I Was Called "Sexist" Today

@tessah (6621)
United States
March 16, 2010 3:50pm CST
my prospective future father in law came home from work early today before i had finished my dailies. when i went upstairs to get the kitchen situated for making dinner.. hed already done the dishes, and was mid scrub of the floor. o.O i informed him where i come from.. men dont do housework. thats my job.. he promptly replied "yer a sexist" ive always used the term "old fashioned" but i hafta say.. i agreed with him. this man im with.. not only does he know how to wash a dish, but does so. cook? yep.. does that too. ive even witnessed his skill with a vacume cleaner and quite nearly had a heart attack when he did. he chuckled at my surprise and stated "yeah.. im domesticated!" where i come from.. the way i was raised.. the wife/mother does absolutely everything, and the man/children, go to work/school.. and absolutely NOTHING else. cept for the female children when they hit a certain age.. theyve gotta be educated in the artistry of housewifesries. ive always taken pride in my "job" and i do it well. but ive also gotta admit, that being the only one to do anything, sick or not, has its drain upon the body & mind. i think i might like this brand new world ive stumbled into. heh what say you? am i simply "old fashioned" ? or am i a sexist that needs to see from a new perspective?
5 people like this
22 responses
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Mar 10
You're not sexist, you're just used to doing things a certain way. But hey, I say let them do some cleaning. It's liberating!
2 people like this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
i am letting.. and its a real big load of releif off my shoulders to not have to do 100 things all at once while everyone else sits around on their a22es being catered to alla time.
1 person likes this
@Draeke (324)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Welcome to my world honey :) although I wouldn't go so far as saying i can cook, Im no swedish chef, flambe in the poof poof!
2 people like this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
16 Mar 10
LOL thank GAWD yer not a swedish chef.. im in the process of divorcing one of them .
1 person likes this
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
In our family both male and females do the house chores so it's quite normal for us, male to be cooking and cleaning stuff at home. I even do laundry. I must admit though that it would be better to come home to a wife who can do it better.
2 people like this
@yresh12 (3219)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
No your not, you just got used to the things that you were used seeing. My father's the one who washes the dishes and wash the clotehes. He's also DOMESTICATEDas what you said. I think that there is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't make him less than a man. He doesn't have a job and my mom earns a living. Imagine my mom going home from work and doing all the household chores. I'm very proud of my father doing this. I'm just happy that they are like this.. EQUAL in everyting
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
16 Mar 10
see even when i was working.. id come home to the house trashed, the kids unfed, and not a single thing done. im liking this "equal" thing you speak of. *nods*
1 person likes this
@Draeke (324)
• United States
16 Mar 10
we're doing qutie well on this, I believe, if not, we're getting close to it :)
2 people like this
@yresh12 (3219)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
hEY guys thanks for commenting. I just noticed I got a lot of wrong spellings, sorry for that. I'm doing a lot of things at the same time. hekhek Speaking of my father being domesticated his washing the dishes right now..
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Mar 10
Nah, you're not sexist.......old fashioned. Though in this day and age it might be a good idea to make the difference known to your girl children so they understand that it's ok for men to scrub floors just as it's ok for women to be car mechanics. lol I was raised with the man being in charge, bringing home the bacon, setting the rules and doling out the punishment. Mom looked pretty, held teas, played bridge and let the housekeeper do all the 'women's work'. But my Dad also believed in raising his kids to explore ALL their talents, take responsibility for ALL the chores in equal measure and frankly succeeded in making me open minded and willing to try anything and my brothers totally sexist! LOL Go figure........though I think those sermons on Sunday in Catholic Church had more to do with how the boys turned out and less to do with how I turned out.......exept for the guilt of course! My current hubs is old fashioned. He believes in providing for his family. He believes in the authority of parenting. But he also bakes like no one else I know, though he won't touch a vacuum cleaner unless it's his shop vac!
