Do you talk it through?
February 22, 2010 10:18pm CST
Hello Myloters, I notice here in my country when people fight or argue they tend to let it go through quite mode. In some way I envy people like this but sometimes I dont because they tend to avoid each other for few days until one side find something to talk about that is not related to there fight but could be a way to get on normal daily life. My parents are like this and seems difficult. I am in relationship too and I am the person who tend to be quite when we have misunderstanding but my partner is different, he always want to talk about it until we resolve our problem even if that means no sleeping. It work most of the time because we wake up the next morning friends again but when we are in the process of talking, it is very difficult for me because all that comes into my brain are bad thoughts and I know that if I say some of it it could blow our relationship. I have to control myself as much as I can not to say hurtful word about him. That's how our fights and misunderstanding get resolve. How about you, do you talk it through and you just sleep over it and pretend nothing happen the next day? If you have a choice which one would you choose, "the quit mode" or "the talk it through"? Thanks Myloters and happy Myloting
• United States
23 Feb 10
Hi, Eve - great topic! My husband and I have an agreement. We never go to bed (or leave the house) angry with each other. I guess our reasoning may sound kind of depressing in a way, but it really works. It would be horrible to have just had an argument and then something would happen in the middle of the night, and we would never be able to talk about it...know what I mean? And then if one of us were to leave the house and never come back during an argument, how horrible would we feel that we never worked it out? That is our reasoning for working everything out. At first when we have an argument, we're usually quiet. However, it ends up driving us crazy eventually and one of us ends up bringing it up and talking it over. I'd like to talk things over right away, but lots of time after an argument each person needs to stew over the things that were said for a while. Sometimes it's good to have that time to yourself and then come together with your partner later on to talk things out calmly. I think overall, it's best to talk things out rather than playing the silent game. Excellent discussion!
23 Feb 10
Thanks JJ4Ever, Yeah I know what you mean because even me when we have argument and we dont resolve it straight away, I develop this feeling that even getting close to him make me feel awkward. Though sometimes, Id like to have quite time first before we talk it through because I want think back of what is my mistake and what's his so we can both point it out to make sure we do something about it. It just it doesn't happen all the time because he tend to talk it through straight away and after we resolve our problem that's the only time I can think clear and whatever I thought I could say will never be discussed because I am scared that if I brought it out after we fix things we might argue again. And bad thing is I have very bad memory and when we have argument again all I want to say are gone. Thanks agian and have a nice day
• United States
24 Feb 10
I think you and I are a lot alike in how we handle conflict in arguments like this. I feel weird and awkward as well when I try to talk to my hubby even if it's something completely different than what we argued about. That's the nice thing about how you handle this situation by working it out right away. I think that's the best way to do it overall because then it's done, you don't have to bring it up anymore, and you don't have that nagging feeling anymore. I know stuff like this nags at me forever until I work it out, and that really bothers me. I'm going to try to resolve arguments more quickly like you because I think that's going to be the best way to go. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
23 Feb 10
I absolutely agree with you because it happen to me once with my ex and we separated after 1 year of hard work only because when we fight we dont talk about it. He never want to talk about it and when we fight in the morning he make me breakfast then we forget everything without resolving it. Not really good thing to do