If you would just get off your high horse blah blah blah
@Hatley (163781)
Garden Grove, California
March 17, 2010 2:16pm CST
this discussion I started from reading one in which one of my friends was rudely dissed over something that should have been kept private, and she should have private messaged my friend.
Do any of you my fellow mylotters feel that you should bawl out a fellow mylotter out in public here on a discussion? not that it was any of my business really except I hate to see somebody disrespected right out in the open on a discussion that did not seem to have anything to do with
the person making the rude response? I probably should have kept quiet but I did tell her if she had a bone to pick with my mylot friend not to do it in a discussion, this should be handled privately in a personal message.
And what does mylot admins think of this? your feelings please.
14 people like this
31 responses
@ksmita (513)
• India
17 Mar 10
hi hatley. i totally agree with you. as a friend , you can take liberty to be little bold with your response but it should be done privately through PM. when you know that , your response is going to be read by other many mylotters, then you should be careful with the words. either respond with grace or don't respond at all. people should understand that they have to respect others point of views. happy mylotting.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 10
hi ksmita yes I do so agree that should have been done with a pmessage'as they were both friends though whether or not they
stay that way maybe another question. We all will read this and
some will feel uncomfortable for their friend as I did.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157546)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I like the way you phrased that, Respond with grace. We are all missing that important quality in our lives and behaviors. I want to live with grace, and respond that way as well. Nice turn of a phrase, ksmita.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi ksmita and Garden Gerty I liked that too, respond with grace, a thing we should all do. Its okay to take a bit of liberty with a friend but do it in a private message, not out in public on a discussion. we all have our 
own points of view,and need to respect that in each other.
own points of view,and need to respect that in each other.
@coffeegurl (1467)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I believe that we should all be respectful because a lot of personal things are shared here on mylot and I don;t think anything negative should even be sent privately. If someone doesn't agree they
can say it in a nice way.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi coffeegurl Yes we owe each other respect for our own beliefs
as we do share so much of ourselves, really you are right we
don't need to be negative at all. there are polite ways to share
our opposing views without trying to change each other to our won'way
of thinking.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi gabs yes it should not have been aired in a discussion'
and I felt embarrassed for the person, as I know how I would
have felt,if this had been directed at me. the person humilated
said she was really hurt, and I cannot blame her. the disser'should
have had enough sensitivity to keep this personal. It really
looked like she or he, really wanted to embarrass the other
person. thats just not kosher.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
18 Mar 10
tHANKS AGAIN hATLEY, I REALLY did appreciate u taking up for me. Was really a bad scene & very hurtful. Guess i should just consider the source. Have a happy day, my friend.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
AntiqueLady you are most welcome,. Yes I felt that and felt'
a lot of sympathy for you. That just was not a good thing to
do. And in a way the other person really ended up embarrassing
'him or herself too.Hope this does not happen again.I doubt if'
my lot a dmins would really like this if they saw it.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Hi hatley, hAPPY EASTER TO U & YOUR SONN. It's sad when a person lets their big mouth overides their azz if u will excuse my language.
oh, what ever happened, i guess everything is back cool now..... 
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
19 Mar 10
I agree with you Hatley. I think that here and on any other forum the idea is to maturely discuss topics and it is perfectly okay to disagree with each other and put our point of view across as long as it is done politely and with respect. Good manners are the key and I don’t think that dissing another on a public forum is polite at all! PMs are for the kind of things we want to say to one another in private and if one has a bone to pick it should not be done in public.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Mar 10
hi paula yes indeed, I felt a lot like you do when you inadvertantly walk into a quarrel between two of your friends and its done right in front of you.You really do not know quite what to say and are too embarrassed to move for a minute. those things should be done in private for the sake of all involved.
1 person likes this
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
18 Mar 10
Hello Hatley this is an open platform, what we comment or write is visible to all, we should be decent in our words always, if there is any thing bad to say PM is the best, i always expect decent words from friends
Happy posting, cheers
Bhuwan
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi Professor yes it is an open place where we all share our
own views and hopefully respect that we do not always agree.
no place to chastise a so called friend at all, unless that'pereosn really just wanted to embarrass the other, keep it private, and
best yet just forgive each other and move on. happymylotting.
@GardenGerty (157546)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I believe that private, personal matters should be handled privately. I believe I would have probably ignored the rude one, and answered the other one graciously. I also would have been inclined to report the situation to admin. We are not to be doing personal communication, whether chat or criticism as part of discussion. It is suitable only for private messages. I hate it when people are rude to each other, too.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi gardengerty the way I saw it, it almost looked like'
this one person really wanted to embarrass her so called
friend. thats just not kosher, you just do not do that
in an open forum. If you must be hostile to the other, 'at
least take it to a private message. Really though why be
hostile in a place as welcoming as mylot really is? I
did think about reporting this as it did not seem to belong
in an open discussion.
