SHOULD I LEAVE CHILDREN TO MY MOM...OR SHOULD I TAKE CARE OF THEM MYSELF?help...

Japan
March 22, 2010 7:30pm CST
I did worry too much i have two children that still small is about 5 and 3 years old i leave them with my mom when i have to work at different country to earn some money and work hard for them feel lonely some time life apart with children i call them every day to know that everything okay and they all fine,i was worry that they might think that i don`t love them cause can`t stay together at the moment,they are in Indonesia while i work in Japan now,leaving in Japan is not easy cause all expensive and need a lot money for life but children is needed me as a mother to stay close to them and watch them grow up,i worry everyday think about them...any one....tell me should i take them with me or leave it to my mom to handle?
17 responses
• United States
23 Mar 10
Whenever possible children need to be with their parents. This is the most ideal situation for any child. However, this is not always possible. In your situation, you need to do what is best for your children. If that means that you need to spend some time away from them and have your mother take care of them so that you can make money to provide them the best possible life, that is what you should do. This will eventually make your childrens life better in the end when you can provide the best possible life for them.
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
you are right....i ll take time to think of it and make right choice to do thank for the comment
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
This is true. Earn what you need to earn so that you can go back to your family And your children. Right now you need to focus on this especially since this is for your children. It will work out in the end. God Bless to you and your family!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Mar 10
That's my concern too, though i only have 1 son he is 6 months old now.for now I am 39 years old and my wish to become a mother had come true just right before my birthday last year..I really want my son to feel the love of a mother beside him all the time.It's worth kind of love to a child where money can't buy. So I had decided to work later when he start to go school. In your case, why don't you bring you mother and your kids there in Japan..I know how hard life in Indonesia but if you can afford to bring them in Japan so you are closed at each other, why not? Sometimes the children that grow up away from their mother had different feelings towards you, in so many ways they will always run to grandma..because they grow up with her..do you want to see your kids like this..? It's hard to think this way but it's true. I work once before in Singapore as a nanny to a 3 & 5 year old boys, their mother work as a teacher in Nanyang highschool. So she is out of the house from 6 am - 6pm..The kids almost don't want to stay with their mom, they rather sleep beside me..I work for 4 years contract with them and when my contract end the two kids cried and they find hard to forget me..until now we still have communication through emails even they already grown up but they always remember me.. Kids don't stay kids forever, you will surely miss their hugs and kisses when you wake up in the morning..calling you " mommy, i love you"..
• Japan
24 Mar 10
really thank you for your comment that is make me cry...you were right i am the mother i have to handle them myself i miss them a lot,i call them everyday but still not enough i need to see them and stay with them so after i have enough money sure i ll take them with me:)really thanks
• United States
23 Mar 10
they're young, so they really aren't going to fully understand anyway. the most loving thing you can do is provide for them in whatever way that you can. it might be difficult for them, but as long as they have family and you don't fully abandon them, then they'll be fine. its like when military dads leave for war, eventually they come back, things work out.
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• Japan
23 Mar 10
yes i hope all will be fine:) thank you
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@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
23 Mar 10
The years when your children are small pass all too quickly. I know that because mine are now seven and three years old. As a mother I decided that the most important thing for me was to spend time with my children while they are small and later attempt to have a career so that I could give them more in life. I couldn't imagine having to miss any of the firsts in their lives. Yes, your youngest has passed many of them by, but there are still a lot to look forward to. Could you imagine missing the first lost tooth, the first day of school, etc. If you can, then I think you could leave your mother to care for them. If not, I would stay at home with them.
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• Japan
23 Mar 10
You are right that is what i am scared of no have memories with them.thanks
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@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
hi ani and welcome to mylot! I am also a mom, I have my three year old son. I sacrificed my work abroad for my son, cos my husband said that it would be better if I'm the one who'll look after my son, so..I do what he told. But you know what??? I regret it after all, cos I wasted the opportunity.. It's too difficult to apply for work now. I guess you need to stay there and work, anyway it's for their own good, but be sure also to save for their future. But if you think you can get them to be with you then that would be great friend.. But who'll look after them if you're at work?? anyway, regards to your kids.
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
no house maid in Japan so i have to them to the children care center at night and was bit expensive:( thanks for comment
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
i guess the kids will understand why, besides your going to work and you cant bring them there. your not the only person whose in your position so its alright. though its better than that than left them in any place. besides its still the same if you left them at home with the maid, you still need to leave them for work. though you must be worry with your mother and not your kids coz imagine kids are hyper active and if your mother is already too old to take care of them then you only give your mother a hard time.
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• Japan
23 Mar 10
That is i am thinking too:)thank you
@ybong007 (6657)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
You are not alone in that predicament. Here in my country, a lot of mothers go abroad to work not because they want to be away with their children but so that their children will be able to feed. I'm it's a sacrifice but i don't think you have a choice. What you can do is save as much money as you can and hopefully save enough so you can start your own business when you go home. Working abroad is good but it should only be temporary. Our kids need more than just your remittances, they need a mother's care as they grow up.
