Parents still giving hand outs to their son.

@jugsjugs (13045)
March 19, 2010 3:30pm CST
There are alot of parents out there that tend to go to their purse when ever a child needs money no matter how old the child is and even when the person has grown up they seem to do the same.I have a brother that was and still is what i call a sponger as in he gets what he wants out of his state benifit and then he orders things get things on credit aswell as get my mum to pay for them aswell as for money to keep his van on the road.Do you think it is about time a 41 year old should be standing on his own two feet.
6 people like this
49 responses
@doormouse (4619)
20 Mar 10
at the moment i'm struggling to pay bills and stuff,so i have asked my mum to lend me some money,which she has very kindly done,i haven't told my partner though,as he'd go mad,i only ask when i'm desperate and i always pay it back,,i don't like doing it as i'm 32 and should be able to sort myself out,it makes me feel like a failure
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50245)
• United States
20 Mar 10
Sweetie, I don't think that is the same thing. You're not a bum. You're trying your best and doing everything you possibly can. People like that are in a different category. My dad buys my gasoline a lot because he knows how little I have. I've never asked him to, but he says it makes him feel better. I don't feel good about it, but I appreciate his help.
• United States
20 Mar 10
You answered your own question... Yes if you are grown and past college age you def should stay out of the "bank of mom & dad" unless it's an extreme emergency that you can't get a loan for or whatever not some frivelous thing. But in our case we'd have to be destitute and homeless for the IL's to lift a finger for us & I have an Aunt that could help but I don't dare ask. Besides if I can't afford to pay you back then I guess I can't say it's a loan or borrowed money of any kind. So we do what we have to do.
1 person likes this
@ybong007 (6658)
• Philippines
20 Mar 10
My sisters husband in around the same age but he doesn't depend on his mother. Rather, he depend on my sister to feed him, his vices and his friends during his drinking session almost every day. He is jobless and doesn't seem interested of finding a job.
1 person likes this
@coffeegurl (1470)
• United States
19 Mar 10
My bf just turned 39 and for the past 6months his Mom has had to help him with money for rent because the unemployment he was getting was not enough to cover all of his expenses.
• United States
20 Mar 10
I wonder how his mother feels now.....
@basqui (3890)
• Philippines
20 Mar 10
you're Bf is lucky but are you wondering you could survive together after settling for him unemployed? Would you still depend on his mother's help? All mothers don't like their son's wives, i wonder why?
• India
23 Mar 10
Your family played a role in developing his character.Ask your mother to stop paying his bills.By refusing to help him financially for everything, you can help him to change for better.Better late than never.
• India
23 Mar 10
Sorry for the wrong post.Please help me to delete the message above
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
Well, 41 is quite late already to still be asking for his parents for his needs? Is he married ? I think your mom tolerates the situation and she is not doing your brother good. I think it will be difficult for your brother to stand on his own later on if your mom still do the same... Im married and admit that sometimes my mom still buys stuff for me and my dad still get me gifts... but those are timely and thats just normal for parents to still baby their child. But for a 41 year old to use the credit and let his mom pay... i agree there's somthing wrong.
@aCavin (25)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
No offense Sir... I really do agree with you 41? thats like already a father with a college daughter or son... he should already learn how to stand on his own feet... the case is our father or our mother will never always be their for us...
• Bangladesh
9 Jun 11
Off course, I do think that a 41 old man should be standing on his feet. He should act like a man, or else he should be lying on bed like a child and suck feeding bottle. Good day.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
6 Oct 10
Oh, my husband and I are doing everything that we can to make it on our own. That said, there are still times that I have to ask for help from my mother because we are human and we are living in this world where there are a lot of economic struggles. That said, I do think that someone of that age should be standing on their own two feet, but there will be a lot of times that they will find that there are areas where they need help.
@nessosamu (202)
• Japan
10 May 10
ow, .....41?! i do not think it is OK for grown-ups to depend on their mothers too much. of course, in this recent downturn which people around the world are suffering from, some people in troube might seek dire help and if the mothers can help them, why not, but unless there are such particular reasons, adults should try to find the way on their own.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
9 May 10
Hi, jugsjugs. I think that it is past time that he get on his feet! A grown man at his age should be taking care of his own self. And he should have his own money too. It is nothing wrong with still helping a child out when it is an emergency, but not on an everyday basis. Your brothers needs to learn how to be responsible. Family members can't always dish out to him when he feels it. If they do so all of the time, this will make him turn into a spoiled brat. I hope that he is not going to be this way with you all at all.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I think it's way past time for your mom to stop bailing his butte out of trouble. As long as she keeps enabling him he'll keep on doing it. She should see that by now. My son is not that old but i'm tired of being his bank to. I have gotten where i resent him thinking i should be his banker. Bet u weren't treated like tht. I sure wasn't.When they get to be your brother's age it's time to quit. My son can go on vacations to fla. & just got back from a cruise that they didn't have any buisness going on to start with.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
3 Apr 10
Hi Jugs I think it time he becomes responsible and does not spend Money he has not got Your poor Mum has her Life to live and not support him with things he can not afford
• India
1 Apr 10
Hello 41 is a ripe age to earn and maintain a family if he has one, i started earning when i was 23 i had my family, not only that i gave some money to my parents too, we lived together, they made me a person to earn Happy posting, cheers Prof
@walijo2008 (4647)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Yes, I would think so..I agree with you. I have a brother that's a little like that, he's the only boy out of five of us kids, and he's a mamma's boy. Anytime he needs money for something, he won't come right out and ask he just hints around and as usual my mom will give in and give it to him, even tho, she's on a budget herself. I've told her time and again she's going to have to quit doing that and let him grow up, he's got two kids and one on the way now, I think its about time..ha.
@jezzmay (1845)
• United States
23 Mar 10
I agree with you a 41 year old should be helping his parents, not the parents helping him. I have a 24 year old I am trying to help get on his feet. I also have a 38 year old who helps me, and I help him when I can.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Mar 10
I'd say it was way past time. If he was independent and then he fell on hard times, OK, but if it's been constant all his life, it's way overdue.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
22 Mar 10
I know a couple of people like that! One is 41 years old also and has separated from his partner and consequently he is now behind in child support for their 14 year old daughter. The girl’s mother doesn’t want to legally pursue him for the money because she knows it will be his parents who will foot the bill. He moved back home and still hands his mother his laundry for her to do! The other has just got a job after twenty years, that’s right twenty years, of unemployment and having his parents support him; it will be interesting to see if the job will last. These guys would not get the chance to mooch if they weren’t given the opportunity to do so by their parents!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
22 Mar 10
My mother is the kind of parent that is still doing this for her children. I am the oldest of three children and I will be thirty years old next month. My brother is twenty seven years old, married and has two children of his own. He and his family live under my mother's roof where they pay no rent and they don't pay for their own food. They do pay for their student loan debt and their car payment, but I still don't feel that they act like adults at this point. Now, I'm not going to deny the fact that my husband and I lived under my mother's roof for several years, but during all of that time we did pay her rent and also helped with the groceries.
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
22 Mar 10
Yeah he should be on his own two feet... But, everything is so circumstantial today, with the "global" economy what it is, there's a lot of struggling people out there--the true question is, is he even trying? And from the sound of things, you've suggested he isn't. If that's the case, then, yeah, he should be cut off for his own good.