Shock and Heartache

By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48715)
United Kingdom
March 6, 2010 2:06am CST
When I first came online nearly 7 years ago 2 People I met here opened their heart and Arms to me We all had things to get past and through and we helped one another For Years now we speak on Messenger and Phone We have laughed cried talked things through Well I got a very big Shock on Tuesday when I first signed into my Messenger and said Hi to C and surprise, I was telling her that I will not be on much as at the moment I only have this Dongel thing but I wanted to let her know that I am ok C had not been on the Net at the weekend due to a bad Chest Infection, so on the Saturday her Husband J called me to let me know, I said no worries and to tell her that I love her, he said 'Hang on Gabs she wants to talk to you' I told J to put the Phone down I would ring back as it does not cost me to phone the America I phoned back and poor C was really tired and did sound well so we spoke for a bit and then I told her she needs to rest and if she is not online on the Sunday I will call her before my Phone got cut of C always worried about me no matter how often I said I will be fine lol C was not on line on Sunday so I rang her, she was apologising to me that she was not online as she would not be able to talk to me now till I get back on line, I told her to stop worrying, she is not well and she needs to get better and we will chat when I am back on line we told one another that we loved them very much and that we will miss one another, I did not want to keep her talking as she still did not sound to good I told her to take care and that we will talk soon Well my Darling D knows how much the Internet means to me or should I say my Friends so he brought me his Dongle for a few Days it is worse then Dial up lol but I am on talking to my Friends As I said I logged into Messenger said Hi to Lakota then saw C on line and talked to her I got no reply so I knew she would be doing something and get back to me, I can only use Messenger on it's own with this Dongle so I went to do some more cleaning came back half an hour later and saw that C had replied, I brought her Window up and I got a Shock, a bad shock, at first I thought I had read wrong, the words in front of me J her Husband Gabs, it is J, I am sorry to have to tell you this way but you are not on the Phone, I did try to ring your old Number but it was already disconnected, there is no easy way to say this to you C died in her sleep on Monday Morning at 6am, on Sunday evening, she went to the Bathroom, then asked for a cold Drink, she went to bed, I sat next to her till early hours Monday Morning but then fell asleep through exhaustion, I woke up and C had gone, she died from Viral Cardiomyopathy, love J and sorry you had to hear it this way from me but I have no way to talk to you on the Phone I looked at the words not really taking them in, I thought I had read wrong, I had not, I screamed, the tears started falling as I sat here trying to understand why and how J and I spoke for a while, I was worried about him as they where so close, he said he was doing ok and that he knows she is in a Place now where she is watching over him and me and that she loved me very dearly like I did her J asked me if I am ok I was glad he cold not her me, I told him I will be fine and he is not to worry that I will call him as soon as my Phone is on and we will talk then C was 51 never smoked, drank or anything like that she was healthy as such and always worried about me, why was she taken? She was sweet Person, a loving Person, she had a terrible life to before she met J J was going to try and get her over here to the UK this Year to stay with me as he knew how much we both wanted that She did not deserve this, I have cried since that Day I am not so much now but it hurts inside I miss her so much I can't understand why, I spoke to her on Sunday, now she is gone, I hear her Voice a lot, telling me I have to rest, she always said to me 'Sweetie you have to eat' when I told her I did not want to eat' Today is her memorial I can not be there, but my Heart is J will say a few words from me, he will tell her that I love her very much, that I miss her, she will always live in my Heart C rest in Peace Sweetheart I love you and I miss you, I will look after J for you and stay in contact with him, My Heart is aching, my tears are falling, today will be hard but I am with you Sweetie and my Love is flowing to you where you are and one Day we will meet in another world I have to say Thank you to another good Friend who has been here for me on the Phone and has let me talk and cry you know who you are How do you deal with Grief?????
