Here's one for you!

@dloveli (4369)
United States
April 10, 2010 6:34am CST
I was logging on where I saw an article regarding an adoption gone wrong. Supposedly a woman had adopted a 7 yr old boy from russia. I guess he was prone to violence and threatened to burn their house down with them in it. The adopted family sent him back to russia alone with a note attached. The note stated he was violent. Of course russia is upset. Stating that this isnt the first time an adoption to the US has gone wrong. I dont think I blame them. When you adopt a child, especially an older child, you have to expect issues. How dare anyone think that they have the right to just throw a child on a plane alone to go back to an orphanage. I understand the family may have been scared but you put him in a hospital. Its now their responsibility! They adopted him! How awful! He has issues because of being in an orphanage or maybe his mother was a drug addict. This family made this child one of their own. How do you think this is going to affect the child now? More rejection and abandonment issues. Im so disgusted. The family clearly shouldnt be able to adopt children. When they get one that's alittle too difficult they throw him on a plane. Come on now! What's your take on this?
3 people like this
19 responses
• United States
10 Apr 10
I feel bad for the child. I know he has had a rough life, but if the mother had more patience she could have made thing better. Putting the child on the plane by himself was a terrible thing to do. I agree the child should have gone to the hospital if the family was scared or they could have gone for family counceling. There are so many things they could have done
2 people like this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
10 Apr 10
You got that right Randy! This was the wrong thing to do on so many levels. I honestly think this family should be reevaluated as far as adopting goes. Happy MyLotting dl
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (93698)
• Marion, Kansas
11 Apr 10
This is a lot like the families that adopt an Easter bunny, then figure out it is a real rabbit, and turn it loose because they do not want to take care of it. I am in no way implying that the child is of no more value than an animal, but I am stating that the same type of heart and mind would do both acts. It is all about them.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
11 Apr 10
That is a hard one but I think that one should be careful with these things. Obviously it requires much research and planning so that one can make a good decision to begin with. I think one should take caution especially if they are considering an older child. It is pretty bad some of the stories out there surrounding these kids.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Apr 10
You are so right Bluemars. Its difficult on both sides. Here these people want a child desperately. They go to another country. They had to have known that if this 7 year old child was there it was not willingly. There had to be problems. They know that sticking a child on an airplane alone was not the right thing to do. No matter what. I still think the blame would sit with the adoptive grandparent that put him on the plane. I cant find any info regarding the adoptive mother. dl
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (93698)
• Marion, Kansas
12 Apr 10
Several years ago there were a lot of problems with adoptions from Romanian orphanages and behavior issues came in to play if the children were older, but even the infants would arch their backs and scream and resist being held, etc. because they had not been held or loved in the orphanages.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
11 Apr 10
hi dloveli, it certainly isn't the boy's fault to have been adopted. he could have manifested strange behavior because of the surroundings which are obviously foreign to him. as we know he was brought up in a different country let alone in a foreign institution. to think that one is brought up in an institution certainly requires a certain amount of time to adapt to a normal family-life. to send him back alone is beyond doubt cruel. simply interpreted it can mean a punishment to him, an abandonment, unwanted and rejected. and that's not fair for such a young child. if they can adopt him all the way from russia, i think, they can find better ways of managing his behavior.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
12 Apr 10
You are so right Tomi! If the child didnt have problems he does now. His problems just took on a life of their own. The adoptive parents are very much resposible for anything that this child has/will grow up to be. Im sorry but that may seem harsh but its the truth. These people obviously had problems of some sort or why would they go to russia of all places to adopt. There are tons of places with much less hassle. They had to have known that this child would be troubled because he's 7 in an orphanage. I pray for this child everyday. I hope the adoptive family get punished as well. They shouldnt be allowed to adopt anywhere ever again. dl
@GardenGerty (93698)
• Marion, Kansas
11 Apr 10
I do not think it should have been handled the way it was. If the child was too difficult to manage, they should have gotten him some help. I will also say, though, that foreign adoptions are often so romanticized that no one, not the family or the child, gets a fair shake. People need more education coming in to the situation. A lot of children in these orphanages have an inability to bond appropriately, because they have been emotionally neglected. They have attachment disorders. It takes a truly committed family to help them overcome this. Obviously this family was not able to follow through and get some help for this child.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Apr 10
I do agree with you Gerty, it wasnt handled well. You said it best about the adoptions abroad being romanticized. Maybe its me but I would automatically think there's a problem if you have a 7 yr old up for adoption. Either its the parents or child. If they're in an orphanage something went wrong somewhere. I think its kind of ridiculous to think that you could go to russia adopt a child, bring him home and when he wakes up he's a normal child and part of the family. How silly for anyone to expect such a thing. No matter what the child shouldnt have been put on an airplane to russia ALONE. This family isnt ready to adopt anything. Not even a goldfish! I have read all of the information I could find and have yet to find out anything about the adoptive mother and father. I will keep looking. thanks Gert! dl
@SViswan (12095)
• India
11 Apr 10
