Would you be okay?

@dloveli (4369)
United States
March 3, 2010 6:27am CST
I was at Dunkin Donuts this morning and I saw this car in the drive thru. The woman got out and began to go inside dunkins. Next thing the guy comes out of the car and starts yelling at her. I felt so bad because regardless of who was right or wrong, it was clear that she was scared to death. She comes into the store and you could tell she wanted to cry so bad. I asked her if she was ok. You know what she said? She asked me" What do you do when you have no where else to go? Not enough money? And a child and two dogs? I couldnt answer her. Because honestly she's stuck. I have children and dogs so I know the importance of them. I would be homeless before I gave the dogs away or my child. I have been in her situation so I know the sick, nervous feeling she has. I know that she wants to run but has no choice. Been there. Done that. So many of us are stuck. We may not realize it but we are. If you left the relationship would you be okay? Would you be able to survive? I know for a fact I wouldnt. That's why I started a secret bank account with money that will be used if ever an issue such as this arises. How about you? Could you leave right now and be okay? Please share.
6 people like this
23 responses
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Nope, I wouldn't be okay. I'd be stuck. I have no job, no money put aside. So unless I was to ask a friend or family member for help (which I couldn't do as I couldn't impose on someone like that) I'd be stuck where I'm at now. Fortunately my marriage is going good, though I have to admit it isn't always easy. But then again it never is when you're in a relationship. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Well Sac thank god its going well for you and me. I would have to answer the exact same way as you did. I am happy. Very happy in fact. If this were to end I would be doomed. Ive decided to play it safe and save up some money for a rainy day. Just in case. Maybe you could do that too. I tell alot of my woman patients that they should always have a back up plan just in case. Unfortunately life isnt a fairy tale and relationships do end. We should always have a little something put away. dl
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
16 Mar 10
You're right about that. And in this day and age relationships never seem to last anymore. Unfortunately it isn't always possible to put something aside when only one paycheck is coming in. However, if things start to pick up I'll have to remember to do just that. Because it's always good to have a back up plan! Thanks dl!
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
3 Mar 10
I would not be ok. I gave up my job, about 6 years ago to take care of my disabled son. We have no extra money for anything. I am so glad that my husband takes everything with a grain of salt. I would not be able to survive without him.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
5 Mar 10
U are very lucky to have a man like that. I hope you know what a good, selfless, person you are. You should be a role model for all new parents. You have sacrificed yourself to better the life of your son. That is something that you dont see much anymore. God bless you and your family. Happy MyLotting my friend dl
@hexeduser22 (5853)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
I feel so sorry for that woman and for all the others who have actually experienced such fear in the hands of men. Even though I'm a man I know how it feels when a woman is trap in that kind of situation. I have witnessed how my mother became a battered wife under the hands of my father when he's drunk. Good thing my father had change for the better so we went back to normal. I hate it when a man hurts a woman. I hate it when men instills fear to women. When I saw it happened to my mother I vowed never to become a man unworthy of my partner's love and I would never raise a finger or lift my hands against any woman no matter what
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
20 Mar 10
Unfortunately I know exactly how your mother felt. I went thru that with the father of my children. He scared the SH*T out of me! I will never go thru that again. I dont think men really understand the impact of what they do. Some women are the same way. It depends if you allow it or not. Sometimes we think we are strong enough but we are yearning for something and they have what we think we need. NOT! I will never be put in that situation AGAIN! I was single for a long time after that break up. Until one day five years ago. Now I have the most wonderful man in the world. Thank heavens .dl
4 Mar 10
I'm thinking about a homeless shelter were my sister ended up only she had two kids not just one & one was a newborn & one was 3. Sadly though she'd have to give the dogs to somebody. Luckily for my sister we looked after the pets til they got a house. Sorry for the short life story there!
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
4 Mar 10
Hey Posey thanks for sharing your life story. No matter how short or long its still your story. I dont think I could go thru giving the dogs away. Its so sad to even think about it. I hope it really workds out for her. dl
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
4 Mar 10
Oh, trust me, the thought has crossed my mind to leave before because we've been going through a lot of issues in the past year. Of course, it all boils down to the medical issues that my husband has been dealing with, he hasn't been himself due to those issues. However, I'm still here because I know that I love him and that there is nothing that we can't work out with time. If I were to leave I know that I would not be okay, I have two children aged seven and three, two dogs and one cat. The only place that I would have to go is my mother's and that isn't a viable option at all.
@sulsisels (1685)
• United States
4 Mar 10
Hi dloveli..The homeless situation is this country is a discrace. I see it every single day of the week. Undeserving people just like you and I with children and pets and no where to go. The shelters are all full and there is not enough of them here in south Florida. I see famalies living in their cars...Can you imagine trying to get your children to school everyday after a night in the car? Most of these women try hard to hide it too for fear that DCF will take the kids away. Would they be better off if they were taken away? So many questions, so few answers. I just know that its getting worse by the day and our President needs to address this and do something now..I've heard he is thinking of putting a freeze on forclosures but that has not materialized yet..and is it enough? The unemployment here is ridiculously high as well..no jobs,,no food, no place to live..and this is supposed to be the best place in the world to live?? Granted we have it a lot better than most countries, but tell that to the family living in the back seat of their car. I have been there too..I was lucky enough to be able to pull myself out of it but I also didn't have kids..I live in a relationship that to be honest with you probably would not be in if I thought I could make it on my own. With the cost of everything today, I could not do it alone so I stay. So the answer to you question is "No, I would not be ok"..me and thousands others..Something has got to change, but what, and when? Can anyone answer that?
