what will i do.

Philippines
February 17, 2010 12:32am CST
i am pregnant right now but the father of the child is no where o be found. he left me when i was 3 months pregnant. then, my ex want me back though he didnt know that im pregnant and his been my long time bf. i just i lied to him by saying i am sick thats why im always at home and dont have job. i know he loves me and i can feel it even when were still together before. he keep on sending me money for medication as what he know. i have no intention of using him as i also love him but i need the money also so i didnt refused it. i also want to spent my life with him coz i can see his very true though i am not. he want to come here to marry me though i told him not this year maybe next year. im planning to leave the baby to my parents after giving birth and will go with him after and i will just send support for the baby without informing the guy that i already have child. what do you think guys. im just living alone here without no one to talk to so i really dont know what to do now. his the only person whose helping me financially right now and we both love each other. i know he will left me and might be angry if he found out i lied to him.
7 people like this
36 responses
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
Hi homeshoppers, it seems you already have a plan and you really want to do it. But the thing is this, there is no secret that keeps unreveil. I hope while you still have the chance you need to say it to your ex-boyfriend. Do not let it happen that he will find it out to different people, it will look like you are only fooling and using him. Why not try to tell him the truth. If you will do it you will never have the peace of mind you ever wanted. You will always have a doubt when you are together. It is hard homeshopper. If he really loves you, he will accept it and you just have to respect what decision he will have, in fact if you are destined to be together, no matter what had happened to you, he will still choose you. There are guys like that, and I believe your ex-boyfriend is not different from them. And about the father of the child, I guess he have no conscience of doing that to you, he just left you like that, I am hoping for karma to goes along his way. And also I am thinking about your baby, you will just abandoned your baby. It is easy to decide now that you haven’t seen your baby, what if you see your baby after giving birth, do you think you can just leave it on your parents and be with the man that is not the father of the baby? The baby has nothing to do with what happen to you, I believe the baby needs your care as his/her mother. Just think about it deeply before landing on a decision. I am just giving you an option, it is still up to you. Anyway take care of yourself.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
20 Feb 10
Honesty is the best policy. You should tell him the truth. How can you spend your life with someone and hide your child? For everyone involved the truth should be told. It possible that he will accept the child as his own. No tricking him just tell the truth.
1 person likes this
@teamrose (1499)
• United States
17 Feb 10
Building a life on a lie is no way to start. There will always be the lie to keep you off kilter. Your parents raising you child, will not insure the child will not one day want to find its mother. If the child was given away to an adoption agency where the records were sealed it would be less likely the child would one day show up in your life. Even then it is not 100% guaranteed. The man you want to marry has been good to you financially, but that is just no reason to marry. He is your ex for a reason and that reason probably hasn't changed. You are planning on building your future on what someone else can do for you. Why not reroute your thinking and figure out how you can be self-sufficient. If you bring something to the table besides beauty and problems perhaps you could attract the type of man every woman deserves.
@carolscash (9504)
• United States
17 Feb 10
As everyone here had told you, you need to tell him the truth. Tell him that you are pregnant and tell him that you have made plans for the baby but please tell him. It would be better to lose him now than to marry him and then he finds out about the baby and leaves you. I know you say you don't want to use him, but you are if you are lying to him and accepting money for you and the baby. If he loves you, he will accept that you are pregnant and that he will have to accept that to be with you. He might suggest that you get married and raise the baby together. I had a child when my husband and I met and he loves her as if she was his own. He even adopted her and her dad was sort of around.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
hi there. it seems that you're dealing with a big problem right now but whatever happens you should always say the truth. you said your ex wants to marry you but you don't want him to know that you're carrying a baby from another man. do you really want to hide the baby from him? i say you should tell him the truth about what's happening to you. if he's going to be your husband then he'll have the right to know what's up with his wife. and maybe if you tell him that you're pregnant.. maybe he'll adopt the baby and claim, support and love it as his own. isn't that great? but if he rejects you after knowing the truth.. then don't be with a man who can't accept you for who you are. that so called love won't work between you two. lets talk about your baby, you're going to be a mother someday and you should accept the fact that you will be the one who's going to take care of your own child. you should take full responsibility of the child because you'll be giving life to the baby.. not your parents. they're just going to be your guide to be a good parent just like what they did to you when you were a baby. please, think the whole thing as many times as possible. oh and about the father.. shame on him!!! he's not a real man! running away with his responsibility will get him nowhere. but if he ever comes back to you, talk to him. tell him to support the baby and be a father to the baby. it may never work between you and the real father but at least he should show concern when it comes to the baby.