1 person likes this
@Draeke (324)
• United States
16 Mar 10
the kids are left to explore whatever they want, and grow from it all. Her youngest was quite surprised to see me putting the dishes away and offered to help me finish.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
16 Mar 10
the sprite was really taken aback by the fact you were doing housework. hopefully, i havent warped HER thinking too much with the way ive been. or rather the way things have been. in her world, as well as mine.. the "daddy" did nothing at all. went to work and came home, ignored his children his wife and stayed in his own little existance where no one else mattered. ;sigh; i dont want my girls thinking thats "how it is"
2 people like this
@blummus (451)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Looks like you're both doing a lot to fix that misconception now. More power to you!
1 person likes this
@coffeegurl (1470)
• United States
17 Mar 10
A man is cleaning your kitchen and you didn't like it? O boy, my bf cleans the kitchen and does the dishes and luvs to vacuum. When I tell this to my friends they are astonished.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
isnt that i dont "like it" is that i dont know how the hell to deal with it LOL im gettin there tho
• United States
18 Mar 10
Let me get this straight: You are having trouble dealing with a man cleaning? What doesn't belong with this picture?
@tessah (6621)
• United States
19 Mar 10
my past with my exes .
@Lochoa (222)
• United States
16 Mar 10
yeah def need to get with the new age! I'm maried and this will be our 5th year and I can't imagine doing everything on my own. Yeah I like to do it to a certain extend but my husband has to meet me half way. This is of course a marriage. I mean if you like it kudos to you but not me! My husbands does everything for me. Not that I ask him to but supposedly I don't clean as good as him! So he cleans up and I cook or do other stuff. I like it that way b/c we're both are doing what we like to do and it needs to get done anyways. Tell your husband that you like to do it and when you're too tired he can but until then you will. Work out an agreement. that would prob make you feel better about things.
1 person likes this
@Draeke (324)
• United States
16 Mar 10
She's does a lot of it, I help where i can and things go just fine :)
2 people like this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
yeah when i dont have an aneurism over the shock of someone doing something sides myself
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Cheers for your "prospective future father-in-law"! By all means he's right. Take his advice. :o)
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
i am.. as well as others
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 10
Hi Tessah! Wow you are lucky one, you find a man who wiling to do house work ( jealous mode on ), I wish I can find man like that!. I have family situated like yours woman do all the house work even when we had to work.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
maybe youll break the cycle same as i am. i dont want my girls caught in the same situation
@jwfarrimond (4474)
17 Mar 10
That was the way that my mother was brought up to think and I was raised to think the same thing, but I thought that it was silly that a grown man was unable to prepare even a simple meal for himself, so I taught myself how to cook. Not to any great standard, but quite adequate to put edible food on the table. It was quite ironic that at the end of her life when my mother became incapable of looking after herself through dementia, that I ended up looking after her and of course doing all of the cooking and other household chores as well as holding down a full time regular job. I am surprised though that you were raised to think that way, my mother was born in 1916 and raised before the war at which time, such views were common. However, that started to change even by the 1950's and certainly the change of attitude was well under way in the '60's You must have been living in a time warp!
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
17 Mar 10
take a look at my family, and you wont doubt that statement LOL
1 person likes this
@sizzle3000 (3039)
• United States
17 Mar 10
You aren't a sexist that's just how you were raised and the enviroment you were raised in. I was raised in the same enviroment but my husband helped me regardless of what I said so eventually got used to it and came to appreciate it. My daughter is kind of like you on the other hand though we did not raise her that way. SHe likes doing all the house work/ house wife things for her fiance but does appreciate his help when he does have the time after work to help her.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
17 Mar 10
i like taking care of my family as well.. but "help" was never an option with any of it. and i just accepted that as common place. if *I* didnt do whatever IT was? it didnt get done. whether i was sick, or injured, or just plain worn out.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Hey tess! Welcome to the "new domesticated world"! Isn't it great? My bf loves to clean! He is a bit obsessive compulsive though so he goes above and way beyond! He loves to clean, way more than I do! But, he takes it to the extreme and makes me feel like I am inadequate in doing my job! He gives everything I do the "white (black glove test in his case)! It is beyond annoying and obnoxious! I will polish and dust the furniture and he will run his black hand across it and tell me it isn't clean enough! I want to smack the crap out of him! He will make me look into the crevices in the corners to see what I missed! He will show me cobwebs in the corners etc! Living with "Mr. Clean" isn't always a picnic! he loves to vacumn too! He will even change the cats "doody house" as he calls the litter box and he doesn't even like them! He washes dishes too, does the laundry, you name it he does it! He is incredible, just annoying! He likes to be a "housewife" more than I do and he works a fulltime job and I don't! I know that I should be more greatful, but he does drive me totally nuts! I would die if he left me!
