Would you marry someone from a different culture?

Indonesia
March 21, 2010 1:11am CST
I am an American, born and raised in Southern California. My husband is Indonesian, born and raised in Northern Sumatra. We met, were married and still live in Indonesia. I know that I found the right man for me, he is perfect and we are very happy. But that doesn't mean that there aren't special challenges that come with marrying out of your own culture. Language, for one. My husband speaks pretty decent English, but because he is Eastern, he doesn't always know the connotations that go along with the language. The same situation applies to my Indonesian. Or how about food? He would be happy with rice and fish heads 3 times a day... but me... not so much. These are just really trivial differences that obviously come with culture. Not to mention the way we Value Time, self expression, work ethic, learning styles, eye contact, ideas about public affection... and so much more. Like I said, I love my husband and enjoy the adventure of these challenges. But what about you, would you marry out of your culture? Or are you married to someone of another culture and what unique or humorous challenges do you face, or imagine you would face?
23 responses
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
21 Mar 10
Hi... Nice topic to discuss! Thank you for starting it... I am an Indian and have spent all my life in India. My fiancee is an American, she also spent almost her life in US. Last year, both of us met and fell in love with each other. Both of us have been raised in different cultures, etc. We both know it. But that is not going to bother us at all. The key is, we have decided to adjust with each other and our hobbies, habits etc. We don't have any problem with these things. We love each other. At present, we have only one wish- to get together and be with each other for the life... When there is Love, other things should matter a little... I congratulate you, for having maintained a relationship like that. It actually encourages me more and makes me miss my girl a lot... Good Luck to both of you! Have a nice time!
@agv0419 (3030)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Both of you needs to adjust and beat the odds. Here in our country many are got married to foreigners and they adjust to each other cultures. As long as you love the person you learn to accept everything about him.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
21 Mar 10
Of course we do adjust each other... Our habits, our likes and dislikes etc. are all understood... Yes, we understand each other and we love each other madly... She is my the most precious person in my life and I can do anything for a smile on her beautiful face...
30 Jan 11
I am Vietnamese, and my husband is English, we have been married for nearly 30 years. We have two beautiful daughters and two grandchildren. We live in London, my youngest daughter is studying in France. We have been fortunate to be a very tight family. I can't describe it! We have grown together,walked the same road, shared the same dreams, went through the same ups and downs. The key thing is Love, and a bit of sacrifices from both sides. I believe that you have to have an interest, and I mean a serious desire to understand each other's cultures: books, films, history, cuisines, travels... and share everything. One day is fish and chips, bangers and mash, the following day it's Pho (Vietnamese noodle soup) and spring rolls! I wish both of you all the happiness in the world!
@dixenz (3)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
Yes, I will marry. If you love someone even in different culture it is acceptable. If you love the person try to learned all their culture to show that love conquers all.
@teamrose (1499)
• United States
22 Mar 10
I could marry outside my culture if I fell in love. However, people tend to meet people in their own comfort zone. How is it you met a man from Indonesia? Did you already speak the language? I am very happy for you?
@aries12 (60)
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
When somebody ask me If a will marry a man coming from different culture I would say YES because if you really love that man you can accept where he came from or who he is..........
• Philippines
22 Mar 10
I would want to marry someone from a different culture. In fact, ever since I was a kid, I am imagining myself having a foreign husband! Difference in cultures doesn't really matter. It's good, I like to be in a new surroundings. It maybe hard to think sometimes, but being in a new culture may be fun.
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
22 Mar 10
First, I'm 60 and never married. I kind of doubt that if I met someone from a different culture, I'd marry him. Now, to set the record straight, I'm American and I don't consider (even though I probably should) Canada, Australia, England, and other English-speaking countries, a different culture. (I know there are some differences, but not that many to overcome.) I think I may be the oddball in this discussion, thus far.
@Ramsesxlll (1436)
• Finland
21 Mar 10
It is always good to mix the cultures a bit so that the children's genes will be better :D There has been some research on this, and I think that it was proven correct. I, personally don't have against women of any culture, but the women of Russia. I don't want to sound like a racist, but ,amy bad things were taught to me about the Russians who attacked our country and did also other bad things during the first and second world wars... Multiculture is only + :D
• United States
21 Mar 10
If that was a decision that I had to make I would marry someone of a different culture. I have a 13 yr old daughter from a previous relationship and that would help both of learn about the person and his culture and probably would help me appreciate my culture more. To me it is a learning experience on both parts.
