Such a hassle when my friend wants to give a gift . . .

@much2say (40556)
United States
April 3, 2010 1:51am CST
I have a friend who is very generous . . . so I really shouldn't complain. Besides the fact that she overdoes it with her gifts (money is not really an issue with her), I don't know why it has to be such a hassle for her to get the gift to us. I realize she is nice to even think of us (me, hubby, the kids, other mutual friends), but when she tells us she has a gift for any of us, I just cringe . . . It's so hard scheduling a time to meet with her - especially since she cancels so many darn times. Sometimes she wants me to drive out to her - but the timing is hard with our schedule . . . I have 2 little ones and the times she is available traffic is really horrible. Now she is telling me she wants to meet me someplace which is totally out of the way for me . . . because she says she doesn't want to drive so much now because her car is 9 years old (hello - mine is going on 20 years and I have 2 kids that also have to accompany me on a long drive). And, she refuses to MAIL the gift because she says she has trouble packing it up and doesn't trust any mailing service. For some reason she makes it sound so urgent that it makes the hassle even worse. Like once we went through the whole scheduling hoops with her as she so concerned the souvenir shirt she got for my daughter would get too small . . . and it turned out to be 2 sizes too big. Another time she was worried about "perishables" - but it was a teeny tiny jar of sample jelly from England and a teeny tiny tin of English tea. A few months ago she thought a good instrument for my 4 year old to start with would be a ukelele - so she had to get it to us asap. I don't mean to sound like an ingrate, but I don't want the gifts because her scheduling madness stresses me out. And our visits are so short because she always has to rush off somewhere else . . . it's like the visits are just about the gifts. I have posted a discussion about this friend before . . . so if this sounds familiar, it's the same friend. What would you do with a friend like this? I've already told her gifts are not necessary and that we have too much stuff . . . but there's no stopping her. It's just a total obstacle course trying to get together with her . . . it's driving me nuts!!!
3 responses
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
3 Apr 10
That one sounds very demanding, but with a good heart. Ask her to make use of courier services, that should help. TATA.
@much2say (40556)
• United States
6 Apr 10
You're right - her heart is in the right place. But I don't know if her head is - ha ha. For some reason, she does not trust any services to deliver gifts for her . . . which is darn crazy (obviously most of the world gets their packages successfully). I think it's funny that she sees services like such to be a hassle, but doesn't see that her funky scheduling is a hassle to her friends. I'm still thinking about that egg throwing suggestion you gave on another one of my discussions . . . that solution is sounding real good with this one too .. . hee hee!
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
6 Apr 10
Sweetie, in this case when using the eggs. Leave them for at least three weeks in the sun. You have to have that potent missile, my dear. That is the way to go. TATA.
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
6 Apr 10
Thanx sweetie, but please use old shoelases, no need to spend extra money at all. Just spray them .TATA.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
5 Apr 10
Fortunately, I don't have anything like this that I go through with my friends. However, I think that if I did have a friend like that, I would request that we only schedule a few time a year to get together and she can collect up everything that she gets for us between that period of time and then when we got together she could just give it to me then. In addition to that, you should also try to arrange that you take turns going to visit each other.
@much2say (40556)
• United States
6 Apr 10
You ARE fortunate to not have friends like this . . . let me tell you it's super annoying! I would rather us go to her place to visit over the weekend . . . but for some reason she and her hubby rather meet at a coffee house or elsewhere (I think her hubby really is disgusted how their place is never clean - and they don't even have kids!). And since he is not particularly social, she'd rather make arrangements to get together during the week when she is at work . . . and that means a limited time visit time. I don't want to haul the kids through a long drive only for my friend to throw the gift out to us and to say she has to go back to work now . . . it's just crazy. The funny thing is we only do see each other a few times a year now - and we really don't live that far from each other!!!
• United States
3 Apr 10
A very generous friend but a very selfish one if she can't really see the huge problem that you're having. I would just say don't pick it up, don't try to schedule around it and well... saying no multiple times would probably help as well. A gift is nice to get but if it is a gift where you have to jump through hoops, it's not a gift any more is it?
@much2say (40556)
• United States
6 Apr 10
Yes, she is quite generous, but is blind to other things. She doesn't understand subtle hints . . . even her husband will say you have to hit her in the head with a bat til she gets it. We definitely have to jump through hoops to try to get together with her - it is nuts - and yes, it doesn't make getting a gift from her a positive thing.