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
18 Mar 10
Yes, I know what you mean. As you know I have had people carry on at me in one or two discussions. I dont know if in the situation you are referring to, if private messaging would have worked. If someone is bawling the other out, they are probably not friends, or discontinued friendship.
I guess My Lot admin would not have been too impressed, if it had been reported.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
jennybianca hi. Yes I remember that. I am not sure
either but to me it seemed distasteful like overhearing
someone's private argument. If the person just had to
berate the other so called friend, it should have been'
done in private, not out in front of all of us. I
seriously doubt if the friendship would continue
after that bit of nastiness.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I believe the whole idea about posting discussions is to get opinions from all kinds of people. Theres no reason for anyone to be rude or critizing or harrassing anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No matter what anyone else thinks. If people do not want to know other peoples opinions then they should not ask because not everyone thinks and believes the same way.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
jdyrj777 yes it is really, wouldnt be a discussion if we'all just
agreed. We all have a right to be heard, and to voice our
own opinions, and others have a right to disagree but do
it agreeably. You are not to try to change the other person's
views as they belong to that person,he or she has a right to
them. If someone must pick a fight, go pm the other person,
do not embarrass them and yourself in an open discussion.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
18 Mar 10
yes you are right. people should act like adults here and not be throwing slander at each other. we have enough of that from our freinds and family at home we come here for nice visits in blue space. least thats how i see it. yes, when i first started one so called friend really got nasty with me in one discussion and i asked them several times in said discussion to please not insult me like i was a child and be rude. they persisted, so i right away took them from my friends list. but, yes if they wanted to be mean so bad they could have pm'd me (before i took them off)
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi bunnybon I was really surprised as you seldom see
an angry response from a so called friend in an open
discussion. To me it was not warranted, and anyway
this was not the place to chatise a friend. If she or he
had a problem with the other, keep it personal and use
the messages, that what they are for.Best yet,keep your
temper as nobody else wants it. lol lol lol.
@jakill (835)
•
18 Mar 10
Well, I don't know what this i all about, but from your description, I'd say you're absolutely right. Discussions are for genuine expressions of opinion, that respect other people's views as well. They are certainly not places to carry on personal arguments.
Good for you for making the point. I'm sure it helped the person on the receiving end.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi jakill yes we can and usually do have a lot of different
opinions on any given topic but thats what a discussion is
all about. If you have an issue with the other person, dont
embarrass both of you in an open discussion. bring it to
the other person in a personal message. I doubt that mylot'
admins really likes this sort of feuding at all.
@rosekiss (30380)
• Eugene, Oregon
18 Mar 10
You are right that it shouldn't be brought into the discussion, but done privately, where no one else can see it. It really isn't anyone else business, and putting it in a discussion, is like airing their dirty laundry, and really, what happens in our private lives should be kept private. The thing of it is, the worng person can see the discussion, and take the information and post it for others to see besides here, and that wouldn't be good at all. I don't bring any of my private business in here as this is no place for it. Good luck to you and happy mylotting.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi rosekiss yes some things should be kept quiet and
put into a private message. If someone has a bone to
pick with the poster,don't do it in a discussion,
thats what the pms are for. And too why not decide'
to not quarrel in the first place, as who needs that
grief? I would not do that to a friend, and neither
should anyone else
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
Do we earn anything from sending PM? because if we do then i'm sure a lot will use that venue to express their feeling towards another member. Ranting about another mylotter works since you just create a discussion where almost everyone will leave a comment on and the poster earns in the process by commenting back. It's just like unloading their feelings and earning in the process as well. As to whether it's right or wrong is another matter. Cheers!
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
ybong no we do not earn anything for private messages,they
are just what it says, private,open only to the two people
'involved.Ranting against another person might get more'responses but thats not at all my point. read the discussion again. this is'
wrong, rude, distasteful and should have been done in a private'message if at all. why fight in a nice place like mylot?We all have our
own opinions so lets respect that fact, and not try to make the
other person change his to coincide with ours.
@bamikalipal (588)
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
The only way to earn respect is to respect others. Follow the Golden Rule.
Bawling anyone out at mylot or anwywhere in public is rude, crude, impolite and disgusting.
If the person is a true friend, he should have the decency to give advice, make comments or meaning suggestions in private.
You were right Hatley and yes, it was your business to tell her off.
