Here's one for you!

I feel bad for the child. I know he has had a rough life, but if the mother had more patience she could have made thing better. Putting the child on the plane by himself was a terrible thing to do. I agree the child should have gone to the hospital if the family was scared or they could have gone for family counceling. There are so many things they could have done

That is a hard one but I think that one should be careful with these things. Obviously it requires much research and planning so that one can make a good decision to begin with. I think one should take caution especially if they are considering an older child. It is pretty bad some of the stories out there surrounding these kids.

That is so mean!! What if their biological child turned out to be aggressive? Would they throw him/her out into the street? An adopted child should be treated like their own biological child...it's not an item on your shopping list that you can return if it's not satisfactory! And gosh..the boy's just 7!! They could have taken professional help to work out his problems. The boy could have been upset about the adoption an moving away to another country...leaving behind people that he had loved and known for so long.

I do not think it should have been handled the way it was. If the child was too difficult to manage, they should have gotten him some help. I will also say, though, that foreign adoptions are often so romanticized that no one, not the family or the child, gets a fair shake. People need more education coming in to the situation. A lot of children in these orphanages have an inability to bond appropriately, because they have been emotionally neglected. They have attachment disorders. It takes a truly committed family to help them overcome this. Obviously this family was not able to follow through and get some help for this child.

hidloveli I think those parents are really stupid to treat a seven year old that way,and I remember saying something once when I was that age and was angry that I would like to burn the house down, not knowing or even really meaning it, and I did not grow up as a hoodlum but a well respected woman. an orphan of that age is going to have a lot of issues and if they did not want to deal with issues like that they should never have signed up for a child that age. to send him back alone with a note is really cruel and unkind. he is only a little boy. and I would bet he never really meant he would burn the house down he was just angry and confused and hurt from being shoved back and forth.

hi dloveli, it certainly isn't the boy's fault to have been adopted. he could have manifested strange behavior because of the surroundings which are obviously foreign to him. as we know he was brought up in a different country let alone in a foreign institution. to think that one is brought up in an institution certainly requires a certain amount of time to adapt to a normal family-life. to send him back alone is beyond doubt cruel. simply interpreted it can mean a punishment to him, an abandonment, unwanted and rejected. and that's not fair for such a young child. if they can adopt him all the way from russia, i think, they can find better ways of managing his behavior.

I really don't know what to say here, DL... On one side, it is a painful story of a 7 year old boy from an orphonage; where his life might be good, might be painful than ever. He is rejected now and must be feeling bitterly hurt. The violant traits in him will be more prominent now. He will not be able to forget this for a long time. May God help him! On the other side, it is the pain of a family without a kid. They had hoped for better with this adopted kid and they got a violant kid, who threatned to burn the house. I am sure they are in pain too. They should have made sure of the kid before going through the adoption, I guess. I am feeling terrible for both...

When a couple adopt a child he or she is their child forever. It is not like looking after a dog whilst the owner is on vacation. Typically an adopted child can play the parents up. He or she might have emotional problems and need lots of understanding. The parents should work through the difficult issues and show that they are there for keeps. The American couple should have got help to be able to handle their adopted Russian child more. They acted in a very nasty way to send him off on a plane alone back to Russia. They let him feel totally rejected and unwanted. I think they should feel ashamed of themselves. This couple should be allowed to adopt any more children.

Well, ofcourse he would be violent. I would have a counselor in place. Kids that are orphans have a lot of issues. I would think that this family would have been counseled themselves on such things. I would think they would have been anyway if they were adopting the US. I would think so. I think this families treatment of this poor little boy will only make him worse and in no way make him feel well adjusted, have good self-esteem, etc..

well this can go one or two ways.. if the people in russia knew the boy was a risk, they should have told the couple about if he had issues. if the knew and didnt tell them then shame on russia, but if they did tell them then shame on the one who sent him back, but either way they shouldnt have sent him back alone.

