Mom, I need some space!

United States
February 19, 2010 1:34pm CST
I have always had a pretty good relation ship with my mother. We talk most everyday, and share pretty much everything. I love her very much, but how do you explain to your mom without her getting offended that you need some space? I just wish she wouldn't call me everyday at eight o'clock in the morning. I am not quite awake yet, and can be a little crabby. Yet most of the time, I don't really speak up for myself, so I guess I am to blame. However, it can be a little much to talk to her every single day of my life. She tends to talk about the same things which bore me to death, but I play along so as not to be rude and hurt her feelings. How can I set a boundary with my mother. I just need a little space, you know?
2 responses
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
20 Feb 10
Stop answering - then call her later, tell her that you are now busy at that time of day - (hey, busy can be asleep too...) My roomie's mom has been calling her about 7-8 every night for some time, and she also talks about things the roomie doesn't really want to talk about - either what she fixed for dinner or the "sins of ..." (fill in the blank) If she's really not in the mood she doesn't answer. Now, understand, the roomie can't jump in a car and visit her family since she's blind and her mom doesn't drive any more either and her dad won't drive after he's eaten because "he gets nervous"... So the phone is the only easy way to communicate and I think her mom abuses it a bit (not a lot, but a bit.) So, stop answering at 8 a.m. and then start calling her later in the day and say something like "I've only got a minute, Mom, but wanted to say hi" and gradually get the phone calls cut back to a few times a week...
• United States
20 Feb 10
Hi ElicBxn, I have made up excuses before to get off the phone, but then I even feel guilty.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
23 Feb 10
you are an adult, you have a life, you can set boundries
@spalladino (17925)
• United States
20 Feb 10
It sounds like calling you is part of your mom's morning routine and, since you haven't said anything, she's under the impression that it's a good time for you, too. One thing that you might try is to let your mom know that you're going to start staying in bed a little bit later in the mornings because you've been feeling tired lately and you think the problem is that you need more sleep. Ask her if she would call you in the afternoons instead for a little while so that you can see if this solves your "tiredness problem". Eventually she will get used to that routine and it might be possible for you to cut the conversations short sometimes by telling her that you have to do something/go somewhere. I don't know how to handle the calling every day thing without hurting her feelings though. I'm sort of on the flip side of the same coin with one of my grown daughters. We live far away from each other and she calls me at least once a day...sometimes more. Many times she has nothing to talk about, she's just touching base with me. I do know this much, if something happened to her and she wasn't there to call me I would miss her calls terribly. Maybe if you can get your mom's timing more in line with what's convenient for you, the calls won't seem so intrusive.
• United States
20 Feb 10
I was thinking of asking her to call later in the afternoons. Thank you for your advice spalladino!
@spalladino (17925)
• United States
20 Feb 10
I hope it helps. I saw your response below about feeling guilty. I know what you mean...if I don't answer the phone every time Melissa calls, I feel guilty, but everyone is allowed to have a life. I have a friend who calls me from her cell when she's on the road during the day. I've talked to her about the dangers of talking on the phone while she's driving but, since she's my best friend and we live so apart, I never tell her that I'm busy sometimes when she calls, so I was trying to juggle two or three things while talking to her on the phone. Then I realized that I didn't HAVE to answer! Now, if I'm busy, I let the phone ring and call her back later...usually telling her that my cell was in a different room than I was in.