Should age matter in a relationship?

@dloveli (4369)
United States
March 1, 2010 7:07am CST
The tabloids are always telling us about people dating who are way older or younger than each other. I myself have dated a guy younger than myself. When I was 28 I dated a guy who was 19. However I must tell you that he told me that he was 23. Either way he was still younger than me. It ended up causing all kinds of problems. He wasnt old enough to go to clubs. I remember he waited outside at 2 a.m. for me. It was so embarassing. I dont think age should matter though. I got to know him before I found out how old he was. Age is nothing but a number. Should it always be that way? Please share your opinion... DL
12 people like this
56 responses
1 Mar 10
There is quite a large age gap between myself and my partner yet we have been together with nearly six years now and are getting married on the 1st May. He is a lot younger than I am but that gap makes no difference either to us or or families and friends. Age is definitely not an issue
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
A perfect example of true love. Love took over not age. Now you and your man are going to be happy and make the final step toward happiness together. Marriage. Good luck to you and your man! I hope you and he are happy together forever. dl
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
1 Mar 10
Provided both ppl are of legal age and are consenting then I see no issue with it..Like you said, age is nothign more than a number..I've never dated anyone YOUNGER than me but I've dated older than me...from 11 yrs old than me to one guy who was twice my age actually....The "number" isnt important IMO, its the maturity thats key.
3 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
I think that is absolutely correct my friend! Sometimes you see these forty year old women with these eighteen year old boys. I look at them and say she knows better. My reasoning is that she obviously wants to control someone and a younger man is just right. Or vice versa. I think it should be based on maturity and reasoning. Meaning why do you want a younger person. If its for love or friendship then fine. If its because your last older mate screwed you and you want to get back to him then no. dl
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
1 Mar 10
No age shouldnt matter and then to men lie about age just as well as women. When I met 2nd hubby he said he was 25 and I was 23 so that wa ok and then he turned around a few months later
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Everyone lies about their age. I have done it myself. Its not fair of any of us to let it go on for too long. Your honey is lucky. Some would have been upset. I dont think its a big deal how old people are as much as it is that they're compatible. I hope you and your husband are happy together for all times. You're a good person Lakota. Happy MyLotting dl
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
2 Mar 10
dont know why the rest of my responce didnt come thru grrrrrrrrrrrrrr later he celibrated his 21st birthday lololol. we met in a bar so had no problem beleiuving him as he did look older than he was. We did have 42 years together but he passsed away 5 years ago and I miss him dearly every day. I talk to his pic now and and still feel his presents alot of times!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Oh Lakota! I am so sorry for you. It is a real life fairy tale. I would write it down. So many people love fairy tales and you could make it up to date. You and your husband shared something very few experience. It couldnt have happened to a nicer person. dl
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
1 Mar 10
For me age doesn't matter when it comes to relationship specially if they love each other. And age was just a number yes, I agree. But when we are talking about responsibility it doesn't count the numbers. There are old people but irresponsible in many things while there are young at age but they know much about the life. When it comes to love I am much agree that age doesn't matter. Because it talks about the feelings. What we feel not the counts of how much age do we have. And there is no restrictions what we feel. Love is blind and powerful it conquer everything. This is what I think. Have a nice day friend!