I'm going to try and not judge the woman that did this but I am confused as to why she would do something like that! I think it's rude and disrespectful towards the child! Yes, the child may have had issues but it doesn't sound as though the mother made any real effort trying to support the child, she just rubbed her hands together as though removing unwanted dust! She could not be bothered! On the other side of the coin maybe there's some truth to her allegations that the orphanage had not been truthful with her regarding the mental well being of this child. I can only look at it objectively, not being in the situation myself I have no understanding of this complex case! I'm sure this mother has created numerous problems for herself back home! She's likely to be judged as uncaring and not suitable to be a mother as crazy and ludicrous as that sounds! I just hope that she doesn't have a new idea that orphanages are places where problematic children are found! Andrew

I actually heard about this story from my wife yesterday. She said that this event has put a complete halt to adoptions of Russian children to the USA for now. I think that this is a disgusting act and one that shows that perhaps it was a lack of responsibility on behalf of the adopting parents, that was responsible for his behaviour. I see kids running around causing havoc in the streets here and it is all because the parents are not responsible enough to care what their kids are doing. They needed to stick it out through good times and bad times. When you adopt an older child like you say, there are going to be more problems than good times in the beginning.

Hi Dloveli, The handling of the case was not proper. THere must be due process for it. A good intervention must be done and the boy must be supported by the government and be accompanied by a social worker. he needs much support. you are right, he needs an assessment so that appropriate intervention will be done for him to become a better person and processed past pains in his life.

It's quite disturbing and depressing but really i think the woman has a point backing her actions....and this might just be substantial for her but not enough to prove her point as the russian government are angry for those actions and it might lead to another US/RUSSIAN confontation that will disrupt some bilateral talks already going between the two parties. Talking about behavioural patterns that the woman is pointing out as the problem with the boy, as a psychologist i think this will be very difficult for her to ignore or take care of as she wouldn't even want to check the boy in to a psychaitric hospital which will be another nightmare for the boy who is already suffering for the lack of parental love and negligence that has affected his atttitude, behaviours and inter-relationship with other people he finds around his new environment which he has not be able to cope with obviously...the russian government and middle eastern countries should try and monitor the actions going on in foster homes and how these parentless children are handled, i think they have not be able to let the children have unconditional love which should have been their main priority in raking care of foster children, it's quite depressing as this is not the first of such cases and neither will it be the last, the boy is depressed emotional as he has always been living under some certain strict rules and regulations which have shown him that he wasn't living with his parents of any family relative.

My idea on this is that there are pleanty of kids that need a home and maybe they should do foster care before decicing to adopt!

If an American couple adopt a young baby girl from China she won't have had all that much history. She could go to live in America and be grow up a happy little girl. If an American couple adopt an older child from Russia then he or she could have emotional problems. Taking on a child with behavior problems might require assistance from professional people. Adoption should be forever and any difficulties should be worked through. I am a primary school teacher and I taught ab adopted little boy. His adoptive mother adopted his older brother, him and his younger sister. The two boys had suffered emotional difficulties and were angry about the past. The little girl hadn't been affected and so she acted normally. The family had a challenging time to begin with. The mother came to me in tears one afternoon and I gave her supportive advice. I feel sorry for the 7 year old boy that was sent back to Russia. I think it has harmed his self esteem and might have made him feel unwanted. All the boy wanted was love, acceptance, clear boundaries and understanding. Adoptive parents have a hard job sometimes until boundaries are established and are respected.

I also read the news and I was also disgusted with the behavior of that adoptive mother. Just imagine she let the boy returned to Russia alone in a flight?Gosh, that woman must be crazy. Of course all children have their moment of naughtiness, that's normal, but I don't think this Russian orphan threatened them to kill or burn the house. If those were true, then it's her primary responsibility to educate and discipline the boy since she is now his mother. She should also put into consideration that this boy lived his life in an orphanage and longed for care, attention and love from parents. He maybe had some terrible behavior but the woman who adopted him should have responsibilities to train him and discipline him and not to send him back to Russia. I pitied on that innocent boy, maybe he is now suffering from another trauma in his life. No wonder there are lots of people in this world who are terrible adults because parents and the people who must care and guide their childhood did physically, psychologically and mentally abused them instead. I am hoping the boy is okay now and in excellent condition.

I think that this family was very, very wrong to do this to their son. You see, when an adoption is finalized, the child has all of the same rights as a child that was naturally born into that family. This said, I think that when they realized that there was going to be problems with their son, then they should have began to seek counseling for their family. The root of all the problems with their son is probably due to the fact that he was older before the first time that he ever knew a stable home and now these problems are only going to be magnified.

That is just not so right. I can't believe they have done that to a seven year old child They wanted to adopt and they want to adopt a grown child they should have been ready for the consequences and they shouldn't expect to get an angel as an adopted child. I hope that boy could still recuperate on all the rejections he got