Do you judge based on occupation?

United States
March 16, 2010 10:27am CST
Well, I am 23yrs old and pretty soon I want to be married and having kids before I am 30. But in this economy it is so hard to do that. I go on websites and I have guys that are attracted to me and want to date but some of them don't work or they have low-class jobs. Sometimes I wonder if I judge too much right now since we are in a recession. I mean what if my prince charming is working at Pizza Hut right not until things get better. I am not saying I am a millionaire but I don't think I can get into a relationship knowing the person makes way less than me. I would feel like I would have to do on my part as in financial..What are your opinions?
1 person likes this
16 responses
• Canada
16 Mar 10
As much as I hate to admit it, I do judge some people based ontheir professions. And while I do consider what the people are going through or why they chose the aareer they did, it still weighs in my mind.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 10
Okay well at least I know I am not the only one. I just feel like everyone is different. I mean of course everyone wants to be a well off in life but for most of us it's only a dream. Some people can work paycheck to paycheck and others can go on vacation 3 or 4 times a year. I just want to be content and my partner as well.
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@urbandekay (18314)
16 Mar 10
You sound like a snob to me all the best urban
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 10
Why do I sound like a snob?
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• Philippines
16 Mar 10
basically, financial stability really play its important role in marriage especially when you are planning to have kids also. but i believe everything should be in balance, i mean you just don't choose the person to marry because he or she is a high earning person but you choose the person to marry because you the person and that person love you back also. most importantly you have to take full responsibility in every decision you make especially when it comes to marriage.
• United States
16 Mar 10
Well, I am not getting married anytime soon but I guess I just want to be prepared. I don't choose people who are only doctors or lawyers but I want to make sure that the person is doing something with their life and not working at McDonald's or something..
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@obe212003 (2303)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
Obviously, you are on the right path for being secured and stable as you are thinking more on the financial aspect before jumping into a relationship, but in the end, its a matter of being 'happy' per se. Being a hopeless romantic, i would go for someone no matter what her financial status is as long we are happy together regardless of money..
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 10
I was in a 4year relationship with someone who had off an on jobs and I remember coming out of pocket a lot and in the end I got screwed over so I don't want to go through it again. I mean I just want to be able to go on weekend getaways and a nice restaurant here and there. But I don't want to be in the situation where it takes a year to save up with someone you know? I mean I am in the end and that is why I get scared and maybe don't give these people a chance..
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@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
16 Mar 10
I wish I could say that it wouldn't matter to me but I know on some levels it would. Money isn't necessarily important to be but ambition and drive really are. If someone was at a low paying job because it was something they really believed in or it was something that they could work their way up in then that would be different. But if someone was just kind of coasting, wasting away at a total nothing job and being content with just barely scraping by I really can't see myself being attracted to them.
• United States
17 Mar 10
That is exactly what I mean. I mean I know people who work at resturants who are managers and get paid decent. I am not asking for somoene to be a CEO of a company but have some type of direction
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Direction is the perfect word, that's definitely one of the most important things to me.
• Canada
16 Mar 10
Would you expect to not have to "do your part as in financial" if you met someone that has what you perceive to be a better job? If someone isn't making way less than you or makes more than you, do you still expect to contribute financially in your eventual marriage or are you looking for someone that will be able to fully support you and any children you might have? Do you hope to not work any more once you are married? Those are very important things for you to consider because, if you get into a relationship and/or marriage and it cannot function well on one income, you may find yourself very resentful later on and that can (and most likely will) take a toll on the relationship. Not saying what's right or wrong... that's your decision to make. Just something I think you might need to think about :) As for your question, I think everyone has judged someone on occupation at one time or another but I do try very hard not to do it. People say all the time that "in this economy" people are having to look for and accept jobs they might not have done before. However, I don't think there is going to be significant economic improvement any time soon and people are going to have to do what they have to do to get by.. working a different type of job, a couple of part-time jobs, who knows. I think you also have to know people who have been affected to really understand... get close to someone that has lost a high-paying job, who has lost their home, etc., and they don't become "lesser" people because of it. They are the same good people in bad circumstances. It's a personal decision for you as to whether you can love someone enough to work with them through their difficulties or if that is somewhere that you'd just prefer not to go, even if it means potentially missing out on a good relationship. Best of luck to you :)))
• United States
16 Mar 10
I never said anything about me not working or looking for someone to take care of me. I like working and when I do get married I plan on continuing to work. If I have children it would be nice to know that I can take off some months and money will still be alright in that sense. But I am far away from that I am in the present right now. What my point is that I want someone kind of on my same level or even higher. I don't want to get into a relationship and plan a 3 day weekend a year in advance just because the other person cannot afford it. I want to enjoy the little things before I do get married and have children.
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Mar 10
I think that's exactly the way to go :) Before marriage and children, if you have the ability to explore the things you want to do - like travel or acquire certain things - that's the optimal time to do it. Good planning, really :)
@bounce58 (17555)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Unfortunately, we, or in this case you, might have to do that. Although it sounds terrible, you might have to judge by occupation. Why risk starting a relationship where financial matters would just add to problems. Having a relationship is already hard by itself. Having money problems would just lead to more problems. I don't want to sound materialistic, but at these times, you might just have to be practical.
