help me find my anger!!!!!!!

@FFFrocks (306)
Canada
April 2, 2010 4:50pm CST
K, I know that sounds stupid but seriously, I don't know how to get angry. I think it would be beneficial in my life. Healthy you know? I am an incredibly laid back person and it takes quite a bit to upset me. When you do upset me it's not anger that comes through. It's sadness and fear and I freeze up, start sweating, become a deer in the headlights... Not so cool. You could refer to me as nonconfrontational to the nth degree. I want to be able to feel the anger when it's beneficial to a situation but I have no clue how to unleash it, get in touch with it, or whatever. Instead I turn into a bundle of stressed out nerves that freezes instead of being able to deal with and take action in certain situations or even speak up for myself. I have suffered from Social Anxiety Disorder in the past. I consider myself pretty much over it but it does tie into this whole lack of anger thing. Please Please Please my dear friendly folk at MyLot, do you have any advice on how to find my anger? Le sigh, I bring shame to me Irish heritage... :)
7 responses
• India
6 Apr 10
If you get angry then your blood vessels gets bloatup and as a result will increase in pressure and ultimately there are chances of heart failure.why do you wish to get anger.you can instead deviate your mind to something which gives you pleasure. there is no need to get angry hereafterwards.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
You are very right. Too much anger does affect a persons health badly, but so does bottling things up all the time. I just want to learn to get angry when it's needed. When I have been wronged, or attacked. To help me stand my ground, stand up for myself. They way I am I usually just take the beating, so to speak...
@sushie93 (1359)
• France
3 Apr 10
Your situation reminds me of an episode from The Simpsons (haha, yeah, i'm really addict to Simpson and all episode are interessant because there are things and situation whichhappen in our life), so it was Flanders which become "crazy" because he was never angry and sometimes stress or care about others so a day, he has explosed his anger and come to a psychiatric hospital. The doctors was trying to find a solution to explode again his anger because Flanders get trouble with not being able to be angry. So the solution is Homer Simpson talking about crapy and unfair thing he did to Flanders. It is in this way that Flanders has explode and say all things he really thinks. So what you must do? Hm, try to remember all things that you don't like but that can make you angry... i don't know really... tell a friend to say bad things on purpose tto you? xD Sorry, i try my best to help you but anything come to my mind... but hope, you will find a solution soon. :)
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
You made me laugh! I appreciate the Simpsons reference, I remember that episode! Thank you for the giggles sushie93!
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
3 Apr 10
I am going to take a stab, and say that likely I'd rather have repressed anger like you, than out of control anger like some people I've met. I'm a pretty laid back person myself. It takes an awful awful lot to get me mad. But once I snap, it's a black day. Thankfully I've only snapped about 4 times in my life. I once I regain control, I end up shaking and stammering like an idiot having withdraw symptoms. Normally takes about 90 minutes for the shakes to stop. Thankfully I can normally feel myself starting to shake, before I actually snap. Then I can slam on the brakes and find a reclusive place where I can push the emotions down. I think I've done well by it, given 4 times in 32 years, isn't a bad deal. I don't know that I have a method for 'finding anger' since when I need it, I normally don't have to look. I will say that learning how to deal with confrontations is very important. Perhaps the best thing you can do, is go through a mediator. Likely your husband, to deal with your confrontations.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
Thank you andy. In my 32 years I have only bust with anger once and that was with family. I agree with you as well, I'd much rather be this way then out of control but I do believe that letting it out, getting in touch with it is benificial to one's health at times. Better than always bottling it up, swallowing it. After a while it's like swallowing poison. I never thought of the idea of a mediator before. That's an interesting thought!
@fever324 (51)
• United States
3 Apr 10
try to talk to the psychologists. They can help you. Maybe you need to work out, make yourself strong, so you can be confident about yourself. It's awesome when you feels confident. but remember to talk to the doctors, i think they are the real people can help you
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
Confidence definitely ties into it all. I have bouts with that. I am usually confident in myself as a person. That confidence however drains away when I'm put in certain situations. Instead of defending myself or my stance, I immediatly start to doubt myself. Doctors are something I am not in a position to afford just now but it is a very good idea.
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
Whoa, could we swap? Coz I wanna get rid of mine. XD How about taking it one step at a time: the next time somebody abuses you, try telling that person exactly what you feel. Then make an effort to do that every single time you are "abused." I think that's a balanced way to do that. I don't think you need to get to the point where you'll learn to punch people's noses because that's really not necessary. People with anger issues actually wanna get rid of that habit, so do stay balanced. Heheh. Good luck!
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
you know, it's the telling people exactly what I think that I sometimes find so hard. I think perhaps it's just habitual for me to swallow it or bottle it up. I guess it's time to actively work on that.
@bird123 (10344)
• United States
3 Apr 10
To control anger is always a great thing.Instead of reacting to life with anger, we should think then act.You have the thinking down. You recognize the need to act. Why don't you???? Is it that you think your view is unworthy?? Do you feel not good enough??? Do you feel what you say or do will not change anything anyway???? These are all wrong views. There is no one in the universe exactly like you. You are special!!! All our choices do change things in this world.You might not ever see the results but they are there.God wants us to interact with others. This is part of the teaching,learning.By giving everyone a different view, God guaranties us a larger view than any one person can have.You see, your view is important.Share it today. If there is drama, GREAT!!! That's when the real learning arrives.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
Wow. You hit the nail on the head so to speak! Unworthy, not good enough, feeling I can't change anything. That's true on all counts. You've given some good advise bird123, thank-you!
@picjim (3003)
• India
3 Apr 10
Start asserting yourself instead of being passive. As you begin to take a strong stance on various topics of interest you'll be contradicted by others.Then start debating with them ultimately as others some time put forth absurd points of view you are bound to get a bit agitated.Air your views strongly and don't bottle up your emotions.Give vent to your strong feelings slowly you will be transformed and begin to assert yourself.
@FFFrocks (306)
• Canada
13 Apr 10
that's good advise picjim. My issues come with the contradictions and confrontation. It's like I'm too weak and give in to easily instead of getting angry and standing up for my stance on issues.