14 people like this
28 responses
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
6 Mar 10
Gaggy, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's so hard to lose someone that you are so close to. No, it never seems fair. I guess when it's our time to go we will. Since she had these problems, then maybe it was thought to take her now so she will not suffer a long illness. She is at rest now and not in pain. As for how I grieve, I do it to myself most of the time. I cry a lot and pray a lot for everyone involved in the life of the one lost to us. Take care dear friend. ((((HUGS))))
4 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Moondancer How are you doing and how is Ninja doing and your Grandma Give Ninja a big warm Hug from me and a Kiss I have cried and cried, sitting here asking why, the Tears only come now and again but my Heart is still hurting I miss her I am so grateful for the love and care from all my Friends I love you Sweet Friend big Hugs
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 10
Ninja is doing better with the pain as we have him on 3 pain medicines that he gets twice a day. Of course he still hurts but not like he would without the medicines. He also goes once a month now for a pain injection which he will get the 20th. Grandma is holding her on. Thank you so much for asking. Yes, it is so hard when we lose someone and we stay upset and do cry off and on. It does get easier, I promise. It just takes time. Hugs, and love to you dear friend and to Gissi.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
I am so glad that things are easier for him I am also glad to hear that your Grandma is holding on there to Love to you and you stay strong to from Gissi and me Big Hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
6 Mar 10
Gabs dear .. you just made me cry .. i am really sorry , i did not miss even a word you wrote here .. it is just so sad and so real .. i cant advise you how to handle grief, as at this point all my loved ones are still around , but i do always imagine the worst and wonder how i will react in such situations ... My parents/brothers/sisters/husband ... all still around and this are the closest people in the whole world to me ... i wish you would take good care of yourself and thank god that C did not suffer much .. she went peacefully .. Rip C .. cheers
4 people like this
• Indonesia
6 Mar 10
interesting also for us palajari, quite enjoyable
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Thank you Sanjana the Tears are less but the Pain is still the same I still can not understand why I still believe it is a bad dream I miss her Big Hugs to you
1 person likes this
• Australia
6 Mar 10
Gaby, I know how deeply you are grieving. I know how much you care about your friends. Your love reaches across the miles and always brings so much joy. No one can explain why things like this happen. No one can take away your pain or give you any answers. All we can do is to assure you that we are here for you and that our love and concern is reaching out to you. Just remember that C always cared for you and would NOT want you to be upset. She would want you to accept what has happened and continue with your life, being thankful for the friendship you shared.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Cloud I just don't know how to accept it I can't understand why she had to go I love all my Friends and it hurts when of all a sudden they have gone I know C would not want me to be sad like this but I can't accept she is gone, Cloud, I am so glad to have all my Friends surrounding me with their Love and I do feel it I am taking comfort in it and I really appreciate all my Friends being here for me and sending their Love to J to I have sent him an email I promised Carol I will stay in touch with him and I will as he is also a sweet and caring Person he loves C so much and this will be so hard on him Big Hugs to you always and I love you
1 person likes this
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
6 Mar 10
I am so sorry Gabs. For everything there is a season and each one of us has our reasons for being here on Earth. C's reason was done here. She will be waiting for you when your time and reasons are done here on earth. Be thankful you had C to love and cry with. Live the way you know C would want you to. C is with you every step you take. Dealing with grief is a personal thing for each of us. I am praying for your grief to be easy and that you remember C always. God bless you Gabs, quita 88
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Quita thank you for being here I know she will be with me, but I still can't accept she will not be on here with me no more One thing no one can hurt her any more even her Husband J said this but he is hurting so bad and I really hope he will be fine Big Hugs
1 person likes this
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
7 Mar 10
Gabs,I have known you for a while and know how strong you are. She cannot be here because her time here on earth is done. She's accomplished what God sent here for. I know you are hurting and so is J but the best you both can do for her is to let her go and pray she knows you will be with her one of these days. You wouldn't want her hurting would you? and I'm sure none of us knows the pain she bore and now she does not have those pains. She is in another world where pain does not exist and she knows how deeply you ache for her to be here. Give her the love you would want her to give to you if the circumstances were turned around. Let her go GAbs cuz she's being taken care of now and besides she's always at your side watching you and loving you. God Bless and hugs, quita
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
Quita I will do my best on that one but not just yet, I just can't as time goes on I will I know I will Thank you dear Friend for being here and for giving me strength Big Hugs to you
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 10
What terribly sad news. I do not know who C is but if you loved her then that is all I need to know. I am sure you have heard the saying that "only the good die young". Perhaps our wicked world had just worn her out and now she is at peace and rest. My heart goes out to her husband. Please give him my condolences.
