Do you hold Grudges ? If so for how long?

United States
April 10, 2010 2:38am CST
I was talking with a friend and was hearing about how angry she was with her sister for borrowing a sweater and unfortunately damaging it. She had taken it without permission for a special party. This happened over 3 mohths ago and she was still very angry and resentful about it. I can understand being angry about the taking with no permission and the damage but her sister apologized, promised never to do it again and even tried to get anothr identical one and couldn't find it. If one of my sisters had done that, I'd have been upset but would have let it go a long long time ago. Overall, I don't hold grudges since they really only hurt you. How about you, do you hold grudges and resentments? And if so for how long before you let it go and move on?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I think you have to let it go because it will be not good to our heart and conscience. It is not good to keep it! Try to forgive others as God forgive us.
@allknowing (66435)
• India
11 Apr 10
Some have this malady to perpetually hurt others. They will wait for some time and then get back again and again expecting normal behaviour from the one they have hurt. It is such people that I keep away and sometimes for good.
@allknowing (66435)
• India
11 Apr 10
Tallygirl - I used to accept these people with open arms but I noticed that they never changed. They would say what that had to say and then pretend everything was hunky dory. I have learnt my lesson and I now keep them away for my peace. They will deliberately try and misunderstand an issue and indulge in pity 'tom tomming' about it and after a while they are back for another bout!!!
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Sorry to hear that! We can't please everybody. Avoid them as you please and try to forgive them and forget them.
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I hold grudges. It really depends on how much damage have been done to me. If i can tolerate it then i guess i can just forget about it. If, on the other hand, i can't stand it and i feel like my ego had been damaged too then i'll hold a grudge. I don't care how long as long as I take my revenge i'll hold it. :)
• United States
11 Apr 10
So you feel that pride has alot to do with holding a grudge or not? What if the person who hurt or upset you apologized and tried to make amends? Would that make a difference? I try hard to let any and all grudges go but that doesn't mean I forget.
@Qaeyious (2362)
• United States
10 Apr 10
Not with family members or friends. My real big problem are with total strangers who for no reason other than their entertainment threaten me, by screaming or recklessly driving. It does no one any good with me holding on, remembering these stupid childish incidents, but for some perverse reason on occasion my mind brings up the incident and plays out the emotion. Making me the childish one.
• United States
11 Apr 10
Ah,,,now that's interesting. With strangers who do stupid things like cut me off in traffic or yell at me. Them I have no issue letting it go since I decide that they have issues and I am not going to allow their negative problems to effect me. I don't think that remembering things that upset you makes you childish. Human more like it and you have to ask yourself, what made you remember? Was there something that alerted you to a potential bigger issue and you suddenly recalled an old event? Maybe you were trying to forewarn yourself!
@razim17 (194)
• Malaysia
10 Apr 10
For some people grudges cant be controlled so they hold on to it for a long time since their heart doesnt want to let it go.I will try my best to let go but sometimes and in certain situation it is so hard to just let it go and that leads to holding grudges for a long time.Its not good for our behaviour and mental.
• United States
11 Apr 10
I can relate, sometimes it can take a long time to get over something that someone has done to hurt or upset us. I try to think about where they were coming from when it happened, was it a deliberate action that they knew would upset me or did they just mess up. And how likely are they to do it again? Both of those help me move on. And I agree that holding grudges is bad for us, emotionally and mentally and in some cases physically. I think having a positive attitude is a big part of being healthy physically. Take care and thanks for your comments!
@webgirl01 (693)
• United States
10 Apr 10
As for me, I do tend to hold grudges and resentments sometimes.It's kinda hard for me to let go at times. There are times I have grudges of myself from the past because of past mistakes and then there at times I have grudges on people who were the ones that were mean to me or did something to me in the past. I guess it would take awhile to let go, but it depends. Sometimes I would remember it and then forget about it and then remember and then forget about it. To me, its sometimes on and off. As for holding grudges, it depends if they hurt me or what situation hurts me the most and it would take few days or something like that to let go.
