When a person is tense, he passes this on to all around him--Do you agree?

@kalav56 (11502)
India
March 30, 2010 11:58pm CST
Earlier, when I was young,I used to get affected when close people passed on their tension on to me. But, now with increasing age, I am getting over this.I deliberately make efforts not to get tense or nervous if someone [even an insignificant assistant or help] gets tense and asks unwanted questions like-"is this over? etc..," Are you a person who gets easily perturbed and tense? It can be due to a variety of reasons.[b]Do you pass your tension on to others?Or do you keep it to yourself?Or does someone close to you get hyperactive and nervous and pass on their tension on to you? How do you handle people like this? I thought it would be a good topic for discussion. Please do share.[/b]
2 people like this
18 responses
• India
31 Mar 10
Hi, Have you felt a kind of uneasiness sitting in front of a person always complaining peevishly about something? And have you felt the superior sense of serenity while being with a sagacious person? Then you will probably know the difference between those two sensations. Yes, when you are tensed you are just spreading tension in your surroundings. When you are worried or sad, you are making others around you nervous and sad too. This is why some people prefer to be strong themselves first. They are often called selfish persons. But I think if one has a genuine urge to help others, one first need to help oneself. How can one make others strong if one is not strong oneself? A weak and sentimental person will always make others weak and vulnerable. What do you call it, an influence, or, an induction? But it works indeed, slowly but surely. The method of getting rid of all tensions and worries is often deliberate. This is a time when you stop gaining strength from external factors, and start being little introspective. There, you give more importance to self realization, a perception that no matter what you do, you will always be alone and independent. Freedom is the true nature of human beings. We just forgot this key thing in the humdrum of our prosaic life. As soon as a man gets back to his original self, he gets detached from the outside world. With this detachment comes a certain indifference, which in turn makes you independent of the outside trouble. A truly unperturbed soul is pure and holy, and it always spread peace and happiness in its surroundings. Thanks for starting this wonderful discussion. God bless you
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
What a fantastic response! You have written some wonderful words of wisdom and personally I have experienced this on interaction with my husband.He represents all that you ahev written.He thereby shows absolutel clarity of thought and perceptions.There would be no muddle , emotional disturbances in his brain.FOr a young person [I guess the photo on your profile is yours and that you are unmarried as yet]you have exhibited great maturity .I wish and pray sincerely that you get a peaceful wife[ of course I know you will succeed in getting your peace even otherwise, but still I pray you are blessed with a good girl]for that great response.
• India
31 Mar 10
Ahem! Can you still see my profile photo? I thought I changed it. Dear, please don't pray for those things. If you really want to pray, then pray that I may have wisdom and devotion and a strong faith for my entire life. Please don't pray for a wife, that would be so gross. God bless you
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
Actually, you have changed it.But I saw you earlier and know you are a youngster.Perhaps you are as old as my son.Now, why do you say this?Won't your parents want you to get married?[If I may take the liberty of asking this question-pardon me if you did not fancy my question]Now, am I talking like your mom?
@jprui80 (28)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
I think the term they use for this is emotional contagion and negative emotions are the most contagious. I try to make conscious efforts not to pass my tension on to others because I don't want to be called an energy vampire. I dropped some friends/acquaintances out of my life because they all they did was bring me down with them. It wasn't healthy.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
4 Apr 10
oH! I too make efforts not to pass my tension on others.I have a transparent face thta would show thta I am worried about something.
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
If that is a friend, I will suggest something that will make him/her cool or relax. If not a friend, I'll just listen and confirm the reasons without giving any thoughts or suggestions. I prefer a quite environment and everybody around me know that. Reason I seldom get annoyed on tense people, they always stay far from me.
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@kalav56 (11502)
• India
4 Apr 10
Who does not want peace and quiet?And I think you have found a very assured way of getting it.
@singuri (571)
• India
31 Mar 10
Yes, when you get tensed you will definitely pass it on others.My father usually do like that.I don't get tensed generally. When I am tensed I try to be alone in my room and never want to be with friends because in that situation I may shout at them and finally it ruins our friendship.I love to listen to music during such situations.But all this happens in very rare occasions.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
4 Apr 10
If we have good friends or someone who would give na understanding heraring then there is no problem.When people just pass on their tensio by being irritable and giving us instructions htne this gets tough.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Hey kalav! I am the nervous, tense person who is easily thrown off balance! I can be hyperactive at times too! And some of my friends are the same so we kind of clash at times and drive each other crazier! I have one friend who makes me very nervous and uptight to be around her because she is bipolar to the extreme! I am just a victim of Major Depressive Disorder and don't have the mood swings! I am the one who makes myself nervous usually and it is something that I honestly can't control. It is a part of my illness. I do take meds for it, but the only help somewhat! So, I try to stay away from my friends that I know are the same way as I am or I will be even worse!
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@kalav56 (11502)
• India
4 Apr 10
That is a wise thing to do.When we ourselves have a problem there is no point in aggravating it .Hope you get over this disorder with the help of medicines.But is it due to hormone imbalance?
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
I guess that's true. I also felt that its really need to pass one stress to another. But I'm a type who accept and absorbed stress but I'm not releasing it to others. I'm like a sponges only absorbed.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
You poor thing.Then you would only be at the receiving end and end up getting hurt.People have no right ot keep on taking out their tension on others.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
There are times that i feel so tense that i just cant help it but to pass it to others. I know this is particularly bad but i just dont understand why. For example my girlfriend and i had a fight. Then here comes a friend of mine trying to cheer my up by the way he knows how,i easily get irritated with just bout any effort that anybody might do when im feeling tense all the time.. I might seek professional help bout this too ;)
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
In this instance you have mentioned, wehn there is fight between couples if there is interference from anyone[however wellmeanig it may be] is likely to irritate the person.I think you are justified in this case.I am talking about some poeple taking out their ire on others.