• United States
18 Mar 10
I feel the same way. I am not trying to come over as a snob who wants someone to for me but if only one person in the relationship is working a decent job an doing everything that puts a lot of weight on that one person..
@krisnel (498)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
you want your boyfriend to be a stable in all things especially in money. for me it is not a basis in getting a boyfriend. do not look in a persons job but look on his ability to make himself more better.
@spalladino (17929)
• United States
17 Mar 10
As some others have already said, financial stability is very important but you're also right that some great guys might be forced to work at Pizza Hut right now. The thing to look at, in my opinion, is whether a guy has goals or has gotten or working towards getting an education or learning a skill? Someone who is just floating through life is not someone you should plan on having a secure future with.
• United States
17 Mar 10
But what if they were floating through and it turns out to be the one, but you don'y pay much interest because of their occupation....
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Most women want to date or marry a man who has a good job or the potential to get a good job. This is the way we've been raised. If this is important to you then just remember that perhaps your prince charming is working in a fast food place but could be going to school to get a job that pays more money or has more potential for advancement. On the other hand there are women who have married men who have jobs that pay less than their own. They were more interested in the qualities the person had as a mate than their salary. I think the real problem is on the side of men. Men also like to be in the position of being the bread winner. It seems to make them feel like they are playing the role of a male. Try to have more conversation with the guys on these websites to see what their future aspirations are. You may be surprised to find someone who is very interesting and has a definite plan for their future and looks at his or her current position as only a stepping stone.
• United States
17 Mar 10
I have no problem being the bread winner or the man. I am nor looking for a man to take care of me (even though it would be nice). I am just looking for someone that is able to do the same things as me and I don't want to feel like I am making the other person uncomfortable because of money. I mean if I was with someone and wanted to take a weekend getaway I want to be able to instead of the other person saying they need to save 3 months for that..I know some people are going to school to better their lives and I wouldn't mind being with someone during that struggle but sometimes I feel like in the end once they have made it that anything can happen and they will leave or something and I got stuck doing the majority of the relationshiop
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
I guess it's just right, right now considering the global economic crisis, I can't blame you. It's probably safer to have a relationship where you only have to worry about other things and not finances. Yet, happiness cannot be bought and I think you already know that. What I'm saying is, sometimes it may seem wrong at first but when you try to work it out, it turns out well, and more importantly you end up happy. The guy working a pizza parlor may be the next bill gates, nobody really knows. I also think that relationships should be mostly based on love, compatibility and the ability to accept and adjust. Like I said, I get your point though. Well, you can base it on occupation or you can base it on a person's capacity.
• United States
17 Mar 10
That is true. I am not dissing anyone's occupation but sometimes I feel like if I were to get with someone lower than me that I will be putting more into it than the other person. I mean if I want to eat out at a nice resturant I don't want to be the one always paying for it. I don't want to get serious with someone and decide to take a vacation and the person needs a year to save $500..
@besthope44 (12146)
• India
16 Mar 10
No, occupation is unstable. Well recession is best example. A person enjoying a highly salaried job, with all luxuries in life, on one bad day becomes jobless. And one you think without job, may get a job tommorrow and become success in life. So when you decide dont take occupation into consider!
• United States
17 Mar 10
I totally understand what you mean but if how would you feel if you were with someone who didn't have a high salaried job and your trying to provide for both? I don't need someone to make 100k a year but just be able to survive and do some extra activities.
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
I totally get where you're coming from, from a woman's standpoint, of course we would want someone who can take care of us and the future family. It was my belief before for not trying to get back with my ex, first of all he already have a son, and second, he works in a call center, it's not the most stable job, and it's not a long term job for someone who is trying to have a family. But after a while I got over my judging him, and we finally got together. I helped him find a more stable job, and now we couldn't be more happier, we are planning on getting married, we just need to save more.
@jd107nette (1458)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
I don't think that's bad way to think... You want to have your family before 30 it is reasonable and mature of you to consider everything you've mentioned. Of course you don't want to live a miserable, penny-less life don't you. of course everyone wants the best for themselves... ^_^
@dr0czh (53)
• China
17 Mar 10
If you real like him ,just try.There are many ways to judge a man.Maybe he work in a small company and dosen't earn much money.But If he is an ambitious man and kown what he should do.We kown that at last he will try his hard to make his goal come true. The good man should be honest,industriousness,frugality,modisty,arduous effort and eagerness to learn.And the key point is that he loves you and will give you a happy life.
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
You have the right for financial stability when it comes to taking steps further for your future. But we do know that nothing in this world is certain or constant. You may not even realize that a person who had worked in a Pizza joint would be a millionaire too someday, we don't know it right? Although what is important is if the person is industrious,hard working and very much responsible for you and the family. Because I do believe that a person who is hard working will attain something. But a lazy person will suffer more even if he has been doing a white collar job. It depends on a person, so better weight it all. Observe the guy and his family background also. This will determine if in case you wanted to settle down with that person or not.