• United States
11 Apr 10
I can completely relate! There are some things that I have done that still bother me and I wish I could go back and change them. But I try to balance it with forgiving myself for making mistakes. And as for remembering the issue, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. If it helps you avoid another situation like the one that upset you in the first place. We all have the capacity for change and growth, some just choose not to while others try to evolve into better people. Thanks for sharing!!
@allknowing (66435)
• India
10 Apr 10
It is more because of the discomfort to carry on with someone after a bout of may be an argument than wanting to hold grudges that I would distance myself from that person. Some have the tendency to precipitate any small issue into arguments which is not something that I would waste my time on. So I choose to keep away from such people.
• United States
11 Apr 10
I don't think that's unreasonable. If you know that someone has a short fuse and picks arguements then I would avoid them too. If they apologize and try to make amends, I do forgive them and try to get back to normal. As you said, it can take some time.
@OConnell87 (1046)
10 Apr 10
i do hold grudges for a very long time...but eventually you do get over them and forget why you had the grudge in the first place. Holding a grudge is better than being violent towards someone i suppose
• United States
11 Apr 10
I agree that violence is wrong on so many levels. I try to live by the philosophy of forgive but don't forget. Because if someone has done something to really upset me but genuinely tries to make it up, I will forgive them. But I will avoid allowing them to do the same thing again. I had a roommate years ago that ruined some of my cookware and did replace them so I forgave her for her error but didn't let her use my specialty cooking tools again. She didn't like it all that much but I wasn't willing to go thru the same thing again. She learned to live with it. To err is human, to forgive divine,,,kinda hard to live by that one sometimes~!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
13 Apr 10
I don't hold onto grudges either. I don't ponder on what people have done to hurt me. If I did..well..that would be all I had time to do..lol...I forgive but I don't forget though. I am the kind of person that doesn't hold a grudge but I don't put myself out there for a second round either.
@pwang41 (134)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
no i don't hold grudges. though i get angry easily i usually can't stand being mad with someone for a longer period of time. it doesn't give me a nice feeling. instead the anger would turn into a disappointment of that person's action. usually after the anger subsides i often reflect on what i have done and i tend to feel guilty of being mad at that person and that i might hurt his/her feeling and in the end i ended saying sorry for being mad and forget about it.
@werty009 (404)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
no i don't hold grudges cause i just can't really can't i can be mad but to hold grudges is i can't i know why but i simply can't even if i want to feel that i hold grudge sometimes to a person but i really don't i just get mad
@cream97 (29168)
• United States
11 Apr 10
Yes, at a certain point, I do. I try not to, but I am still hurt over the pain that the person has caused me. But I eventually will get over it sooner or later. I can't pull myself to stay mad at someone very long. My heart is too forgiving. On the other hand, My sister holds grudges really bad. I believe that she is still mad at me about something that took place last year in May... I have not seen nor spoken to her since then. When my sister gets mad, she will stay mad for a very long time. I think that she needs to stop holding so much of hate in her heart, because she will eventually make herself sick.
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
yes i do hold grudges until i get my revenge. =p there is a family near us,who is so boastful and so evel. everytime bad happens to us, they celebrate,you can see smiles on their faces.if killing is not a sin.i have killed them many times over
@polino (55)
10 Apr 10
all of us hold grudges at some point it just shows that we are not perfect, but those grudges subsides through time, lesser and lesser it occurs but it really does not disappear, it is our choice to do it and for whatever we lost along the way, we can always have it back as soon as we move on in what is called our journey in life....
@jpso138 (7844)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
I used to do that before. But later on in life, I have realized that it is not good and it will only add worries and add more problems. So now, I let all things go, my bad feelings towards others as well as the want of getting even for all of those that have done bad to me. What is important is I live my life happily and feel light all the way. Grudges makes the heart and mind stressed and worried.
@Khulit19 (101)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
yeah I often hold grudge against someone but as time goes by I forgotten about it already ahaha It's kinda weird but it actually great.