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Yes, especially when the behavior is passive-aggressive, then it becomes unpleasant for everyone.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
If it is "active-aggressive" it would get even worse drannh! The person would not only be tense but keep asking unwanted questions and try theri bst to pass on theri tension to others.Perhaps this relieves them of theirs.I used to find it difficutl handling such people earlier when I was young [esp if they became unpleasant or rude]; now I am getting better.
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
i guess thats one way for other people to release tension from within as sometimes i also do that. like if im angry or mad and someone will talk to me even if they are smiling, i will just shout at them to their surprise. i guess people already know it specially if they know its not really your characteristic to do that so they know that your not in good mood.
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@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
But don't you think it si unfair on the other person homeshopper?Doo you show the same patience and understanding if some one else does that to you?
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
31 Mar 10
I'm personally include figure easy to nervous and anxious but I'm never show my nervousness or anxiety to others. When I get nervous or anxious, I just multiply pray to the God
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@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
That is the best thing to do.Prayer would definitely give us peace and keep our minds serene.Thanks for the response.
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
that's not true for me. I don't get tense when someone next to me is tense. I just mind my own business unless they talk to me. But i don't get tense either while talking to a tensed up person.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
I did not mean an outsider.What I really wanted to convey was about our own reaction to a erson who is tense and whi is interacting wiht us compulsarily.THanks for the participation.
• India
31 Mar 10
Well depends from person to person. Most of the people do tend to pass on the tension to others and it doesnt help anyone, creating more problems for everyone. If you consider me, I never try to show my tension onmy face. So people dont knoe if I am tense or anything. If someone is tense in fromt of me, and sharing it.... instead of me getting tensed too. I think from the solution point of view. and try to provide him with some appropriate advice!
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@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
That is very wise of you.THinking with a calm frame of mind is solution to all ills.A tense mind can never find solutions.Some people have the habit of breathing down another person's neck in order to get theri tension out.This sometimes would put us off.Thank you very much for dropping by and starting the responses. And welcome to the forum.
@kiran8 (15354)
• Mangalore, India
31 Mar 10
Hi kala, It depend on who the person is? If it is someone close to you then their tension does pass on to you. I am sure I too must be doing that to others close to me.At times I may not even be aware of it .I can sense when a person is not his normal self even if they try to hide it....sometimes they may not want to burden others but, in spite of that I am able to sense that there is some stress, and this automatically makes me tense too...It can the case with me doing the same to others ..
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
4 Apr 10
If a tense person is stressed nad keeps it to himself /herself it does not affect as as mucha s when the person keeps breathing down our necks Kiran1 THat is what I meant.
@kiran8 (15354)
• Mangalore, India
4 Apr 10
When a person is tense and keeps it to himself it comes out in some form or the other and most of the time we are able to make out that there is something wrong somewhere...whereas if the person is visibly tense then obviously we get tensed up...
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
31 Mar 10
Hi kalav, This is really difficult to digest tension that is passed or imposed on you. It requires a lot of patience and strength of mind not to be affected by others tense condition. To be frank if I am entrusted a task and it is not accomplished in time tension starts boiling inside me. I feel sort of guilty or incompetent and this affects the whole task. But if I am permitted to take my own way and time I have the ability to do the best. Yes, you are right that we need to cultivate the power to resist the outside pressure. Nice discussion.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
Only today I thought of you and was wondering why you had not peeped in for along time and here you are.Good to see you and thanks for adding your views to the post. I agree that when we work under time pressure we tend to feel pressurised and it may affect our task.It calls for a lot of calmness and composure to organize our thoughts and give a good presentation.
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
31 Mar 10
Oh no kalav, how come you forgot me? Though I was not active for LONGTIME I am still there and alive as well. lol but I have all the friends who I was more in contact in my memory though I was not there. Yes time bound task really sweats you out. Ofcourse we can get mastery over this.
@avani26 (1521)
• India
31 Mar 10
As you said when I was young I used to get tense but nowadays I really do not know but looks like I am a changed person infact I dvice people when they get tensed. The days when I get tensed my hubby really cools me down.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
Age has this ositive effect on us because as time passes we devise our own safeguarding strategies.THanks avani for dropping by and adding your views to the post.
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
31 Mar 10
A very good discussion. Basically i am a strong person and i do not get tensed at small instances of life.But i do get affected when someone close is passing through a difficult phase in life.It could be from my family or from friends. I make sure not to pass on my tension to others and always manages to leave the professional tensions at professional front and family tensions at home. When i am tensed ,i make sure to discuss it with my partner who consoles me and supports me.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
31 Mar 10
Thank you Kirti. Some people just take out their tension on others and the other normally calm person would also get flustered.I find this slightly irritating.I also get worried and get involved in the problems of others but like what you said my husband supports me with advice and suggestions.I talk to my grownup son too.
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
6 Apr 10
Well thats true sometimes, say i am in good mood and my friend in a bad mood. I would be happy to share and something and if he would be tensed for some reason and he would show his anger on me and i will go into a bad mood. But its good to show out, so one can feel better. Again not always, it can pass. A good friend can handle the tensed friend by passing his good to him.
• Portugal
2 Apr 10
Yes I completely agree. When I see others stressed or nervous it immediately affects me. And I've to confess when I'm stressed I pass my tension on others, even if it's not their fault. I hate to do that but I can't help it, it happens a lot when I'm working on something due soon. I just want to get it done and stress everyone else around me. What really bothers me is when I'm stressed people encourage me and say: it's going to be all right and I'm like: no it's not! I can't get it done. That stresses me a lot more.