People say it's not right to hit your kids well I will just have to not be right

United States
March 20, 2010 1:17pm CST
My daughter is far gone and I don't know how to get her back on track. Not hitting her and talking till I am blue in the face does not work. Well She just thought it was funny in my neighbors house that I got paint in my hair. I went to see how I can get it out. She bust out laughing like it was funny. I slapped the crap out of her now she is pissed. Well that will be the first of many to come. She took my radio that I was given as a gift and dropped it twice and thought it was funny. Now we have nothing but ipod to listen to. She is failing another year in the ninth grade and thinks nothing of it. Oh, I want to go here and I need money to buy a new phone and I want my nails done. I will slap fire out od her azz if she askes me for one dollar. Just one and fire will be flying. I am fed up and it's a wrap now.
4 people like this
20 responses
@Ramsesxlll (1436)
• Finland
21 Mar 10
Wow... That's quite bad (aggressive), especially because slapping kids is illegal in most countries. I do understand though what you are feeling and what you are going through. Maybe a better alternative than slapping would be to talk to her seriously. You could always try to bribe her too; like a few dollars a week if she's been nice. I do know that that maybe doesn't work, but it's worth a try. Are you in touch with her father? Maybe talking with her father (if he's not a psychopath) could help too. My mother did sometimes slap me when I was a kid, but I think that it was wrong. She does sound like a little kid though...
• United States
21 Mar 10
Her father is in jamaica and he does nothing to help me. I have tried talking to her and that does not work. I have been all over mylot with my problems with my daughter and not once did i hit her. But,this time it worked she is cleaning her room right now. She is quiets and in a good mood. She needed to be slapped into reality. Now when I take the door off the hindges we will see what happens then.
• Finland
21 Mar 10
Ah... I totally disrespect fathers who don't care about their children's life, or their children's mother's life. Good luck in the future, I am sure that you will get this worked out. :D (Keeping my thumbs up)
• United States
21 Mar 10
I will be trying to send her to her father this summer. If the grand mother would help me with the ticket.
• United States
21 Mar 10
I am no expert, but I speak to a lot of teenagers and as a teenager myself, I gave my mother problems too. You say she's in the ninth grade, which would mean she's around 14 or so? If that's the case, there could be several reasons as to why she is acting the way she is. The first, she's hanging out with kids who are influencing her behavior. The second, something is bothering her and she doesn't know how to tell you, so she behaves like everything is a joke. The third, it could be hormonal, a chemical imbalance. How much fruit and vegetables is she eating? What about fiber? I've found out this can cause a terrible influence in our behavior. The teens I've talked to who behaved similarly have told me one common thing. They are confused, and they don't like acting like they do. They can't stop it, and they fear they won't be listened if they speak up to their parents. If you are angry, give some time away from her to yourself. When you are calmer, take her for a drive.. This is going to be bold, but she needs to know what it's going to be like if she keeps failing her classes. Take her to a homeless shelter. Many people are in homeless shelters due to a lack of education that would have allowed them to keep their jobs. (Though there are some who are educated and still unfortunately had to go to a homeless shelter...) Perhaps seeing the people in the homeless shelters will open her eyes up a bit. Also, ask your daughter if there is something about you she has trouble with. Teenagers generally like a little more freedom and they want to feel trusted. However, they need to be aware that they can earn that trust. And as adults, we have to be willing to give it. But like I said I am no expert and I'm only going by from the talks I've had with teenagers, including my teenage nieces. I hope things get better for you.
• United States
21 Mar 10
I tried to send you a PM, but it told me I needed to send you a friend request.
@vandana7 (62290)
• India
21 Mar 10
Hi firestorm, that is very well thought out response! I am impressed.
• United States
21 Mar 10
Request me as a friend and I will except. or I can do the same. Thanks
@marguicha (90354)
• Chile
21 Mar 10
Hi, I spanked my children if they misbehaved badly. It was a normal way of teaching then, when things got out of hand. I think that maybe you can mix several consistent ways of making her behave. Now she knows you will not accept punishment from HER. So now you can "tell" her she will not have more money and if she wants some extra she will have to see how she can earn it. It´s your duty to give her food, an education, love. But you are not her servant nor her Bank. You can tell her, by the way, that she owes you a radio so that she won´t have anything from you until she works to pay it back. It is her duty to study and pass her school unless she has a learning disability. How about no TV until her grades climb up a bit? My husband and I believed that children must mind their parents. That has nothing to do with love. Now my grandchildren behave at my home much better than they do at their mom´s house. But I took care to set limits from the very beginning. My both daughters have a profession now. And thanks God they do as they are divorced and their children´s fathers give them next to nothing. Dont wait until you are angry though. The idea is to teach, not to torture her. You can spank her before you are mad. Never do it when you are out of control. Take care!