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
i thinnk after realizing all i have been lately.. that if ANYone were to criticize me that way and actually wipe their hand over surfaces? id kick em straight to the curb so fast their a22 wouldnt touch anything but the concrete.
• Canada
16 Mar 10
That is awesome! I have recently discovered that my 'sexist' man has also been 'domesticated' recently. He now does vacuuming, cooking, washing floors, even windows. But, this is what I've always wanted. Now, if he makes a mess, he cleans it up instead of just walking away from the mess he created and 'allowing me' to do it, which translates to 'it is a woman's job', which I have always resented. I think I like the brand new world you have stumbled into, too. Enjoy, my dear. This is the 'family' you were meant to have. Where everyone cares and takes care of each other.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
yeah.. im figgering out that the caring is meant to go both ways.. not just from my end. and its really nice
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
16 Mar 10
i always share my workload at home with my hubby... there is no way i can do them by myself because i am working full-time as well as my hubby... i think the time has changed now and women and men have equal responsibilities when it comes to managing the house... it is the same when it comes to earning money... both men and women are doing it together nowadays because it is so hard to live on a single income in today's economic conditions... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
i have kids at home that need me around.. so i dont have a "job".. so i understand the bulk of the household falls onto me, and i quite enjoy it really. my family is my first and foremost priority, as any good parent. but i wont fall into the slave routine again and WORK 24/7 just cause the man has to leave the house for 8 hours.
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
19 Mar 10
After I read your post, I had to check your profile to see what country you might be from and was more than mildly shocked to note that you are from one of the New England states in the United States. If yo u were my age, I could understand, but you are a little younger than my youngest child. If your intended is anything like his father, you'd best grab him fast.
1 person likes this
@carmenzhj (120)
• New Zealand
17 Mar 10
I often think that letting women to do all the housework is unfair. We are all human and we are equal. So doing some each day is what I asked my husband to do.
1 person likes this
17 Mar 10
Never mind about titles I would say you were badly brought up. Time to re-think your attitudes
@tessah (6621)
• United States
18 Mar 10
am rethinking them. with the help of new people, new friends.. and you folks here around the Lot giving yer inputs and experiences. its like group therapy sometimes
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Mar 10
Tess
@scja16 (323)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
Well I guess you just need to see the new perspective and know that it is the same as woman fight for equal rights with men. Not all men knows how to work around the house but still we are now adjusting and trying to do everything as well. I know to cook because I love cooking and pretty much everything around the house. I am doing this because I want to help my wife so that she will not feel that I am letting her to do everything. You are not old fashioned, maybe you are not aware but i guess not anymore. God bless
@tessah (6621)
• United States
19 Mar 10
thanx sc.. i am
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
Jeez, the jury-of-one is still out, deliberating, bwahahaha, joke only. Actually, it's just a question of semantics. Sexist? Old fashioned? Same difference, I think. Anyhow, you meant well. In this modern world where both, husband and wife are working, household chores must be shared by both. Consequently, children, male and female, need to be trained to do their share and not be entirely dependent on Nanny, Mom or Dad. Rest assured, you are neither a sexist nor old fashioned. You just need to learn to share responsibilities and lessen your burden. Have a lovely and relaxing day, tessah.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
19 Mar 10
im learning. thanx bami
• United States
31 Mar 10
It is in your culture and now you are learning another way of doing things. I think it is old fashioned but I find the Whole idea of marriage olf fashioned. I think it is uo to the couple to decide who does what. As long as both are happy with the arrangement it Really doesn't matter who cleans and who cooks.