if you keep having issues with the same person over and over again

United States
March 21, 2010 9:30am CST
ok ive been gone from here, had to get an operation on my neck. healing just ok. but we got into this topic last night, i am the kind of person who i know who i can count on, who will be here for me. i told my wife before my operation i am not counting on our son to be there the day of my operation, and i know he wont be coming over to the house to see how i am doing or if we need help around the house. sure enough he didnt stop by after to check on me, my wife, parnets then my daughter came with my nephew to pick up my wife. the only reason my nephew came with my daughter i asked him too so my daughter wouldnt have to walk through the parking lot alone when she got there or my wife and her. but he did call, i told my wife its sad he works like 5 min away from where i had it done at. and he didnt even ask her if we need anything or she need to go to the store since my wife dont drive due to her eyes. but as we were talking my daughter said everyone went over to her aunts house and once again she wasnt invited over. even though her one cousin swore up and down how lcky she is to have my daughter in her life and still get treated wrong. i was like they all over there having a circle jerk going on, everyone have to tell each other how great they are just because basically they sucks. none of the other kids in the family know how to treat others, well treat my daughter, she is the one who always get mistreated well the grown up say its not our place to say anything to them. even the kids say that. my thing like i told my wife, i dont care if i see our son, or if i see the grandkids, i am not going to start kissing his butt or his wife butt to see the babies, and i am not going there just to be disrespected. if the person you have issues with and you keep trying and trying and still get no where the hell with them better to be numb then keep getting hurt you agree or disagree with this ?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
21 Mar 10
I see where you are coming from, but it is a very difficult situation. Not something you can just give an answer too. I would say in your situation, a good talk is needed. After all it is familly. I take it, even you have things that are not perfect. If no ones tells you, you think everything is fine. My BF, is not easy either. Many times he sees things as innoucent. While I am waiting for hours until he comes home. Sure I could say, to hell with him. But then I would be throwing away 3 years. So I talk to him again and again. He has changed a lot, but it does not go fast. Then again, I remember, I too have faults. I am not perfect either. I hope everything works out for you. I hope you all get along better. Life is too short to be angry.
• United States
21 Mar 10
yeah it is very hard, we've talked to my son over and over again. talked how the things he does does hurt us. and we hear the same old stuff over and over again. that he must work on him and his wife as a couple before working on other issues. i told his wife is the biggest issues, how she is so mean to our daughter, then our son and daughter in law tell us well our daughter shouldnt get upset over it. well yeah but for 5 years none stop being hateful takes a total on any person. then i ask why dont your wife just just stop being hateful to your sister, she should out of respect for me and my wife. then even heard that we need to go to thier church to see where they are coming from, yeah i told him what so i can see how they think its alright to be hatful to someone who have different belife then you? my God wants me to respect everyone no matter what. but me thing is i have bipolar and suffer from depression and this had me relaps with depression, so i learned growing up make yourself numb and say oh well it is what it is, they are who they are, not worth getting depress over it.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
21 Mar 10
Good for you. You are right, don't get depressed over it. When you feel like you are getting depressed, try doing something nice. Don't think about what is wrong. Yes, God wants us to respect one another no matter what. I believe this to be true. What kind of church do they go too? Is it a cult? Maybe it is because they are still young. That is probably why they are acting like this. Sounds to me like the wife has her husband where she wants him. That is sad. But you cannot do anything about it. That is his problem. He has to realize that for himself. You telling him, will only make him deny it more. My advice would be to try and talk to your son alone, with no one around. Just the two of you. Try and do things with only him. Let him talk, don't tell him what to do. Ask him questions and let him answer. This helps alot. And most important, look after yourself first. When you feel it is getting to be too much, take a break. Rest, do something nice. Maybe with your wife, get out of the circle and be happy as much as possible. Take care.
• Netherlands
21 Mar 10
well generally if you have a disagreement it's not the end of the world you should really talk about it. I had a relationship where we all had disagreements all the time and that was pretty bad experience but in the end the other person would clearly prove it was not worth my time. It's really better to end a bad relationship and avoid all the fighting and stupid things but really if it is your family then it's a more complex issue here.. you should be able to give a second chance and have real good talk afterall...
• United States
21 Mar 10
there been second, thirds, fifths, sixths, twenty. and so on. nothing never change as far as him and his wife. he dont make any affort with my daughter to get along with her, he cant or wont talk to his own sister in front of his wife. then tell me and my wife with his sister that his wife been trying and we need to do more not her, it went as far as his wife telling us she cant get along with my daughter or dont want to try because she isnt spirtal ready.. yeah pretty sad.
@1anurag1 (3581)
• India
21 Mar 10
i think in the case you have that is a bit different matter and related to the relation you have. and also with you family members many time you have to compromise and viceversa. but the thing is there that a clap needs both the hands. and the level of compromise should be from both of the side. if you are having issues many times there is no reason to give him multiple chances.just start ignoring.
• United States
21 Mar 10
my point, he will have to answer to this one day not me kissing anyone butt not going to happend. thanks
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
21 Mar 10
Hello, I like your discussion because it reminds me of one person whom I get to close at one point and when our closeness tested with an unfortunate circumstance, everything turns out badly. After reaching out to him several times and still he rejected my effort, I finally resigned to the fact that everything won't back to normal so I let our closeness bite the dust and turn my attention to other worthy things in life. Like what you've said, it is very disconcerting to fidget ourselves in a situation where people seem refused to recognize our presence, so to avoid a nasty encounter, better not to force the situation to be back to normal. I just felt bad about your son, his treatment towards you. My God!that's dreadful how can he do it to you? he should be there and always there in your side during the critical period of your operation or if you are not feeling well. Children should take care and respect their parents, it is the basic responsibility of people on earth. But like you said, it is better not to force a situation to favor us, it might hurt you along the way, so let the nature takes its course. God bless and stay healthy!
• United States
21 Mar 10
yeah i keep telling my wife who bleive things will get better with time, and its been years and things arent still better. i told her, she's wasting her time and nothing will change. life is too short for people to treat family in this manner, my kids have seen this too many times. then when its too late then the regrets is a killer. i should have, i shouldnt have, i could have. thanks
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
I sort of got carried away by my own emotions, while reading your post. I have experienced being mistreated by some of the members of my family. What I did is, I distanced myself from them. We have not been talking for three years in a row. I feel more at peace without them in my life. I agree with you for not allowing yourself to get hurt anymore.