Ahh, my boyfriend is so jealous!!

United States
March 15, 2010 2:18am CST
In the past, I had a boyfriend that really could care less what I did. I remember wishing that I had a jealous boyfriend, because I thought that would show me that he cared. Well, I got what I asked for, and it is absolutely driving me crazy! He is constantly accusing me of things. I would never, ever cheat or do anything at all to lose his trust. I think that trust is extremely important in a relationship, and I don't feel like he has any at all. However, knowing that he is so jealous makes me think that he really does care about me. But it also makes me think, if he is constantly accusing me of things, maybe he is trying to cover up for himself?? What are your opinions on this? Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that was very jealous? How did you deal with it? And did it drive you crazy??
4 people like this
24 responses
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
7 Sep 10
I've been involved in relationships that were both extremes, I've had boyfriends that are extremely jealous and I've also had boyfriends that couldn't care less one way or the other. Because of the experiences that I've had in my life, I think that you can't have either extreme in your life to have a relationship that is going to last. My husband is definitely a man that falls in the middle of the two extremes. He does care what I am doing, but not to the point that he doesn't let me go out with my different friends.
@Porcospino (19537)
• Denmark
20 Mar 10
My situation is very similar to yours. My ex-boyfriend was never jealous, and I often had the impression that he didn't care what I did. When we broke up I met my husband, and he is very jealous. I sometimes get very angry at him when he is jealous, because I am not interested in other men and I am definately not going to cheat on him. We have had a lot arguments about this topic, and I get very frustrated when he accuses me of looking at other men etc, but he just doesn't listen to me when I tell him that he had got nothing to worry about. Fortuneately my husband is aware of the problem, and he is trying to change his behaviour.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
people generally expect from others what they give of themselves. if yer boyfriend is constantly accusing you of things.. it is most likely because he himself.. is capable of such actions, and he knows it. jealousy isnt a sign of caring.. it is a sign of insecurity. lack of trust is a hard thing to get through in a relationship.. and you really should have a sit down with this man and explain how you feel. if he cant/wont trust you.. really, whats the point?
• United States
16 Mar 10
Being jealous enough to constantly accuse you of doing things is not a sign of love, but a sign of mental illness and insecurity. Jealousy such as what you describe can turn into a very deadly 'love' with your boyfriend verbally or physically abusing you right up to the point of killing you. My husband of forty-one years showed how much he loved me by trusting me in every part of our lives together. Today, he trusts me literally with his life, since he is disabled and I am his caretaker. Although he can't talk, the love and good humor shine from his beautiful eyes. Jealousy is a terrible thing and proves nothing except the person you are with has no idea what real love is.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
I think you better talk to him about this and tell him how it makes you feel. A little jealousy would definitely flatter me but if it goes overboard, what I would suspect is, he's just paranoid because he might be doing the same things (like cheating) on me. Or maybe he's too insecure about himself. I would never go out with someone who doesn't have enough confidence that he could keep me. I'm also like you in a relationship - I would never do anything to lose the trust of the guy I love. I'd rather break up with him and be over it, than to go on cheating with another guy.
@freeboy90 (458)
• Italy
16 Mar 10
Jealousy to be healthy in a relationship has to be at the right amount, being jealous can show to the loved one that we care and worry that we might lose him/her. However when is becomes too much it results in suffocating the other, and if it goes on and on the victim of the partner's jealousy will probably reach a point of being so tired of it that the solution might be the end of the relationship. Jealousy can be the reason of different thing, the most common is a very insecure person, I can be very jealous at times and yes I admit that could happen sometimes when I feel insecure about myself and I worry about my gf flirting with someone else, some other time a partner will be jealous just to ask some attention that doesn't normally get, or in other cases the partner is just way too possessive, in any of these case like I said before, being a bit jealous can be ok and normal, shows that we care, but either not caring a lot or being too jealous is not good, you should probably talk it out and find a solution. Good Luck, all the best
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
16 Mar 10
Well, jealous is common in a relationship. The reason he may accusing u every now and then because, now he feels you are close to his heart and started taking much rights on you thinking you are his love. So its quite common, even i seen many of my friends saying this. So at starting u wont feel these things, but after sometime in relationship these are quite common. Just keep telling him that you love him so much, he will get rid of jealousy soon.
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
Hi princessem! For me, jealousy is a part of love. Being jealous just only means that there is a feeling of love to another person. In a relationship, it's common to feel jealous whenever your partner is getting involved with other opposite gender. But jealousy should be felt in the right place. There are situations that we need to get jealous and there are also situations that we should not. We should know who our partner is and what are his/her capabilities as well as his/her limitations. We should make sure first that what's happening is worth to get jealous of. Well, jealousy has a counterpart, and it is trust. The two should be balanced. If there's too much jealousy, it's bad, as well as too much trust. If we will be able to balance jealousy and trust, then I believe one relationship will run smoothly. Have a nice day! Happy myLotting!
