Sorry, I'm not taking new friends at mylot. Why? Read on.

@writersedge (22579)
United States
April 1, 2010 7:14am CST
To me, a friend here is someone who answers a lot of your posts or you answer a lot of theirs. You have things in common. I answer one discussion of someone's and they want me as a friend or they answer one of mine. I have pages and pages of friends. But I post a discussion and the same REAL friends answer. Only a few people. I have like over a hundred supposed friends, but most of these people have answered one discussion. I originally took everyone, but now, I just can't. It makes things unmanagable. Besides, what does friends mean here? That you get notices of their discussions. I get notices of people whom I have nothing in common with. They saw that I had started a discussion and asked to be a friend. I don't like to reject people, so now I have people waiting in my box to see if they will respond to more and usually no one does. If you look at my discussions and you have a lot in common with me, then that is one thing. Answer a bunch of discussions and I'll consider it, but just seeing my name and asking, I can't do that any more.
5 people like this
29 responses
• China
1 Apr 10
Well,I should say I can understand what you said . Maybe I can't express all my feeling exactly here cause my English is not so good but I still want to say something.I don't like to add friends here at first ,and the reason is just like you said .I thought the friends here are just the person who respond to your topic and then you give a response to their's.But these days my feeling is changed ,it may because I find some true friends here and we do have some common interestings and we make pleasant chat here.I am addicted to this feeling and get a lot of joy here.So I feel sorry when I read your post.Anyway,I do wish you can enjoy yourself here .
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
It took me to almost a thousand posts to find friends here. If you have found them at 198, that is probably because you have found people who have things in common with you. That's great. But 10 pages of people here and I get 20 responces and 15 of them are the same friends with 5 new people who will never answer another post of mine again. Then those five will ask to be my friends. The 15 should be one page, not 10 or more pages. Think of all of us who have thousands of posts and 10 pages of "friends" who never responded again. That must take a lot of room on mylot for nothing. One page of devoted friends is cool. 10 pages, 9 of which responded once and will never respond again is a waste. I wouldn't have liked this discussion at a hundred or a few hundred either. But if you stick around to a few thousand like some of the other responders here, you'll see what I mean.
• China
1 Apr 10
Maybe I am in good luck or maybe it's all an illusion.But I do feel there are some friends here worth adding.And now I just hope when I post more than 1000 I still have this feeling.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Yes, you will have the feeling that SOME friends are worth adding. I doubt that many per week will interest you once you have several pages of people that contribute nothing.
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I do take new friends and some have been quite productive, but I do agree. I have rejected the same few people like 6 or 10 times. I have looked at their profiles and don't see anything in common, and I have looked at their discussions and don't care for them. I have, in fact, totally stopped accepting young males from India because they seem to be totally here to talk about cricket, making money and Bollywood - not necessarily in that order....
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Not all of them, but a lot of them. The ones closer to our ages are more interesting.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
1 Apr 10
very true, I recently accepted a young man from Bangladesh, but I looked him over and decided to give him a chance.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
That's great! I like having friends from all over.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Apr 10
I accept everybody who asks, but the 'real' friends are the ones who not only stop on by my discussions, but also share something about themselves and we connect somehow.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Apr 10
Yes, those are the real friends. If you keep taking all who ask, how many pages and pages of non-responders do you have an how often do you have to keep weeding them out? I'd have to weed people out every week if I kept taking new friends in.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Apr 10
Actually I don't weed them out. Only if their account is inactive... They aren't hurting anything. And I know who my real friends are.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
3 Apr 10
I would think that would bog something down and be very difficult to sort through after awhile.