• United States
21 Mar 10
The funny thing was she just came an asked me for money. I said no and left it at that. She had better stop before I get angry. I want the best for her and she wants to just run the streets.
@marguicha (90354)
• Chile
21 Mar 10
Try to manage your anger, friend. You´ll manage better if you are not angry but firm. A "no" will be a "no" always, until she learns tha it is not her right, but something she must earn (and don´t we all!). If she nags with it, tell har clearly that she is NOT to have more money and that she can earn it. After all, I doubt that you are married to Bill Gates or another tycoon like him. We work hard for our pennies and, as you said, we also need our so very small luxuries in a life that is not pampered. Maybe later, when she sees that you will not give her all she wants, you can work out a small allowance depending on her grades at school.
@ramp123 (191)
• India
21 Mar 10
It sounds like your daughter is in the age group of 13 or 14 years. That is a particularly rebellious age that most girls go through. I would say, be patient. Take a deep breath, count to 10 everytime something happens. Do not react with violence. Talk to her about studying, because that is where her future lies, she is old enough to understand that. This is your own child you're talking about, how can you possibly be fed up? Hang on a couple of years, and suddenly she will change and become an angel. Trust me, this will happen for sure!
• United States
21 Mar 10
I am fed up because at the age of 15 my daughter has giveing up on herself. She cares about no one and nothing at all. If your not giving her what she wants she is rude to you point blank. She will shut you up mid sentence and let it be known she wants to hear no more. I will not be giving her any more money for anything but to buy her monthly items with. And this I might go buy myself.
@marguicha (90354)
• Chile
21 Mar 10
If she discovers that being rude will take her nowhere, she will start to change her ways. It might be a good idea if you bought everything and not let her have a single penny. She needs to learn who is the boss.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
21 Mar 10
I am not an expert, but I think at her age, hitting is not going to do any good. Instead of talking, try taking away privilages, time with friends, games or whatever she's in to, tell her no more until she moves forward in a positive way.
• United States
21 Mar 10
She does not respond well to any of those things. I have tried them all. I soke to my neighbor who told me my daughter wants to fight me like a person in the street.So I am ready when she is. She is trying to be nice to me all now. But she does not know her door is coming off the hinges today when mike brings back my screw driver. I will be tossing out what ever is on that floor. And if she jumps in my face i hav ea big stick ready to go to her head with. No child of mine will hit me and get to walk around and tell about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Mar 10
Oh yeah, I thik I remember you asying that over a year ago about her hitting you? I am not too sure, it has been a while. Also I can't rmember, have you tried counseling? I knw many are not great, but if you are persistant, usually there is a good one that can break through.
• United States
21 Mar 10
These are the roughest years my friend. I am pretty sure that smacking her at this point in life isn't exactly going to work either. It's time to just put your foot down and stand strong on your decisions. Evidently she is getting money more often than not when she's asking and that's why she continues. Stand strong on your decisions and make her find a way to EARN what she wants. As for breaking your things, I'd solve that one by going to her room and removing items she finds dear to her. Take them yourself and use them or put them someplace, even locked in the trunk of your car, until she can show some responsibility and respect for YOUR stuff. A little taste of her own medicine will go a long way. Just remember no kid is perfect, just as no parent is either. I have twins that failed 10th grade THREE times. Yeah, it's fun. But in the end they have to make the decisions that end it all and you can only do so much to help.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Seriously? your twins failed 10th grade 3 times? I'm sorry to hear that. I have a 7 year old daughter. I know it's way off to worry about things like this for now. But I do worry about what if my daughter acted that way. I was a rebellious misfit myself when I was in college. I try to remember why I was driven to do things in college, and I think I have to try to avert her attention from doing things like that too.
• United States
21 Mar 10
I am sorry to hear of your troubles as well. I have tried with this child to do anything but hit her. I am now to the point where there is no going back. I told her already I was not giving her any more money. If she asks me for even one dollar I will smack the crap out of her. if she asks me again later on I will do it again. I always give her money and she will alwyas take it. No more here no more.
