Single Parent Families = BAD kids?

United States
March 24, 2010 3:23pm CST
My husband's mother is a single parent. My husband is the oldest of four. His brother's & sister are terrible! They smoke marijuana, drink, steal, don't go to school, get arrested..and the list goes on! I think it's just bad parenting. His mom is more of a friend to her kids, she isn't good at disciplining them. I think with proper discipline from a young age, they wouldn't have turned out this way. My husband disagrees with me. He says that All Single Parent Families are this way. But, I know this isn't true. What do you think? Am i right? or is my husband right?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
25 Mar 10
I'm with you.I think it is the parentig that plays the biggest role in how children behave.I am a single mother and I will put my foot in my son's butt if he comes home with all that B.S.You really gotta take the time to talk to kids and teach them the right way.One person can do it or two.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Mar 10
i agree, i know it is possible for a single parent to raise good kids. it is all about the way they raise those kids, how they discipline and how they teach as well. There is no excuse really for letting things get so bad.
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Mar 10
And what does he say about families with two parents where the children don't turn out so well? :-) It's the parenting...
• United States
24 Mar 10
Exactly! there are many families out there where two parents are there, yet the kids turn out just as troubled. I still believe it's all to do with the parenting a discipline. You need to be a parent before you be their friend!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Mar 10
Yes you do. Single parents do have challenges though.
• United States
24 Mar 10
You're right, it can't be easy being a single parent. All the reponsibilities of the household is on you. The single parent has all the reponsibilities to keep their child on the right track, and they don't have help from another parent to enforce rules, and teach the children good values. Single parents often don't have outside support, and must support their family on their own financially. So yes, i do agree that single parents do have challenges of their own.
• United States
24 Mar 10
My mother raised 6 kids by herself. She smoked trees as well as two of hr kids all now. Three of hr kids went to prison. Two are still in prison as well. One who is out smokes,drinks and steals. My sister is a single mother of three boys. Her oldest drinks,smoks trees and steals from any one even his mother. I am a single mother of one. My daughter does none of the above. I have neighbors who are single parents none of them have kids who drink,steal or even smoke trees. I think your hubby is wrong about this.
• United States
24 Mar 10
My sister is over 30 years old. She will not move out of my moms place. She won't help out with the bills. She is always bringing friends over to eat my mothers food. And she smokes her stuff in the house and my mother tells her not to all the time. Kids do what they want to now a days.
• Philippines
25 Mar 10
If we believe that kids now a days are so smart then we should not blame the fact that they grew up with just one parent. It's true, it's a greatfactor that a single mom/dad should know how to discipline their kids he/she must do her /his role double time. What I mean is don't give your kids a chance to blame you of what they've become because they only got you as their parent. On the other hand like what i've said kids now are so intelligent that they can easily adopt to the kind of situation they have. It's a matter of building a correct attitude or implanting good values to your kids while they're young.
• United States
25 Mar 10
Yes, you are right! Building a correct attitude as well as implanting good values in these children are very important, and these things need to be done when the children are young. Now that they are older, they are already set in their ways, it will be hard to change their behaviors because as a parent she has let it go this far, and let it get out of control.
@hvedra (1623)
25 Mar 10
No, the number of parents isn't a factor, just the quality of parenting. I know kids who came from single-parent households who are lovely and others that came from "traditional" families who are very screwed up.
• United States
25 Mar 10
THsi si actually very true. I too do not believe that being a single parent means that your children will turn out bad. There are many single parents who raise wonderful children, it all has to do with the children and how that parent choses to raise and teach them, also what kind of an example that parent teaches their children. As far as two parent households, i have seen some bad kids come out of households where they have both parents in their lives. Again, it has to do with the parenting.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
24 Mar 10
No, not all single parent families are like that, it has a lot to do with parenting and discipline. However, remember this, blood is thicker than water. You are saying something against his mother, and rather it right or wrong, he'll defend her. You don't say how old his siblings are, but sounds like she needed to dole out a little more discipline than being their friend, someone has to be the parent.
• United States
24 Mar 10
I know he is just rying to defend her, of course he is because he loves his mother, and doesn't want to make her look bad. His brothers are 18 and 14, his sister is soon to be 13. His sister has been caught smoking, drinking, fighting, stealing, and skipping school! And she is still so young. It's just ridiculous. I think some of it has to do with the girls she hangs out with, as well as the influence of her older brothers. Sometimes i feel like taking them in because they could be doing so much better with their lives.