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
thanks but im afraid t tell him the truth right now. besides his helping me financially and its a big help to me specially that i have no other means of income to support me and the child. im scared that if he knows the fact he will left me and if so it will not be easy for me and maybe it will only be an additional pain to my part specially now that i am pregnant or i will tell him the truth after giving birth for at least i am free from worry about the baby inside my wombs.
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
i know that this will sound very cliche but telling the truth will set you free. it's really hard to carry all those worries inside you but try letting it out one at a time. and if you keep on hiding something for a long time it's going to be harder for you to let it out eventually. also, if you're afraid that he will leave you, try looking for a support system like friends, relatives and especially your parents so you can have someone to lean on when you're in pain. and of course, don't forget to pray to GOD for strength to face all the tough times you're going through. in the meantime.. focus on being healthy for yourself and for your baby. remember to take iron supplements hehe ^_^ please take care and i hope everything goes well. i wish you all the luck.
• Indonesia
17 Feb 10
tell him the truth after giving birth?? telling right now or later might be the same result. I even think that tell earlier will help u relieve from worry and pain. So, u will worry and wonder what will happen next. U'll get the answer as soon as. Remember that no one would mind to be lied. So, tell the truth right now is best. Don't keep the problems, unless they will blast some day. A saying says: "A stitch saves nine"
@bystander (2276)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
what if later on, after your plan is already rolling and you are already there with him with your child back home to your parents, he discovers the big secret about you? what will you do? give him another lie? a bigger lie to cover the earlier lie? well, in real life, a lie will never correct a lie. and a lie will always be a lie and it affects us, because of the guilt attached to the lie. so, if you love him, and you trust that he also loves you, you can tell him about your situation now... he'll probably not understand and abandon you... but in time, he will return, if he really loves you... trust him... trust your love for him... and trust that he really loves you...
• Philippines
19 Feb 10
actually after giving birth and i will tell him all and he will not accept it, at least i can take care of myself already as i can find job that time and start my life again. right now, in my country its not easy to find job while still pregnant and no one will accept pregnant due to maternity benefit as they tried to avoid it. unless your already an employee and you become pregnant while still employee. someday i will also tell him the truth but im just waiting for the right time. thanks for the advise.
@bystander (2276)
• Philippines
20 Feb 10
well, homeshoppers, i fully understand your situation. i am from the philippines and i know the social stigma attached to your situation, including the difficulties, particularly financial, that go with it. your decision to postpone telling him your situation is practical. under the circumstances you are in, that's the best decision that you can make. i hope and pray that everything will turn out well for you... you deserve to be happy and child now in your tummy deserves every love and care you can give...
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
yes, thats what im thinking right now, free my mind from worries and problem and not to feel emotionally pain to make sure it will not affect the baby inside of me. i know its not easy to lie but i have no other choice. its not only me that im thinking but the sake and health of the baby. the care and love and support that my ex showed me right now helped a lot for me to feel fine and happy. if i need to lie im doin git for my baby sake. i cant find job in my condition right now specially here in my country. someday, after giving birth, i will tell him everything, fter all, if he will not accept the fact at least theres no baby inside of me tht will be affected if i feel emotionally not fine.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
How far are you till giving birth? You know what, you need to find ways to support yourself. You should be honest with the guy as he is honest with you. If he really loves you, he would not leave you. But should he find out later that you kept these all from him because of his money, I doubt he'd still remember loving you in the first place. You should be responsible for your actions. It may be a mistake to have gotten pregnant with the other guy, but you should no longer be selfish at this stage in your life. Find a job, or a source of income fast. Then tell that poor guy the real situation. If he leaves, that's no longer of your concern. Because as of the moment, I feel that you only love him because of the financial help.
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
im 4 months pregnant right now, and in our country its hard to find job while pregnant due to they stay away from maternity benefits and that it will only an additional cost in their part. i tried to do something like any activity that i can earn extra income but i cant find one.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
Is there a home for pregnant women then? You see, the longer you lie to him, the farther your chances are for him to forgive you. Hmm.. can't you ask help from your siblings or parents perhaps?
