What should happen first? To be accepted by parents or by the one you love?

@markmoney (2868)
Philippines
April 10, 2010 12:49pm CST
What do you think is better and should happen first, to be accepted by the one you love or to be accepted by his/her parents? In some culture, it is said that you should court first the parents before the one you love. Because when you already got the parent's heart, you will get their trust and you will have a greater chance to be answered by the one you love since his/her parents will be the one who will approach her to accept you. Or do you think you should directly court the one you love without going first to his/her parents? Well, for me, either way is fine, but since the one I love is the one that I wanted to be my partner, then I will directly go to her. Then when I already captured her heart, it's time to get her parent's acceptance. If you get them both,you will really have a harmonious relationship. What are your thoughts about this. I would be glad to hear from you. Have a nice day! Happy myLotting!
3 people like this
15 responses
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
it would be nice if you have the parent's consent so you have nothing to fear just in case but it's very important to be accepted by the one you love just for who you are. after all you will be dating the one you love, not the parents.
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi caliya! I think what is better is while you are courting the one you love, his/her parents are also aware of it. But the focus should always be to the one you love since he/she is the one you wanted to marry. Thank your your response. Happy myLotting!
@yresh12 (3222)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hello markmoney... If your gonna ask me... hmmm.. I think you should go for the "ACCEPTANCE of the ONE you Love" It doesn't mean that you don't care for her parents and all. You are still trying to win her heart.. So, you should put some super heavy effort in doing so. Goodluck in catching that heart..?
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
Hi yresh! Yes, it is better to go for the acceptance of the one I love. I also care for her parents as well and all her loveones. In getting the sweet YES of a girl, the guy should really need to give a big effort and prove her how sincere you are. Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
@zashimi (148)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
For me, one should be accepted by your partner first before the parents. True, it is an advantage to be favored by the parents first but they are not the ones you will live with and spend the rest of your life with.
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi zashimi! Yes I agree, the one we love should be the one who should accept us first because once we have love each other, we will do ways to be also accepted by his/her parents. Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
i think it's better if we go for the one we love first cuz it seems kinda awkward if we go for the parents first and it turns out that the girl doesn't like you. although it's important too to go for the parents. it's like seeking permission for the girl.
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi front! Asking permission for the parents of your love is a gentleman way, but still what we should focus on is to get the heart of the one we love since she is the one whom we wanted to share our life with. Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
@saucer (47)
• India
10 Apr 10
well if u like the apple...eat the apple first and then move on to watering the tree...its the girl to marry not the whole family...and even if u satisfy the family n the girl rejects you..no point..
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi saucer! Yes, I agree with you. The girl first before her parents. If you got the girl, there's a chance that you will also accept by her parents, but even her parents accepted you but the girl didn't like you, the chance is very poor. Lol! Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
• United States
10 Apr 10
It probably depends a lot on the predominant culture and the family. In some cultures you must meet parents first. In other cultures you have to date the person first. So it depends. Now, sometimes parents are not going to like their child's choice ever so it won't matter what they think!
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi! Yes there are really parents who can't accept the thought that their child may be going to leave them in the future that's why most of the time, they won't accept suitors for their child. Lol! So it is still safe and more advisable to go directly with the one you love since he/she is the one that we are going to share life with. Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
@khalida (1130)
• India
10 Apr 10
well i think that one should approach the person they like cause even if the parent's like him the final decision is the girl's to marry him or not right. so convince the girl and later convince the parents too!!
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi khalida! I agree with you. We should approach first the person we love before his/her parents. And if we can managed to convinced them both, then it will really be a happy moment for us. Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
10 Apr 10
Well, you have to have her parents consent. I am sure they will like you. She probably adores you. That makes parents happy. So, just get it over with. Good Luck. TATA.
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Hi saph! I have noticed that you are really very active, always there. You are like a superhero, maybe you can be wonderwoman, haha, what do you think? Well, thank you for the supportive words. Thank for the encouragement. Yes, my intentions to their daughter are all good, so hopefully they will really accept me too. Thank you for your response. Happy myLotting!
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
13 Apr 10
I think that one should pursue the one they want to be with and deal with the parents later because after all, it is not the family one wants to live with! (LOL) Seriously I think the person you choose to be with is the one you should approach and decide to make a life with. It is important to have all parents’ approval but if you are both adults at the end of the day you are free to make your own decisions.
@dorannmwin (36636)
• United States
13 Apr 10
Well, based on the experience that I had in my life, I think that it is far more important to be accepted by the person that you love before you are accepted by their parents. I know in a lot of situations you spend a lot of time with your signficiant other before you even have the opportunity to meet their parents. Besides that, when it comes time to get married, you are getting married to the person that you love, you aren't getting married to their parents.
• India
12 Apr 10
Love marriages mostly do not look for parents' consent.It materialises automatically when both the girl and boy truly understand each other and come to a binding decision they cannot live without each other. Only arranged marriages emanate from the parents' approval and their endeavours to get their offsprings a good life partner. In your case, before proposing to a girl, look for all the circumstances. Look for the religion, caste (sorry to say this in a modern world, but we are still living in our own style and do not want drift away). Look for the suitability of she to be a good partner to you in all ways and means. Love her, if she reciprocates, enjoy the love life for some time, say a year or so. Then after taking your partner's concurrence, go to her parents (better through your parents) for her hand. Good Luck.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
11 Apr 10
In my case it should be the one you love first and later the parents. I also heard about some certain cultures that you can get the woman through their parents consent. No courtship anymore between the couple just the parents consent needed. It really strike me strange this kind of set up. But it is common in other culture. The worst thing would be if both parents agreed to marry both their children and they were not even attracted to each other at all that would be too cruel on their part. And it is also hard if the girl likes you but the parents disagree.
• United States
11 Apr 10
Over here in the States you love may not even get along with her parents. I know if My mom were alive and you " courted" her first , I would assume you were interested in her and not me. I got along with my mom but she had not say in whom I loved or didn't love. But marry? I believe the only marriage I would suffer through, yes I mean suffer through, would be an arranged one . That's when the husband had to court the parents. I have no true choice in a husband. It is two Families thatneed to be a good match , not me and the husband!
• India
11 Apr 10
Love is not something calculative, I do not plan to love someone and get married. Love just happens and does not require any approval. I am an Indian and have seen that when you love a girl, you need to convince your parents to get married to the same girl. Also, if you parents have seen a girl for you, you will be given chance to meet her and then decide if you want to marry the girl. Its not a compulsion to marry a girl of your parents choice. I am a married man and got married recently to a girl whom my parents have chosen and I agreed because I liked her and wanted to spend my rest of the life. love before or after marriage is equal and I feel that everyone will accept you if its Love. Every parent want their son/daughter to be happy, so they will not have issues on love marriage.
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
11 Apr 10
of course, you have to get the heart of your love before you have to capture the heart of her family, the parents. it always follow, that when you are courting a girl, you should also court for the parents. but in this time of high tech, seldom that sweethearts talk to parents about their relationship. they will just talk to the parents once something happened to them. when the girl gets pregnant or they wish to settle down.