at that time just one- I LOVE YOU from your man does the trick and you actually feel very nice... i hope you are undestanding what i want to say.. Basically, men and women both are different, women wants to be told that they are being loved and men want gaps to understand the same.. That's how it goes.. so don't worry..give him space, and when he comes back don't tell him how hurt you are rather treat him with more affection and love, it is hard at starting but keep in mind that you both are different, when you will treat him with love he will automatically start moving away for lesser gap, lesser times. try it!
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
I read that one from Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, but it's easier said than done. I would gladly give him space if only he'd said something before disappearing like this. Thank you for the advise though that if ever he comes back I should not talk about how hurt I am but rather how much I do love him. But for now, I really hope he's just okay.
• India
15 Feb 10
when you have already read that book then there should be no problem at all. He is like that only, i understand it hurts but if you really want to work out things between you to then you have to try hard... i did it and hope you too would, relationships are easy to make but difficult to maintain..always remember that!
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
Same thing with my husband. I give him the space that he needs, well, as long as I know where he is!But sometimes, just like what tirthasharma have said, he gives up his "alone time" thinking that I don't care about him anymore. And this makes him come to me instead. But as what others have already suggested, you do need to talk to him about him leaving just like that without even saying something. I do understand your worries, because I would be worried too if my husband does the same thing. You don't know if you should get worried or just wait patiently that he'll come back okay.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Feb 10
i used to be like you ~ i have known him for 16 years before being married to him for the past 3 years when i was his lover, initially up to 9 years i was like that i fought with him for missing, we seldom spend time together as he enjoys his time spent with his friends then i learned my lessons the hard way, coz i had wrong friends who encouraged me to fight n treaten him.. now i am experience enough to give u a good advice if you love him and want to be with this guy so learn to ignore him, when he is away, occupy yourself with things to do .. be in mylot to make money, learn dancing, cooking, baking, spend time at work (u can get promotions) thats what i did, i got 4 promotions in 10 yearsfroma staring pay of 1600 now i have 3600 which may not be much but my bonus itself comes to 12k he started to miss me, yes he missed me alot as now i dont look for his company, he started to pick me up from work and we spend weekends at home together .. try this, it will work out fine and dont worry about him .. he can take care of himself
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
I have realized that this doesn't end even if you're together a long time. It's just really unfair that he doesn't let me know so I wouldn't worry. Anyhow, I'm struggling at the moment because the last I heard from him was yesterday afternoon. It's 7pm here and I haven't heard from him at all, worst we're far from each other (different countries but the same time zones). I do try not to worry, but my priority as of now is to just know he's okay. If I learn from him or someone else that he's doing okay, then perhaps I would be okay. Thanks for you advise and I am indeed learning to just ignore this.
• Malaysia
15 Feb 10
it happened to me when we were staying in the same house, so not a suprise when you guys are far apart .. i was feeling the same way when i thought my relationship and him was the priority but dear, they just dont have that feeling, they feel as though you are 'intruding' their lifes .. would u believe my husband then boyfriend calling me from airport 1 month before our wedding, he said he must go to india to perform special prayers for 3 weeks, meaning he was back only on the wedding week .. before this he done it 5 other times when he went on the same trip, he will call me from the airport ~ what do u want me to do ?? whenhe is there i cant talk to him because the during pilgrimage up to 2 weeks i cant communicate at all .. but he has been a good man otherwise, leving him is a lost .. so i justlet it go n move on ..
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
20 Feb 10
Whew.. That's really tough. Didn't have negative thoughts of him being with someone else all those time? How could you be so sure he's doing what he says he's doing?
20 Feb 10
YES,YES AND YES. Im a girl BUT in my experience with men and what i have gained from the feedback of others on their relationships, space is very important for a mans attraction for you to continue to flourish. Let him have his space, but don't wait around for him to emerge from his man cave. Get on with your day or evening or whenever it is. If he goes out, why don't you go out. When he comes back and you myteriously have gone out too, TRUST ME he will let you know the next time when does his disappearing act! Don't look for constant reassurance that he is there. When you have a life and plans of your own that don't include him, he will wanting to spend a lot more time with you.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
Wow, you have nice points there and I appreciate your response. It's good to feel so dependent too, and I know I have been lacking that. But now, I'm back on my feet and I think I would try doing that. Anyhow, he's back and being silent about it (due to a lot of the people's responses here) has made him feel it's okay for him to come back.
@Bloggership (1118)
• Indonesia
16 Feb 10
I guess every guy do need some alone time... Perhaps your guy are in depressed of something or had some problem that he wouldn't let you to know... Anyway, try to talk with him or just try to leave him alone for a while...
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
20 Feb 10
How long before I worry about him finding someone new?
• Romania
15 Feb 10
Hmmm... Let me think. I think your "guy" as you mentioned him does have a serious problem. I mean I used to do that too, but not too often. It depends how often he disappears an d for how much time. I mean hours or days. I think the best thing would be if you could find out why is he doing this. And try to explain ti him that this is not good for you and neither for him.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
How long before I start to really worry?