That is so mean!! What if their biological child turned out to be aggressive? Would they throw him/her out into the street? An adopted child should be treated like their own biological child...it's not an item on your shopping list that you can return if it's not satisfactory! And gosh..the boy's just 7!! They could have taken professional help to work out his problems. The boy could have been upset about the adoption an moving away to another country...leaving behind people that he had loved and known for so long.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Apr 10
It is mean. The whole action is cruel. No one deserves what these people did! It's obvious to me that of course the child will have problems. Hence the reason for adoptions in the first place. I think they should prosecute the adoptive grandparent. No one at the age of 7 should be flying alone. Much less to russia. dl
@Hatley (163985)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Apr 10
hidloveli I think those parents are really stupid to treat a seven year old that way,and I remember saying something once when I was that age and was angry that I would like to burn the house down, not knowing or even really meaning it, and I did not grow up as a hoodlum but a well respected woman. an orphan of that age is going to have a lot of issues and if they did not want to deal with issues like that they should never have signed up for a child that age. to send him back alone with a note is really cruel and unkind. he is only a little boy. and I would bet he never really meant he would burn the house down he was just angry and confused and hurt from being shoved back and forth.
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
11 Apr 10
Well said my friend. This whole situation was a mess. I dont think that any one person is responsible for the entire incident. The adoptive parents are negligent no matter how you put it. I only hope there's a chance for this child to become a productive citizen. This is just another example of how children get tossed away when times get tough. Happy MyLotting dl
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
10 Apr 10
I actually heard about this story from my wife yesterday. She said that this event has put a complete halt to adoptions of Russian children to the USA for now. I think that this is a disgusting act and one that shows that perhaps it was a lack of responsibility on behalf of the adopting parents, that was responsible for his behaviour. I see kids running around causing havoc in the streets here and it is all because the parents are not responsible enough to care what their kids are doing. They needed to stick it out through good times and bad times. When you adopt an older child like you say, there are going to be more problems than good times in the beginning.
@celticeagle (115553)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Apr 10
Well, ofcourse he would be violent. I would have a counselor in place. Kids that are orphans have a lot of issues. I would think that this family would have been counseled themselves on such things. I would think they would have been anyway if they were adopting the US. I would think so. I think this families treatment of this poor little boy will only make him worse and in no way make him feel well adjusted, have good self-esteem, etc..
• United Arab Emirates
10 Apr 10
It's quite disturbing and depressing but really i think the woman has a point backing her actions....and this might just be substantial for her but not enough to prove her point as the russian government are angry for those actions and it might lead to another US/RUSSIAN confontation that will disrupt some bilateral talks already going between the two parties. Talking about behavioural patterns that the woman is pointing out as the problem with the boy, as a psychologist i think this will be very difficult for her to ignore or take care of as she wouldn't even want to check the boy in to a psychaitric hospital which will be another nightmare for the boy who is already suffering for the lack of parental love and negligence that has affected his atttitude, behaviours and inter-relationship with other people he finds around his new environment which he has not be able to cope with obviously...the russian government and middle eastern countries should try and monitor the actions going on in foster homes and how these parentless children are handled, i think they have not be able to let the children have unconditional love which should have been their main priority in raking care of foster children, it's quite depressing as this is not the first of such cases and neither will it be the last, the boy is depressed emotional as he has always been living under some certain strict rules and regulations which have shown him that he wasn't living with his parents of any family relative.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
10 Apr 10
I'm going to try and not judge the woman that did this but I am confused as to why she would do something like that! I think it's rude and disrespectful towards the child! Yes, the child may have had issues but it doesn't sound as though the mother made any real effort trying to support the child, she just rubbed her hands together as though removing unwanted dust! She could not be bothered! On the other side of the coin maybe there's some truth to her allegations that the orphanage had not been truthful with her regarding the mental well being of this child. I can only look at it objectively, not being in the situation myself I have no understanding of this complex case! I'm sure this mother has created numerous problems for herself back home! She's likely to be judged as uncaring and not suitable to be a mother as crazy and ludicrous as that sounds! I just hope that she doesn't have a new idea that orphanages are places where problematic children are found! Andrew
1 person likes this
@syankee525 (6296)
• United States
10 Apr 10
well this can go one or two ways.. if the people in russia knew the boy was a risk, they should have told the couple about if he had issues. if the knew and didnt tell them then shame on russia, but if they did tell them then shame on the one who sent him back, but either way they shouldnt have sent him back alone.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
10 Apr 10
I really don't know what to say here, DL... On one side, it is a painful story of a 7 year old boy from an orphonage; where his life might be good, might be painful than ever. He is rejected now and must be feeling bitterly hurt. The violant traits in him will be more prominent now. He will not be able to forget this for a long time. May God help him! On the other side, it is the pain of a family without a kid. They had hoped for better with this adopted kid and they got a violant kid, who threatned to burn the house. I am sure they are in pain too. They should have made sure of the kid before going through the adoption, I guess. I am feeling terrible for both...