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• Japan
23 Mar 10
you right:)thank you
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@junmae (1591)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
Hi Anitarei! I believe that we are in a same situation. I also have to work and leave my baby to my mom. I don't have a choice, if I don't work I wouldn't be able to give my baby's needs. I trust my mom and I didn't worry much when I leave her because I believe that she wont harm my child.
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
Thanks for the comment my children are japanese so i think is good for them to stay in their own country i just not ready yet for that
1 person likes this
• China
23 Mar 10
the best way for children is to stay with them.they are too young to stay away from their parents.i think you should share their growth experience.it is important for both of you.children need mom's love.you need your children's love.maybe you are too busy to take care of them.but just try your best to take care of them yourself.
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
i been thinking thinking the same way that why i need to work more hard to prepare everything they are Japanese so think the country will help not sure yet,thanks for the comment
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@newtalent (1114)
• United States
23 Mar 10
If the children are in a happy and healthy environment, there is nothing wrong with leaving them with your mother to care for them. Military personnel do this all the time. You are keeping in touch with them, so they do know who you are and that you love and miss them. You are there when you are at home. You also want them to have a loving and stable home. Moving around is not healthy for children grow and thrive on. They need stability and it sounds like they are getting from your mom. As they get older and get friends, it is hard to detach them from that. Be an active part in your children's lives. Think of the bet interest of the children. will you have the time to put into them needing it if they are with when you are working? Can your mother take care of them while your gone? Not to intrude but wheres the father? Is he not helping? I cannot tell you what to do but follow your heart and listen to your children. You will make the best decision possible when you weigh all your options. Good luck and take care.
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
Since we break up i never call him again know he was stay with some one else now don`t know where....well just need to work more hard myself:)thank you for the comment
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• United States
23 Mar 10
I assume your mother raised you. If you think that she did a good job with you why to you worry - that is unless your mother is very old. Consider yourself - you are responsible enough to worry about this. That means your mother raised you correctly. So your daughter is in good hands. As your children get older they will understand that you worked for them. Make sure you spend good times with your kids when you can because your kids will remember this. You are a good mother you are trying! There are many, many people who wouldn't provide in such a way.
• Japan
23 Mar 10
I miss them a lot i ll do my best to get the right thing to do thank you for the comment
1 person likes this
@allknowing (78692)
• India
23 Mar 10
If you have to work then it is best that your children are taken care of by your mother where they will be safe rather than leaving them under the care of some baby sitter. Only see that they are not spoiled by the Grandmother!!
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
but they are Japanese that why i think of bring them back to their country....thank you for the comment
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@mcnash (19)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
Take your children with you ONLY when you have saved enough and ONLY if you have a stable job. That way, even if you are in a foreign country, you won't find it that hard feeding them, clothing them and sending them to school. If you take them with very little money saved, you will only be putting your kids in harm's way. Who will feed them and take care of them in Japan if you don't have the resources? Think and consider what other options you have before you do anything rash.
• Japan
23 Mar 10
you are right....will think it right before make choice what to do thank for the comment
1 person likes this
@sulynsi (2836)
• Canada
23 Mar 10
My heart goes out to you! I certainly hope you come to a decision that will benefit your family. What a difficult situation. May I say, though, as a mother, those precious few years when your children are little will NEVER come again! And the years pass by SO quickly! No one can love those children the same way you do. It isn't possible. Granny will be good to them, but you are their only mommy. Is there any way you can manage to make a living while still staying close to your little ones?
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
That what i am worry about:)thanks for the comment
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@ifa225 (11097)
• Indonesia
23 Mar 10
it is ok if it is just for 3 or 5 years. Please make some money to save. so if you have enough money, you can go home to your country and take care your kids as well. you can start a new business from your savings. i hope everything will be ok .
1 person likes this
• Japan
23 Mar 10
I am not sure how long will be stay here though i would not see when they are a child ...;)thanks for the comment
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@Hatley (164354)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Mar 10
oh anitarei321 dont do that, go home find a job there and be with them now at the crucial age, work two jobs if necessary but at least be with them a few hours a day.also where is the father and why is he not helping to pay for his children's care? get the law on him if he is alive. it is not right that you have to go to another country to work, stay in your country and work, and get child support. I know things must be hard, but they are only little once and better lower wages and mom home with her babies than a lot of money and children that wont know their own mom, get some help from someone so you can be home with your babies.
• Japan
24 Mar 10
their father was married again with Japanese woman....and my children all Japanese they say the country will pay for school and food for Japanese children without father that why i want to take them with me and is in my country is not easy to find job with good pay:)thank you for advise
@Bloggership (1104)
• Indonesia
23 Mar 10
I think it's still be ok if you just gonna leave them for 2 or 3 or perhaps 5 years long... I know those two kids will surely miss you a lot but i'm sure it too that you can always contact them by phone anytime you want in case you miss them too...
• Japan
23 Mar 10
They need better place.education and food and i think Japan is good place for them that why i still think what best thing to do for them:)thank you for the comment