How do you cry when you can't cry?

@dawnald (84146)
Shingle Springs, California
March 9, 2010 11:54am CST
I have learned to hold it all in. I do it really well. I think it started when I was about 13. I had taken a toy away from my sister. My dad got really mad and spanked me with the belt. First and only time he spanked me so hard it left marks. It was humiliating. I cried my eyes out, but afterward I swore that he would never see me cry again. Fast forward to 2004 and my mother dying. I shed a few tears, but I never really had a good cry. Same with all the things that have happened in my life since then. There may be a few tears, but I always find a way to stop them. A yawn works really well when nothing else does. I think I need a really good cry. How do you cry when you can't cry?
21 people like this
44 responses
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
10 Mar 10
Hiya Dawn.. I think if you really can't cry, it's alright. Sometimes, tears flowing are better than a good heart out. Normally when I'm really stressed and all that, I like to find an empty place. The beach will be a great place, but I tend to want to shout. Shouting releases certain sadness too.. so it might help to scream sometimes. But do it away from the prying eyes of the public. How about words. Can you cry if you read sad words? Or a sad story at that.. or watch a truly sad movie to keep the tears coming out.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 10
Shouting helps get anger out. A sad song will sometimes make me cry...
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
11 Mar 10
Thanks, Wit.. it works for me anytime.. A sad song will make you cry? That's cool..so let the tears out, Dawny..
@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
9 Mar 10
As men don't cry (at least in public) I prefer to be in a solitary place, somewhere distant from the others, same safe place a quiet room when no on is around. Or at least going for a drive in the car near the sea or in the countryside, where I can be alone , where I can speak loud and clear where no one can hear me where I can take out my cries, my frustrations or angerness.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
Heck I can't even cry in private most of the time...
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
10 Mar 10
In solitude is the best..
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
10 Mar 10
i tried it a lot of times. when i came from a fight with wife. i think it is really hard to get a good cry when you cannot. so i just go to bed and cry it in my dreams.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 10
Hm, I can't recall crying in a dream, screaming,but not crying!
1 person likes this
@xxlost (59)
• China
10 Mar 10
can eat onion and mustard , if not cry then you need to bang own nose .
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 10
1 person likes this
@Liath27 (28)
• United States
10 Mar 10
I feel better after a good cry. But I don't cry in front of people usually, I hold it in and then when I am alone I really want to cry because I feel it all pent up inside of me but I can't let it out. I understand how you feel, I don't know what the best way to help you learn how to cry but to just let out what you are feeling inside vocally - it may be shouting into your pillow or maybe eventually crying into it!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 10
Shouting to let out anger is something I already do. Crying is harder...
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
10 Mar 10
Hey dawn~ I think I know what you mean and where you're coming from! I sometimes will hold in a cry, but it just festers and turns into anger! And then sometimes anger turns into a cry! I don't think that holding in a cry is healthy! Sometimes you just need to let it all out even if it means going somewhere privately where no one else will see or hear you and let it all out! Like for you, you could get into your car, drive for awhile, stop and just let it out! For me, I am alone enough in my apartment and when I'm ready I can cry I find that most of the time I cry when I am angry enough! Like for instance today! My Mother pissed me off by being mad about something so phucking stupid! When I hung up the phone with her I was so angry and fed up with her about her going back to the way she used to be with me that I lost it and started to cry and called my best friend who was the only one who knows my Mother since we have known each other since we were both 10 years old! And the funny thing was that me and my girlfriend hadn't been speaking for a few days, but I knew I could call her and she would be the only one to understand what a phucking beotch my Mother was being, and I was right and I stopped crying!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 10
I guess venting helps too!
• Australia
9 Mar 10
I hate to think how many years it is since I had a really good cry. I "well up" at a number of things - silly things - but I don't cry. Maybe I haven't had reason to cry and would if I did. Who knows? Holly has already said what I thought as I was reading through. I think one major factor is to give yourself permission to grieve - to grieve for many things, past and present. Bottled emotions are a trap. Emotional release is vital.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
I do agree, but how, how? lol
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
9 Mar 10
I have the same problem....I learned to be tough! So sometimes when I need to I can't cry....but there are times when watching a movie like The Notebook that I do find a way.....it makes me cry....more then when something happens in my own life.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
Something like that will start me crying but then I yawn and it's gone.