@kaylachan (4776)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Mar 10
You should find some other way to resolve your problem. If she wanted to spite you, then she would just have to tell anyone that you've been hitting her. The state will more then likely take her side and she'll be removed from the home. What you need is professional help. Seak both legel and family counseling. Talk to her school's guidence counsular, that should be able to point you in the right direction. If you're angry at her, do what my mom and dad did. take it out on something else. Stop talking to her when she comes to you asking for money. There are ways to hurt her without physically hitting her. Let her see what she's putting you through no holding back the emotions you feel. She needs help. You mentioned that your daughter was on medicine and you were reluctent to put her back on it. Sometimes behaviors such of this stem from being taken off of something abruptly. Get her back on them and make sure she takes it. Cover all your basis.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Hear hear!
• United States
21 Mar 10
My daughter won't take the meds that I was willing for her to take. I stopped giving her the adhd meds because they don't work. The bipolar meds work and we have them she will not take them. She told the family therapist and the cps worker she is not going to take them. I will not force her to take pills just to spit them out later. I found them in the toilet under the bed,even in the garbage.
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
21 Mar 10
How nice if a cooling period can be applied when disciplining a child. It used to be spare the rod and spoil the child. However, I feel today's children is different from children from yesterday. The hard approach will only make them more defiant. Take a softer approach and they climb over your head. I guess a balance is required when disciplining the child. The hard approach first to make sure the child knows what is wrong and the soft approach to let the child know why is that wrong.
• United States
21 Mar 10
My daughter needs something I can't offer. because I don't know what it is. I just can't wait for her to leave my house and out of the same state I live in. I know she will always be my daughter. And I will always love her but,I find I love her too much and it's not goo for either of us. She cares about nothing and no body. But when she finds out what life is really like she will be trying to get back home. And I will not take her back in. She will hav eto learn the hard way.
@eshaan (6193)
• India
21 Mar 10
according to me there is one particular age till the time you can beat them, but after that hitting them will bring opposite of what you want, sometimes the child become worst and they go out of control, just becoz you keep beating them for small reasons, bringing up a child is a slow process and you have to be right and very limited steps you have to take about what to do and what not...its very necessary to show them love after you have scolded or beaten them...as they should know that what you are saying is for their betterment....and when she has reached 9th grade...she is grown enough to be beaten....now try to explain in her words which will be more effective....
• United States
21 Mar 10
I have talked to my daughter so much I am done with it. My daughter listens to no one. My friends,and family hav eno more interest in what she does these days. They have basically washed their hands with my daughter. I have one friend left who my daughter talks to. She told my daughter last night she will not tolerate her much longer.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
21 Mar 10
hello giftsandbagscom. i know it's easier said than done. but it pays to have a cool head. emotions tend to cloud our reasoning and rationality. some tips i've learnt is to adopt both the proactive and the reactive approach. while the reactive approach is needed to correct the misbehavior, the proactive approach emphasises on inculcating self discipline. it doesn't happen overnight and it's far from smooth-sailing. but if you believe in what you do you should see results. i wish you luck.
• United States
21 Mar 10
I hav eto look up some of these words to understand what your saying here. Thanks so much.
@scja16 (323)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I understand what you are feeling but still hitting her is not right. Although you have a point but she is still a kid, I know that I am not in your position but think of her as a baby or try to remember how she is when she is still young. Try letting her join Sunday school with the other kids in a christian church. Try knowing her likes and dislikes, maybe she is just doing this to catch your attention. Patience is the key and trust to God that He may guide you to your daughters heart. I am so sorry for being so honest but I just want you both have a great life living with each other. You may not know but maybe someday your daughter will be the reason of your success. God bless
• United States
21 Mar 10
My daughter will not go to church. I can't make her do it either. When I try she just pitches a fit. So I leave it alone and move on.
@umit_umit (1986)
• India
21 Mar 10
well, the thing is this that sometimes one dosent want to hit but one is compelled to do this!its very irritating sometimes!is true!then one can change the attitude and avoid hitting!and get the things done by love!
• United States
21 Mar 10
I feel you o this. However I have tried everything and it is not working. I am at my wits end with this child of mine.