• United States
18 Feb 10
Hello homeshoppers, ARE YOU KIDDING ME ? tell this man the truth. How could you not? you say you love him. Your going to have a baby. What do you mean you can't tell him? I could scream...if its a money problem, get a job. Your going to be a mother. If this guy really loves you, he will not go anywhere. How could you even entertain the thought of leaving your baby with your parents? they did'nt make the baby.You did!! They did their job when they raised you. Now its your turn, That would be so selfish to do that. They are the GRANDPARENTS not the the parent. If you don't tell this man the truth, you will most definitely lose him. I have to wonder, is this really love you feel for your ex? I asked because, you would'nt be able to keep something like this from him if you really loved him. I really hate sounding so harsh, but, if you go about all this the wrong way, you will have so many regrets and you will make mistakes that you will never be able to fix. So, many people can be hurt by your choices. Being a mom starts the day you find out your having a baby.PLease don't hate me but, I have to say it "GROW UP !" its not just about you and what you want or need any more. Its about whats best for you and your baby and your ex if you really love him. I wish you all the luck in the world, I really hope with all my heart that you do the right thing for everyone involved. Please let me know how it turns out.
• United States
22 Feb 10
homeshoppers, You say you are afraid of what he might say because your pregnant and It might affect the baby? you think keeping a HUGE secret like this is not effecting the baby? The baby feels what you feel, and obviously this secret is tearing you apart. Please do not get upset, but, this so selfish on your part. You say you love this man but, your lying straight to his face and taking his money. Please do not think I don't understand that you need money, but, this is so wrong on so many levels. I don't know...obviously, your not going to change your mind. You are going to deceive him, and say you love him in the same breath. There are a lot of definitions of love, But, I have never seen secrets and lying as one of them. I really feel for your baby, Its not even here yet, and look how its little life is starting out. Again, I do wish you lots of luck..I hope more that you will do the right thing. Secrets and lies and manipulation only leads to pain and heartache.. truckergirl
• United States
19 Feb 10
I see in your responses to ALL the comments about what U should do U KEEP TALKING about U NOT the EX, BABY& U!? If U LOVE this GUY then, tell him the TRUTH NOW DON'T WAIT ANOTHER DAY!! B/c right now U're just USING HIM and if U WAIT TILL AFTER THE BABY IS BORN HE'LL HATE U FOR LYING TO HIM... TELL HIM, TELL HIM TODAY!! Do F-Up YOUR LIFE OVER A LIE.
• United States
19 Feb 10
Don't F-Up YOUR LIFE OVER A LIE? MISTAKE?!
@kyvin147 (78)
17 Feb 10
hi!!!! just be honest to your future husband coz laying is not the answer to your problem. just tell him the truth and who knows he will accept you and your baby and if not it means his to deserving to be your husband.... Learn to face your problem Coz your not the only person who is experiencing that particular problem.... Be strong and don't loose hope... thats the only way to survive in this world....
17 Feb 10
*if not it means his not desreving to be your husband.
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Hi there, as most of mylotters here suggest, well it is obvious that most of us have said that you need to be honest with the person whom you said loves you and sends money to your needs. It is really wrong to hide the child even the very situation you are into. If he really loves you, you should tell him the truth. Respect also other peoples feelings. What about him? he will also feel deceived if you hide the truth from him that you are already pregnant with another guy. Try to think of a reverse scenario, what if your guy has impregnated another woman, and you are the one who is sending money to this guy because you love the guy, but the guy hides the truth from you that he has already a responsibility, what would you feel? betrayed right.. So better be truthful and honest. A relationship will never grow if there is a lie or any form of deception. It will never be easy to do, but it will always be the RIGHT thing to do. Happy Mylotting.
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
thank you but im scared to tell him the truth right now. besides im really doing this also for money sake and emotional sake too and for the baby, i was even trying to abort the baby before but i cant do it coz i feel guilty and so i just pray to god to help me in my financial problem and so my ex come back so i dont know if his the answer to my prayer or its only a coincidence. its not that im using him but i also love him in fact his the one that i really want to marry even before. and i know that if ever he will not accept the fact that im pregnant he will leave me an its additional pain for me emotionally.