@much2say (40193)
• United States
9 Mar 10
I made a decision very young too (I think well before I was 13) that I would never allow my parents see me cry. My dad was pretty strict and could probably be called verbally abusive . . . there was no particular incident that made me decide to never show him any tears - maybe it was a pride thing for me to show him how "strong" I actually was - when I really wasn't. But, I did learn to cry alone - in my bed, in the dark, when everyone was asleep and wouldn't notice me. I think I'm still pretty much the same . . . but the thing is I don't keep things bottled up inside me anymore - so I don't have much reason to cry. But when I do "want to cry it out", I put on a song that makes me emotional . . . I sit there and listen to the lyrics carefully and bawl out. A good piece of music can do it to me every time, if I wanted it to. Either that, or cut up some onion!
1 person likes this
@much2say (40193)
• United States
9 Mar 10
Ok - reading some other comments above, I guess I see that I'm not alone with the music and onions! Sounds like I'm in good company then!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
music, definitely music...
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
At the computer Here I sit Having fun with Misterwit
• Bangladesh
8 Apr 10
Hey Ma'am, Sounds like you've been recalling your childhood memories. Well, when I was a little kid, I was always a good crier shouting very loud. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha... I used to cry whenever I got a chance. I cried my eyes out. But that's a history now. Now I'm so much reserved to roll out my tears. Now-a-days I tend to cry silently when there is a serious reason. None can hear the sound of my crying. Moreover, while crying I silently pray to Allah demanding His mercy, immediate help and assistance. Have a nice day and may Allah bless you.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Apr 10
I keep it in, I yawn to stop myself, I haven't had a good cry in a long, long time...
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• Bangladesh
8 Apr 10
Yes, dear friend, Is it because you're not in danger financially or in other ways like me? Then I can help you. Just think for a while that Allah has created you and taking care of you every moment by giving out a lot of things through nature. Have you ever tried to contact your Creator (Allah) who is also your best friend?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Apr 10
I'm an agnostic...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
13 Mar 10
Watch a sad movie like Beaches or if animals are more your thing watch something along those lines. Crying just relieves all your emotional tension...maybe you have other ways of dealing with that and releasing your tension? I'm the opposite of you...I can cry at a sad tv commercial.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Mar 10
Beaches, huh? Haven't seen that one...
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@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
15 Mar 10
One of the top 10 chick flicks of all time. You'll sob your heart out.
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Mar 10
putting it on my netflix list...
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@sushie93 (1359)
• France
9 Mar 10
Wah, your dad was very hard toward you at this time! You can't cry now because of your promise you did to yourself, it has been blocked in your inconscient which block your tears. If i would you, i would talk to myself like if i was another person, lol, i know it's a little crazy attitude but i think that "inconscient" could be consider like our best friend, so you can talk to yourself, try to recomfort yourself with your own words, you can talk to your inconscient about your stories and say him that he must let you cry because you really need it. It's just a "method" i have created just now so i didn't test it xD. But when i want to cry, i think about my stories and i cry automatically and sometimes, i even create false sad stories to make me cry. I'm really strong with visualization so when i imagine, it's like it is my real story xD. Good luck to you, friend!
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
Maybe when I'm home alone...
@sushie93 (1359)
• France
9 Mar 10
I wasn't talking about talking out loud, just think it in your head. ^^
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
But still I don't want to be bawling my eyes out at work or anything!
• Boston, Massachusetts
14 Mar 10
Hi Dawn, i always do hold my tears. i don't want people to know if i am pain. i better share joys and happiness with them but seldom is share negative emotions to the point of crying it out to my friends. i know they would love to be in support but i know they have their own processes to so better keep it to myself and pray. through the years i learned how to control my emotions particularly that of being sensitive and take things easy. if by chance the tears are about to fall then i look up, jump and nod. i think i should try yawning to cover up hehehe.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Mar 10
they say if you suppress the bad emotions, you suppress the good ones too...