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
4 Mar 10
i am very fortunate that i never depended on my hubby for my living expenses and everything... i work full-time myself and the money that i earn i save it for rainy days... so in case something happen to me, yes i will definitely have the money to survive and live on my own... but i hope that will never have to happen... i love my hubby very much and vice versa... so i hope we will share our lives and grow old together... take care and have a nice day...
• Philippines
4 Mar 10
Of course everything will not be okay now but as soon as there are people who are willing to help me everything will be okay. That is the initial situation, it will not be okay, I will do the drama, I will cry I will feel regrets i will blame someone, I will blame myself, I don't know what to do. We all have been there but after all that, everything will pass and everything will goes well. I will surely do what you are doing, you have a secretbank so that when this things arises, I have a money for emergency. If a man wants me to leave, I will leave but with my children and pets.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
4 Mar 10
That's hard but I would ask if needed the police to get away from him. They would have information on shelters and info to become self-sufficient in the crimes victim unit. There will be a waiting list for housing and or financial assistance. I know its not what they want to hear but you cannot save the world. Its hard being in a abusive relationship and scared to lose your children but you never what will happen when he gets in a rage and is out of control. I would do what ever it took to survive, I would get rid of anything that I could to make it to the next day.I am not one that will take a handout but I will if I had my child involved. This is difficult call. Now I would also look at the facts. Was there a child in the car or a dog? If there was not then it may also been a ploy to get free food. Its sad but people do it when they are desperate. Its a tough call. take care.
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
4 Mar 10
i'll leave him. i'll ask for my family's help. i'm sure they will help me, i'm sure it will be not ok. but it's better for my further life.
• Philippines
4 Mar 10
I feel bad about that. I have been stuck in many different situation and it ain't great. But sooner or later I would be leaving the relationship if by all means possible nothing is working. I don't mean to sound so crafty but I would be devising a plan to survive when I leave the guy. I would be cutting down on home expenses and like you open a secret bank account, look for a part time job and start stashing basic appliances that me and my kids would be needing. i would also hunt work at home jobs in the internet at the same time and apply, because every penny counts. Then when everything is okay I would leave him without having any second thoughts and without batting an eyelash. But I would not leave right away when I cannot afford anything right away.
• India
4 Mar 10
ok i wll sugest the person with these situation, that one should do its own. do what ever for yourself and don't try to depend on others. i wll encourage the person to be independent.
• Amman, Jordan
3 Mar 10
some of people has bad behaviour and they may do bad things to save their selves.but if we suffer something like that we must be sure about the person. i was in some plase and a person told me he lost his money, then i gave hem some , but when i came back he told me another story, so i told him i must take you to police , then he run away. in the life we must be good with others but we have to take care.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
3 Mar 10
Hi dloveli! This is such a sad story! I feel very badly for this woman! I know that you tried to help her and you felt like you wanted to, but couldn't! And these are the kind of woman who end up being abused or worse! I can feel her pain with no one to help her and nowhere to go. I think that you are quite smart having that "secret stash". I don't have children and my apartment is "mine", but I do know what it is like to be in a similar sitation. I just hope that this woman will be alright~ All we can do is pray~
• Canada
3 Mar 10
Hello Dloveli! This is a sad situation. I dont think anyone should live in a relationship when its not a happy one anymore. Why not go to family or friends? Why not go to a woman's shelter where they take you and your kids and your dogs. I dont think one needs money to run away. So many woman's organizations will do all they can to help women stuck in such situations. Even dangerous ones when they are being threatened by their husbands. They also have them for men now......?!?!? I left my ex after 6 months because I didnt like what he was turning into after the wedding....didnt even think a second about where Id go. I had lots of places to go to but it turns out HE was the one to leave at my request. I feel really bad and sad to think that in this day and age, with all the help out there that women still think they have nowhere to go.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
3 Mar 10
Yes I would be ok, I may be a bag lady but I could get along. It was not always that way, when I had small children I first faced the fact that I might have to raise them alone, once I thought about that I realized that I can do what ever is necessary to survive and protect my kids. Now I have no one who depends on me and so it would just be me but I'm a survivor. I think about the terrible earthquakes and those who have lost everything, as long as I was unhurt I would be out there helping where I could, by doing something outside of myself I know I would survive.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Mar 10
Probably if you go to a shelter for abused women, they won't allow the dogs. Sad. Yeah, I could leave right now and be OK, I have a pretty good paying job. Many women aren't so fortunate.
• United States
3 Mar 10
I am in same boat ya it sucks. I dont have any answers to how to deal with it but a secret bank account sounds like a good idea. I have been working towards things to be able to leave someday but it honestly looks like i will need to wait it out till my children are adults. Maybe thats for the best anyway but it does seem like my life with be almost over by the time they all are adults so im not happy about that. I know my day will come when i wont have to live with all the issues i do today. I wish more people could get out of bad situations but financially its always going to be an issue in the world. If i didnt have children involved it would be much easier to just pick up and leave. I think its so important to wait for the right relationship before you get married and have children because if you just jump into it when youre young you may wake up years later and say that was the biggest mistake of my life and now theres no way out.
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
3 Mar 10
Hi, dloveli. Great discussion! I have hardly any money saved up right now. I may have up to $80.00 if I was to ever leave... I would not make it without any money but I would make it with God. I will just go and stay with my grandmother like I always would do. I don't have any money that would help me to survive. Maybe with food, I will, but not cash.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
3 Mar 10
Not good to stay in a bad situation Here we have shelters for women if they have them there thats where she need to go till she can get out on her own!