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Well said Mods! That deserves a best response. You have a great way of looking at things. If only all people could give people a chance no matter how old they are. As long they are of legal age. I cant see a 40 year old and a 16 year old together. I dont care how mature they are. See to me being mature means knowing what should and shouldnt be. Happy MyLotting my friend. dl
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
2 Mar 10
It is true age is just a number game. However, this number serves a purpose and that's why I feel, age matters. Most of the times, a human being gets wiser with each number increment. Of course, there are some who take a long time to become wiser. lol.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
You know Whyasq you make a good point. That's why I do think that in a relationship where there is an age difference it will be a lot of work. If a person is not up for that kind of work, its definitely not a good Idea.In most of these types of relationship there is a mothering aspect. It is because the older person in the relationship is wiser. So they "mother" if you will the other. Its not always but its quite frequent. Unfortunaely being wise doesnt alway make for a great relationship either. I think its the luck of the draw. Thanks for adding an opinion from the opposite side of the coin. It makes things more interesting. dl
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 10
Only you can answer that question. In my opinion age should not be an issue, but in society you will always come across people that may think differently of you due to your age difference. My husband is actually older than me, but that has never had an effect on our relationship. Only you can make the decision as to whether or not an age difference will bother you.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
That is a very good point! Only we know what we want or what will fulfill us. Society shouldnt matter where love is concerned. Even though some people dont honor that, Love is sacred, personal. Only the two involved know whether its right for them. You said it all my friend. dl
@itwirl (44)
• Singapore
1 Mar 10
From my past, i'd always ended up with younger guys maybe because i kinda look younger than my current age, also i know more younger adults. Once, i've been with a guys who is much older than me. Age is not an issue to me as long as we could get along well. For my case, it didn't work out well for long for either younger or older ones. So age shouldn't matter at all in the 1st place.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
You are sooooo lucky! Do you know how many people would love to be in your shoes. Looking younger is a blessing as you age. Regardless of that it seems fate has helped you decide the type of man that's right for you.lol What ever you are comfortable with It. All that matters is how Two poeple feel about each other. As you said so eloquently it shouldnt matter in the first place. dl
• United States
1 Mar 10
I think everything depends of how compatible both persons are, obviously age difference give an additional challenge to the relationship, as big as the age difference is, as bigger the challenge is, but it is not something that cannot be done, everything depends how good the couples get along, and in what stage of life both are,for example if a woman 28 and the guy is 38, is 10 years of difference, but both persons probably are in stable jobs, they have achieved some success and they may have the same interests, however if the relationship is between people that are 18 and 28 years old, it is still a 10 years age difference, but an 18 years old is still working in his education, he just got out of high school, and a 28 years old person already went to college, and it is ready to settle down. So in my opinion everything depends of how compatible are both persons and in what stage of life they are.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Compatibility is everything! You are definitely right about that. In any relationship you must be stable within yourself in order to carry on any type of relationship. Be it friendship or romance. If you are good with yourself, then you are ready to take on a partner. To me its a combination between compatibility and stability. Happy MyLotting dl
@alilin28 (1532)
• Uruguay
1 Mar 10
well, i prefer to stay with a guy who is older than me, or the same age than me.. but sometimes wecould find that younger has more brain than olders.. when im talking about older people, im not refering like 60 years old because is not my like (thanks god hahaha).. im refering that im talking about no more than 10 years old than me.. but if i could choose, i would like to choose to my smae age or older.. not younger.. because i dont lkike to be her "mom" lol! have a nice day, thanks for asking.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
We all have our preferences. But we can never be sure who we'll meet and fall in love with. Love sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Who knows what he or she will look like, where they're from, or how old they'll be. Happy MyLotting dl
@mzz663 (2776)
• United States
1 Mar 10
I think the older you get, the less important it is, as long as you both have a lot in common. I was seeing someone that was a lot older than me and the problem was that he wanted to listen to what I call "dated" music, it was all from a certain era and he refused to listen to anything else and a lot of his ideas were from an earlier time and he didn't want to 'get with the times' it was like he was stuck in a time warp. But I like to keep up to date on music, news, and anything else that goes on. I do know a lot of women that would have liked hanging out with him but I couldn't do it for very long....maybe I should start going younger instead of older...
