5 Wrong Ideas Women Believe In Staying With A Man Who Hurt Them

Philippines
February 23, 2010 10:26pm CST
Hi Fellas, I was out with my gal pals and we were engrossed in a topic about why women are staying in a relationship with a man who hurts them. These are the reasons the top 5 most reasons why women get stuck. 1. " She thinks she'll be the one to change him".... duh some women think that love conquers all! Lady you can't change a man if he doesn't want to. He could "change" just to impress you but if its not from the heart it won't be forever. 2. "things will get better as time passes by"... are you sure sistah? well not to sound pessimistic about that but more often times things get worse. An old teacher of mine once said that " marriage is not a reformatory school", there is some truth to that because if he gambles a lot right now do you think it wouldn't get worse? In some cases things do get better but you have a lot to hurdle... that's if you are willing to stick it out. 3. " He says he loves me and I think if he does he will change for me"... do you really think so? sometimes we are so blinded with what's a love STORY and reality that we think all love stories are like the fairy tales our parents used to read to us when we were children. 4. " I love him so much and I can't live without him" .... common girl think clearly! You have managed to live on your own till the day you met him don't you think you can't live without him now? Let's get real! Don't let your feelings get in the way, you must think rationally, but don't rationalize things to justify your feelings. That won't work. 5. " I'm the only one who understands him" ... well I guess that's because you're the only one who can't see the jerk in him. This is not love baby this is called P-I-T-Y! Don't confuse love with pity, in the end you will hate him more than you love him. Perhaps he needs counseling and not your mothering him. So, these were the top 5 insane ideas that women believe in. If you are with someone who hurts you don't stay in there too long. You only have 1 short life to live and you can't be unhappy all the time for the rest of your life! If you are in an abusive relationship seek help don't play the martyr role, your life is precious and you can do something more meaningful with your life than being stuck with a rotten tomato. Happy mylotting everyone!
4 people like this
13 responses
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
wEeeH! i like your post, some women do that in there life its because of "wrong impression of LOVE!"...
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
This is a really good post, Candy. I myself can relate well because a couple of years ago I myself was part of a very abusive relationship. It was so bad that I even had to suffer from severe clinical depression for months. When I consulted my shrink these 5 points you pointed out are the ones she emphasized on. Really, we women should place more importance on ourselves more than men who beat and hurt us. Really good informative discussion, Candy. Kudos! I do hope more women read this!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
thank you pocket and I am glad that you have gotten over that bad relationship. I do hope too that I would be able to reach out to the women in here especially those who are going through an abusive relationship right now.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
Thank you so much Candy. It was with advice such as this that I was able to realize the mistake I was making and the big mess I was in. This discussion of yours is truly very helpful to women especially those who are in one because women who are in this type of relationship really need these kind of advice, the type that would knock serious sense into them!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
25 Feb 10
I was one of those women once. In retrospect...its all just dumb. 1..you can't change anyone. The only thing that will change is your tolerance of the situation and trust me...it'll change. If for some reason he changes for you...he'll revert back because of you. 2...things will get better....nope they won't. You will grow angrier and still hold on to the hope that he will change...he won't. He might promise that he will but he won't. You will continue to grow angrier tho. 3. there is no happily ever after...that is a story. there is only a happily forever NOW or NOT. no guarantees on the ever after part. That part you have to create yourselves and it takes two. 4...can't live without him? hmm...can you live with him? you can live without him even if you choose not to. trust me...you are not going to keel over and die without him. Ok enough...I'm losing track here...point is no one should stay in a relationship for any of the above reasons.
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
True, Candy, these are exactly the women's reasons. Can be for just misunderstandings or little quarrels but not to the extent of hurting us already. Thanks for posting, candy ...
@dawnald (84133)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Feb 10
#2 that's my problem...
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (4776)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Feb 10
Relationships in general are a struggle. So this is a bit one-sided. Have you even stopped to look at the flip side to that coin? To you what is really "abusive? " Instead of stating those reasons and your rational behind them, which is sterotyping, think a little bit form both sides of that coin. Take four for example: Some woman walk into a relationship streight from living with mom and dad. And, some men are guility of the same thing as well. And, if a woman is really being abused, do you think maybe the cycle started in her childhood? Maybe, just maybe she doesn't understand any better and doesn't realize it. And, not all relationships stay bad, and not all relationships are going to be easy. Where do you justify sticking it out and where do you leaving? I entered into a relationship with a man who has issues. And, here it is 8 years later, and I'm sitting on the couch waiting for him to come home from work and to call me like he does to let me know he's on his way. Our relationship is far from picture-perfect as it can get, but we support each other and get through each day. And, not everyday is a constant struggle eaither. Would I say my relationship is abusive? No... would some of my friends who over hear some of the struggles.. maybe... does it make it so... no. I know things aren't easy, they aren't ment to be easy. Yet things can get better. And, tell me have you been in a relationship? And would any of those apply to you? If you can answer yes to that... then maybe I'll believe this discussion, but right now. sorry.... I can't completely.
1 person likes this
@parthu28 (499)
• India
24 Feb 10
hey there....... i would rather say that u have done quite a deep study on women here..... because my girlfriend is one of those sorts.. she thinks her love can change me,n to some extent yes i have changed. but i would say that,it depends upon what kind of a relationship one has with the partner which decides ur fate after marriage.i don't really believe relationships get worse after marriage. but i would really like to say that girls rather wake up from the dream that they are the only one's who understand boys. its rather the other way round.they understand boys the least...... so half of what u said is absolutely right but the other part i would say depend upon what ur girlfriend is like n what kind of a relationship do both the people share???????/
1 person likes this
@leateagee (3667)
• China
24 Feb 10
Yoooouuuu are so right. In some parts I have been shot there. I did one of them ... ha ha ha. BUt I've woken up. he he he. Great post. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@angelajoy (1839)
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
Wow, you're top 5 reasons really entertained me. I've never used one of those reasons, but I have heard many women say them. I hope those who believe them will one day wake up from their delusion. Those things could really come true, but sad to say, they usually don't.
1 person likes this
@p3ks626 (6550)
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
I dont understand why some women are like this. The reasons that you have stated in your discussions are true. I think fear could also be one of the reasons why tthey still stay with them. The fear that he would also hurt her loved ones if she will leave him. Men who does this, are so disturb they need serious help.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Feb 10
This is so very true and touching…I think as parents we need to make a list of this and put up in the walls of every teenage girl…you know these ideas of reforming and love and caring for…all these comes to mind from a very early impressionable age. As it is girls are brought up to believe that their life achieves fulfillment once they become mothers and that motherly feeling is so strong and starts so early that they even try to become mothers to incorrigible men…but as we all know, most of the efforts are futile and ends in absolute heartbreak for the girl.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Feb 10
absolutely true, thank goodness im not as blinded as they are LOL! I just got lucky im into a relationship that goes smoothly.
1 person likes this
@myliezl0903 (2731)
• Philippines
25 Feb 10
thanks for sharing this info to all mylot members! hope this will give us lessons learn. cheers!