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Hi there. I know it's not easy for you to face such situation. But in my opinion, leaving your baby would not help you escape the fact that you bore a child from another guy. It will really haunt you wherever you go. You cannot solve your problem by adding another mistake. If your ex-boyfriend really love you as what you've said, he will understand you as love conquers all. You just have to be open for him, explain everything to him your situation and your plans. If he still accept you then you are right by saying that he loves you. I know it's not easy but doing it right would help you gain back you self-esteem.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
22 Feb 10
Seriously, I don't see this working. You say you will give the baby to your parents but will he never get to know your parents thus this little baby? Then you will have to explain in another lie where the baby came from and are your parents going to lie right along with you? And he is supporting you financially. Is he going to be paying child support on a child that he doesn't know exists. Is he not going to be furious to know that he is supporting you and you are lying to him about things that he has every right to know about? Sounds as if you are lying because you fear that he will cut off the financial support and I hate to say it but that is "using" him.
@dorannmwin (36608)
• United States
3 May 10
I actually think that you should have been honest with him. If he loves you the way that you say that he does, it isn't going to matter to him whether or not you are pregnant. He will be a father to a child that doesn't belong to him especially since he will be the only father that the baby will ever know. I know that there were times in my life that I hid things from my significant others and that led to the demise of the relationships.
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
13 Mar 10
Don't try to live a lie. It will make you miserable trying to keep the truth from someone you love. You are better off telling him right now, and if he really does love you, he will understand. I don't know where you are, but in the states, the father of the baby can pay for the baby who he made. It doesn't have to be left up to you. But "honesty is the best policy" and makes a relationship work the best, even when it hurts. Do not hold the truth from the man you love or it will hurt you more in the end. It is better to be up front and honest from the beginning. With truth comes trust and that will keep the relationship alive.
• United States
24 Feb 10
I would have to say this ex the one you say is around he does not know for starters if you truly love him tell him be honest otherwise he can not know and make an informed decision. He may choose to stay or leave but either way then you know Tell him the truth the longer you make up excuses the less likely for any kind of happy ending
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
22 Feb 10
Hi homeshoppers, I'm sorry for the difficult spot you are in right now but I have to tell you that I think that you are only making things worse for yourself and everyone involved in the way you are handling it all. First of all if you want your relationship with your ex to be lasting and strong then you have to be completely honest with him even when it is difficult....especially when it is difficult. You say that you are not leading him on and in a way you are not but you are without question misleading him. Taking money from him and lying to him is very sketchy. It is not fair to not let him know something as important as you being pregnant with another man's child. These things have a way of coming out sooner or later. If he loves you, he may be upset but he will be there for you. Just put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you found out down the road say after you were living together that he had fathered another child and kept it a secret from you and was taking money from you and yet sending child support to another woman behind your back? I hope you make the right decision and come clean with the truth.
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
19 Feb 10
First, take heart. You are not the first to end up like this. You lied and that was a mistake and I do understand why,but girl tell this wonderful man needs to know the truth NOW or you'll never be able to rest and you'll have a child that wonders where his mom is. Get life straight. If he loves you he'll understand and take you and the baby too and life will be good. Don't mess around anymore. Get some back bone and live up to the woman you really are. You owe the truth to yourself first, then your man and you have a living soul in your belly who needs a full time mom and dad. No go tell that sweet, loving man of yours.
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
19 Feb 10
Telling the guy the truth would be the easiest thing to say but i guess that's very hard for you to do. I can understand your apprehension if he finds out since most definitely he will feel cheated and would get angry with you. I guess you're just being practical with what your doing right now and what you plan to do in the future. There maybe consequences later on. Other people may judge you as being a user but i can't really blame you for it. You are just a victim of the circumstances yourself. If there's no way he'll find out about your condition right now, i guess the best thing to do is continue with your plans. Tell him about the truth once you have the baby an face the consequences. You can tell a lie right now but there's no way you can keep it from the guy forever.
@harmonee (1236)
• United States
18 Feb 10
I think that you should tell him. Eventually he is going to find out and the fall out will be way worse if you have been together for a long time and then finds out that you lied. Maybe he will be really supportive of the baby and will still continue to help out. I know if I were him, I would feel incredibly used if later on I knew that you had been pregnant and let me support you and didn't even have the courtesy to be up front and honest about it.
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
This is really bad, my friend. your situation is very difficult because as your boyfriend know about it. I don't think he is happy about that... Even me if I am your boyfriend and knowing that your pregnant. It is hurt in my part because besides everything and give you my attention in full your pregnant. That is a big problem...Really? I think you need some space to think about it, right now. What I suggest you is that telling the truth so that your ex, did not think that your using him. Because if he really loves you. He understand your situation that is a big mistake you did and never get it back. Face the life that you will do in your life. You need to think more now that being that way is really a big mistake...Have a nice day!!!