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
2 Apr 10
I partially agree with you! And I am going to state my reasons. If you accept friendship only with people you have something in common, they you are confined to remain in the same space, not being exposed to different situations, beliefs, cultures and traditions. I do belief that being exposed to different things do enrich our life. I do agree with you that sometimes people add you and then they never ever bother to reply to anyone of your discussions. From my personal experience here. I always try to answer to my friend's discussion. I cannot say that I reply to each of everyone's discussions since I am not knowledgeable in all subjects or not all discussion are that interesting for me. For example I have a particular user in mind, this mylotter replies to some of discussions (even though this person hardly agrees with whatever I say). That's fine as long as we respect each other (And we really do!) On my part i try to participate in this person's discussion and avoid those which are alien to me such as politics. I don't pretend that all my friends participate in my discussions but I do see your point, why having a long list of friends when they never bother to participate in yoru disucssion.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Apr 10
Let's say I only have one thing in common with you, but I reply to dozens of your topics and you reply to dozens of mine, I still get exposed to new ideas. I would be surprised if I ever started a discussion here and didn't have someone respond with something I would have never thought of. I get exposed to new ideas all the time. But I think people often look at my discussions and feel they have nothing to contribute, aren't interested or could care less. IF they even bothered to look, why do they add me as friends? Before I wrote this, it had been months since I had a real friend request. Most of the latest ones are not sincere, they just clog up my friends page.
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
2 Apr 10
Hi Writersedge. Yes people do that, they ask for a friend's request and unfortunately never bother to answer any of your discussions, some even quit mylot after a few days. So I know the feeling!
@GardenGerty (99482)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I understand where you are coming from, but I am still continuing to accept friends. What may happen though, is now that I can sort my friends, I may go through and delete the one question wonders that I have not heard from in three years. I have perhaps turned down a handful, and then I had one spamming pest that I deleted and he kept re requesting until I left him pending for several months. I think he left the Lot. This may be a good day to clean house, and I will not tell you how many pages of friends I have.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Maybe if someone really seems like a person that I share a lot in common with. But it will take me days to weed through that mess I have now and I don't want to have to keep doing it. Same with interests. I don't add new ones. One page is good enough for me.
@GardenGerty (99482)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I need to go clean out my interests.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
1 Apr 10
That's understandable, and I have noticed that too. I wonder why, then I think maybe I posted one discussion that I normally don't talk about and it interested them, so they requested me. I think I did that too, in the beginning..
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I have actually requested very few friends. Probably because I didn't know how at first and then I was swamped with people asking me so I really didn't worry about it.
• United States
1 Apr 10
Sounds like what happened to me and most are newbys too.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
1 Apr 10
Now this seems like a good idea. It is actually rude as i face the same thing. But, i am considering deleting some of my ''friends''. Rude, no. Just honest. TATA.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Yes, I think once we hit the thousands, it gets to be unmanagable to take people who aren't really our style. You have thousands, too, so you know what I mean.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
1 Apr 10
So i defiantely have to stay close to the delete button,then?? TATA.
@sunkernjs (219)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
Maybe this is the start of a friendship you like.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Maybe, we'll have to check out each other's discussions.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
So far, we seem to believe the opposite. I can handle that, I have a friend below that is usually the opposite of me. But I think it hurts your feelings when I don't share the same feelings about something as you do.
@bunnybon7 (36548)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Apr 10
may very well be a great idea there. ive thought of it myself just havent gotten around to it yet. the whole thing is, i just dont answer all my friends discussions. just the ones that respond to mine. i do a discussion and as soon as someone responds, i answer their response, then go pick one of theirs to respond to. thats how ive always worked it ever since i figured that many my friends do not respond. im a scratch my back, i'll scratch yours kinda gal
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
3 Apr 10
I tried that for a while, but it seemed to bog down my computer jumping around like that. Also took forever. But it is something to try every now and then. I don't answer all of everyone's either, but if there is something of interest, I do. Some of the techno-nerds I keep around just to read. I have no idea what to respond because I didn't even know whatever existed until they brought it up.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
2 Apr 10
Hi writersedge~ I agree with you partially. But, I am guilty of having trouble denying friend requests, so I also have pages of "friends" too. I have also finally started to look at profiles and really trying to see if there is something that me and the person might have in common. I am basically a responder. I don't start many discussions, as my friends know! So, when I do start one, I expect my friends to "show up" even if it is one of my "crazy ones"! But, I still enjoy meeting new people and have added quite a few lately since many of the members that I've known have left and I was feeling like I needed some new people to respond too!
