Would I be wrong not to send her to foster care?

United States
March 27, 2010 12:30pm CST
Many of you know about my problems with my daughter. Well last night she askd me to snd hr to foster care. I don't know what to do about this one. She feels like she will not be able to do things wrong and I get mad at her. Plus she is mad that I said she will be going to jamaica with her father. I told her I would let her go to a group home. But,foster care is permanent and if she changes her mind and wants to come home it won't b easy to do. I have to learn to let things go I guess. It is hurting me to think she feels this way. She wants to go on monday coming. I told her I will think about it. I already know th answer is no. But,she said sh will call cps and tell them she wants to leave home. so now I feel it is out of my hands.
12 responses
• United States
27 Mar 10
I really feel for you friend I know you have been talking a lot about you and your daughter having all these problems. I am going to pray for you that you and her can come up with some kind of descion that will work for you both. Growing up is so hard but if you both work together on this later on down the road you can look at what is happening a laugh about it. Send me a message anytime you would like to talk ok.
• United States
27 Mar 10
Thanks very much. I will pray taht I can make something work here.
28 Mar 10
Hello, I'm sorry to hear this. It sounds like your daughter has issues, have you considered talking to someone who could help your daughter?. Sometimes having someone out side of the family to talk to helps people. All the best. Take care,
• United States
31 Mar 10
I have been looking at some of your other discussions and I know times are tough with your daughter but things will work out. It may seem hard now but once she has the baby I am sure she will change. Kids change you believe me:) Take care friend and you are still in my prayers:)
@carpenter5 (6786)
• United States
27 Mar 10
Bless your heart my friend. I have been gone for a week or so, and was hoping that things were better with your daughter by now. Foster care here in my state (Arkansas) is not always permanent. Many times it is a temporary situation to let a parent get back on their feet physically, emotionally or financially. Of course there are those cases where the children are abused and then they are removed from the home. If it's a first time offense, many times the parents are allowed to go through counseling and get supervised visitation with the kids. I wish you well and will be praying for you as you struggle with this decision.
• United States
27 Mar 10
Whn she was really doing bad before I was going to sign the papers. I would not b able to get hr back if I do. This we both know already. She is trying to run away from growing up and facing her problems. I can't talk to her enough it goes no where.
• United States
27 Mar 10
I'm a little confused as to why you can't get her back if she were to go into foster care? My sister and brother in law are certified foster parents in Texas. They've had lots of teens in and out of their home, many of which have stayed several days, weeks or months and then gone back to mom and/or dad. Are they wanting you to terminate parental rights? What is the reason for this?
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
27 Mar 10
i'm sorry to hear things are going from bad to worse with your daughter. but she can't go to foster care, you've done nothing wrong. ok you both may not be getting along at the moment but she's also a teenager and i'm sure she's very different to what you would have been like growing up. being in foster care will make you look like a bad parent as well. if anything carry out the threat of sending her to live with her dad, nothing wrong in it. but it may be for her own good, and she can learn from it. i hope you work this out with her, oxox.
• United States
27 Mar 10
She knows she can't walk all over her fathr like she does with me. She has it so good here and she is mad that i had to put my foot down with her. I am sitting here trying not to cry and my heart is breaking.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
27 Mar 10
I've read your discussions but I think I've missed one along the way because some of what you say is confusing. It may just be your trying to be as discreet as possible which is fine . I just hope that you can work something out, I know deep down you don't want to send her to Foster Care, I would talk to her and make her realize what it means to be in foster care and how once she goes in it will be nearly impossible to get out of. Have you looked into emancipation for your state?
• United States
27 Mar 10
I am not sure what your missing basically recently I was told she is not doing her class work or her home work. She is due to be left back and repeating th ninth grad for a third year. She wants to go to foster care to keep from going to her father. She knows she can't walk on him like she does with me. Plus she knows the she will get beat in school for not listening. She is rude and has no respect for m. I am just praying this is a stag she is going through. I don't want her with strangers at all.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
27 Mar 10
It sounds like it may do her some good to go to her father's even if she doesn't want to go there. I hope that it's just a stag as well, something she'll get through and be alright.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
27 Mar 10
Oh gifts, I am so sorry. Have you talked to her about your feelings about this? I personally will do everything to keep her with me and if my child really wanted to go and call the police, then let her. And if she was taken out, make sure she knows you still love her and will be welcomed back and make sure she knows that to come back, may not happen or will be hard to do.. Praying it works out for you, that's got to be tough. Plus, I know some people who foster care and are really good people, but there are those out there that only do it for the money and won't give her the love she needs, I hope she understands that might be a possibilty and not something she should be exposed to.