• United States
24 Mar 10
Well, I can answer this question from experience. I am a single mother of 4 children. My children are not "bad." I agree with you on this. It is all a matter of how the children are raised and if they have good parenting or not. Not all kids from single parent families turn out bad. If you discipline children and teach them right from wrong instead of trying to be their best friend and let them get away with everything they will turn out to be good kids. I do not see it as my job as a mother to be my childrens friend. I am there to ensure that they are raised properly and prepared for adulthood and that they are responsible, respectful citizens. I do not agree with your husband at all.
• United States
24 Mar 10
You sound like a great mother. And it is mothers like you who prove that single parents can raise wonderful, reponsible, and respectful kids. You are right, you can't just let your children do anything they want and get away with everything bad they do. You need to teach them right from wrong, and discipline them for bad behavior. Allowing the bad behavior is just harming the outcome of the future for that child.
• United States
24 Mar 10
Everyone is affected by their upbringing, but when we reach a certain age we are responsible for ourselves, like how your husband (I am assuming) turned out better than his siblings. I know that there are many great single parents out there, so I agree with you, it either the way your mother in law parents or it was no ones fault - it is not because they were raised by one instead of two parents.
• United States
24 Mar 10
Yes, my husband turned out just fine. He may have gotten in a little trouble when he was younger, but nothing like what his brothers are doing. I agree, that to some point his brothers can change therelives around, especially the eighteen year old. He is old enough to know right from wrong, adn make the right decisions in his life to better himself. Let's just hope that he realizes that he needs to change his life, before it gets any worse.
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Not all single parent families are this way. My daughter's best friend was raised by her mom. Her father was rarely ever in her life. She has a brother as well and he's a good kid. She graduated high school and is now taking college courses at CCBC and her brother gets good grades in middle school. Thier mother has done a wonderful job of raising them without the help of a man. There was a time this woman worked two jobs to provide a decent life for these kids. When my daughter befriended her I didn't think much of her but she is a decent influence on my daughter and she influences her friend right back. Not all single parent families are bad at least not as bad as some two parent households can be and I've seen them too.
• United States
24 Mar 10
I believe there are some wonderful single parents out there who do a great job at raising really good children. I believe if i was a single mother i'd do my best and the behavior my husbands siblings are portraying just wouldn't be accepted if i were there mother. that behavior just has to be delat with, or it shouldn't really get that bad in the first place. I would never allow my children to behave that way, single parent or not! kids should have rules, and know right from wrong.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
Yeah it's bad parenting but it's not the parent singleness factor. I know single parents who are good with kids, and their kids grew up to be generally good. I'm single too, and I'm not the only one out there. It really depends on the parent's values, attitudes, upbringing, so on and so forth.
• United States
24 Mar 10
That's what i tell him. I don't know, maybe he just wants to back up his mom? As a single parent, i'm sure she could do better, i don't think her kids had to turn out the way they did. My husband turned out fine, but he spent a lot of time with his grandma, who helped raise him. I too, have friends who were raised in a single parent home, and they did not turn out bad.
@greyz7 (861)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
hi, i'm a single mother of a 10-year old child. i think i have raised my child well because she's excelling at school. she's respectful too..i know some single parents too that have raised their child/children well..bad kids results also from complete parents. i think it's a matter of discipline and teaching moral/good lessons by parents and parents setting good examples that we could create good/righteous children..environment plays a role too.
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
For me, to discipline the children from an early age plays an important role in nurturing them. It is good to feel like being friends with the children because the more that the kids will open up especially in times of problems. Because, they develop a certain relationship which is not just a bond between a parent and a son or daughter relationship. Bottom line is to maintain a right guidance for the children. It will help them think as they grow older for what is right or wrong. It would also depend the child if he/she wants to be in a bad influence. With constant guidance they will be in a right path. I know several persons having a single parent who become successful in their lives and they say that it is more of a guidance from the person they love.
@madteaparty (2763)
• Japan
25 Mar 10
I don't think that single parents immediately equal to bad kids. There are millions of bad kids with two parents. It depends more on the kind of parent or parents you have. If he, she or they are not good at parenting, that kid will turn into a bad kid, and a bad adult in the future.
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
25 Mar 10
not necessarily children of single parents will behave poorly. all depends how the parents had taught her. I feel you are right. Your husband's parents lack of discipline to their children as early as possible.
• United States
24 Mar 10
I think you are right, it is definitely not the single parenting thing. You have to be both a friend to your kids and an authority. They need to know where the line is. One cannot dominate the other. I stand by this, and in this situation I stand by you.