@LadyBoss (253)
• United States
15 Mar 10
Is there any reason to why me might not be able to trust you ? Maybe he is accusing you of things because he has some insecurities. Did one of his ex girlfriends cheat on him before? Or maybe he really does care about you a lot. But if this is true then he shouldnt doubt you and he should put his trust into you. Ive had a jealous boyfriend once the only bad thing is he wouldnt tell me what would make him mad there was no good communication so then he would do little things to make me angry which would be the worst thing to possibly do But in most relationships its usually the women who seem to be more jealous , but I really cant say ? Maybe you can ask him how you are to earn his trust
@pcserver (395)
15 Mar 10
Broke up with him if you can't solve your problems. If a person drives you crazy, just ditch him. That is the easiest thing to do. If you think highly of him then you need to do everything of your powers to discuss this with him and try to convince him that you are faithful to him.
@cloud31 (5811)
15 Mar 10
hello princessem, This is normal to a relationship but if its over and its a harm not normal,I have been once in a relationship which maybe I can truly say he does love or care about me a lot but whenever he starts accusing me and she gets me in my nerves, I feel unfair I am not doing anything againts our relationship but he keeps accusing,so I end up like I wanna give up,but fortunately he really don't mean doing or having this jealous act just he wanted to emphasize he just worried about losing me,so I sit with him discuss about matters that's impossible to stay in a relationship without a trust and let him understand that he will end up into mess and he will surely lose me if he will not changed his attitude.So he tries changing slowly and its really works,if the person really loves you he will care about something could hurt you, he will change himself. Try to sit with him explain to him how you he hurt you on his act. Happy myLotting!
@donna22 (1120)
15 Mar 10
It could be that or it could be that he is very insecure. Has he had girlfriend sin the past who have cheated on him? If so it would be natural for him to assume that you are going to do the same.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
15 Mar 10
This isn't too new to us, is it? Jealous friend! In your case, I would say you should either convince him that you're never going to cheat (which seems quite impossible, as he's never going to get convinced) or leave him! I am sorry to provide with such a rude solution. I have seen many couples, who would get into a quarrel, even in public, just because of the slightest doubt... I wouldn't wish that to happen to you or to anyone, because it takes us nowhere. It is bitter, annoying and disgracing.. Why be with it???
15 Mar 10
Many years ago I was in a relationship with a very jealous and possessive guy. I wasn't allowed out on my own, couldn't talk to my friends, he would act like a rottweiller if anyone came close to me to chat, and when we went out he would constantly be accusing me of fancying others. It drove me to distraction and when I finally found the courage to end the relationship, he stalked me for about six months. I still don't know if he truly cared for me or loved me, I felt I was little more than one of his possessions
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
15 Mar 10
hi prencessem, I had a boyfriend like that and I really couldn't stand it. He was jealous over everyone and everything. It reached a point where it seemed that all our time together was spent with me trying to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about. It got to be kind of insulting like did he really think I was that type of person? I split up with him when he read my horoscope on the internet which said that I had a hot date that night. I just ended his misery and mine as well. As for covering up what he himself was doing...I don't really know. I've heard that is how it works but I really don't know.
@Jeineh (23)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
hey princessem, I'm a jealous type of person too.but i can manage it now.and i have learned. yes, trust is very important in ones relationship.when your boyfriend gets jealous and you think you haven't done anything wrong, then maybe your boyfriend doesn't trust you in everything you do.if your boyfriend doesn't care for you well it only means that he doesn't loves you. Jealous is one of the capital sins according to bible.anger/jealous might destroy you after all. just remember this: "the best proof of love is trust".getting jealous to someone means he/she dont trust hiself. or he/she is insecure.
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
It seems you got what you really want and you come to think it is not good to have a jealous boyfriend. Two reason why he is jealous, either he really loves you and scared to lose you the second one is maybe it is his tactic because he is doing something strange behind you. I never had a relationship, but based on the movies and the relationship my friends had, i learned from it. It is not healthy to get jealous, you have to trust your partner. But sometimes if it happen frequently then it gets unhealthy and will lead to more bigger problem. YOu have to talk to him right away before it leads to more bigger problem. Tell him what you want in a relationship and of course the reason why you want it. He will give a different answer to that, but things will be work out if you really love each other.
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
It seems you got what you really want and you come to think it is not good to have a jealous boyfriend. Two reason why he is jealous, either he really loves you and scared to lose you the second one is maybe it is his tactic because he is doing something strange behind you. I never had a relationship, but based on the movies and the relationship my friends had, i learned from it. It is not healthy to get jealous, you have to trust your partner. But sometimes if it happen frequently then it gets unhealthy and will lead to more bigger problem. YOu have to talk to him right away before it leads to more bigger problem. Tell him what you want in a relationship and of course the reason why you want it. He will give a different answer to that, but things will be work out if you really love each other.
• Bulgaria
15 Mar 10
It's him that has to do something about it - to stop. Being jealous is not a sign that somebody loves you. It's a sign that he/she has personal problems and too high sense for owning you. Which is kind of insulting. What you can do? I don't know...may be leave or tell him you'll leave if he continue that. Think about you and how much you can take from this. I think with the time that will get worse and in one moment maybe just will push you to cheat...if he blames you without you have any blame.
@Jekar727 (140)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I am a jealous boyfriend sometimes and my girlfriend hates that but we're still here 3 years in counting . I believe that being jealous is just normal in a relationship but too much of that becomes being too possessive. If you feel that he doesn't trust you it's not a good sign for any relationship. You should tell him that he has to let go of being too jealous because that usually creates problem.