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
As we get older the excitement of a relationship becomes less important and the companionship is what becomes important. You know what is annoying to me? When people act as if they are younger than they are. They dress as if they were still in high school. Its okay to like current styles but its important not to lose yourself in the process. Be yourself! Its embarassing for everyone involved when you have a partner that is stuck in an identity crisis.lol. Imagine a 50 year old guy or girl in todays teen get up. LOL dl
@avani26 (1521)
• India
1 Mar 10
I personally feel that age is never a factor if you love someone. Anyway's girl's mature faster than boys so they would be on equal mentally if the boy is younger and so it does not matter.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
As I said in my discussion I was with a younger guy for a year and we had some great times. He was a wonderful guy. However it ended ugly. The fact that he wasnt old enough to go out caused alot of static between us. For me, I wouldnt do it again. dl
@syankee525 (6298)
• United States
1 Mar 10
i think it depend on the ages, now if a guy is like 19 or older, and he's with a girl who's 16 then yes its wrong. or if a girl is 19 or older with a boy who's 16 then yes its wrong. i do know some females perfer older guys because they act different then younger guys. but to me i couldnt be with someone old enough to be my mom, or young enough to be my daughter.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Very Very true Syankee. Its not unusual to turn the television on and on some random talkshow will be a man/woman who is with a 15 or 16 year old. But they love each other. Give me a break! How can you love a 16 year old who hasnt even fully matured both mentally or physically. Believe it or not there is a big difference between a 16 year old and a 21 year old. Just my opinion as a mother with a 21 year old and a 15 year old. Happy MyLotting my friend. dl
@tommyj (46)
• United States
1 Mar 10
For me age does kind of matter. When I was divorced I went out with women that were a lot youngr than I am. I would really notice the differance when an old song would come on and even though she said she liked it those weren't the things she listened to. I would always get along very well when I first met them but as time went by I could feel the difference just by the things they liked and I found out I really didn't.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
1 Mar 10
There is a level maturity that comes with age. It cant be faked. Its something you learn or acquire. I think you were smart. When you realized it wasnt going to work out, you realized it was the age group. If all men and women would realize this the world would be much better. Everyone wants to be like the celebrities. More often then they want us to believe they arent ever happy. How many times do you see in the tabloids that couples have broken up. They jump from person to person thinking thats the thing to do. To bad that didnt smarten up like you did. dl
1 person likes this
@tomcat23 (623)
• Old Forge, Pennsylvania
1 Mar 10
Age shouldn't matter as long as there are no disillusions involved. Many relationships fail because of disillusions no matter what the age difference is.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
1 Mar 10
Good point Tomcat! You should write a book. dl
1 person likes this
@RobtheRock (2485)
• United States
1 Mar 10
I also think age is nothing but a number. It depends on maturity and interests. I've dated older women and younger women, and have had much younger "women" interested, but I let society dictate my actions and pushed them away. My strength is liking all types of music although I am into psychedelic rock, rythmn and blues, etc. I think I got my attitude from my mother and grandmother who always had the latest hits playing in my household. I can go way back to boogie or come to the present and dance to Black Eyed Peas. But interests are the key. You and your partner are not going to be interested in the same thing 100% of the time. Also, if I'm with a younger woman, I'm going to support her for what her interests are since I might not be around that long. I say this because I've seen many widows who have found other things to enrich their lives. but I do say this, there are too many single women with not many eligible men out there and they will lose out if they let society and their friends dictate their happiness because of age.
2 people like this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
2 Mar 10
I personally do not think that age matters in a relationship, provided the people in such relations, understand each other... My fiancee is 12 years elder to me and we intend to marry. As far as I remember, we've never had an argument so far- forget quarrels! We love each other madly and passionately... We care for each other! If we differ upon some subject or issue or matter, we speak to each other and solve the problem... For more than a year this has been a healthy relationship... My advice is, if your partner is a little immatured, then try to understand him. He/she is immatured, that's why they make mistakes sometimes. At such instants, the elder partner should play an understanding role towards the younger one. Understand, analyze and forgive! Yeah, one of course, must explain the younger one what his/her mistake is and how it caused annoyance to the elder one. People who are in love, avoid making mistakes that will annoy their partners, that's what my experience has been... I wish you Good Luck dloveli... Have fun! Happy lotting!!!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
Unfortunately Mr. Pearl we ended it along time ago. I wish you were around back them. I am impressed with you and your fiance. Me and mine always argue. Maybe its because we are the same age. I love him so but he is totally too much. He doesnt know how to express himself without being angry. He sees a psychiatrist for anger issues. Its hard because he has these problems and I want to understand but more so than not his anger is towards me even when it shouldnt be. I guess this is what sickness and health means. I wish you and your fiance much happiness. You two seem as if you were made for each other. dl
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
2 Mar 10
Oh yes, my current relationship so far has been 'made for each other' :). Thank you for your warm wishes... Arguments are destructive to the health of any relation. Please try and avoid getting into arguments, it'll affect your own health as well as your partner's too. Your post here makes it clear that your partner does need help with anger management. See a good psychiatrist. Let him always know that you care and love. All will be well soon... :) Let us know how it goes! Happy lotting..