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Heather, thank you dear Friend I will pass on the Message to C Husbands I think you are right this wicked world did wear her out I believe it to
1 person likes this
6 Mar 10
Oh Gabs I am so sorry to hear that, it's heartbreaking news. Grief is a very human emotion and I have always felt it is better to let is out. Cry, let the ears fall, it is so much better to let it out rather than keep your grief bottled up inside. Everyone deals with grief in their own way hun, for me it's tears. *HUGS*
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Recycle I have no Tears left I have cried and it still hurts, I still miss her, but I guess I will have to give it time She will always be in my Heart Big Hugs to you always
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
6 Mar 10
OMG Gabs, I am sooo sorry for your loss!!! How do you deal??? You cry when you feel like it, laugh on those odd moments that you'll feel like it, remember the good times & cry, remember the good times & laugh. It is still too quick to do much more than cry!!! Allow yourself to feel exactly what it is you're feeling. The good memories will return sooner than you think!!! The pain will lesson a tiny bit each day. Then you will have those moments that something happens that reminds you of how much you miss her & how important she was in your life. Once again, cry if you feel like it. Those feelings NEVER go away, but they do show up less & less often!!! I believe that crying washes away some of our grief. Society tells us it not OK to grieve...but, I am here to tell you,CRY IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT!!!
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
I have cried and cried the Pain is still there but I know it will take time to get over it I just miss her so much Thank you Lady M Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
Awwww LadyM here is a big hug for you from Gissi to
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
8 Mar 10
What would I do without ALL the hugs I receive from you & Gissi??? THANK YOU!!!
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2900)
• Canada
6 Mar 10
Hugzzzzz you tight sweet I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss my heart and prayers go to you and your friends husband.....I to have felt your love across the miles you are a wonderful friend.....All I can say about grief is cry when you need to yell when you have to go through the emotions and steps in grieving and talk to anyone that you feel comfortable talking to about her what she ment let it all out.....I'm here if you need to talk.....All I can tell you is with each passing day it gets easier.....
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Angel, I know that it will but I also know it will take time which you know to Sweetie You got through it, I know I will to, at the moment it is so hard to accept that she has gone, why she has gone Lots of Love and big Hugs to you always
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Mar 10
It is perfectly normal Sweets to have those questions back when I was grieving I asked them all the time.....Big hugzzz and loves to you always am here if you need me....
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
I know you are and I really appreciate that Big Hugs always
• Canada
6 Mar 10
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry for your loss! Everyone deals with grief differently sweetie, and everyone goes through the stages of grief differently, but if you need me I am just a message or an email away!
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Sweetie Thank you and I know you are here for me to The Tears have stopped but the Pain and confusion have not but I will come to terms with that to eventually she was a wonderful and sweet Person Love you Sweetie and big hugs xxxx
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Mar 10
Glad to hear that you know I am here for you ... so if you need me please don't hesitate! I Love you and Gissi TONS! Hugzz & Kissezz, PurpleTeddyBear XxXxXx
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (37156)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Mar 10
oh Gabs i just feel so terrible for you and her hubby. we seem to suffer more from the loss after they are gone then they suffered here. My dear hubby is no longer suffering, is there waiting for me to see him someday. but time eases the pain a little. it gets to where you just have them there in your mind and heart but dont think of them constant any more. i dont know what i would do if i lost my 14 years friend ive had online. we met way back when i just belonged to a prison writing group with her online. i still have never seen her in person, but we have talked on the phone and sent emails, posted mail, pics, etc. for 14 yrs now. i have her moms phone and address also if need be.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
It is hard Bunny You will know that because you have lost your Hubby and I am so sorry for that but you are right he will be waiting there for you Big Hugs to you
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
7 Mar 10
Dear Gabs, I am so very sorry for your loss. I don’t know who C was but she sounds like a lovely woman taken way too soon. There are no words to ease your pain, sadly it is something you have to endure and fighting it is worse I think. When a dear family member passed away not too long ago I let the tears come when they needed to, even when I was out in public because I needed to cry and grieve for who I had lost. It will get easier in time to look back on the good times and the tears will lessen but losing someone is not something you ever get over, you just learn to live with the loss. I hope you will feel a little better soon although I know you have to endure this pain. Please do not forget to take care of yourself, please!! I am here for your with my love and prayers...