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Apr 10
I had a few friends leave, mostly because they had some major life changes: family member with cancer, computer broke and couldn't fix it plus didn't want to live at the library every day to make up for it, moved to a different country-sold their computer, etc. I was getting real friend requests back then. So I added them. But when I wrote this, it had been months since I received a real friend request. So it's not really a matter agreeing or disagreeing so much as being in different places in time and in different situations.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
1 Apr 10
I have many friends here but I still approve those who requested. People come and go here and those friends in my list is a mixture of old and new. Some may have even left long time ago but still sitting in my list. I think it is time for me to delete those who have not been seen around. I have a circle of real friends here who bring cheers to my discussions as they never fail to support my discussions and these are the people that I consider my great friends. Those who come in sporadically may not have much time to be in mylot but I do still regard them as friends.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Yes, so do I. But I have had people who have never answered more than one discussion of mine and I've never answered one of theirs. 4 months go by and they've had no activity for over 60 days. I have pages of these people. So I'm at nope, forget it right now. If a person really answered a bunch of my discussions and I was interested in theirs, then I would reconsider, but I had 15 people that I left waiting on my approve or disapprove page and I didn't see or hear from them. Plus I looked at their discussions, nothing I'm really interested in. So if I loose some friends and I meet some friends, great. But I'm just getting unfounded requests right and left. As they say now a days, "I'm gettting hammered."
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
1 Apr 10
In the beginning I accepted everyone, now I am more selective. Like you said your friends list gets unmanageable, plus lots of them just request you because they want to have lots of friends on their list. I would rather have just a few on my list that I have stuff in common with. Every now and then I will do some housecleaning and delete some.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Yes, exactly. Over a thousand after their name, agree with me. In the hundreds, they're acting like I meant them personally. If they stay into the thousands like we have, they'll have to start weeding out their friends list, too.
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
1 Apr 10
hey i agree with you. people that only have one or two discussions under their belt is not good enough for me either.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Yeah, you'd think they'd want to find someone they can really talk to and really share with. I don't think they quite understand the concept of mylot or friend. Instead of 500 posts until you can post a picture, they need some rules about making friends around here. Like maybe a few hundred posts before you can add someone as a friend and you must have either answered or started discussions a few times with these people.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
Well i think its just a matter of choice, whether you will accept one as a friend or not. I believe in mylot people who wants to have a connection about your discussions or topics are reffered to by the system as friends/ affiliates/ members and so on.But doesnt mean they are your real friends.I accept everybody who wants to be a friend of mine in mylot, just like you when your still new here, im just a newbie too 2 weeks old still trying to get along with most people, try to as much as i can comment on what i think i can share something .Im just glad that im able to learn alot from this site, like how people think, even if sometimes their opinion is the opposite of mine
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
True, you're where I was years ago. Great Avatar, love your tiger. But after you have numbers into the thousands after your pen name, you'll see that your friends pages have become unmanagable. Not to mention that some people sneak some spam in. So be careful.
@Sandra1952 (6052)
• Spain
1 Apr 10
Hello, Writersedge. I'm in full agreement with you there. 'Friend' means the same in any context - it's someone with whom you have shared interests and some connection. Too many people on here are friend collectors. I'm also very cereful who I approve as friends, because I want to spend my time on here interacting with my friends, not wading through lists of discussions I have no interest in.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
1 Apr 10
Very true and since I have unusual interests like gathering wild food, paganism, eating unusual food, American Sign Language, French, etc., I can't imagine them wanting to wade through my discussions either. Thanks and take care.