@DOLLYBABY (2536)
• United States
2 Mar 10
well for me age is just a number and it should matter or be a problem for two people once they loved each other...the way i see it love has no boundaries...i am recently married to my husband which is only 15 years older than i am..and before him i had date two guys which is close enough to being my dad...lol...i am glad none of those relationship didn't work out because to be i was really uncomfortable with both guys and i don't even know why i get involve with them in the first place..i was a very uncomfortable situation because they both were too old for me...but my greedy mother was behind it all...told me to do it...i am happy that she didn't have decision in my new relationship that i had now with my husband cause i didn't listen to her time...but when i was in high i did have a boyfriend who was 1 year younger than me...i dated him because i had a big crush on him...i was like 16 and he's 15...the first time i dated someone a year younger than me...well i am very happy with the life i have now..cause i have a very loving husband to live for..
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
2 Mar 10
My grandmother always said that when you're least expecting it love will bit you right in the bum. For most of us this is true. I dont think I could ever date someone as old as my dad. Then again who knows. Although it seems that my dads generation is fixed on stubborness. If its not their way, its no way. It seems that the entire generation is like that. Maybe thats why your previous relationships didnt work out. Its hard to date someone like your dad. Maybe their age is too much like our dads. Happy MyLotting dl
1 person likes this
@DOLLYBABY (2536)
• United States
2 Mar 10
As i said they both were close enough to my dad age...they both are in their 40's ...at the time i was only 22 years old which this made a 2 year added difference..and they were 43 and 47..lol...honestly i regret it...if i could go could in my past and change it i would....i let my greedy gold digger mother thought me into it...i was really uncomfortable when dating both guys cause i didn't wanna go out or anywhere with them in public...being around them made me sick to my stomach..literally..but guess what those kind of relationships never last for a month..lol..but i was stupid cause i did have a mind of my own...which i don't use all the time and let other people decide my life me...how stupid i am..well not anymore.
• China
9 Mar 10
my bf is 26 years elder than me, for me i don't feel any communication problem or age gap between us, only the problem comes from my parents, who have the problem to accept this. The reason why they don't accept is that they are afraid the steretypes from their friends around them.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
9 Mar 10
Parents never seem to understand. If you love him then dont worry about what anyone says. If you two have a healthy,loving relationship then far be it for anyone else to say anything. Enjoy your man mamita. Happy MyLotting dl
@Wahma60 (110)
• Philippines
7 Mar 10
Age should not matter as long as there is respect, trust and friendship in the relationship. These are the ties that binds so nurture them.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
7 Mar 10
Any relationship should be based on respect, trust and true friendship. You are absolutely correct. I think if you add maturity into the equation than you'd have a fairytale romance. dl
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
5 Mar 10
The problem with age, isn't so much the specific age, but rather maturity. The fact is, most parents do a pathetic job of raising kids, and that's being nice. So when they should be mature adults, ready for long term commitment and able to take care of themselves.... instead they are basically whiny children in adult bodies, still selfish and childish, immature and unable to be the husband or wife they should be at that age. What ends up happening, is you have young boys who get with older girls, and end up acting like you are their momma. Why? Cause they are still children in 19-year old bodies. Similarly, girls tend to want older men to be their daddies, or their knight in shining armor who whisks them away to a castle to live in luxury, and then get angry at having just an average life. So the real goal is maturity and character. I know a girl that is why younger than myself, that I'd have no problem marrying, simply because she is mature. She understands life is hard, and that there is no prince charming.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
6 Mar 10
It seems we all agree Andy! Its not the age its the level of maturity a person has. So many people have found the loves of their lives and didnt choose to be together because of the age difference. If only they could see the couples that didnt worry about age. They worried about their compatibility, and the maturity of the person. That's really what we should be basing our relationships on. Thanks for sharing your opinion with us. Happy MyLotting my friend. dl
• United States
2 Mar 10
To me age doesn't matter because my husband is way younger then me. But we love each other. We don't go to clubs or go out drinking that is not our kind of thing to do. When I was about 28 or 29 I have dated young guys around the age of 18 and 19 but I never went to places that they couldn't go to either. Now if my kid is 17 and tried to date a 20 year old that won't happen.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 10
Thank you, We work at everything in our marriage. If there is something going on we talk things over. Me and my husband respect each other and support each other in everything we do. Hes a great dad to my kids. He doesn't have any of his own. He never wanted to have kids of his own. But he counts my kids as his and he is always there for them when they need him. My kids call him dad. He is better to my kids then there real dad. He is wonderful.