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Paula thank you I know it is going to take time to get over this but it just hurts and I miss her so much Hugs to you and thank you for being here for me
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
7 Mar 10
Oh Gabs, I am so sorry about your friend~ I know how close you two were and I am heart broken for you and her loving husband. I didn't know here and am sorry that I didn't get the chance to. But, I know that if she loved you, that she must have been a wonderful person. I can't tell you how badly I feel for your loss, especially at this time when your life is in such turmoil with the move and everything. But, as you said, she is in a better place where there is no pain and you two will one day be together again. I know that isn't much comfort right now as the pain is still too new, but you have your friends here, you have me and I will be here for you! I love you so much Gabs! Please take care of yourself and don't let this make you sick. I know how hard it is to lose someone that you love. I am sending you lots of love and hugs and am praying for your friend to rest in peace~ Love, Leslie
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Sweetie, thank you for being here for me I love you to very much and never forget that you are also special to me Big Hugs and much Love to you always xx
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
6 Mar 10
I cry and I stress and I eat myself up from the inside I lost my dear friend Elaine to cancer 11 yrs ago, and it still kills me. Sometimes I just grab Scamp and hold him, knowing he's my last tangible link to Elaine
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
I have cried and cried but the Pain is still there I guess I have to give it some time I just miss her so much
1 person likes this
6 Mar 10
Hi Gabs, It is always a shock when someone you love goes suddenly and so young, but there is always a reason why this had happened, all we can do is remember the good times and the laughter, celbrate her life as she would not want you to be sad, she knows what you have been through and she did worry about you, but hope things are better for you hun and hope you are a lot better today, you know I am always here for you no matter what. love you lots. Tamara
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Thank you Sweetheart I am so tired still and hurting in all ways but it will ease I know it will eventually I have to accept it and I have to try to figure out why I love you lots to and thank you xxxx
@savypat (20246)
• United States
6 Mar 10
Do not try to deal with it, just let it come. It is natures way of healing and can take a long time to get to the stage that you start to remember only the good things. Just be aware that we each live our lives and die. There is no way to judge the fairness of this and it is just something to be accepted. My prayers are with you.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Pat I know I will never get the answers why and I guess that in time I will just accept it Her Memorial was yesterday and I was there in my mind and heart Thank you Pat
@BarBaraPrz (20524)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
6 Mar 10
Sorry for your loss. If you believe that she's in a better place now, then you should be happy that she got her reward early.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Hi Bar It is not that easy I miss her
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
6 Mar 10
you know the answer to that one on my part as I found you after hubby [ast away and we spent hours and hours on the IM, I didnt know C that much but we did pass emails back and forth! I was very saddened about her passing and JUst hope the best for J and that his greiving passes soon but it wont as they were so close. as for you you have to keep thinking she isnt hurting any more and that God takes us when He wants too
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Yes I know your answer to this as I know you where in so much pain and we did spend hours on IM and I am glad that I was able to be there for you You trusted me straight away there was so many times I was wishing to be there with you to hug you I cried with you because the pain it was causing you but I also sent you lots of love and hugs I got to know Carol a couple of weeks after you through one of Gens Sites and we became very good friends to from there just like with you Love you hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
7 Mar 10
yup and we met through Gens site too. isnt that a good sign tho? I am so glad for you and glad you also got friends with C. I can hardly wait for you to get teh net back!!! hugssssssssssssssssssss
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
Me to But as soon as Phone is in next week I shall call you and hopefully the Net will not be to long after Big Hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