• United States
27 Mar 10
If she alls then I will let her go. That would mean she is too far gone for me to manage. I am up to my eyeballs with stress over this child of mine. But in no way do I want to just give her up. I am the only parent who stuck it out with her.
• United States
27 Mar 10
Yes I know gifts, that is why I hope and pray that you cna talk her out of it. But as someone who has had two daughters turn on me, I know that there is nothing you can do but love and pray for them.. Please keep me updated, I had hoped her getting the help she needed in learning may help some, and maybe the change she is or will be experiencing when that change takes place is scary to her?
@yresh12 (3222)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
I think that you should keep you daughter. She's your own flesh and blood and it's hard to let go of something that came from you. I hope that you would be able to settle this out...
• United States
27 Mar 10
I do hope I can too. I have to wait and see what she will do or say on monday.
@yresh12 (3222)
• Philippines
28 Mar 10
No matter what she says, she still your daughter.... Goodluck!
@lelin1123 (15644)
• Puerto Rico
27 Mar 10
OMG the teen age that a girl go through is really crazy and you have your hands filled with her. I feel so sorry for you and what you are going through. Is she your only child? I would sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel about everything concerning her and her education. How she is acting and what needs to be fixed. I would never send her into foster care or a group home because I think she will just get worse and like you said being sent into the foster care system it will take alot to get out of it. In my opinion if she is not willing to work it out with you she should be sent to Jamaica to be with her Father. Maybe then after a while of being with her Father she will see that she was better off with you. This of course is my opinion I don't know what the situation is between her and her Father. I just wish you the best of luck in your decision making and God Bless you I know teenage daughters can be so hard, I had two.
• United States
27 Mar 10
This is my only one. her father has never cared about her. h was deported and can't come back to the usa. But he is still her father I would rather send hr to him then strangers. Thanks
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
27 Mar 10
Personally i think you really need to talk to your daughter heart to heart. Make her understand what you truly feel. If you really love her then make her feel your love. And if theres something to be done you should compromise with her maybe she just needs your attention some more thats why shes reacting that way. A daughter is a daughter nobody can replace them in this world you should as much as you can try to save the relationship that you have. Shes a gift from god to you my friend talk to her, open your heart and let both your hearts talk it out im sure theres going to be a solution for everything ;)
• United States
27 Mar 10
I plan to talk to hr again when ever her company leaves. Thanks
• United States
28 Mar 10
All we can do is love our kids. The teen years are always rough even in the "best" of families. Just go for relationship with her. Try to talk to her if she's up to it. I'd tell her if she feels the best thing for her is to call the police to go for it. Even if she does, they'll find no abuse. Even if they do take her it won't take long for them to find out that there wasn't anything. And if by chance they put her in a foster home (it's not permanent) it won't take long for her to figure out she had it better with you...
@dminotaur (134)
• Philippines
28 Mar 10
Absence makes the heart grow fonder - don't throw her away to somewhere permanent - just let get that thing of her system. Yes, Family may be the best choice - her dad, or perhaps her aunties/uncles (where she can stay with her cousins), or even grannies -- not foster care. If you gave in, if you gave up, you've just admitted giving up as a parent - and when one does, a child knows you are not fit for their respect. or of that sort. :)
@bomii14 (182)
• Philippines
28 Mar 10
ask guidance from God on what you really need to do~ ^^ i'm sure He will put the answer in your heart. .
@GardenGerty (101611)
• United States
28 Mar 10
I guess I am like others. Where I come from, foster care is often not permanent. I would be more scared of sending her to Jamaica, so far away, without the same rules and laws. She needs someone who can give her routine, and insist that she follow some basic house rules. Perhaps a respite placement would help you both. It would look better if you were to talk to CPS yourself, and just get all your questions answered.