Have a relaxing day, my friend.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi bamikalipal yes if we want respect we must respect others.
sure we will disagree many times, and thats okat if we respect'the other person's opinions and do not try to change them. This person
seemed to want to embarrass the other, now friends should not'do
that out in public. keep it private, best yet shake hands, and
forgive and forget.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
24 Mar 10
I think you are exactly right. We are encouraged to be friendly and so I think if you have a private issue with someone you should do it by PM. But you know Hatley, there will always be drama queens and and people with big mouths and a warped sense of their own importance who will try and draw attention to themselves. There are lots of these people at myLot who love to disrespect, bully and tell off those whom they think are not as clever, hip, smart, better informed as they are.
They may be cleverer than me or better informed or more eloquent but when they bad mouth me or call me stupid or deal with anyone that way then I am not impressed. These people are really pathetic in my mind.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Mar 10
hi Mstickle you are so right , they are sad and really pathetic and
they just dont really see why we dislike what they do , I guess. I
got so angry at one mylotter awhile back who made a discussion on how
awful some discussions were with bad grammar and so on and on, wellI'
reminded her we are not to chastise others for errors like that as they
are likely posters with English as their second language. they are doing the best they can. they according to admins are welcome here and we'
should help them,not make fun of them. that lady was most unkind and I think her discussion was deleted too. I sure was not impressed with this mylotter at all, she might be an English prof but she was mean and spiteful too.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I think that is such a mean thing to do. I have a best friend that people did that way about her spelling & she hardly ever gets on here anymore. She's like me & lives alone & i was hoping she would love mylot as good as i do but she didn't. Too bad when people think they are so much smarter than others. people like that leave me colder than a cucumber.
people like that leave me colder than a cucumber.1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
17 Mar 10
I can't tell you how many times I wanted to let go and let someone have it! But this is a civilized place, for the most part, and I try to respect myLot's internet living room and be respectful. Sometimes people lose control. I did, just the other night. I posted something like "keep drinking the kool-aid" instead of a thoughtful response and I was really ashamed of myself and said so to the person.
I think you should let them work it out themselves. People do lose control when they feel strongly about something. It was good of you to stick up for your friend but people need to work out their own issues.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 10
hi dragon 54u one time a long time backI did let go with alot of other mylotters too and instead of accomplishing anything everybody was then angry. and finally mylot got busy and threw the whole discussion out as well they should as we were all really stepping out of bounds so to speak.
discussion out as well they should as we were all really stepping out of bounds so to speak. 
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
dear hatley,
rudeness is not an excuse in public interaction.
and dont you hate people like that? 
in my mind i call them "no breeding" because having an idea in mind and expressing it can be done in much better way (and yes, privately) that would not be embarrassing to someone.
ann
in my mind i call them "no breeding" because having an idea in mind and expressing it can be done in much better way (and yes, privately) that would not be embarrassing to someone.
ann1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi Ann yes rudeness is just not acceptable in an open
discussion. It is ill breeding, and there is no excuse'for
it. Its really mean to embarrass a so called friend like
that in front of all the rest of us. Nobody deserves that
'kind of treatment. Keep it private or better yet forget
the anger and get on with life.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi krisnel Yes there is no need to be abusive in front of'
all of us. If a person has some issue to settle with the
other, take it to a personal message.To try to humiliate
'a friend because of some irritation with her, is rude
and will only embarrass both of you. keep private matters
private.
both of you. keep private matters
private.
@kaylachan (57595)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Mar 10
A rule of thumb on any forum such as this, pprivite matters should remain that privite. If their personal grudges that's why personal messages exist. If people really have that much of a problem, they need to get off and cool down before responding.
I'll admit there have been discussions that really irked me. And, I will also admit to speaking my mind. I kept it clean of course, but I did snap at them and stronglely expressed my views on the subject. And, quite a few were inclined to agree with me about it.
But, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Basically I was subtle and excluded the yelling I probably would have done had this discussion come up in public.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
kaylachan thats the whole point of a private message,'if
a person just has to say something derogatory it has to
be done in private. we do not want to be privy to a
cat fight which never should have got that far in the
first place. Do not embarrass yourself and the other
person, and make the rest of us feel like voyeurs.
@cookekn (4)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Privacy should be a benefit of friendship. Close friends have a lot of private conversations and confidentiality and trust are gained through those discussions. Beyond even that, you can disagree or even criticize someone in a respectful way without being rude.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi cookekn you just said a mouthful there. Private things
should not be aired in front of all us mylotters. A fuss'between two friends should be a private matter. Also the disser should
take a moment to ponder is this really what I want to do,
'we are friends after all.