• Boston, Massachusetts
10 Apr 10
Hi Dloveli, The handling of the case was not proper. THere must be due process for it. A good intervention must be done and the boy must be supported by the government and be accompanied by a social worker. he needs much support. you are right, he needs an assessment so that appropriate intervention will be done for him to become a better person and processed past pains in his life.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (27048)
2 Apr 11
When a couple adopt a child he or she is their child forever. It is not like looking after a dog whilst the owner is on vacation. Typically an adopted child can play the parents up. He or she might have emotional problems and need lots of understanding. The parents should work through the difficult issues and show that they are there for keeps. The American couple should have got help to be able to handle their adopted Russian child more. They acted in a very nasty way to send him off on a plane alone back to Russia. They let him feel totally rejected and unwanted. I think they should feel ashamed of themselves. This couple should be allowed to adopt any more children.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
3 May 10
My idea on this is that there are pleanty of kids that need a home and maybe they should do foster care before decicing to adopt!
@hexeduser22 (5855)
• Philippines
1 May 10
That is just not so right. I can't believe they have done that to a seven year old child They wanted to adopt and they want to adopt a grown child they should have been ready for the consequences and they shouldn't expect to get an angel as an adopted child. I hope that boy could still recuperate on all the rejections he got
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Apr 10
I think that this family was very, very wrong to do this to their son. You see, when an adoption is finalized, the child has all of the same rights as a child that was naturally born into that family. This said, I think that when they realized that there was going to be problems with their son, then they should have began to seek counseling for their family. The root of all the problems with their son is probably due to the fact that he was older before the first time that he ever knew a stable home and now these problems are only going to be magnified.
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
12 Apr 10
I also read the news and I was also disgusted with the behavior of that adoptive mother. Just imagine she let the boy returned to Russia alone in a flight?Gosh, that woman must be crazy. Of course all children have their moment of naughtiness, that's normal, but I don't think this Russian orphan threatened them to kill or burn the house. If those were true, then it's her primary responsibility to educate and discipline the boy since she is now his mother. She should also put into consideration that this boy lived his life in an orphanage and longed for care, attention and love from parents. He maybe had some terrible behavior but the woman who adopted him should have responsibilities to train him and discipline him and not to send him back to Russia. I pitied on that innocent boy, maybe he is now suffering from another trauma in his life. No wonder there are lots of people in this world who are terrible adults because parents and the people who must care and guide their childhood did physically, psychologically and mentally abused them instead. I am hoping the boy is okay now and in excellent condition.
@maximax8 (27048)
10 Apr 10
If an American couple adopt a young baby girl from China she won't have had all that much history. She could go to live in America and be grow up a happy little girl. If an American couple adopt an older child from Russia then he or she could have emotional problems. Taking on a child with behavior problems might require assistance from professional people. Adoption should be forever and any difficulties should be worked through. I am a primary school teacher and I taught ab adopted little boy. His adoptive mother adopted his older brother, him and his younger sister. The two boys had suffered emotional difficulties and were angry about the past. The little girl hadn't been affected and so she acted normally. The family had a challenging time to begin with. The mother came to me in tears one afternoon and I gave her supportive advice. I feel sorry for the 7 year old boy that was sent back to Russia. I think it has harmed his self esteem and might have made him feel unwanted. All the boy wanted was love, acceptance, clear boundaries and understanding. Adoptive parents have a hard job sometimes until boundaries are established and are respected.