• United States
15 Feb 10
If I want a little alone time I let my wife know so she does not worry. I may just go and do something small but then again I just needed those few moments away. I bought a PS3 to get away in my own world every once in a while and that seems to work well and we also play some of the games together.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
I was thinking the whole day today that perhaps he didn't have the obligation to let me know because I'm not his wife, I'm just a girlfriend. It hurts really to realize that you have no hold on anyone and he could just leave when he wants to. It's good that you consider your wife's worries by not letting her go through what I'm going through right now. I just really really hope that he's okay.
@Hubfee (665)
• Thailand
16 Feb 10
yes indeed. not only guy, even woman like you also need private time or time to be alone, I'm sure. Normal to him, because he does that every year. Well, you got that kind of time once a month, what's wrong if he also has the time like that for once a year?? To deal with it, Talk and make an agreement that he won't just disappear. Make sure you both understand each other.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (4778)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
16 Feb 10
George, my partner, claims everyone needs a little time to themselves every once and a while. However, if your man is just disappearing without saying anything and is gone for unknown amounts of time, then I'd be concerned too. Perhaps you could talk to him. If he is doing this at certain times of year then he could be dealing with personal issues, but you won't know that until you sit down and have a talk with him. At least with George, he'll let me know if he wants "alone time" and I respect it. He doesn't go far, and if he does (like to ride his bike) then he takes his cell phone with him. He knows I won't bother him, but should an emgercy should come up he would want me to call him.
1 person likes this
@xParanoiax (7005)
• United States
16 Feb 10
If us ladies need it sometimes, then certainly guys do too. Just perhaps, a little more communication is in order? My love was the same way, when I'd start doing a bunch of things...off somewhere, to be alone and such, and he got to thinking that I didn't want to spend time with him anymore. After we talked about it he said; "Well, just tell me when the mood strikes you and you want more space. I don't wanna smother you." Communication is sortof a big part of a happy harmonious relationship. =o I hope this doesn't bother you for very long!
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
that is one way of saying that he needs to be in his cave. guys are like bears, they need to hibernate when they need to recharge. maybe he wants to feel alone so that he will realize that he needs you. do you get what i mean? just like me, i want to have distance to my guy to miss him more.
1 person likes this
@artee13 (126)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
I think you should have a heart to heart talk with your guy so that things will be clear and when he gonna have an alone time I think he should tell you so that you won't worry so much. I sometimes also need an alone time because it helps me clear my mind off things and just be stress free and free from worries. I would tell my girlfriend that I would need some alone time but it happens rarely because when I'm with her or with my friends I already feel happy and I don't worry anymore about things.
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3799)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
Maybe he used of doing this as you're not confronting him about it. That would be alright as long as you're aware of his where about every time he disappear. You maybe not his wife yet but since you're living together you need to know.
1 person likes this
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
16 Feb 10
I LOVE alone time!!!! And now my husband is getting disgusted with me for it. hehe It may be a little selfish to do it allll the time - but I just get in my modes. I can promise you that the more you stay on his heels... the more "alone time" he'll need. He's probably just over stressed or over pressured... or over exhausted and he honestly just needs a break - but when you don't let him have his space... its not giving him that time he needs for him. No offense... but from past experience where I was in your shoes and my guy needed extra space - I was smothering them, and they really did need their space. The more space they needed the more worked up I'd get about it and in the end, it was ME that ruined those relationships, not them. Just trust your guy - if he needs you, he'll let you know.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
15 Feb 10
Yes. I need my alone time a lot, so i make sure that the other half gets his as well. We are not that unseperable, so we need time alone from each other. TATA.
1 person likes this
@monkeylong (3147)
• Guangzhou, China
15 Feb 10
Yeah, as far as I am concerned, I think the guys reaaly need the alone time which they can do things themselves.What is more,the alone time will also give a condition for people to enjoy themselves.I think the alone time will do a lot good to people. If the alone time was not permitted,I think I will be mad some time later.
1 person likes this
• Slovak Republic
15 Feb 10
Being a guy i can tell you that its required.guys need alone time,to just clear there minds and have a smoke maybe lol.most of us don't do anything at that time,but it required to keep the mind in peace.ya do try an talk to him about alt east letting you know that he is well and good.
1 person likes this
@fsll518 (304)
• China
15 Feb 10
I also think that's not really normal. He shouldn't let you worry. I don't know if all guys need that, but I suppose I won't need that if I have a proper GF. You need to ask him to discuss openly, let him know how you feel, and let him know how you expect him to handle the relationship. He should know you care about him. If he still doesn't care, then maybe he is not suitable for you. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 10
No i don't think so that guys need an alone time because they always want friends around them and hang around with them.
1 person likes this
• Romania
15 Feb 10
I think you should sit down and try to speak with him. Why he is doing this? I don`t think he does this to you intentionally. And I think if he does not do this very often than it`s not really a big problem. Maybe he needs some time to be alone. Sometimes I need too, to clear my mind or if I have trouble. And I don`t want to speak to anyone. But only once or twice a year I do that.
1 person likes this
• India
22 Aug 10
Hello laydee I don't think guys or girls need any sort of alone time Your guy should tell you where he goes when he vanishes, have you ever tried to investigate about that? Well I am retired now, my younger son and his wife and baby daughter are with me always, my elder son lives far with his family and kids at his work place, my wife is now there with them for a month.. Quite naturally i feel so lonely, ofcourse i try to reduce this feeling of aloneness, i help my daughter in law in kitchen, read newspaper, watch tv.. Thanks for sharing. Welcome always. Cheers. Professor