1 person likes this
• Boston, Massachusetts
16 Mar 10
when you really let it flow freely it's kinda relieving but sometimes the place is not conjucive to be crying your heart out or just letting the tears fell down... i agree with you friend. i'll try to manage it so that i will not miss the positive or good ones.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (67648)
• India
11 Mar 10
Hi Dawn, I think crying s good. :( It lightens up the mind and heart. I too thought I'd become hard hearted until I saw a couple of old movies in which I'd cried. I never thought I would be able to cry with all that outdated stuff. But I did. Some movie that has a story similar to what you are going through might help. Take care.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 10
The Way We Were :-)
@vandana7 (67648)
• India
11 Mar 10
Yes. That one would help I suppose. :) Try and see if it helps to cry and release the pent up emotions. Take care Dawn.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119862)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Mar 10
Holding it all in is not good for you psychologically or physically. I think you need a really good cry too. You need watch a sad or soupy movie or do whatever it takes to get you to the crying stage. For me it is touching Hallmark commercial or watching The Notebook. Find what works for you and enjoy a good cry. It will do wonders for you.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 10
Kick everybody out of the house and watch "The Way we Were", that's the ticket!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119862)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Mar 10
There ya go! Whichever movie like that that does it for ya. A good cry feels really good too.
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
11 Mar 10
I don't cry often either. I don't think there was any event that started it, like with your father. I was only spanked once that I remember and I cried then! My friends cry all the time over anything. I feel like they think I'm a hard and unfeeling person because I don't show any emotions. I feel them, I just can't show them. If I am alone however, and watching a sad or patriotic movie, my eyes tear up, but I don't really cry. Movies where children or pets get hurt affects me more than anything. There have been a lot of times that I have wanted to cry and have tried, I just couldn't do it.
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 10
sounds a lot like me...
• United States
11 Mar 10
I am glad to hear there is someone else like me. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. If you have the same problem I'm sure there are others. Maybe it's not as rare as I thought.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
10 Mar 10
Hiay dawn, Sounds something like what I went through quite a bit I got my fair share of that kind of thing too mainly fault of my ex brothers. They are not my ex brothers becaues of that anyway it´s because of other things they have done. Anyway it´s really harmful to keep those tears inside dawn I cry a lot more than I used to and if I can´t cry right out I usually watch something that will bring up the tears like the film Braveheart for all the unwanton cruelty rendered there and there was much more cruelty than that. Or on a much lighter note I would watch Black Beauty the British Itv television Series think it was produced by Anthony S. Gruner one of the best Kids or grownup kids Series ever. That would make me cry also but I don´t get to see that very often as it is usually a summer showing on the television and not now. Braveheart makes me shed some tears well for a number of reasons but mainly because the story itself is in part real and I cannot fail to be moved by it over and over. The Film with the Actor Sir John Mills in it "Run Wild Run Free" is a great tear jerker as well really beautiful story of an autistic child and a Horse he befriends and comes to rescue. Sorry have to go now but take care now. Hugs Sue.xxx
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 10
Run Wild Run Free - going on my NetFlix queue (my son has autism)...
• Pamplona, Spain
11 Mar 10
Hiya Dawn, I think the Film itself is a bit difficult to get hold of as it does go back sometime you should be able to get it if you ask for it personally I suppose. I read about this somewhere because someone else tried to get the Film in Dvd and had great difficulty in finding it like a good many other British Films I guess. Another one is Ring of Bright Water about an Otter the British Wild Life Naturalist whats his name Dangerfield is in it too great film little recognition. Oh his name is Graham Dangerfield thats him. Great tear jerker very nice music theme and the otter gets killed by an ignorant worker. Otters were considered like squirrels to be a nuiscance to the Farmers and others they probably still are considered to be the same but I have´nt been to England for ages so I don´t know what the situation is now but wild otters were in great danger of becoming extinct.
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
9 Mar 10
Oh I don't have a clue! I'm really good at crying... I do it all the time. I cry when I'm really angry, cry when I'm upset, cry when I'm scared.. and yep, I cry when I'm happy! I cry at movies, songs. Heck, sometimes I cry just driving down the road... usually it's because I've seen an emergency vehicle, and you know how you always watch where they're going to make sure it's not towards your place? Well I start going all neurotic about what if my house is burning down. It's not so bad that I have to turn around and go home or anything... but usually it leads to a good cry.
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 10
I stuff it down deep inside, I guess...
@GardenGerty (102534)
• United States
9 Mar 10
I used to only cry when I was mad, because being mad was not a permissible thing, but being sad was.
1 person likes this
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
26 Mar 10
if you do not want to cry better not cry.
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Mar 10
And if I do want to but I can't?
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
19 Mar 10
Well Dawn I can't really answer that one for you I really don't know as I have always let go, I usually wait till I am on my own and then I let go
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Apr 10
I just yawn and it goes away. lol