• United States
5 Apr 10
I see where you are coming from. I don't really add friends any more I just wait until someone adds me. But I agree that it's better if you are friends with someonen that has something in common with you. I have a lot of friends but there are some in there who are not even active anymore so I guess they don't count anymore. About those notifications, I don't really like those notifications because they are constantly clogging up my email address and it's getting me frustrated. Those notifications are too much for me becaue they just constantly clogg up my email and I don't want to delete something important one of these days. But yeah to get back to the topic It's been a while since I've added someone as a friend just because they have something in common with me but I've had a few people add me as friends. I guess some people just add whoever just so that they can have a whole bunch of friends.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Apr 10
yes it can get very madding when there is so much i know i have around 400 e-mails a day and it takes the day to get thought all of them just delete the ones that you haven't heard from in a while that help alittle
1 person likes this
@KompitaPita (2053)
• Bulgaria
3 Apr 10
Hi, WriterSedge. It's your choice who you will accept as your friend and who you would not accept. I love accepting friends requests - I don't think that I could deny someone just because he/she didn't posted in 2,5 or 10 of my discussions. BTW I have a friend from MyLot who never answered in my discussions, but we are chatting and we have fun. But it's all your choice - if you think you don't need that much 'friends' in your list and you wish to have just real friends, than you just deny the requests you receive.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118286)
• Boise, Idaho
1 Apr 10
I feel the same way you do. It seems alot of these newbies I have befriended want to send me spam emails and I delete them. I don't take any new freinds on that have very low numbers because this has been my experience. I guess if they show themselves to be good in discussions and such then I will befriend them then. I even go through and delete people I haven't seen on disscussions in a long time and especially if their profiles show they haven't been active.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Apr 10
Yes, I agree with all that you said. When I was new, I accepted everyone, but for the reasons you wrote above, it doesn't make sense to any more.
@avani26 (1521)
• India
2 Apr 10
When you are new we do not want to hurt anyone and accept everyone as friends but once you have many and are not able to even answer to their discussions that is when the trouble starts. I make it a point to answer to all the discussions of my friends that is provided I do have some knowledge about it. But I see that it is not so the case with my friends so maybe I have you check and delete them from my friends list. Thanks for starting this discussion or I would have not known that there are people around who are facing the same problem mine.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Apr 10
You're welcome Avani. When a person is in the hundreds, it's hard to know what to do because you're still learning. Actually even in the thousands,you're always learning here. Thank you for your response and I hope you enjoy your time on Mylot.
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Hiya, I quite understand why you decided to make that your system of accepting, rejecting or ignoring the possibility of new friendships in this site. There are just those people who have a pattern in terms of their responses and their newly created discussions. I do agree that being friends with someone here in myLot could translate to exchanging ideas in discussions. Being online friends outside of myLot could be a possibility once the myLot friendship has grown. Keeping things in perspective, I do try to be that kind of friend. I can say that I was but the past few months had me busy with offline priorities which gave me little or no time to be with myLot. I am swamped with myLot notifications from friends started discussions that I havent managed to respond to yet. but I go over them little by little.^_^ With this situation, I still accept all and any friend request that I get and I do turn their notifications on. However, I cannot guarantee that I would be able to respond to them right away. I may be a few days or months late but if Im really interested in the topic, my response will find its way to their discussions, eventually. I dont think that we have had the opportunity of being actual myLot friends but I have seen you a lot around the Lot. I believe I may have responded to some of your discussions but again I have not been consistent with that. Goodluck for those who wish to be your myLot friend and to you for evaluating their intentions. May you have a great weekend!
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Apr 10
I'd have hundreds of pages if I kept accepting them. I guess if I deleted ones I didn't hear from every week, I could still accept some, but that's a lot of work every week. You have a very nice attitude. Thank you for responding and have a nice weekend.
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
I would agree that you would have hundreds of friends pages. It is a lot of work, that's why I just let it be.LOL Having a system that works best for your style could make a huge difference.^_^