Shock and Heartache

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When I first came online nearly 7 years ago 2 People I met here opened their heart and Arms to me We all had things to get past and through and we helped one another For Years now we speak on Messenger and Phone We have laughed cried talked things through Well I got a very big Shock on Tuesday when I first signed into my Messenger and said Hi to C and surprise, I was telling her that I will not be on much as at the moment I only have this Dongel thing but I wanted to let her know that I am ok C had not been on the Net at the weekend due to a bad Chest Infection, so on the Saturday her Husband J called me to let me know, I said no worries and to tell her that I love her, he said 'Hang on Gabs she wants to talk to you' I told J to put the Phone down I would ring back as it does not cost me to phone the America I phoned back and poor C was really tired and did sound well so we spoke for a bit and then I told her she needs to rest and if she is not online on the Sunday I will call her before my Phone got cut of C always worried about me no matter how often I said I will be fine lol C was not on line on Sunday so I rang her, she was apologising to me that she was not online as she would not be able to talk to me now till I get back on line, I told her to stop worrying, she is not well and she needs to get better and we will chat when I am back on line we told one another that we loved them very much and that we will miss one another, I did not want to keep her talking as she still did not sound to good I told her to take care and that we will talk soon Well my Darling D knows how much the Internet means to me or should I say my Friends so he brought me his Dongle for a few Days it is worse then Dial up lol but I am on talking to my Friends As I said I logged into Messenger said Hi to Lakota then saw C on line and talked to her I got no reply so I knew she would be doing something and get back to me, I can only use Messenger on it's own with this Dongle so I went to do some more cleaning came back half an hour later and saw that C had replied, I brought her Window up and I got a Shock, a bad shock, at first I thought I had read wrong, the words in front of me J her Husband Gabs, it is J, I am sorry to have to tell you this way but you are not on the Phone, I did try to ring your old Number but it was already disconnected, there is no easy way to say this to you C died in her sleep on Monday Morning at 6am, on Sunday evening, she went to the Bathroom, then asked for a cold Drink, she went to bed, I sat next to her till early hours Monday Morning but then fell asleep through exhaustion, I woke up and C had gone, she died from Viral Cardiomyopathy, love J and sorry you had to hear it this way from me but I have no way to talk to you on the Phone I looked at the words not really taking them in, I thought I had read wrong, I had not, I screamed, the tears started falling as I sat here trying to understand why and how J and I spoke for a while, I was worried about him as they where so close, he said he was doing ok and that he knows she is in a Place now where she is watching over him and me and that she loved me very dearly like I did her J asked me if I am ok I was glad he cold not her me, I told him I will be fine and he is not to worry that I will call him as soon as my Phone is on and we will talk then C was 51 never smoked, drank or anything like that she was healthy as such and always worried about me, why was she taken? She was sweet Person, a loving Person, she had a terrible life to before she met J J was going to try and get her over here to the UK this Year to stay with me as he knew how much we both wanted that She did not deserve this, I have cried since that Day I am not so much now but it hurts inside I miss her so much I can't understand why, I spoke to her on Sunday, now she is gone, I hear her Voice a lot, telling me I have to rest, she always said to me 'Sweetie you have to eat' when I told her I did not want to eat' Today is her memorial I can not be there, but my Heart is J will say a few words from me, he will tell her that I love her very much, that I miss her, she will always live in my Heart C rest in Peace Sweetheart I love you and I miss you, I will look after J for you and stay in contact with him, My Heart is aching, my tears are falling, today will be hard but I am with you Sweetie and my Love is flowing to you where you are and one Day we will meet in another world I have to say Thank you to another good Friend who has been here for me on the Phone and has let me talk and cry you know who you are How do you deal with Grief?????