a jealous friend

Philippines
March 23, 2010 3:35pm CST
me and my girl friend always hang out together. we work in the same office, we go home together everyday she has her boyfriend but it never affected our daily routine but things changed when i met my boyfriend now, my guy wants to hang out in our house or his place with me, I don't have dull moments with him and i enjoy his company too much. my problem is, my girl friend is accusing me of forgetting her because of this guy, I must admit sometimes me and my bf spend lunch together but we always invite her she just don't want to join us. She'd always walk out if she see him in our house hanging out with me. I can't understand her, can't she be happy for me the way I am when she is with her guy? I don't want to lose her but of course i certainly don't want to lose the man that i'm with right now. I tried to talk to her about this but she always say there's no problem at all though I feel she is so much affected.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
23 Mar 10
First of all, if I were her (your friend), I wouldn't want to be hanging with you if you are with your boyfriend, or if I am with mine. It's okay if I joined you a few times in lunch (you, me, your boyfriend), but if it's always like that, then we'll never really truly enjoy each other's company. You have to balance your time for your girl friend and boyfriend. We can't just live with one person by our side, it's also important that we value our family and not take them for granted. So back to your girl friend - Of course your girl friend has to understand that it's never gonna be as often as before that you two will be able to hang out, but if you care enough about your friendship and you do not want to lose her, you have to put time in your relationship. Her "jealousy" (as you call it) is only proof that she values you as a friend and is loyal to your friendship.You said she has a boyfriend too, so she probably understands where you're coming from.
• Hong Kong
24 Mar 10
I agree. If it is always like that, it becomes a completely different things. My old friend, we have been friends for 20 years, after we graduated from high school, we still met each other. However, after she dated his present husband, she started to bring him with every gathering, and I started very boring on the gathering. It seems that my friend has to look at her husband's face before she talks, I didn't feel very well on the gathering.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
OIC so it was her who "did it first". I think the only solution to your problem is to talk - I mean really talk - calmly, seriously, and alone. Just the two of you. 20 years is a very long time - it would be such a waste if you throw away your friendship so I think it'll definitely be worth saving it. I wish you good luck.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
24 Mar 10
Hi egon, i don't think she is in any way jealous of your relationship, she just needs to be with you sometimes, and with him not around anywhere, she walks out when she sees your boyfriend coz she can't talk all open with you when your boyfriend is around, you need to give her some dedicated time, apart from your boyfriend, now of course you would be giving most of your time to your boyfriend, but friend if you can, just get some time off of him and stay with her, she would be happy when you do that, then you can always return to your boyfriend, he is isn't going anywhere. .. have a nice day.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
24 Mar 10
she is not jealous of your relationship, just a little jealous coz now you give more time to him..
• Philippines
16 Jan 11
hi there egonzales! your story reminds me of my friend who has the same situation as yours. they've been bestfriends for a very long time. the problem with them is that when the other girl had a boyfriend, my friend doesn't want her to be with him always. they talked about it and my friend admitted that she really doesn't like the guy for her. after that conversation they both agreed that when the bestfriends are together, she wouldn't bring the guy. so they didn't had problems with their bonding moments as bestfriends. after a month, her bestfriend went over my friend's house crying and told her that her boyfriend has another girlfriend abroad. it hurts her so much. in the end, her bestfriend listened to her and until now the friendship is still alive. try having a heart to heart talk with her, maybe she just needs some enlightenment and tell her what you really feel for that guy and listen to her comments/opinion regarding your relationship.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
For me don't enter to a relations if you would not balance your time the more important or not because there's one affected heart about the one you love.
• India
24 Mar 10
I believe its another of life’s lessons that we must accept, learn from and move on. Your friend was OK with you as long as you tagged along like a perfect friend and companion with no love life of your own. Now that you have your own love life, she’s feeling as if you are neglecting her…she thinks she’s losing her importance in your life. Very childish of her but its very practical too for her to feel this way. She’s being jealous and possessive and contemptuous for what she thinks is your negligence or her and the rising importance of your boyfriend in your life. You will definitely feel sad, but I think you should really evaluate your friendship with this girl. Its not worth continuing if you have to place her before your own self everytime while she will do nothing to accommodate you on your terms.
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
yeah some ladies these days remain childish even now that they had grown up. they were easily fooled by their emotions, going here and there and have no sympathy other than for themselves. if im in that situation i would be offended to. when she said no problem at all, she could have realized her mistake and now tries to be more polite and considerate. how old is she btw?
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
she is affected. approach her and say you know she is affected and that you re willing to do whatever it takes to bring back your good times together. maybe she has a thing for you..
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
24 Mar 10
Hello there... I think your problem is pretty well-known and yet it doesn't have a definite solution, just like other emotional problems. Your friend seems quite incapable to understand that a new dear one has come into your life and you need to give him some time too. She has her guy and that is okay for her! Then, why does she have problem with you having a guy in your life? Has she had something against your boy friend, she would not have kept silent for this long... Girls are pretty talkative upon these matters... So she doesn't have anything particular against your boy friend.. It seems to me plainly that your friend is unable to tolerate the new happiness in your life and I trust, you should have a straight conversation with her about it... Or simply ignore her jealousy, that will keep you safe, at least... Have fun!
@Theresaaiza (9677)
• Australia
24 Mar 10
I think she's gotten really possessive and she's turning it against you that you have changed ever since you had your boyfriend. Well we do have tendencies to overspend time with our special someone and forget about our friends. I would suggest you take the time to exclusively spend it with her. Only the two of you. And perhaps grab that chance to also apologize to her for the lost times but explain as well that you would wish her to understand you. Maybe you two just need to talk.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
Almost all best friends go through this phase. Most usually get jealous of the boyfriends of their best friends. I am speaking from experience. I also got jealous of my best friend's boyfriend. My best friend also got jealous when I had a boyfriend. I guess you should just balance your time with both of them. Set aside twice or thrice a week for just you and your best friend. No boyfriends allowed. Then set aside the other days with just your boyfriend. That's what I do. It really works. Now my best friend hangs out with me and my boyfriend because she knows I love both of them equally.
@1anurag1 (3581)
• India
23 Mar 10
haha i think there is a common thing in all the gals that is being jealous. lol any way i think there it is a very normal and common thing and you should not care much about these things unless you are not affected by her in any way. i think only your friend would not be in the line there must be some one other too. so dont care for all. just be with the real things what you have.
@kainalu55 (364)
• United States
23 Mar 10
She needs to understand that you have a boyfriend in your life, and he is not going anywhere. Does she have a boyfriend as well? Maybe you can all go out on a double date. If not maybe you can set up some time to spend with just your friend. Have agirls night out! Friends are important too..so try your best to keep up with your friendship as well!