@kialele (126)
• United States
21 Mar 10
Interesting topic. If I were you, I probably find very exciting in the first few months when we fell in love but gradually find that so many habits are different, which will bring many problems. But I know, as many people said, love is a bridge to overcome all difficulties. So the solid of the relation really depend on how much love you and you spouse have to each other.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I think it's not really easy to marry someone born from other country with other culture and tradition. But i believed that love knows nothing culture and tradition. Two hearts that love each other,speaks from their heart,and not from where they came from and how they're used to be from a particular place. Love doesn't know any language either...but,amazingly,love is felt from all hearts,felt by every one,no matter what color,race,religion or language you speak. Then,let love speak. I would love to marry someone different from my culture too,as long we love each other,and let love enveloped our relationship.
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
21 Mar 10
Well yes, me and wife are from different religion. But we love the differences, and i have learned so much from her culture. And she enjoyed from mine. Rather i would say that bonded our love more.. There are ofcourse lots of challenges, but we did enjoy them and face it boldly.
@dknkyle (447)
• Singapore
21 Mar 10
For me, I would say race and culture don't really matters in a relationship. What really matter the most is the mutual feeling and chemistry between you and your partner. I would marry someone of a different race/ethnic/nationality provided that she don't mind and respect who I am and not try to convert me to her religion and expect me to strictly follow her way of thinking and lifestyle because I would always want to be who I am. And for me, I wouldn't mind if she want to believe in whatever religion or live life the way she wants but as long as she loves me and the family and nothing between us is contradicting.
@vandana7 (59031)
• India
21 Mar 10
This is hypothetical answer. :) Too challenging for me. :) I think I have become quite set in my ways. So I would have to do most adjusting. :) I am usually run away from the challenging situation if I can type of person. :) So I would avoid. :( Sorry. Of course, if it is likely to hurt another person, it wouldnt be right on my part. But I wouldnt bring it to that level. :)
@abitcurious (1423)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I would really would love to be able to have a lasting relationship with someone I love. So yes, I would marry a guy, even if he's from a different culture. Although it would really entail a lot of adjustments on both our part, I do think that it is feasible to be happy in this kind of relationship. Language is not even a problem since there's really a universal language for people who want to be together. Being an Asian myself, I get how you feel about public displays of affection in Asia. It's really a very conservative culture so these displays are frowned upon. Although, a lot has changed in the metropolitan cities of most Asian countries. Because these cities sit in the hot pot of the country, they tend to be more exposed to outside cultures. BAck to realtionships, I find it really disturbing that a lot of foreigners would marry Asian women so that they would have a more submissive woman for a wife. Of course it would be unfair to generalize.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
culture and belief is not really a burden though i know some find it hard to accept. but for me once you two love and both happy with each other then i know theres a way for that. its in the matter of understanding and acceptance. so for me i guess its also respect like if the husband go to the wife family the husband will respect the culture and belief of his wife and same thing the wife do if she will visit her husband family. and if they are just two then its better of not to think of whats in their culture but only do things according to their will as long as it will not affect the other half. its in the matter of how the two of you live a harmonious life together.
@umit_umit (1988)
• India
21 Mar 10
marry someone from different cultue it dosent matter if the person is good and parents agree to that!
@maximax8 (27048)
21 Mar 10
Hi there. I am from England and when I was in my early twenties I married an Australia man. I met him when I was traveling in Australia as part of my world trip. Sadly we got divorced six years later. I wouldn't have wanted to marry a man that didn't speak English. I would have happily married a man from another culture if I had fallen in love with him. Sometimes there would be a difference in expected lifestyle. Like if a British lady married a man from the Middle East she might move over to Libya. She might find the summer very hot and not be Islamic. She would have to respect his religion. If they have children they would have to discuss how the kids are brought up. If they split up it could be a nightmare. She might want to move back to the UK with her children but her ex-husband could object.
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
I am proudly Filipina and i'm with somebody who is white caucasian.I know too how hard it is sometimes when you are in love with somebody who has a different culture as yours.And yes language barrier is an issue sometimes.But so long as yboth love each other and are willing to compromise and understand each other, i am sure that eventually these two people will just blend in.
@humairaku (2040)
• Indonesia
21 Mar 10
frankly, I can't imagine marrying a man from another country with another culture and language. marriage itself is a hard process to do, I don't wanna have another big problem in leading my marriage life with adaptation. I like challenge, but not for my marriage life. LOL.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
21 Mar 10
If we love, trust and respect each other unconditionally, i would. It is not the culture that is more important, it is two people loving and caring for each other that is. TATA.