• Regina, Saskatchewan
6 Mar 10
Gabs I'm sitting here reading this out loud to my hubs and crying like a baby for you and Carol and J and all those who loved your sweet friend. My heart is with you and Carol's family today, and I will light a healing candle for you that your heart emerges from the pain and only sweet memories remain. I love you sweets and will be with you as soon as I can and we will have our own private good bye for Carol. Breathe................and for God's sake EAT!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Spark thank you for popping in I am so glad to see you I will be ofline again from Wednesday as D will need his Dongel back I just do not understand why just like it was with Bella for you I miss her, I have no tears left to cry but it still hurts and poor J I hope he deals ok with it once he is alone I really do As for the eating lol well when I have finished paying out for the Flat I shall eat properly again lol Stupid Curtain rail fell down yesterday and the Landlord will only get a cheap and nasty one so I will buy my own lol I love you Sparks and I hope you had a lovely week with Hubby, I have read your Discussion but not got to it to respond yet but I will do I am still so tired and sleeping a lot I think it has all been to much but well it is over now Love you and can't wait for you to be here
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
7 Mar 10
You need to rest, you need to eat, don't worry about the curtain rod, you'll get it sorted, and I can hardly wait to be with you too. The hubs and I have had a very productive week. He goes back to work tomorrow, so call me (COLLECT if you need to) when you can. I have some questions about Carol.........I have a feeling I know her. Yes, this has been for you, like it was for me and Bella, so I know exactly how you feel sweetheart. My heart bleeds for you and I'm right here for you and always will be. Love you too. Now REST, have a cuppa and some biscuits at least. I'm thinking of you and sending you calming, healing energy. Can you feel it....................? Hugs and much love.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
I can't call till next week as I can not make International Calls from the Mobile so I will have to wait till my Phone is connected next week and I so want to speak to you But I can wait Yes I feel it Sparks Much Love and big Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
7 Mar 10
Gaby, My heart goes out to you. After the exhausting move you just went through and now this. Sweetie, my tears flow for you as well. I wish I had some soothing words for you right now. It's really hard to lose our friends at such a young age. I really hope you will be ok. Gissi will try and keep your mind off your sadness. Take care Sweetie!! Love Ya, Leenie
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
7 Mar 10
Leenie, I just don't know why she had to go I wish she would come and tell me, I just want to talk to her I miss her I talk to her in my heart as she will always be in there Gissi is very loving right now as he knows I am sad I miss her so much Leenie, I just want her back I love you and you please take care to Big warm Hugs
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
8 Mar 10
Sweet Gaby, I don't know why it was her time but I have no doubt that she is with you at this very moment. If you let her, she will guide you and protect you. Just watch Gissi. He will let you know when your precious friend is there. Dogs and little children can see the Spirits around us. She may very well come to you in a dream. Have you ever had a dream where someone passed and you had a dream that felt so real? Well that was them coming to say good bye and to tell you whatever they needed you to know. I hope she comes to answer your questions. Just hold on Love, it will become more bearable as time goes on. Sometime when you are up to it, I will tell you how my Grandpa came to me and why in a dream. Right now your friend wants you to take care of yourself and so do I. Love You, Leenie
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 10
Hi Leenie yes I have had this happening a few times and I am waiting for Carol to come to me but I do know she is not far from me I will watch Gissi as I know he will know Thank you Leenie and I will take care I promise Love you Big Hugs
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Gabs honey I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you and J. Someday I believe you will get to see your friend, until then you have precious memories of her. My mom has cardiomyopathy from a virus, lucky for us she didn't die from it. Its been about 11 years now since her heart attack. Take care.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
18 Mar 10
Hi Polly it is good to see you again Thank you for your kind words and I am glad that your Mum managed to survive it Hugs to you
1 person likes this