@vandana7 (62290)
• India
21 Mar 10
Teenage is a bag of confusion. We all have been through it, but our situations differ, and so do our hormonal compositions. I have taken a lot of beating in my times, and I really hated it, especially because there were others who never got it! I can only say this - it distances you from your child. If that happens, the child would not tell you other crucial things in her life - where she could do with help. People who watch get a good chance to play sides or misbehave with the young girl. :( But of course, I am opining based on what I experienced.
• United States
21 Mar 10
I was beat and all the time at that. My mother is now my very best friend. My daughter will learn life is not a joke and the beginning of that life lesson starts with me.
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
20 Mar 10
sorry can't help much, my son is losing his tv room cause he won't clean it up and i got in there to do it. so he will now lose for at least a day, i've been asking him for a week to do it. i know he's nearly 8 but, all the pro's say make the kids do things. but i'm finding kids can get away with to much nowa days, it's more parents aren't allowed to use more forceful disapline. they can go running to the authorties and say what they like to get their way and us parents can do nothing about it. it's harder with teenagers, all i can suggest is make her get a job. so she can have her own money, and take things of her. she may be able to look back on it in 10 yrs time and see why you are doing what your doing.
• United States
21 Mar 10
She is 25 and can't work but part time. I want ehr in school thats all. If she does not get in job corp I don't know what else to do. She will not be living here though. I can't take this abuse much longer.
@LadyBoss (253)
• United States
20 Mar 10
Maybe using physical force isint such a good idea. I think she might not realise how important a parent is. Maybe you should take somethings away from her. Or is there anything that you could do to get her to be appreciative ? Like do you pay for a cell phone bill? Or something like that ?
• United States
21 Mar 10
My daughter did something real stupid today. So i will no longer be paying her cell phone bill. She better go out and find a way to get it paid.
@doormouse (4619)
20 Mar 10
kids do like to push you to the limit don't they,mine do on a regular basis,no one can tell you what to do,the discipline depends on the individual child,for instance,my 2 older kids respond more to talking sensibly to them about why what they did was wrong,and what the consequences could be,whereas my youngest boy,i've tried everything,smacking,talking,naughty step,ignoring the bad behaviour,etc,,at present the only thing that's working is threatening to smack him with a wooden spoon,he absolutly sh*ts himself and then does exactly as he's told,i've never had to smack him with it,just the threat is enough
• United States
21 Mar 10
My friend malissa has to hit her daughter with the kitchen spoon. I always thought it was bad. But,she found what works. My daughter was fine all day after that slap. The child just don't want to listen to anyone. But I am fed up now and it will all hav eot stop.
@Trensue (5247)
• United States
20 Mar 10
Sometimes we lose tempers and it has to come to a head. It sounds like that happened at your house. I don't think I would even let her listen to an ipod. Hope the school can find some way to at least help her get an education so you won't be having her drop your things when she's 30. Hang in there!
• United States
21 Mar 10
She won't be in my house when she is 30 so I am not worrried about that one. LOL
• United States
20 Mar 10
I wish I had an answer for you! I think if she can get a job doing fast food she better get one to take care of all those "I want's".
• United States
21 Mar 10
She had better listen to wha tpeople are trying to tell her. She says she is being a true tauraus. Please she is being a true fool.
• United States
23 Mar 10
This is a sad situation you two are in. Neither of you have respect for the other. But you are the parent...it should lie on your shoulders to be the mature one. I have ten children, and four of these are daughters. I had a lot of trouble with my first two, before I learned what parenting was all about. It took me a while to restore my relationship with my oldest two girls, who are in their thirties now. I have a thirteen year old daughter and a six year old daughter in my home now. I have a WONDERFUL relationship with them. Hitting your girl is not the answer, espeically now that she is so old. All these problems could have been prevented with good training when she was young, but now you are treating the symptoms of a bad relationship. My advice is that you should pick your battles. She laughed at the paint in your hair, couldn't you have looked at it as funny too? I think I would lay down some ground rules. As long as she is failing there will be no phones or nails done. But in the meantime, I would work on restoring my relationship with her. I'd take her out to eat, just the two of us. I would put down everything else and just talk to her. When she enters a room, smile at her like she is the one person you looked forward to seeing all day long. She is your CHILD! Please love her. It sounds like she needs it so bad.
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Mar 10
I don't know what to tell you, but some children just go down the wrong path despite their parents' best efforts and sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.